RE: Deep Breath...This is Going to Hurt A LOT

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Deep Breath...This is Going to Hurt A LOT

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Deep Breath...This is Going to Hurt A LOT

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Deep Breath...This is Going to Hurt A LOT - 8/7/2009 1:14:12 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

How would you want VERY bad news broken to you? I am not talking about things like trust breakers or everyday life chaos. I am talking about things that are going to go deep for everyone involved and may even be life altering...something that would be suffered through together. At least in my own submission, the last thing I ever want is to have to hurt my dominant partner. There comes certain times when life doesn't leave a choice. How would you want it done? How do you respond?

Thanks!

lovingpet

If there is a problem I need to know about it, the hurt or whatever I will deal with at an appropriate time

< Message edited by Acer49 -- 8/7/2009 1:15:23 PM >

(in reply to lovingpet)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Deep Breath...This is Going to Hurt A LOT - 8/7/2009 4:45:19 PM

MisterP61

Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Other then warning me this is going to be bad (I'll need a smoke and Dr.pepper first..trust me)

This sounds familiar to Me.... oh wait that's because I would definitely need a Dr. Pepper and a smoke first.

Like most have said..... better to just come out and say it .... waiting only makes it worse, mostly because the other partner almost always already knows something is not right. Any really close relationship, both already know each other pretty well. I wish you all the best in whatever it is you need to do.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Deep Breath...This is Going to Hurt A LOT - 8/7/2009 6:17:50 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Thank you for this! It was simply a hypothetical, but there will ALWAYS be a time when such an issue will arise if a relationship is long term. I know that I couldn't hide that there was something wrong from my partner if my life depended on it. I also just HATE the idea of bring pain to him. Whether it is something that I did or didn't do or something that life has simply thrown at us, I would almost rather just manage it myself and never let it touch him. The problem is that is not my decision. It is not fair to him nor is it respectful. Further, he will already have his concerns that something is going on anyway. That will ultimately bring more stress and harm than just dealing with it.

Thanks for all the comments. They helped clarify one thing most clearly. In the end these domly ones are just normal human beings and should be treated as such. Special domly rules don't really apply to just doing the right and sensible thing.

lovingpet

(in reply to MisterP61)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Deep Breath...This is Going to Hurt A LOT - 8/8/2009 3:00:10 AM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

greetings to all,

Just tell me. Come into the room where I am, and just blurt it out, frankly and to the point. No holding back, no preliminary "get her used to it first" stuff, no "sit down love, there is something I need to tell you"... nothing. Doing anything like that (and giving me the impression that someone is less than totally honest) makes me feel...distrusted and...common...I prefer things to be on the table, and I'll deal with people the same way. I say it like it is (regardless of what impact it will initially have on someone; I do whatever is necessary to make them feel better later if need be) and don't sugar coat anything.

well wishes,

(in reply to lovingpet)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Deep Breath...This is Going to Hurt A LOT - 8/12/2009 10:47:43 AM

Analeptic

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/10/2009
Status: offline

I do prefer to have a little warning of serious and/or lengthy discussions, if for no other reason than to clear my mental decks and focus my attention. It's not unlike warming up a play partner...I suppose you could just walk in and start whaling away, but you're going to get a better response if you let them get into what's going on. Headspace matters in so many parts of life...

Once you have my attention, just lay it out straight, allow me to ask questions if I have any, and then allow me to process. I'll come back to you about it when I've got my head wrapped around it.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Profile

Post #: 45