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*sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:12:06 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Yesterday I got a letter in the mail from my daughters high school informing us that she was one of the students selected to participate in a cultural exchange with students from other countries. I have not shown her the letter yet because once I do, she will be so excited that I won't be able to calm her down. I guess you could say that this is her dream come true...not so much to be part of the program, but to go to the country that they selected. Japan. Her dream is to one day, go to Japan.

I am struggling here. Not because of the cost, that's not important as far as I am concerned; but because well...she's my baby dayumit. I know I know...I can't keep her my baby forever..but...this program is pushing it faster than I want to let it happen.

So, here I sit, thinking about that letter, knowing that I HAVE to show it to her and knowing that there is nothing I can do to stop her from going on this 6 month dream of a lifetime.

Dayumit.
Fuck.

Life sure does suck right now.

Come on parents, help me out here...I have been trying to build up enthusiasm for her and I just can't find it. If she even gets a hint that I am not happy about this, she will back out...and I know that I can't let that happen.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:14:48 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		6 months? Yikes, that's a long time.
The sister school exchange here is three weeks.

You could plan to take a vacation there yourself halfway through.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:19:24 AM   
IrishMist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

6 months? Yikes, that's a long time.
The sister school exchange here is three weeks.

You could plan to take a vacation there yourself halfway through.

They have two different programs here; one is for a year and one is for half a year. The seniors get a year, the juniors/sophomores only 6 months. LOL she applied for the program in 7th grade, so it's not like this came out of the blue. I just thought that I would handle it better. Dayum.

And yes, I could go there halfway through; alot would depend though on what the program allows in way of parents, and the rest lays with my work. I can get the time off, but...well...there are other things that may get in the way in that regard.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:26:38 AM   
tazzygirl


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Status: offline 		Irish

do they come home for holidays and breaks?

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:30:06 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Mist.. I'm not a parent.. but may I suggest trying to look at it from this POV? 

This is a chance most kids never get.  It's a way to immerse her in a different culture, and allow her to broaden her world view.  Those with a broader world view will do much better in the business world (since so much business is global now) than those who cant see beyond the borders of their own neighborhood.

Look at it as an investment in her future :)


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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:35:45 AM   
lronitulstahp


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Status: offline 		i know a young girl(18) from Germany that participated in such a program. She spent 6 moths in Nebraska, and it has made her blossom and mature in such positive ways.

It's also improved her English, and made her more attractive to International companies once she goes on into the professional world. Her host family became like an extended family. She met lifelong friends. In fact the only down sides were minor. Once back in Germany, her Math and Science proficiency suffered a bit.(which breaks my heart, being a proud American) She says sho loved her experiences, and wished she would have signed up for the year-long program.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:40:57 AM   
pixidustpet


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Status: offline 		my dad was in the military.  when i was in 7th grade, he came home and said his next duty station was going to be japan, and we were going to be there for 3 years.

now, the moving around bit, we were used to.  but overseas?  that was new.

i wouldnt trade that three years for anything.  even though my brain is shot *now*, i still remember those experiences vividly and its definitely good times to remember when stuff isnt going right now.

yeah, from the mom standpoint its rough.  about the same as it is for me *every* day knowing that i dont get to see my son for another 5 months (a week at christmas, IF he comes) but that's just the way it is, you know?  and i know you want your daughter to have the best experiences she can while she's growing up.

kitten

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:46:44 AM   
Irishknight


Posts: 2016
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Status: offline 		It would make me crazy to be in your shoes and have to let me kid go that far away for that long. I honestly believe that it would be majorly beneficial for him but it would be hard on me. Just thinking about it makes me understand how my parents must have felt when they agreed to let mew go off to basic training while I was still in high school.
But that experience was one of the things that made me who I am and taught me to stand on my own. This could be the same for your youngster. As hard as it is, we have to train them and prepare them for a time when we can no longer be there for them.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:50:56 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


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Status: offline 		She's not a baby any more, Mist.  It's time to let go.
 
If you're looking for Motivation for Yourself - motivation to be happy for her - then think about a few of these things.
 
Would you have resented your parents, if you'd had such an opportunity, and you felt they were standing in your way?  She WILL end up resenting it in the long run, if you can't make yourself put on a happy face for her and she ends up dropping this because she doesn't want to make YOU unhappy.
 
This is a fantastic opportunity for her to grow as a person, to experience the wider world in a way that most never have - a safe, well boundried experience at a young enough age to still gain from it significantly and to truely Appreciate what is being learned.
 
For 6 months, you don't have to worry about diverting her in order to find Play Time for YOU.  (Yeah, I know, not a big factor to some - but for me while my spawn were still at home it was a Huge factor.)
 
Regardless of anything else, Mist - grant yourself the right to actually Enjoy the time that she's away - without feeling guilty when you have a bit of fun, or at least feel less stressed from the easing of short term responcibilities.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:53:37 AM   
Rainfire


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Status: offline 		Irish, I come from the other side: I was an exchange student for over a year to Australia and it was the second best thing in my life. (The first being Lumus of course!) There is no way to explain how much this opportunity can expand your daughter's life and the fact that it will be a once in a lifetime chance for her. This will change her for the better, giving her opportunities and growth like you wouldn't believe.  I know it's hard to let go, my oldest has joined the US Navy and I need to work on letting him go. Let go with joy and happiness, this is a chance that she will never get again. You'll be able to keep in touch by letters, email, pictures, phone, instant messengers, you name it.

