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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 9:59:59 AM   
GreedyTop


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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*hugs*




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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 10:05:06 AM   
pahunkboy


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Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		....she may not realize it- but there is no other person on earth that is "mom".

I took it harder then I thought I would when my mom moved out of state 2 years ago.  She wanted me to go with her.  But I did not want to move to a big city.

The first holiday was the hardest.

I am glad tho- she followed her dream.  She perked up in life- she has other interests now- she is happier and healthier.

I had to evolve as well.

No matter who cooks- the food ALWAYS is better when mom made it.

:-)

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 10:09:42 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I am sorry if I sounded cold/rude or impulsive.    I re-read the OP, as I had first read it as not showing the letter.  So I over- reacted.

I am sorry.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 10:26:35 AM   
calamitysandra


Posts: 1682
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		6 month are going to go fast, and she will be back before you know it, thankful to have a mother who understood, and helped her make her dream come true. You can do it!

Now that I have said that: When are those frikken 3 weeks over and Oldest will be back from South France?

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 10:27:02 AM   
Bella1965


Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		G'afternoon all:


IrishMist; when all is said and one, in the end, *you're* the parent. The decision is yours, not your offspring's. Right now though, it's not your heart that needs to decide, it's your brain. What will be best for her, what will provide her the best opportunities later in her life, will her education benefit or be hindered by this, etc.

IMNSHO, it's time to cut the apron strings. Let her spread her wings and if she loses a few feathers, be there with love and support. Might be a bit problematic to do so from a distance, but technology provides. Sometimes it's hardest to watch them fly if they fall. It's life. We learn from our mistakes as well as from our triumphs. Now is the time to test your previous maternal skills and see if your lessons pay off.

Let her fly.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 10:33:09 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Irish,

It is important that you consider inside out- up- down- reverse- how a devaluation of the dollar would effect this arrangement.

Our embassies  have been stocking up on local currencies for a period of up to one year.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Wb5GlQi1bM

Bob Chapman-  in general.

At some point there WILL BE a devaluation.

Anyhow- it is on you to cover those bases.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 10:45:14 AM   
estah


Posts: 491
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline 		Mist it is hard to let go, but sometimes you have too. And if you deny her this chance and she finds out, it could destroy your relationship with her. Those I know who have done the exchange program normally end up staying closer to home later as they have had a chance to see the world, most of them do not move to the otherside of the country and such. And think about the things your daughter will experience that she could never experience if she stays at home. Mist we have to let the birds fly one day...give her the chance to live her dream, do not be the one to stand in the way of it. You and she will regret it later.

I am talking from experience. My parents denied me this chance and we have never been close since. We have barely any contact and I left Australia for Germany.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 11:29:26 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
quote:

Regardless of anything else, Mist - grant yourself the right to actually Enjoy the time that she's away - without feeling guilty when you have a bit of fun, or at least feel less stressed from the easing of short term responcibilities

Dayumit, why did you have to go and say that?


Cause I know ya better than ya think I do.  Cause frankly - YOU WILL TRY TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL GUILTY if someone doesn't remind you of that!  Cause it's a completely normal reaction in our age group in our society - we were, in a way, raised by our parents/grandparents to think we're Supposed to feel guilty if we're having fun "without" someone that we love deeply there to take part of it.  Thing is, I can guarendamtee ya - Brat ain't gonna feel a single shred of guilt over the Fun portions of her six months. 
 
You have spent Her whole life putting her ahead of yourself - her needs before your own, which is part of what being a parent Is.  In this also, you are putting Her Needs - her need to explore the world, her need to find self reliance, her need to know that you'll back her decisions even if you don't necessarily Like those decisions (or agree with them lol) - before your own needs - your need to know she's safe because YOU are right there for her, your need to protect her from whatever boogie men the world might present, your need for just a lil more time for her to be "your baby" rather than "a young woman."
 
And if there's one thing that having my dad home has taught me - it's that We Have A Right To Take Care of Ourselves - to enjoy what time we get that Isn't filled with responcibility for Someone Else..... whether that "someone" be our child, our spouce, or our aging parent.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 12:09:21 PM   
sirsholly


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quote:

6 month are going to go fast, and she will be back before you know it,
back behind the wheel, IrishMist  "Come on Mom...I haven't driven for 6 months!!! Gimme the keys and grab your barf bag!"

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 3:54:55 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I let my high school age daughter go to Greece and Turkey for 3 weeks this summer. While I was worried about her I think it was also an enriching experience for her and wish I could give her the opportunity to go even more but alas, cash doesn't grow on trees.

6 months is a long time but I would allow mine to go in a heartbeat. I think it would be a great learning tool for both growing up and maturing and for learning more about different cultures, history, language, etc...

Just do your research. Talk to the coordinator at the school, talk to whoever runs the program. Talk to the family that will be sponsoring your child in Japan.

