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Have you always known? - 8/5/2009 12:12:07 PM

dundreggen

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/3/2009
Status: offline

Did you just know you were a dom? I don't mean did you spring forth from the womb as a fully formed 'dom' (what ever that may be), I mean was it always part of you? I am not talking did you develop and grow.. I hope we all do that. More of did you read things/hear things and find your head nodding thinking "Yes this is me?" Or perhaps you have always known.

Or did you think 'this lifestyle' (what ever 'this' may be for you) seemed intriguing and had to learn to find your inner dom-ness? If so how did you find it and how does it work for you.

Not trying to get into a debate as to which one is 'better' just curious to see who people arrived where they are.

Post #: 1

RE: Have you always known? - 8/5/2009 12:15:47 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

I was 16 and my friends father explained to me what BDSM was and it made sense to me. Like I am sure you will hear a LOT in this thread once someone explained it we finally knew what we were actually had a name.

I have always been what I am it was at 16 I learned what that was called.

Steel

~~~~~~~Read My Journal From the end to the beginning and you will know all about how I came to be involved in this lifestyle.

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 2

RE: Have you always known? - 8/5/2009 2:51:21 PM

Drakontos

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dundreggen

Did you just know you were a dom? I don't mean did you spring forth from the womb as a fully formed 'dom' (what ever that may be), I mean was it always part of you? I am not talking did you develop and grow.. I hope we all do that. More of did you read things/hear things and find your head nodding thinking "Yes this is me?" Or perhaps you have always known.

Or did you think 'this lifestyle' (what ever 'this' may be for you) seemed intriguing and had to learn to find your inner dom-ness? If so how did you find it and how does it work for you.

Not trying to get into a debate as to which one is 'better' just curious to see who people arrived where they are.

This is Drakontos

I have always just been me; I am the same way now that I can always remember being.

Of course, 25 years ago they just called it egotistical, arrogant, conceited, controlling, sexist and chauvinistic.

Now they call it something else.

In 20 years, I am sure that another label will come along to replact the one we use now.

_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 3

RE: Have you always known? - 8/5/2009 2:56:41 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

There was no magical transformation. I am what I am. Simply ever growing and learning.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 4

RE: Have you always known? - 8/5/2009 6:33:58 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

When I was 4 years old I saw Return of the Jedi and said wow I want one of those.

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 5

RE: Have you always known? - 8/5/2009 6:54:58 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I have always been a person who liked to be in charge, to make informed decisions and to be independent. I've been told that can be viewed as being a "bitch", I call it being my own woman.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 6

RE: Have you always known? - 8/5/2009 7:21:26 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

I'd say I knew, in general, that I was a leader pretty much since maybe 10 or 12. But if I was born a dominant, I missed the memo. I was caught QUITE by surprise at the age of 44. Hell, I didn't even know that people did this crap or that you actually could without torpedoing your marriage instantly. I still walk around the house shaking my head some days.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 7

RE: Have you always known? - 8/5/2009 8:10:58 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
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I haven't always known I was dominant, but I have known I'm dominant as long as I've known I was anything.

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This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

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Post #: 8

RE: Have you always known? - 8/6/2009 8:06:48 AM

dundreggen

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/3/2009
Status: offline

Thank you for your replies. The question stemmed from a conversation I was having. I guy was saying he was trying to learn to be a dominant so he could please a woman he loved who was subbie. It got me to thinking, I only have my exp to go by and I have always been subbie... not that I always knew what that was. (when I started kissing boys under the slide... it was only fun if they were pinning be down)

< Message edited by dundreggen -- 8/6/2009 8:07:26 AM >

(in reply to Joseff)

Post #: 9

RE: Have you always known? - 8/6/2009 8:35:31 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

I haver mixed feelings about the idea of Becomeing a Dom to please a sub.

I have seen it work, I have seen guys who were as vanilla as the day is long become great Dominants, and all it took was that little push of the partner they were with saying it was OKAY.

But then I have also seen those relationships which show a sub having to control the actions of her Dom because he really is just trying to please her. Sure if it works for them great but in my experience it usually ends with said sub wondering when said "dom" is going to take over and not need to be "Forced" to be Dominant.

I am a Live and Let Live type of this one. I try to stay out of it.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 10

RE: Have you always known? - 8/6/2009 9:11:10 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
I have seen it work, I have seen guys who were as vanilla as the day is long become great Dominants, and all it took was that little push of the partner they were with saying it was OKAY.

