Don't make me decide!

Don't make me decide! (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

LillyoftheVally -> Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 5:57:48 AM)
I was wondering, people who identify as s-types do you believe that you have an inability to make a decision or simply prefer not to, and for dominants which do you find more attractive someone who needs you to make the decisions for you or someone who decides that they want you to make them?

RCdc -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 6:06:09 AM)
I can make decisions. What I prefer doesn't really come into it. the.dark.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 6:07:07 AM)
Yeah that was probably the wrong word.

Rainfire -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 6:14:25 AM)
I make decisions, I just pay the price with Lumus if I happen to make the wrong one. [;)] While we're 24/7, He leaves a lot of the day to day stuff to me, trusting my judgment, talents and abilities. He makes the big calls or anything I feel requires His personal input. (though some days i do wish He would make more decisions, i wouldn't mind a little more guidance at times.) [:)]

olena -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 7:39:51 AM)
Making a decision is very easy for me. I just strongly prefer when it involves my other that he decides so I know that is what he would want. I want acceptance and happiness from my other in what is being decided so it is natural to try to make sure he decides if it is a big enough deal to him.

wineDineNtieMe -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 7:43:53 AM)
I think I usually make pretty good decisions, but I often feel the need for validation. I like for someone else to say, "yes, that is the right thing to do" But there are also times I get so bogged down in, "Well if I do this, then that will happen; but what if I do this and this other thing happens. Or what if there is something I'm not considering..." and so forth and so on. In times like these I definitely need that strong intelligent and trusted presence in my life to make the choice for or with me.

pixidustpet -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 8:00:30 AM)
i can make decisions. i tend to vaporlock when i have too many choices. TheEngineer is very good about making decisions, and knowing how to get my input without making me give him the deer-int-the-headlights look. kitten

daddysprop247 -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 8:04:54 AM)
decision making has always been very difficult for me, because i always fret and worry over whether or not i will make the decision that others would find most pleasing. thankfully in the life i live now with my Master, i have very few decisions to make (such as what to prepare for dinner), and even these few decisions come with limited options, so it's much less stressful for me.

littleone35 -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 10:05:53 AM)
I make a lot of my own decisions, The other day Master and i were out and he asked where i wanted to go for lunch. I ssid you are driving master it is your choice. if pushed i could have made the decision but he did not push me, he decided. Sometimes Master gives me choices he said we can do this or that and i have to decide which one i like more. (he someimes does that with displine where one choice is ar bad as the other). Matt's littleone

maia09 -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 10:24:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally I was wondering, people who identify as s-types do you believe that you have an inability to make a decision or simply prefer not to, and for dominants which do you find more attractive someone who needs you to make the decisions for you or someone who decides that they want you to make them? No, i don't have an inability to make decisions. Let's see brush my teeth first or have coffee? Life is a series of decisions. i would think it impossible to go through a day without the ability to decide things, unless an s-type happens to be glued at the hip to their D type who also finds great pleasure in deciding every single increment of every single thing. Haven't met anyone like that. Actually there is only one decision i've made that doesn't need attention - and that decision is if i will obey or not. That's already decided. Other than that, when not in the presence of Master, i make decisions that i believe would be most pleasing to Him. If i'm not sure, i ask. But this does not amount to an inability to make a decision. It's about the agreement between us.

lovingpet -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 10:31:49 AM)
I think most people have at least an occassional difficulty making decisions. For the most part, I can make good decisions and stand by them. I don't mind doing it and it can even feel good to do so. Minor decisions, I don't care who finally makes the call. As a matter of fact, in the back of my mind, if I make the final call I know it is only because my partner is satisfied with what I decided or else he would take things another direction. In big things, however, I want a final say from him. I want to say my piece and work through the decision making process with him. In some cases, I even really feel the need to agree personally with the decision he makes, but I don't want to be the official last word on the matter, even if he could choose otherwise at any moment. I need it to be within his hands entirely. It is not at all that I want no part in the responsibility for the decision or its consequences. I know that he has a plan, a trajectory, for each of us individually and our relationship as a whole. Some of it he has chosen to share with me, but I can be fairly certain there are areas that he has chosen not to reveal at this time. Since I am not privy to the big picture, nor do I want or need to be, I can't know how what I am wanting in these bigger matters affect things. He may adjust the picture or he may remain set on what he has already determined, but it is not for me to pull him by the nose. I trust not only his judgement, but also his interest in my well being and his commitment to the relationship. He wants what is best in both the long and short run, but will always defer to what will be most beneficial over the course, rather than the immediate circumstances. I don't think it has anything to do with my ability or desire to make decisions. I think it has to do with the relational dynamics we are intentionally employing. I want him in control, believe he deserves to have that control, and know he needs to have it in order to be happy within a relationship. I want him happy. I derive my own happiness from seeing content with me. If making a decision on my own happens to please him, then I can make it and do it well. If agreeing with what I desire pleases him, then I have no issue with him not contradicting my wishes. If he desires to go another way, I will follow based on trust, his character, and track record. This is what makes our relationship right for us. lovingpet

aranisiA -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 10:54:43 AM)
I have no problem making decisions, and for the most part I quite enjoy making them, too. But I do enjoy taking the decision to leave some of the decisions in my life over to the Other, and I do find it difficult to make decisions when I am together with someone I expect to make the decisions and who then decides to leave the decision to me. Yes, I know that sentence was confusing- I'm sure you'll be able to decipher it, though :P. As a Dominant I think I'd very much resent someone who wasn't capable of making their own decisions and looked to me to make everyone - but then again, I don't think I will ever become a D/s 24/7 Domina. I guess time will tell, though - God knows I've changed a lot in the year since I dipped my first toes into this ocean we refer to as BDSM, and I hope I will never stop changing, growing, learning.

antipode -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 11:31:12 AM)
quote: and for dominants which do you find more attractive someone who needs you to make the decisions for you or someone who decides that they want you to make them? I prefer the ones that don't incessantly ask irrelevant questions..