For the most part and in general, these types of exchanges are safe despite what others may tell you. You just have to be willing to do your homework before sending them.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 4:38:12 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oh wow.....back when I was in high school, I wanted to be an exchange student SOOOOO bad, and I also wanted to go to Japan.  But, my family couldn't afford it.  My senior year, our choir director sponsored a tour to Europe and took a bunch of kids (my FRIENDS) along with him for 2 weeks.  Once again, my parents couldn't afford it.  I was so bitterly disappointed.  Then, my college choir went to South America....again, I couldn't go, due to my class schedule, and my folks still.......

In the grand scheme of things, six months is nothing, it will fly by, and she will have the time of her life and no regrets. 

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/4/2009 5:28:40 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		HI Mist,

Yes show her the letter -- but be very clear to her that you have FINAL veto and that you and she together will do all the research all of the meetings etc and gather all the information and that you will treat her like an adult but IF for some reason something comes up wherein you feel its in HER best interest -- you will veto and she can reapply for Jr or Sr. year.  This way you can still feel in control and she can feel comfortable knowing MOM is not just sending her off even though she is all gung ho to go.  This way you alo feel like you are doing this WITH her and not her just going off and doing it.  Enjoy this with her Mist, i mean you guys have webcams now and email etc. 

You will both get something out of it without either of you feeling as if you are doing it alone.

HUGS, deep breath, she is your baby, but she also wants to be a woman of the world.  

angel

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/5/2009 7:28:33 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I did it.
*sigh*
I showed her the letter this morning. She spent about 30 minutes crying, then spent another 45 on the phone with her friends telling them the good news.

Me.
I sat on a chair and listened to her enthusiasm and excitement and thought about how proud her daddy would have been if he could have been here.

She knew how I was feeling. Can you believe that. My fifteen year old knew that I was struggling with letting her go on this trip; not because I thoughtt it was a bad idea, but because I did not want to let HER go.

It's kind of funny.

She came over to me and sat on my lap.
I am a tall person; 5'9...but her...she's 6'2 now...and she sat on my lap and curled into me like she was 5 instead of 15; put her arms around my neck and whispered that she knew and understood.

Dayum if that take all.

Oh well; I have three months in which to get myself out of the blues over this.

Thanks ya'll...for everything that you said...but most of all; for just being here.

Have a simply wonderful day



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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/5/2009 7:57:07 AM   
DomKen


Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Have they changed the program since I was in high school? Back then when my friend went to France for 6 months his family took in a girl from New Zealand. It gave his mother a brand new teen ager to worry about.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/5/2009 8:38:41 AM   
lronitulstahp


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quote:

she sat on my lap and curled into me like she was 5 instead of 15; put her arms around my neck and whispered that she knew and understood.

Well damn it all...now i'm misty-eyed. Shit!

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/5/2009 8:39:19 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		that makes two of us, Tulip...

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polysnortatious
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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/5/2009 8:45:04 AM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
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Status: offline 		<fast reply>

I don't have kids, so I've never faced the empty nest. So take my idea with a grain of salt.

Is there anything you can do to make your daughter's time away special for you too? Maybe take a class in something you've always wanted to learn about or try a new craft? Curl up with those books you've been meaning to get to or start that home project? Obviously, this won't keep you from missing her, but it might help a little. Just a thought.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/5/2009 9:08:50 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm in awe.

What a learning experience for you too, Irish Mist. Every little decision you have made with her up to this point is paying off. When to let her use a public restroom by herself. When to let her walk to her friend's house without an escort. Each decision adding up to a young woman who wants to see all the world has to offer and yet understands (maybe not completely yet) how her Mother would feel about letting her youngest leave the nest.

You done good!!

  I agree with dcnovice. Try something YOU haven't done before during this time.  It would be another wonderful example for your daughter that one should never stop growing.

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/5/2009 9:38:57 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		First, It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and you NEED to let her know about the leter immediately.  If you withhold it, she will find out and it will develop into a trust issue.

Secons, you have to let go.  I remember 2 years ago, a friend was freaking out because her daughter was going to college in Chattanooga (200 miles away)
Last summer, she calmly told me that the little one was headed to England... Amazing how things work out once you take that first step LOL.

Anyways, let her know and have the talk.  If you do, you will be her HERO at least for the next several months

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RE: *sigh* another dilemma - 8/5/2009 10:08:28 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I agree with doing your research. 

Learn all you can about every detail.

Ask the questions.    She might not understand- but an adult wants to know everything- all there is to know on this event.

During the 6 months- pencil in "me" time.

While you want the best for her- you also want all the i-s dotted- and T's crossed.

I am happy for you and your daughter.  Isnt it wonderful that there is a zest for life?    A curious mind is one that learns.


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Profile   Post #: 40
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