*nods* This would be Carol & I (or, at least, she thinks I'm a great dominant anyway, YMMV). But yeah, I could easily see how it'd go the other way too. I was already quite comfortable with the things she needed and so I just needed the "OK" from her. Someone who didn't have the baseline would need to acquire it somehow which may or may not work.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 11

RE: Have you always known? - 8/6/2009 9:49:32 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Now don't get all Sappy on me when I say this Jeff,

You were who I was talking about. I see you as more of an exception and not the rule.

I think you are a fine Dominant and I think you play your abilities and experience far to small.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 12

RE: Have you always known? - 8/6/2009 11:11:19 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Quick... we're going to need a bigger discussion board... My ego is swelling to dangerous proportions.

More seriously, thanks Steel.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 13

RE: Have you always known? - 8/6/2009 10:40:22 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

I've always known that I was kinky. I had to try a few things before realizing who I really was and what I like doing in the realms of BDSM. In college, I started off as a switch and being topped from the bottom. I think the starting out and exploring phase has allowed me to put myself in the shoes of most subs. I don't dish out anything that I can't take. Now, I'm all DOM.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 14

RE: Have you always known? - 8/7/2009 3:42:46 AM

SmokeSerpent

Posts: 41
Joined: 2/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

When I was 4 years old I saw Return of the Jedi and said wow I want one of those.

...and I'm sure all of your subs have appreciated that you didn't see morbid, imobile obesity and the eating of live frogs as critical parts of that lifestyle.

As for myself, simply the current culmination of nearly 4 decades of existing. I am me first, a Dom second, and a member of the "this lifestyle" a very distant third. It's partly an unjustified prejudice and partly confirmed over and over again, but I am highly wary of anyone who appears to have those in a different order (substituting sub or switch for Dom as the case may be).

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 15

RE: Have you always known? - 8/7/2009 6:14:01 AM

dundreggen

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/3/2009
Status: offline

But does that assume that if you are 'you' first and a 'dom' second that a dom isnt' part of who you are? Not trying to be flippant, just to me being sub is as much a part core part of me as any other self defining value.

(in reply to SmokeSerpent)

Post #: 16

RE: Have you always known? - 8/7/2009 8:41:39 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

It took a number of relationships that seemed to indicate I was overbearing, controlling and constricting (and a few exes suggesting I should seek out submissives) to kind of clue me in that my demeanor and presence in relationships was better suited to someone who would actually enjoy those potential negatives for their positive sides.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 17

RE: Have you always known? - 8/7/2009 9:02:18 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dundreggen

Did you just know you were a dom? I don't mean did you spring forth from the womb as a fully formed 'dom' (what ever that may be), I mean was it always part of you? I am not talking did you develop and grow.. I hope we all do that. More of did you read things/hear things and find your head nodding thinking "Yes this is me?" Or perhaps you have always known.

Or did you think 'this lifestyle' (what ever 'this' may be for you) seemed intriguing and had to learn to find your inner dom-ness? If so how did you find it and how does it work for you.

Not trying to get into a debate as to which one is 'better' just curious to see who people arrived where they are.

I think I always knew. I do not believe you can teach what can only be found deep inside each of us

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 18

RE: Have you always known? - 8/7/2009 10:43:49 AM

kaiden1000

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline

Interesting. The conversation dundreggen is referring to was with me in person while we were talking recently. It seems that she has fairly recently recognized her submissive within, and is now exploring various ways about it. In my case, up until now I always called myself a switch, but, honestly, knew I was Dom. The issue for me has been (and still is) that I wasn't sure if I let the full 'Dom' out, that I could control it. We've been doing a lot of talking, soul searching and so forth the last week or so, and has the dyas go by, particulary the last couple, I think I can not only handle what I haev within, but do a good job of doing so.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 19

RE: Have you always known? - 8/7/2009 10:53:41 AM

SmokeSerpent

Posts: 41
Joined: 2/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dundreggen

But does that assume that if you are 'you' first and a 'dom' second that a dom isnt' part of who you are? Not trying to be flippant, just to me being sub is as much a part core part of me as any other self defining value.

What I mean is, there is a difference between I, myself, being dominant, which is an integral part of me; and identifying as "a Dom" and subjecting myself to whatever communal meaning we place on that term. Being me means that I know what it smells like when they open the Wednesday shipment of comics at the shop as much as it means anything about my relationships. People who need to cast everything they do in the light of being "A Dom" or "A sub" and keeping up appearances are the ones I keep a suspicious eye on.

(in reply to dundreggen)

Post #: 20

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