RE: Advice Please

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LadySonelle -> RE: Advice Please (2/22/2006 8:16:11 AM)
Well written, pup! While I will not give commands to another Lady's sub, I will suggest that you also can buy and read Games People Play and the P.E.T. book. One tenet of active Listening is 'feedback' to ensure clarity. If your Mistress permits, you can repeat back to Her what you feel you heard Her say so that you both can diagnose where miscommunications are present. Likewise She can repeat back to you what She heard you say and you can clarify meanings. Together, I feel you both have a wonderful spirit of cooperation and willingness to talk through the problems present. You are both very fortunate to have each other and I congratulate you both. Lady Sonelle

thetammyjo -> RE: Advice Please (2/22/2006 9:33:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Misstoyou What I like about this story and you going to Savannah, MoGa, is that you just didn't sit around. You are proactive in taking care of your pup and your relationship. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a Domme. [:)] I'd say that this is a person who truly values her relationship and is willing and able to work on it directly and as quickly as possible. Both good solid keys to any relationship.

TexasMaam -> RE: Advice Please (2/22/2006 8:30:36 PM)
I respectfully offer the thought that perhaps he's going through subspace drop. After the high of the weekend he's dropping, and not necessarily needy, but possibly resentful or resistant coming out of drop. Or, You might be suffering from Domme 'drop'. I love the headspace I'm in when I'm with him. I not only miss that when he's gone, I experience a definite physical, emotional, psychological lull after he leaves that in a day or two can make Me surly or snappish, and just plain broody. Knowing that it's coming doesn't make it any easier, but I prepare for it. I schedule some pampering time for Myself, schedule activities that keep Me at arm's length from him during the few days that he needs to drop, focus, and regroup. He's just not a sub who gets clingy when he leaves Me; he gets clingy after he's separated from Me for awhile. The best thing I can do to turn him around is to not contact him. After a day or two, he gets to wondering why I haven't called and he starts calling several times a day. Good luck, and here's a 25 gallon bucket of patience for you.... Texas Maam

TexasMaam -> RE: Advice Please (2/22/2006 8:33:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: LadySonelle Another good concept is contained in the old book "Games People Play" where if you find yourself always arguing over the same thing, you can find out what script you are using, what game you are running, and step outside it to begin in a nrew direction. Eric Berne should be required reading for all Dom/mes IMO he has a very down to earth way of explaining transactional annalysis. Thanks, Raven. I love your posts, always food for thought. TM

MistressOfGa -> RE: Advice Please (2/23/2006 7:13:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam I respectfully offer the thought that perhaps he's going through subspace drop. After the high of the weekend he's dropping, and not necessarily needy, but possibly resentful or resistant coming out of drop. Or, You might be suffering from Domme 'drop'. I love the headspace I'm in when I'm with him. I not only miss that when he's gone, I experience a definite physical, emotional, psychological lull after he leaves that in a day or two can make Me surly or snappish, and just plain broody. Knowing that it's coming doesn't make it any easier, but I prepare for it. I schedule some pampering time for Myself, schedule activities that keep Me at arm's length from him during the few days that he needs to drop, focus, and regroup. He's just not a sub who gets clingy when he leaves Me; he gets clingy after he's separated from Me for awhile. The best thing I can do to turn him around is to not contact him. After a day or two, he gets to wondering why I haven't called and he starts calling several times a day. Good luck, and here's a 25 gallon bucket of patience for you.... Texas Maam Thank you TM. I am leaving Savannah today and I am already experiencing the mood swings. Pup was late getting school, freaking out and basically apologizing ahead of time for being "snappy" as today is going to be a "bad day". I am leaning on moving to Savannah when I graduate, which will be in May. LA-Your sister and my sister sound like they would get along great. I have always been the "strong one" between us. Most times I end up comforting her when I am in just as much pain. We have lost 3 sisters and a brother, and through it all, I was the glue that held us together. I can imagine how special that would have been if someone would of rode in on a stallion and allowed me the break down I needed.

MHOO314 -> RE: Advice Please (2/23/2006 8:11:12 AM)
I am so there--that is why the boy will be moving by fall if we can get everything worked out, if not winter at the latest--we are doing well. we will see each other when I go to Vegas on the 10th for I have sent for him, then mid April, we talk everyday--is it easy? No--but I totally agree--- however, I agree to moves IF it proves out to be a LTR or long term ( and I know you and the pup are...), I too often see moves happening on a whim--and it leaves one or the other if it doesn't work out. Hugs to you and the pup, I know you will do well, no matter what--

yourMissTress -> RE: Advice Please (2/23/2006 9:01:15 AM)
MoGA, I moved 700 miles to be with the love of my life. When you know it's right then you will do what it takes to make it work. We knew that one of us had to move and once we evaluated the situation it made more sense for me to move to him rather than vice versa. It seems to me that you've figured out the problem at this stage, you and your pup both suffer from separation anxiety and a Domme/sub drop at the prospect of spending the rest of the week apart. It's possible that this is occuring because at the moment you have no firm plans of how or when you will end the weekend visits and move your relationship to the next level. Even if they are long term at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Like MH and her boy have an "at the latest" move plan. You mentioned that maybe you would move when you graduate. Is this the first that you've thought about moving? Have you discussed it with your pup? Will you be moving to the same area and maintaining seperate residences? There are about a thousand questions that I asked myself and Tim when we were making this decision. We moved rather quickly (we met face to face in May and I moved in July), and it's certainly not anything I regret, but fast isn't for everyone so it's also nothing I would recommend.

