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Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 8:31:28 AM   
DominantDoug


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/27/2009
Status: offline 		Im wondering how others feel about a delayed punishment for misbehavior...for example, a slave misbehaves, and then instead of punishing her right then and there you tell her....you're going to be punished, but not until tomorrow...I like this idea because it gives her a whole day not only to anticipate the punishment, but to think about the misbehavior and what she did to deserve the upcoming punishment
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 8:39:51 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		Quite frankly I think it sucks rocks.  The point of punishment is to punish a misbehavior and then allow the relationship to move forward.  At least, I think that's what it is.  In postponing and making her mentally nuts over a punishment you're going to create anxiety in her, which pushes both of you further away from the heart of the relationship which is the trust and bond you have with one another.   But that's just how it works for me.  

(in reply to DominantDoug)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 8:45:28 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, that can be effective. Similar to the "wait until your dad gets home" treatment some mommas used to hand out. It is something that I would employ if I were not present do deal with it right away, especially if I thought it was attention seeking behavior that was bringing about the punishment. I'm not going to stop the whole world because someone decides to get in some mess or other. The person can wait it out and think long and hard while they do so. On the other hand, I wouldn't suggest using this all the time. If you are right there when something occurs, swift and exacting justice sends a very strong message. I am not talking about flying off the handle in anger, but a clear and immediate response. It makes it clear that disobedience and games are not going to be tolerated. In order to do this well, however, you need to know the submissive very well and what will be most effective for various infractions. If you are having to think it up on the spot, it loses some of it's "punch".

The better means of discipline, however, is to find yourself in a position that requires you exact punishment as little as possible. Keep the reigns tight and your guidance sure. Communicate clearly and know your partner well. Bring her to desire to readily obey rather than be locked in a power struggle. Act rather than react.

lovingpet

(in reply to DominantDoug)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 9:07:01 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		As a dominant I do not punish often. When I do I want to put some thought into what is most appropriate for the infraction. So, "I shall have to think about how I wish to punish you; you will know by tomorrow" works for me.

I agree it causes the submissive a certain degree of anxiety. Waiting more than 48 hours to learn of your punishment is excessive to me.






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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 9:16:15 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		If the waiting is serving a purpose, however, I think it is part and parcel of the punishment. If it is laziness or otherwise not being willing or able to handle the situation, then it is useless and undermining. Goodness knows if the issue has been impatience, waiting has a great deal of obvious meaning LOL!

lovingpet

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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 9:23:56 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Is the waiting not part of the punishment in it's own?

I sometimes wonder when these kinds of topics get brought up what the submissives actually think is going on. The Anxiety and Time line IS the punishment for me wanting them to be AWARE OF and think about what they have done and in most cases the punishment they give themselves is worse than anything I could do.

Steel

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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 9:47:16 AM   
DominantDoug


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Joined: 7/27/2009
Status: offline 		agreed, i wouldnt wait more than a day. It may even be in the same day....like if the transgression was to happen in the early morning, perhaps punishment in the evening would be fine. I don't propose delay as an all the time punishment style but i think it could be effective from time to time

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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 10:23:25 AM   
mc1234


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Joined: 10/4/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Is the waiting not part of the punishment in it's own?




I get this.  I do.  I have some relationship background as to why delayed punishments make me feel the way they do.  Suffice to say that I don't even do this to my kids often - it just feels like mental torture to me.   I know immediately when I do something wrong in life, and I work quickly to apologize and correct it.  I very rarely slip with Sir, and if I do, a quirk of his eyebrow or an 'excuse me?' is all I need to get back on track.  Everyone is different in what works for them.   Emotional distance is never a good thing for me and flips a bad trigger inside, hence delaying punishment to make me twist in the wind feels cruel and unnecessary. 


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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 10:35:56 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have delayed punishments, but only because I was not in a proper mind to punish right then.  Either I was still angry, or distracted by something.

IMO a punishment should be administered as soon as feasible.


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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 10:42:43 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I think that the anxiety I'd feel over the anticipation and delay of the punishment would distract me from the original purpose of punishment.

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The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to DominantDoug)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 1:26:01 PM   
Lostkitten3


Posts: 179
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		Waiting means there might be some forgetting involved, which, being a bit of a brat, is what I hope for, sort of...ish. Ok, sometimes I like the punishment, well often, and the anticipation, is not a bad thing for me. I know it will be painful, and I wont like it at the time, but I do like knowing I handled it, as it makes me a stronger person.

Please don't overthink the waiting. Only very low self esteemed people would actually get an anxiety complex over it, and if they already have one, and it feeds into it, then maybe it's a good lesson in learning to deal with your anxiety issues?

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 1:30:07 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Make no mistake that some people have excellent memories and waiting  does not mean maybe  forgetting lol.