SteelofUtah -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 11:34:17 AM)
The Most Dreaded Question in my home..... "What do you want to do for dinner?" When I am asked I usually answer "Food." When I ask the girls I get simultaneous Blank Stares and "Dunno." Apparenly no one likes to make that decision. I like a person who knows what they want and tells me upfront, but is also willing to try something different. The truth is I simply want input I will decide what I want and if I do not like the suggestions that they give I will say "No, something else," however we have yet to not eat yet so I guess eventually we get there. Steel

leadership527 -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 11:39:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally I was wondering, people who identify as s-types do you believe that you have an inability to make a decision or simply prefer not to, and for dominants which do you find more attractive someone who needs you to make the decisions for you or someone who decides that they want you to make them? Carol does not have a hard time making decisions in general. She specifically has issues pitting her needs against those of someone else... most especially mine. So if it's a question of "Should we get this car insurance or that?" then she's fine. But if she knows I'd prefer to stay in but she wants to go out to dinner, she struggles and will inevitably choose what I wanted. I perceive this as a defect which is partly why me making all the decisions works out better. She gets a lot more of what she wants and needs when I'm making the choices. From my perspective as a D type, the thing I want more than anything when I invite someone into my life is a strong and competent life partner. Whether they'd make a good wife/sub/slave/pony/whatever is secondary. That means they are going to need to be able to deal when the shit hits the fan. Anyone who was incapable of making decisions would not qualify.

IrishMist -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 12:33:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally I was wondering, people who identify as s-types do you believe that you have an inability to make a decision or simply prefer not to, and for dominants which do you find more attractive someone who needs you to make the decisions for you or someone who decides that they want you to make them? I simply prefer not to

stella41b -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 3:01:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally I was wondering, people who identify as s-types do you believe that you have an inability to make a decision or simply prefer not to, and for dominants which do you find more attractive someone who needs you to make the decisions for you or someone who decides that they want you to make them? I can make decisions and express my preferences just like anyone else. This isn't what makes me a submissive. What makes me a submissive is my preference not to make the final decision or have the final say.

littlewonder -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 3:35:26 PM)
I'm quite capable of making decisions. I do them every single moment of my life and always have. I get tired though sometimes and just want to take a break. Sometimes it's easier for him to make the decision and other times he's better at making the decision than I am. While the fantasy is hot of always having him make every single decision for me, I"m also realistic and know that he can't and I also know I wouldn't want to become "dumbed" down and helpless from always burdening him with the choices.

LittleMeganV -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 3:37:31 PM)
Personally I don't like to make decisions and don't like to be forced into making them when at home or in a sub mind set. This has a lot to do with the fact that my job has me making them all day for other people, when I get home I kind of want a break, and being the sub in the house is that break. Making decisions pulls me out of my sub mind set a bit and places me back in my work mind set. However that does NOT change the fact that I am sub at home and will make a decision if I am told to, doing what I am told is the more important part of being a sub for me then doing something which pulls me slightly out of a sub mind set. For us it simply takes her ordering me to choose to end any discussion and get an choice from me, yes a realize that is not ideal and I could do better but no one is perfect. In the end my personal opinion is someone who avoids making the decision or tries to wriggle out of making a decision (even when their dom/me tells them to) it just trying to avoid the repercussion of choosing poorly (insert Indiana Jones quote here). Yes I realize and know that includes me at times as well. People, humans, yes subs too need to be able to make decisions on their own in order to function, at some point they will HAVE to make one whether they like it or not. It's not really the sub's place (imo) to decide when it's convenient or agreeable to them to make decisions. I.e. they have no problems choosing to watch tv or eat a snack, but they refuse to pick out cloths and instead want the dom/me to do it (I am guilty of this myself at times) from my own view and experience this is just subs trying to weasel the dom/me into being forceful. It helps for me that my domme will stop all play if she gets even and inkling that I'm doing this or something similar because she hates to feel forced or tricked into anything. Needless to say I learned the hard way quite a few times at the start of our relationship. For the most part I manage to catch myself now before it happens, bet every now and then I still slip and try to weasel out of a required decision, because I'm to tired or burnt to want to deal with it. Sorry, I got a little run on there for a while, but that's my 2 cents.

allthatjaz -> RE: Don't make me decide! (7/29/2009 4:09:12 PM)
Steve is possibly the first man in my life that not only has the ability to make firm decisions but can adamantly stick to any decision that he makes. I also make many decisions and together we make many joint decisions. At the moment we are re-fitting our boat and when it comes to choosing how the finished interior will look, its up to me but then I respect Steve's tastes and he knows he can trust my judgment. I can't imagine not knowing what to cook or what ingredients I should buy at the supermarket. So long as I know what he likes to eat, then I will always provide something he's going to enjoy. My ex partner was not my submissive or my Dominant but he couldn't of made a decision to save his life. I got to choose where we went on holiday, where we went out on our days off work and what restaurants we ate at. He was always so bloody agreeable and it drove me nuts.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875