openmindedslave -> RE: Advice Please (2/23/2006 9:05:10 AM)
Can you call him a " friend" also. I have found that the relationships that have lasted have had more than dom.sub connection. You said he's a student. He has so many years before he leaves college for a career. Does that career involve you in it or are you there for that time in life that he needs to explore his desires and wants ? Does he call you his friend? Is he the tight of person that can cut off he needs starting on Monday and by the weekend he is an entirely yours? It may turn out to be that you have done such a good job of exploring his pent up needs that he may be feeling that he may not need the involvement as much. In college , as I remember it decades ago, the wounders of campus life and the stress of grades brought about many sides to us all. He is young and has a long future ahead.. He may not be sure what he wants a year from now, but you do...and maybe thats where the conflict begins

thetammyjo -> RE: Advice Please (2/23/2006 9:51:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: openmindedslave Can you call him a " friend" also. I have found that the relationships that have lasted have had more than dom.sub connection. You said he's a student. He has so many years before he leaves college for a career. Does that career involve you in it or are you there for that time in life that he needs to explore his desires and wants ? Does he call you his friend? Is he the tight of person that can cut off he needs starting on Monday and by the weekend he is an entirely yours? It may turn out to be that you have done such a good job of exploring his pent up needs that he may be feeling that he may not need the involvement as much. In college , as I remember it decades ago, the wounders of campus life and the stress of grades brought about many sides to us all. He is young and has a long future ahead.. He may not be sure what he wants a year from now, but you do...and maybe thats where the conflict begins I'm sure I'm taking the above very personally but it sounds a lot like what people said and asked when I got Fox. It annoyed the heck out of both of by the way. Two years after graduation he is still here and still mine. Its not a matter of "time of life" or "college explorations" for everyone. College students have different levels of needs, desires, and maturity. And when you find someone you really connect with, that you love even, you do bend to their will (if you are the slave or submissive more I'm say but not necessarily) and build your career and your life around another person. These are all real concerns and really good questions but I don't think they are exclusive to traditional college age people.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Advice Please (2/23/2006 1:22:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: openmindedslave Can you call him a " friend" also. I have found that the relationships that have lasted have had more than dom.sub connection. You said he's a student. He has so many years before he leaves college for a career. Does that career involve you in it or are you there for that time in life that he needs to explore his desires and wants ? Does he call you his friend? Is he the tight of person that can cut off he needs starting on Monday and by the weekend he is an entirely yours? It may turn out to be that you have done such a good job of exploring his pent up needs that he may be feeling that he may not need the involvement as much. In college , as I remember it decades ago, the wounders of campus life and the stress of grades brought about many sides to us all. He is young and has a long future ahead.. He may not be sure what he wants a year from now, but you do...and maybe thats where the conflict begins Hi openmindedslave, Thank you for your response. I am, however, going to let pup answer these questions, as they seem to be more geared toward what he is needing, wanting and feeling. Can I call him a friend too? Absolutley. There is no way I cou ld dominate anyone and not be able to call him/her a friend as well.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Advice Please (2/23/2006 1:27:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo quote: ORIGINAL: openmindedslave Can you call him a " friend" also. I have found that the relationships that have lasted have had more than dom.sub connection. You said he's a student. He has so many years before he leaves college for a career. Does that career involve you in it or are you there for that time in life that he needs to explore his desires and wants ? Does he call you his friend? Is he the tight of person that can cut off he needs starting on Monday and by the weekend he is an entirely yours? It may turn out to be that you have done such a good job of exploring his pent up needs that he may be feeling that he may not need the involvement as much. In college , as I remember it decades ago, the wounders of campus life and the stress of grades brought about many sides to us all. He is young and has a long future ahead.. He may not be sure what he wants a year from now, but you do...and maybe thats where the conflict begins I'm sure I'm taking the above very personally but it sounds a lot like what people said and asked when I got Fox. It annoyed the heck out of both of by the way. Two years after graduation he is still here and still mine. Its not a matter of "time of life" or "college explorations" for everyone. College students have different levels of needs, desires, and maturity. And when you find someone you really connect with, that you love even, you do bend to their will (if you are the slave or submissive more I'm say but not necessarily) and build your career and your life around another person. These are all real concerns and really good questions but I don't think they are exclusive to traditional college age people. Hi TheTammyjo, thank you for responding. I understand what you are saying. I agree, in pups case, this isnt a matter of age, or his collage life. This is who he is.

openmindedslave -> RE: Advice Please (2/23/2006 1:55:55 PM)
Tammyjo, I understand my suggestion is generic and I only meant to throw it out there as one possiabilty. As the same goes for you MistressGA. It is just strange at times when things seem so right, the other person involved doesn't see it the same way. In fact ,( and let me throw it out there ) could it be we are talking about something that may not deserve the importance given. Is it possiable that there may not be a problem as much as noticing a flaw in the relationship. Something , that you wish you could change, but may have to learn to accept it or lose everything... Okay, I just threw it out there...Don't hate me, because I am not beautful...