And secondly I wouldn't say that only people that get anxiety over prolonged waiting, have low self esteem issues. There's plenty of reasons to get anxious about being made to wait and it's not just poor self esteem.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3

Waiting means there might be some forgetting involved, which, being a bit of a brat, is what I hope for, sort of...ish. Ok, sometimes I like the punishment, well often, and the anticipation, is not a bad thing for me. I know it will be painful, and I wont like it at the time, but I do like knowing I handled it, as it makes me a stronger person.

Please don't overthink the waiting. Only very low self esteemed people would actually get an anxiety complex over it, and if they already have one, and it feeds into it, then maybe it's a good lesson in learning to deal with your anxiety issues?

(in reply to Lostkitten3)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 1:32:58 PM   
Lostkitten3


Posts: 179
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, but you are in this sort of relationship, surely you know what is coming, surely you expected it when you acted inappropriately to incur punishment?

Surely you know from the moment you acted punishment would happen?

I am simply saying that waiting can be utterly delicious.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 1:50:10 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Well I would know punishment was coming but you don't always know what. Sure some things have consequences set in stone, like if you do this, this will ALWAYS happen as a punishment, but that's not always the case. It could be a completely new supprise like if you do this, instead of THIS which is ALWAYS the punishment, it's going to be something new. You may have meant waiting can be delicious but you also said only those with self esteem issues will be bothered by waiting, which isn't true. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3

Yes, but you are in this sort of relationship, surely you know what is coming, surely you expected it when you acted inappropriately to incur punishment?

Surely you know from the moment you acted punishment would happen?

I am simply saying that waiting can be utterly delicious.

(in reply to Lostkitten3)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 2:41:50 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3

Please don't overthink the waiting. Only very low self esteemed people would actually get an anxiety complex over it, and if they already have one, and it feeds into it, then maybe it's a good lesson in learning to deal with your anxiety issues?


The OP asked for responses to how we each felt about about delayed punishment, and that's what I wrote.

Isn't it simple enough to say that you like the waiting and anticipation of delayed punishment, and others find it unpleasant?  You're projecting low self esteem and projecting poor mental health onto people who don't like something you happen to enjoy.

ETA:  Being anxious about something is not the same as having an anxiety complex.

< Message edited by DomMeinCT -- 8/1/2009 2:42:36 PM >

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to Lostkitten3)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 3:01:43 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantDoug

Im wondering how others feel about a delayed punishment for misbehavior...for example, a slave misbehaves, and then instead of punishing her right then and there you tell her....you're going to be punished, but not until tomorrow...I like this idea because it gives her a whole day not only to anticipate the punishment, but to think about the misbehavior and what she did to deserve the upcoming punishment
I don't like to punish when I am angry or upset or distracted.  I want my full focus on the submissive and I want it to be a calm and rational focus.

As the submissive is an adult, I expect them to use the time waiting for the discipline/punishment in a productive manner...whether it be cleaning while thinking, or laundry while thinking or cooking while thinking. 

While I agree that waiting doesn't work well for some submissives and that, depending on their emotional and mental make-up, some allowances be made by the dominant for that...this is one of those instances where I especially think the submissive should not be attempting to dictate to the dominant when he will deliver discipline/punishment.

(in reply to DominantDoug)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 3:27:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3
Please don't overthink the waiting. Only very low self esteemed people would actually get an anxiety complex over it, and if they already have one, and it feeds into it, then maybe it's a good lesson in learning to deal with your anxiety issues?


There is no correlation to self esteem issues with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, a biochemical problem. And deliberately provoking an anxiety attack, or a panic attack, or a flashback in someone with PTSD serves no purpose other than to have the sub distrust you for good reason.

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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 3:41:04 PM   
Lostkitten3


Posts: 179
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		I'm pretty sure delaying a punishment is not cause for ptsd or or anxiety disorder...but if you think so, please avoid it.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 6:36:06 PM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		I hate delayed punishments for several reasons. When I'm in trouble I'm not allowed to cuddle with Master until after the punishment and it's one of my favorite things. I over think things anyway so when a punishment it put on hold I spend the entire time thinking how horrible I was and how he's going to release me ect so by the time the punishment comes I'm an emotional wreck. Thankfully it's rare, unless he's extremely angry with me or there's no time; work ect; for Master to put a punishment off.

(in reply to DominantDoug)
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RE: Delayed Punishments - 8/1/2009 10:12:48 PM   
heartbound


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Mistress and I live about 1 1/2 hours away from each other, so I only get to see her once a week or every two weeks.  I am not punished often.  However, there were instances when I knew I was to be punished the next time I was to see her.  Having to wait makes me think about my actions a lot.  I think that added time to think makes it that much more effective.

-heartbound

(in reply to kuriouswitch)
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