You be the judge

You be the judge (Full Version)

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stella41b -> You be the judge (7/25/2009 12:15:16 PM)
The scene - a magistrates court in London. The case - the TV Licensing authority trying to secure a conviction against the Defendant for non-payment of TV Licence. The Defendant - to be revealed. Maximum penalty - £4,000 fine or six months imprisonment. Magistrate: Next! Prosecution: On a summary visit to their home the Defendant was found to be receiving signals from television programmes but was not in possession of a TV Licence. Magistrate: And how does the Defendant plead? Defendant: Insanity m'Lord. Magistrate: Insanity? Defendant: Yes m'Lord. And one more thing. Magistrate: Yes what is it? Defendant: I request an adjournment. Magistrate: An adjournment? Why? Defendant: Because of the shipping forecast for 1200 hours. Magistrate: Very well. Defendant: Atlantic low 991 moving steadily north-east, expected Rockall by 1300 tomorrow. Viking North north-westerly backing south easterly 5 or 6 later in North Utshire. Moderately occasionally slight. Rain later moderately good. Cromarty Forth Tyne Dogger variable 3 or 4 becoming south east 5 or 6 moderate or good rain later. Beep. Beep Beep. And that ends the shipping forecast for 1200 hours. Magistrate: May we proceed? Defendant: Not yet m'Lord. News headlines and weather. Gordon Brown is expected to answer further questions relating to expenses in question time tomorrow and is expected to unveil a new government policy concerning public expenditure. Glasgow Rangers is holding talks with David Beckham to try and bring him to Ibrox in time for the new season. The FT closed yesterday down two points at 1059 which is one point more than on Wall Street and the dollar is trading at 1.94 to the pound. The whole of the country will enjoy warm sunny weather for the rest of the week with scattered showers coming in from the north west. The temperature will remain at 23 Celsius but it may become cooler by Thursday. Magistrate: Now may we proceed? Defendant: In an hour there will be Top of the Pops Two presented by Jimmy Saville and Mike Read and before that we will have Songs of Praise presented by Anne Diamond at Liverpool Cathedral, but now we present the Clangers. ....I'm ready now m'Lord. Magistrate: Thank you. Now was the defendant in possession of a TV set? Prosecutor: No m'Lord. Magistrate: Any equipment capable of receiving a TV signal? Prosecutor: We did find an old computer and an old Nokia mobile phone. But the defendant claims that neither is capable of receiving a TV signal. Defendant: But it's these voices in my head m'Lord. My doctor doesn't believe me but I have this feeling that these voices in my head might be BBC 2. However on Wednesdays I can also pick up BBC 1 but it gives me terrible migraines. Magistrate: And do you have a TV Licence? Defendant: No m'Lord. God never suggested that I get one and he talks to me quite a lot as well. The defendant is me. What is your verdict?

Rule -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 12:30:27 PM)
Do you have fillings that may act as receivers in your molars?

GreedyTop -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 1:23:33 PM)
Dismissal of all charges :)

Loki45 -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 1:33:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop Dismissal of all charges :) Or a psych holdover.

SoulPiercer -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 1:36:51 PM)
Constable, bring the defendant to my chambers, lock the door behind you as you leave.

DomKen -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 2:04:32 PM)
Hope you brought 4000 quid in cash

MasterG2kTR -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 2:41:13 PM)
Take the six months in jail.....maybe the prison bars will jam the signal and give you some peace....[;)]

LadyEllen -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 2:46:57 PM)
Case dismissed The defendant is reporting picking up BBC Radio 4 Long Wave in the first excerpt - no licence is required for this. In the second excerpt the defendant appears to be reporting picking up a news broadcast (possibly TV but not certainly) which has not yet been made since it concerns what must be future events (some of which hopefully will never require reporting) and in the third a TV broadcast that must have been made during the 1970s; neither of these signals would require a TV licence since the licence is only required for signals being broadcast and picked up at the present time. E

Prinsexx -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 3:01:49 PM)
I can't participate in giving a verdict as I am an Expert Witness in the case. My qualifications for being called as an Expert Witness are that my brain is a Transmitter and a Receiver and I have excellent conversations with radiators. The Court Room radiators are tuned to the Sky Weather Channel via a direct kine with God. Trust me. Justice and a strong south westerly wind will prevail.

Lucylastic -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 4:52:28 PM)
sounds like radio to me, not tv. Case dismissed Lucy

DesFIP -> RE: You be the judge (7/25/2009 4:54:08 PM)
Another suggestion to see your dentist. Metal fillings have been known to act as receivers. Lucille Ball picking up Japanese submarine signals during WWII is the most famous.

Termyn8or -> RE: You be the judge (7/26/2009 12:31:35 AM)
FR I believe at one time you could go to blacksteel.com and peruse the different styles of straitjackets. You might have to Google for "The Institute" to get it now though. But whatever one you prefer, get in soon and enjoy your stay. Do you like carrots ? Last time someone asked me if I heard voices I said yes. Then they want to know what they say. I replied "Well the last one asked me if I hear voices and what do they say". You want to see a psychoanalyst need a psychoanalyst ? Just bring me along. Now that I think of it, after I actually retained my lawyer, he had to call a lawyer. ( this is true ) Ho hum. T

