RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again...

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pyroaquatic -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/4/2009 7:26:08 AM)
Damn, I don't know how to fix things and this is what makes me feel stupid and awkward. I want to fix things but I end up breaking things and making them worse. I guess that is why I recycle. I demolish and I don't have to worry about fixing it. Because of this I doubt my intelligence often. I don't feel inferior for being wired different. Just jealous. Of course after instruction and a month or two of doing it I can fix whatever that needs fixed but.... it does not come naturally to me.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/4/2009 7:58:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DMFParadox quote: ORIGINAL: MsStarlett quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Cat, the issue is, that you are TALKING TO MEN. You have horses, right? /sarcasm No, no, no dear. You have it wrong. Men are more like mules. Some times you need to firmly apply a 2X4 upside their heads to get their attention... THEN they will do as they are told. Um, no. Mulish men are like mules. Personally, I find women on the average to be idiots and to perform amazingly senseless acts of self-destruction. Then they complain about the nearest man available as if it were his fault. But it's all a matter of perspective, and there are some women out there whose advice I'd follow without question... just not very many of them. Well I for one an one darn smart, commonsense female, I find self destruct mode to be well self destructive and I am not that kind of person--and if something blows up, I blame one person and one person only--Me, even if I get advice which I choose to take and it blows up, there is only one person looking in the mirror--Me. From pyroaquatic: quote: Damn, I don't know how to fix things and this is what makes me feel stupid and awkward. I want to fix things but I end up breaking things and making them worse. I guess that is why I recycle. I demolish and I don't have to worry about fixing it. Because of this I doubt my intelligence often. I don't feel inferior for being wired different. Just jealous. Of course after instruction and a month or two of doing it I can fix whatever that needs fixed but.... it does not come naturally to me. Never feel stupid or awkward because there is someting you cannot do that you see others able to do--because I guarantee there is something you can do that others cannot--like being so honest as you've been here as you analyze your journey. [;)]

pyroaquatic -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/4/2009 8:45:56 AM)
Yeah, I leave the Fix-it stuff to the people that are good at it. If it is 'junk' send it my way. I'll find a use for it and rip out the tasty insides to be used for other things. Honestly my honesty gets me in trouble more than it does help.

PeonForHer -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/4/2009 10:05:09 AM)
All joking aside, I think this is an over-drawn argument. There might be a tendency for men to want to 'fix' and for women to 'empathise' - but I doubt it's more than just a tendency.

TheLadyIsADomme -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/4/2009 5:46:44 PM)
In my experience, men do empathize. Wouldn't you say that seeing someone who is upset, and wanting to help "fix" the problem is a way of more actively empathizing? I think that our society spends a lot of time boo-hooing over problems and not enough time proactively addressing ways to improve things.

maia09 -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/5/2009 10:33:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici Ok Ladies, coming off the thread from Steel's 80/20 and the Fast Forward thread, here is My real challenge amd please know I am coming from this from honesty not arrogance and I need some suggestions to make it work or fix Me. I am a very smart Lady, travelled, pragmatic, full of common sense, I know allot about allot, and I know what works and what doesn't--I am far from a know it all-I seek out and do take advice when uts called for. My problem is the "ride to the rescue" that men always seem to put forth--mention a flat tire and they have 72 suggestions, mention a bug bite and they have 43 suggestions--mention anything and they move into that know it all instructional mode--with out being asked--this is the most annoying thing for Me from male subs--they immediately move into that " you don't know anything, i--the man know way more"---so My issue is, how do you manage that behavior, if I want advice or suggestions, I will ask for it, yet I do want to be able to talk about some issue/challenge/problem, but because I do, does not mean I need a solution--but an outlet to talk. Yet there are times when I would like opinions... How do you manage that balance? i read somewhere unsolicited advice is a form of criticism. i tend to think this is generally true. Although i understand usually the advice is offered from a position of seeking to be helpful. i've learned to ask if my opinion is desired. That seems to help.

maia09 -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/5/2009 10:41:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DMFParadox Um, no. Mulish men are like mules. Personally, I find women on the average to be idiots and to perform amazingly senseless acts of self-destruction. Then they complain about the nearest man available as if it were his fault. But it's all a matter of perspective, and there are some women out there whose advice I'd follow without question... just not very many of them. Hmmm - you do eh? well perhaps you are good at bringing that out in them. lol

PeonForHer -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/5/2009 12:12:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme In my experience, men do empathize. Wouldn't you say that seeing someone who is upset, and wanting to help "fix" the problem is a way of more actively empathizing? I think that our society spends a lot of time boo-hooing over problems and not enough time proactively addressing ways to improve things. Like I say, TLID (sorry, that doesn't abbreviate easily!) I wouldn't separate it neatly into 'men fix' and 'women empathise'. Those most empathic person I've ever met was male, the most 'fixing' person was female. It's she, in fact, who enables me to relate to the OP's comments. The friend in question has the infuriating habit of isolating the wrong problem, then offering the solution to it. If you don't follow her advice, she'll grumble and give you an 'I told you so'. You end up wishing you'd never mentioned the problem in the first place.

ignoreme -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/5/2009 12:45:46 PM)
Yes, it's just our nature as men to want to fix things. I never go into know-it-all mode though, I stay respectful, I would certainly not accuse a lady of knowing nothing, why would it be a shame if she doesn't know about a certain thing? She knows a lot about other stuff that I know nothing about. I just like to be helpful to her. And I feel that I'm more useful if I actually do things instead of just providing a listening ear. Then again, if she feels differently I hope she expresses that...