MistressOfGa -> RE: Advice Please (2/24/2006 11:52:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 I am so there--that is why the boy will be moving by fall if we can get everything worked out, if not winter at the latest--we are doing well. we will see each other when I go to Vegas on the 10th for I have sent for him, then mid April, we talk everyday--is it easy? No--but I totally agree--- however, I agree to moves IF it proves out to be a LTR or long term ( and I know you and the pup are...), I too often see moves happening on a whim--and it leaves one or the other if it doesn't work out. Hugs to you and the pup, I know you will do well, no matter what-- Well, I didnt leave yesterday. I left today and am now safely home feeling..blah.. Thank you MH, your kindness just shines through these posts. I would never move on "a whim". I need more security than that. I have been thinking about it for a while and pup and I have discussed it. I am going to at least wait til May before making any final decision. I need to get through this day and tomorrow, that is my goal right now.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Advice Please (2/24/2006 11:58:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress MoGA, I moved 700 miles to be with the love of my life. When you know it's right then you will do what it takes to make it work. We knew that one of us had to move and once we evaluated the situation it made more sense for me to move to him rather than vice versa. It seems to me that you've figured out the problem at this stage, you and your pup both suffer from separation anxiety and a Domme/sub drop at the prospect of spending the rest of the week apart. quote: It's possible that this is occuring because at the moment you have no firm plans of how or when you will end the weekend visits and move your relationship to the next level. Even if they are long term at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Like MH and her boy have an "at the latest" move plan. Possibly. I did not have time to really sit down and talk to him this morning as he was heading to class and I was getting ready to leave. Too rushed :( But I am going to send instructions to him in an email here shortly. I will be taking the very wise advice from this thread to get my mind off what is happening. Hopefully. quote: You mentioned that maybe you would move when you graduate. Is this the first that you've thought about moving? Have you discussed it with your pup? Will you be moving to the same area and maintaining seperate residences? I have discussed it in depth with him actually. Yes, it will be the same area, however, he will continue to live at the dorm. I am not ready for a "live-in" right now. There are about a thousand questions that I asked myself and Tim when we were making this decision. We moved rather quickly (we met face to face in May and I moved in July), and it's certainly not anything I regret, but fast isn't for everyone so it's also nothing I would recommend. We are taking it slowly. I dont think the move to Savannah is rushed at all. It is extremely difficult right now to say goodbye to each other. I pray I have a good night tonight. I hate this.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Advice Please (2/24/2006 12:01:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadySonelle Well written, pup! While I will not give commands to another Lady's sub, I will suggest that you also can buy and read Games People Play and the P.E.T. book. One tenet of active Listening is 'feedback' to ensure clarity. If your Mistress permits, you can repeat back to Her what you feel you heard Her say so that you both can diagnose where miscommunications are present. Likewise She can repeat back to you what She heard you say and you can clarify meanings. Together, I feel you both have a wonderful spirit of cooperation and willingness to talk through the problems present. You are both very fortunate to have each other and I congratulate you both. Lady Sonelle Thank you LadySonelle <s> I am going to be getting the reading material you have recommended. I am actually looking forward to reading it. I think we are very fortunate too. I keep reading how subs cant find a Mistress..Masters cant find subs..I am so blessed that I found pup here on CM. I wouldnt give him up for the world and I have no doubt that he feels the same about me.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Advice Please (2/24/2006 12:10:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: openmindedslave Tammyjo, I understand my suggestion is generic and I only meant to throw it out there as one possiabilty. As the same goes for you MistressGA. could it be we are talking about something that may not deserve the importance given. Is it possiable that there may not be a problem as much as noticing a flaw in the relationship. Something , that you wish you could change, but may have to learn to accept it or lose everything... Okay, I just threw it out there...Don't hate me, because I am not beautful... Explain please? I have no idea what you are talking about. I think any kind of situation that causes hurt or pain, should have importance placed on it. I dont wish to change anything about pup or our relationship. Yes, I truly believe we are both experiencing Dom/sub drop PLUS separation anxiety. Ive not experienced either before, so it is new to me. quote: It is just strange at times when things seem so right, the other person involved doesn't see it the same way. I never said that one of us felt there was something wrong with our relationship. If I led you to conclude that is the case, than I need to make it clearer, or perhaps you can re-read the OP.

RavenMuse -> RE: Advice Please (2/24/2006 12:39:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa Yes, I truly believe we are both experiencing Dom/sub drop PLUS separation anxiety. Ive not experienced either before, so it is new to me. At least now you have a good idea of where the feelings are likely to be comming from and whilst it doesn't make them any more pleasent, it should hopefully help in avoiding them causing other problems by (Both of you) being careful not to lash out when they are being felt and also being able to be a little more understanding if the other does slip occassionaly. I'm sure you will both get through this petal, the bond between you is clear. From Pup's posts as well as from yours.

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