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For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 6:57:58 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		when its not right---

I love being a teacher, a mentor, I have done this for years---I don't give a damn about toys or skills---I focus on the dynamic-- the Ying and the Yang the dance on the saber of the emotional, the framework, the structure upon which O/one's compare notes, negotiate, plan, build the trust--but when it isn't right--when a submissive finds out the Dominant is too vanilla and is mouthing the words, or is a hidden abuser--or when the Dominant finds out the sub was pulling strings---I hate it--yeah I know life sucks, and shit happens---but...its hard as hell--especially when its so hard to find one of U/us--

sorry, this is a pensive rant-- I love My students, I love this life, and I hate it when its not right--when a student has to begin again.

Thoughts?

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 2/21/2006 7:05:43 PM >

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 7:00:54 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hugs for you Mistress Hathor :) Nothing more. Just a hug.

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 7:06:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Not sure what this specifically has to do with mentors? Realtionships of all types fall apart for all sorts of reasons. The best we can do is use the power of consent that we have to our best ability.

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 7:09:56 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Unfortunately there will be dishonesty and selfish manipulations in just about any facet of life - vanilla, the work environment, family environment, church, school....you name it. It is hardest when it occurs after one has placed trust in another, and made themselves vulnerable. The important thing is the resiliancy in the person who was hurt. Us humans can handle just about anything with the right guidance, and in the end we do become stronger, wiser and more broadened individuals, don't we?

As you may guage from some of my posts, i abhor when someone's vulnerability is toyed with. But you are right - it happens, unfortunately. And so i say what my sister once told me regarding handling the pains and disappointments in life - it is not that you have fallen, it is that you get up.

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 7:22:28 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Not sure what this specifically has to do with mentors? Realtionships of all types fall apart for all sorts of reasons. The best we can do is use the power of consent that we have to our best ability.


Mentors are the teachers, the guides, the ones who feel and see when the rest of the world does not--and yes in the real sense, relationships fail--but in that failure there are human emotions involved--real people with real expectations-it is My belief that in this life, the expectations are greater, the emotions run higher, the falls harder--because of what and who we are and what we seek---and as a mentor it is hard to see it happen--but that is just Me and My way---

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 7:24:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
Mentors are the teachers, the guides, the ones who feel and see when the rest of the world does not--and yes in the real sense, relationships fail--but in that failure there are human emotions involved--real people with real expectations-it is My belief that in this life, the expectations are greater, the emotions run higher, the falls harder--because of what and who we are and what we seek---and as a mentor it is hard to see it happen--but that is just Me and My way---

That's a trap of elitism. Mentor type relationships do have their own unique quirks and twists, just like each type of relationship does. But we ARE all adults, and we ALL choose to get into relationships willingly.

Yes, it sucks when someone acts like an ass and it's not the "victims fault" when it happens. But we really are all choosing to get into the relationships that we do.

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 7:34:42 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross



That's a trap of elitism. Mentor type relationships do have their own unique quirks and twists, just like each type of relationship does. But we ARE all adults, and we ALL choose to get into relationships willingly.




i had a feeling that would be brought up again...after the loss of a mate thread, i am staying clear.

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 7:38:05 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Well Hathor everyone is on the right page here. Unfortunately your right. People have hidden agenda’s. The worst of course is the abuser lurking in the dark. Nevertheless. Since I haven’t been on the cover Spankin Stone, or Spanks illustrated, many think it is a new Olympic sport to jump to conclusions. The fact of the matter is, I don’t know anybody here, as well as they don’t know me. I will assume people are what they say they are here. However if it comes to a meet, I’ll observe and discern the truth of it in person. Pride does play a part in it. So many people are full of venom and ridicule, of course we don’t know much about them either, that NewB’s don’t want to say “Hey I’m real turned on spankin that ass.” A safer statement is I been spankin hiney for 6 yrs now. Subs/slaves have less fear about honesty, but still they aren’t sure of limits and fear rejection when they state those limits. I hope your post could be considered an offer for people to contact you and say “Halthor how do I….. or what is….” Your mentorship sounds like a kind gesture for others, and I do know that this place is filled with awesome and very helpful people. There is the occasional snake in the grass. Aside from them your post is a damn good eye-opener for, hopefully, many who feel it isn’t safe expressing their lack of experience.


With all due respect
Loki

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/21/2006 10:54:20 PM   
BitaTruble


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Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

sorry, this is a pensive rant-- I love My students, I love this life, and I hate it when its not right--when a student has to begin again.

Thoughts?


Just remember that it's an opportunity to learn from the mistakes.. we all need that on occasion because it's the failures that truly teach us. A student beginning again is not necessarily a bad thing. It's like crop rotation.. you have to start with a new place to give the old time to regroup, gets it's vitamins back.. and later on, you can plant there again.