TexasMaam -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/5/2009 9:26:46 PM)
Men are hardwired for a 'fix it' response. I've always had very good luck explaining that in this given instance, I don't want him to 'fix it' I want him to listen. Just listen. Then of course the fellow listens to another situation you've shared with him and he ponders, and ponders, and ponders, and finally asks, 'umm, is this something you want me to fix, or am I just supposed to listen?'...... That's when you know you've connected! TM

MistressTaboo -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/6/2009 6:57:45 PM)
See I'm LAZY....I don't want to have to fix it.... So I ask their opinion...wait and the slowly pretend I don't get it and they go and fix it themselves. For example...I needed fencing for the horses...I asked the sub...what type of fencing should we get? He researched and came back with several styles and prices. We chose one...then I picked up the materials...then I 'pretended' the T post setter was a lot of work (I've done it before) and he took over setting all the posts...Now I could have asked him to do it and he would have been fine doing it...but now he feels good about himself in addition to feeling that he's being good for his Mistress too.... I say take their weakness and use it against them!

MistressWolfen -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/6/2009 7:18:22 PM)
Your query really made me think CatdeMedici. I have to say that has not been my experience; neither professionally nor with submissive males. Professionally I am more often offered unsolicited advice by my female staff that are just coming into managment or in the 32 - 40 age range. In "this" world the advice giving does tend to be from males but more often than not those that identify as dominant. Mind I am older and no "looker" so I doubt I tweak the "saviour knight" button as a younger woman might.

SirLost -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/6/2009 7:20:25 PM)
I advise you to just ignore them. Heh, just joking. Seriously, I'm someone who is criticized for being a smartass several times. Whenever I see anything going wrong or anyone having problems, I can't help thinking of solution ways. I express my solutions only after a filtering procession of whether my solution was used before or how severe the problem is, because I know it is annoying for us to be reminded the facts that we already know for insignificant problems. I believe it isn't something about me being a man, but an engineer. Can't deny I have a huge desire of proving myself. How to deal with men who constantly advises things that you know, even when you hadn't ask for an advice? Just saying "I already know it, thanks", "Thanks, but who asked it?", "Tell me something that I don't know" could solve it. "Smartass!" can be added optionally. Also doing the same thing on them is another solution.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/6/2009 7:28:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici Ok Ladies, coming off the thread from Steel's 80/20 and the Fast Forward thread, here is My real challenge amd please know I am coming from this from honesty not arrogance and I need some suggestions to make it work or fix Me. I am a very smart Lady, travelled, pragmatic, full of common sense, I know allot about allot, and I know what works and what doesn't--I am far from a know it all-I seek out and do take advice when uts called for. My problem is the "ride to the rescue" that men always seem to put forth--mention a flat tire and they have 72 suggestions, mention a bug bite and they have 43 suggestions--mention anything and they move into that know it all instructional mode--with out being asked--this is the most annoying thing for Me from male subs--they immediately move into that " you don't know anything, i--the man know way more"---so My issue is, how do you manage that behavior, if I want advice or suggestions, I will ask for it, yet I do want to be able to talk about some issue/challenge/problem, but because I do, does not mean I need a solution--but an outlet to talk. Yet there are times when I would like opinions... How do you manage that balance? I don't really see this as much of a problem for a woman that right from the start just says, "I'll tell you what to do and how to do it." That would have worked fine for me, and I wouldn't be trying to solve all of her problems without her input beforehand ever. I know I want to do as much for my lady as I can, when I have a lady for whom I can serve, but sometimes that feeling can get out of control, and it's nice to have the ability to take instruction rather than to have to be the knight in shining armor, like a lot of subs can't seem to get away from.

ignoreme -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/6/2009 8:05:00 PM)
quote: I say take their weakness and use it against them! Sounds like the best thing you can do, when you are annoyed by something, try to use it in your advantage :)

PeonForHer -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/7/2009 12:56:41 AM)
Also doing the same thing on them is another solution. Tut. The OP wasn't looking for a solution, SirLost. She was seeking empathy and understanding. [;)]

SirLost -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/7/2009 1:36:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Also doing the same thing on them is another solution. Tut. The OP wasn't looking for a solution, SirLost. She was seeking empathy and understanding. [;)] Ahh, those weren't really advices, they were only what I do in those cases, which I just wanted to share. I should had made it clear, like the first "I advise you to ignore them" sentence. [:(]

PeonForHer -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/7/2009 2:07:04 AM)
Nods furiously moistened eyes sensitive corduroy jeans furrowed brow patches on elbows produces box of tissues - I'm feeling your desire to connect and explain there, SirLost. I'm feeling it.

LadyPact -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/7/2009 3:01:52 AM)
Quit that. You're just trying to turn Me on.

PeonForHer -> RE: Don't advise Me... Well then again... (8/7/2009 3:30:21 AM)
I never have any trouble doing that, LP. A twirl of my parasol, artful look over my shoulder, flutter eyelashes under my bonnet, 'inadvertently' drop my handkerchief . . . all the ladies are chasing after me with it. Never fails.

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