stella41b -> More about the TV Licence (7/26/2009 5:51:10 AM)
By way of explanation... This came up a couple of days ago when the TV Licensing authorities once again turned their attention to me after a long break (last year it was something like 36 different letters and phone calls and two home visits trying to convince them that I did not need a TV Licence because I don't own a television and don't watch television). They've now returned and are asking me whether, after a year have I got a TV Licence. So I called them and told them that my circumstances had not changed and that I don't have a TV Licence because I don't watch television. The man on the other end of the phone was almost incredulous.. 'What? You mean you don't watch television?' No I still don't watch television. I was then asked if I own a digital box, DVD or video recorder, computer or mobile phone to which I replied yes, I have a computer and mobile phone. I was also asked if I watched videos or DVDs and thinking about Youtube I replied yes. The man was triumphant. 'Well you probably need a TV Licence.' 'So what if I was blind?' 'We would give you fifty per cent discount.' The man explained. 'And what if I only had one eye?' 'I'm afraid you would have to pay the full amount.' At the time when I started the thread (no plans to develop it into a comedy sketch because the reaiity is often funnier) I felt somewhat shafted in that I had committed myself to living without television, even going out of my way to avoid television, but still had to pay for a TV Licence. However as I was preparing to set up a Direct Debit for a TV Licence I checked and once again checked my TV Viewer software - 'No signal' as I don't have a TV Card in my computer. I went onto the TV Licensing website and discovered that I actually don't need a TV Licence. All's well that ends well I suppose, but what got to me was the heavy attitude of the TV Licensing people and their mindset of 'guilty until proven innocent'.

kdsub -> RE: More about the TV Licence (7/26/2009 6:57:33 AM)
See maybe all of our Government paranoia here in the US does serve a purpose…come on over…this time we will welcome you with open arms…Before we thought you were some kind of European liberal wacko.[:D] Butch

LadyEllen -> RE: More about the TV Licence (7/26/2009 7:08:11 AM)
Its great round here for TVLA oppression too; "its all in the database" must be a right load of shite if they send rude and aggressive inspectors to the door and (as received last week) letters stating that "we're in your neighbourhood (peasant)". "Do you have a TV licence?" "Yes" "We need to see it" "Huh? No idea where it is" "So you dont have one?" "What? Are you accusing me of theft?" "Uh, no madam but we must see your licence" "Well I dont know where it is" "We'll have to call this in then" "Go ahead, its on direct debit - check with your office "its all in the database" right? See you later" "yes, we will return" "I know you will; to apologise for disturbing me, for your attitude and to say sorry for calling me a liar; next time check with your wonderful database" (slam) overheard as they left "what was all that about?" - "dont worry - theyre all like that round here" E

ThatDaveGuy69 -> RE: More about the TV Licence (7/26/2009 7:35:07 AM)
WTF is a "TV License"? ~Dave

Rule -> RE: More about the TV Licence (7/26/2009 7:44:09 AM)
A TV license is a special kind of tax on people that own a television; in this case to finance the BBC. We used to have such an individual tax in The Netherlands also, but some time ago it was abolished and now everybody pays this tax; i.e. the Dutch television is now financed by the state out of the total tax revenue. It is less complicated that way, but of course it shifted the financial power over national television and radio from the citizens to the state.

SoulPiercer -> RE: More about the TV Licence (7/26/2009 8:30:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kdsub See maybe all of our Government paranoia here in the US does serve a purpose…come on over…this time we will welcome you with open arms…Before we thought you were some kind of European liberal wacko.[:D] Butch Yep. Just because you're paranoid, that doesn't mean they really aren't out to get you. But hey .. the TV License guy was just doing his job. [;)]

JonnieBoy -> RE: More about the TV Licence (7/26/2009 8:41:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b By way of explanation... This came up a couple of days ago when the TV Licensing authorities once again turned their attention to me after a long break (last year it was something like 36 different letters and phone calls and two home visits trying to convince them that I did not need a TV Licence because I don't own a television and don't watch television). They've now returned and are asking me whether, after a year have I got a TV Licence. So I called them and told them that my circumstances had not changed and that I don't have a TV Licence because I don't watch television. The man on the other end of the phone was almost incredulous.. 'What? You mean you don't watch television?' No I still don't watch television. I was then asked if I own a digital box, DVD or video recorder, computer or mobile phone to which I replied yes, I have a computer and mobile phone. I was also asked if I watched videos or DVDs and thinking about Youtube I replied yes. The man was triumphant. 'Well you probably need a TV Licence.' 'So what if I was blind?' 'We would give you fifty per cent discount.' The man explained. 'And what if I only had one eye?' 'I'm afraid you would have to pay the full amount.' At the time when I started the thread (no plans to develop it into a comedy sketch because the reaiity is often funnier) I felt somewhat shafted in that I had committed myself to living without television, even going out of my way to avoid television, but still had to pay for a TV Licence. However as I was preparing to set up a Direct Debit for a TV Licence I checked and once again checked my TV Viewer software - 'No signal' as I don't have a TV Card in my computer. I went onto the TV Licensing website and discovered that I actually don't need a TV Licence. All's well that ends well I suppose, but what got to me was the heavy attitude of the TV Licensing people and their mindset of 'guilty until proven innocent'. If you drop me a message I can tell you EXACTLY where you stand ... and advise you don't pay a penny until they PROVE you need a licence. They DO operate on "guilty until proven innocent" and will not stop pestering ... it's how they do things. You can, by the way own a TV without being legally obliged to hold a current TV licence. (I have proof) Pirate

kdsub -> RE: More about the TV Licence (7/26/2009 8:47:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer quote: ORIGINAL: kdsub See maybe all of our Government paranoia here in the US does serve a purpose…come on over…this time we will welcome you with open arms…Before we thought you were some kind of European liberal wacko.[:D] Butch Yep. Just because you're paranoid, that doesn't mean they really aren't out to get you. But hey .. the TV License guy was just doing his job. [;)] Damn IRS

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