Congratulations are in order for her because it shows how smart, intelligent and well-rounded a student she is. Only the best get accepted for something like this.

Good luck and feel free to cmail me on the other side. 


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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 8:54:27 AM   
peachgirl


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Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		I would say, rejoice in her joy.  focus on her, not you.  I know as parents we do take great happiness in their happiness, but just think of all the opportunities this will provide for her.

in the meantime, you can plan on doing all those things you may have been putting off for a long time....painting, landscaping, etc.  give you something both to look forward to when she gets back.


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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:04:02 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		The decision is hers not yours--I'm not being glib, it isn't easy but if she feels she isnt ready she can say no, this has to be hers and she needs to know you support her no matter what she does---and as has been said if she goes, you have so many more ways to stay in touch and so many more ways you can share the experience(s)--and use your time for some "your" time--but I would be one lonesome puppy, HOWEVER, My heart would also want her to have the experience or at least make the decision.
 
Huge hugs

edited for typos, got to cut those nails!

< Message edited by CatdeMedici -- 8/4/2009 10:00:03 AM >

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:15:24 AM   
sirsholly


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Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		Irish....how unfair it is. If we do our jobs as parents by preparing them to follow their dreams, our hearts are broken.


You have done an amazing job, Mom!! Now it's time to let her spread her wings. I do not envy you.


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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:19:32 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Mist!!

You do not have a choice!

You must show her the letter.    Then talk it out.   It is not your place to obstruct opportunity.   SHAME ON YOU!

You have to at least present her with the letter.   You cant NOT.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:24:19 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Mom held on too tight to my sister.


When my sister came of age-   she moved out of state.  It was the only way for her to find her own self- identity.

..in this case- her holding tighter backfired.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:27:11 AM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

You must show her the letter. Then talk it out. It is not your place to obstruct opportunity. SHAME ON YOU!
PaHunk...i am a mom defending a mom. There is no doubt in my mind...not a single shred...that IrishMist is going to show her daughter the letter and have a smile on her face as her baby sees her dreams coming true.

But I would do the same thing Irish is doing...giving her heart time to adjust.


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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:47:03 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		she's already said she is going to show the letter...  

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:54:40 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Six months would pain me too, but you'll always be the mom who supported her daughter's dream and the experience of a lifetime.

At least technology would allow you to keep in touch via voice and picture.

Any way you could visit her halfway through?

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:57:47 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Fair enough.

Let her experience the joy. 

Then later make a list of the ramifications.   The good - the bad. 

I know people tire of my rants on the economic collapse....  but I want to point out- that this exchange could open doors for her- that otherwise would not be there.   Japan is a gateway to Asia.    Japan tends to be a less violent society... and in some ways she will be safer there.   But more to the point- in terms of building a future- this is a HUGE opportunity.

With email and skype people can talk daily.



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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:57:49 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Irish

do they come home for holidays and breaks?

Yes, BUT...when she first applied, she had made it clear that she wanted to experience EVERYTHING, which includes their holidays, how they participate, etc, etc. Because of this, I already know that she would not want to come home for breaks.
quote:

This is a chance most kids never get. It's a way to immerse her in a different culture, and allow her to broaden her world view. Those with a broader world view will do much better in the business world (since so much business is global now) than those who cant see beyond the borders of their own neighborhood.

Look at it as an investment in her future :)

I know that this is a once in a lifetime chance. I do, really...lol. It's just...well, I am having a hard time knowing that her time with me exclusively is almosst at an end and I am not handling it well.
I had a hard time when the others left home...but I still had others AT home...now...not going to be the same.
quote:

She says sho loved her experiences, and wished she would have signed up for the year-long program.

Brit would have loved to have gone for the year, that was her original goal. However, the school decides who goes and when they go...only seniors get the year long program.
I am actually quite proud because not many sophomores get picked, so in that respect, I am kind of jumping with pride and enthusiasm.
quote:

It would make me crazy to be in your shoes and have to let me kid go that far away for that long. I honestly believe that it would be majorly beneficial for him but it would be hard on me

*nods*
Yes, that's pretty much where I am at right now.
quote:

She's not a baby any more, Mist. It's time to let go.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO lol. I don't want to dayumit.
quote:

Regardless of anything else, Mist - grant yourself the right to actually Enjoy the time that she's away - without feeling guilty when you have a bit of fun, or at least feel less stressed from the easing of short term responcibilities

Dayumit, why did you have to go and say that?
quote:

The decision is hers not yours--

Why do you have to be so darn logical?
quote:

PaHunk...i am a mom defending a mom. There is no doubt in my mind...not a single shred...that IrishMist is going to show her daughter the letter and have a smile on her face as her baby sees her dreams coming true.

But I would do the same thing Irish is doing...giving her heart time to adjust.

Yes. I will show it to her. I have never lied or kept something from her and I sure don't intend to start now.
It's just...well Pahunkboy...she's my baby...you know,...my baby

Thanks ya'll...I know I am a kind of wack when I post things like this but well...it really does help when outsiders throw their two cents in.

*sigh*



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