Keep planting.. because you do this from your heart.. and you'll only empty yourself if you don't rise to your calling.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/22/2006 11:24:55 AM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		Always I've found that when you invest time and energy to care for, mentor and watch someone grow, that when they fall, it will always hurt you the most. I speak from outside the scene on this comment, as I am currently seeking a Mentor to teach me to be a safe sadist. However, I have tried to help people get back on their feet on a number of occassions, only to see them fall, or worse, to stab me in the back about it, and it does hurt. You had such expectations for them, could see them be successful in their endeavor. Sometimes you feel you failed them, especially if what you tried to do was pull them out of a depression, only to see them fall again. It will always hurt the teacher to see the student fail, more than it does the student.

I've always found myself, for some reason or another, looked upon as a Mentor, friend or guide in certain things in life, and yes the bond goes that deep.


< Message edited by Slipstreme -- 2/22/2006 11:25:31 AM >

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/22/2006 11:32:27 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Hey MH, I got your back, whatever the hell you are talking about.

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/22/2006 11:34:41 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
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Its all about attitude.

http://www.moviewavs.com/cgi-bin/moviewavs.cgi?Aliens=dayincore.wav

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/22/2006 12:56:53 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Ahem, well then, let me get my never to be humbled opinion in here. LOL

i have M/mentors. i value T/them and i turn to T/them; not to keep me from thinking for myself or even from falling on this ever so needy ass. But to assist me in learning about me, to help watch out for those who are dangerous, to share T/their opinions and experiences and allow me to consider T/their suggestions. i adore my M/mentors, but i am my own person and will always follow MY heart, not T/theirs.

my life belongs to me, and my choices do as well. If i do not follow my M/mentors suggestions, i trust T/they will still care for me because T/they know i have to learn, and learning means experiencing. i also know that any of U/us have only O/our own frame of reference with which to observe anything. i always take that into consideration when seeking council.

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/22/2006 1:09:49 PM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

when its not right---

I love being a teacher, a mentor, I have done this for years---I don't give a damn about toys or skills---I focus on the dynamic-- the Ying and the Yang the dance on the saber of the emotional, the framework, the structure upon which O/one's compare notes, negotiate, plan, build the trust--but when it isn't right--when a submissive finds out the Dominant is too vanilla and is mouthing the words, or is a hidden abuser--or when the Dominant finds out the sub was pulling strings---I hate it--yeah I know life sucks, and shit happens---but...its hard as hell--especially when its so hard to find one of U/us--

sorry, this is a pensive rant-- I love My students, I love this life, and I hate it when its not right--when a student has to begin again.

Thoughts?


I guess that there is the flipside of voluntary responsibility.

What I hate is having to turn people down, even if they are odious, because I feel grateful for being liked at all *down, insecurity, DOWN!!!*

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/22/2006 1:24:49 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		I was a Mentor in the school system for a couple of years and have been a coach in teen sports for many years and I learned one important thing when it came to mentoring in any capacity.
Look them in the eye, tell them what's best for them and then show them the big whipass stick in the event that they choose not to follow your direction.

Seriously M.H. you thread and your point is a very good one, but philosophical differences are all over the board (pun intended), even within the lifestyle itself, we are so diverse.
You can only be pleased from within, that you know you are doing all you can to help newbies find their own way while providing a safe enviornment. I'm sure you sleep better at night knowing!

Now, drop the whip and pick up the Martini, "I HAVE BEEN GOOD!"

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/22/2006 6:43:42 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I went to several workshops this past weekend and in one a well respected member of the community gave his perception of mentorship. I will paraphrase...

--It isn't about the toys, techniques; it is about teaching someone how to be. And mentors do not have to be someone that you interact directly with; they can be someone that you watch from afar and watch how they carry themselves, talk to others, handle the problems they face and then seek to emmulate them.--

In the end though we all choose our own behavior. The best that you can do is be yourself and have the strength to let others be who they are.

Knight's kyra



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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/22/2006 8:44:18 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		U OK?

Stray cool, woman. Relax.

Do what you've advised others:

Roll with it and things will return to what passes to normal.


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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/25/2006 3:38:00 AM   
stonefemmie


Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


On another website i frequented, W/we often wondered why there weren't more Mentors for this lifestyle; but that website wasn't as sophisticated as what i find here. Seeing what You go through, emotionally, through Your post, MH, doesn't cause me to wonder any longer about the dirth of Mentors.

When it's not right......

i agree with You that in this life, the expectations are greater, more greatly filled with visions and anticipations, the trusting goes deeper than W/we may have known, the emotions fairly run out the bottom of O/our soles and grow into the earth, rooting U/us into O/our submissions and/or Dominances.


And when it doesn't go right......


Thus, this is why there are not more Mentors.

It is not a job i could do. i'm so very glad You are able......


Respectfully,

stonefemmie...

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/25/2006 5:15:48 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		What a marvelous reply, how eloquently stated---and welcome to the boards!

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RE: For Mentors-- I hate it - 2/25/2006 5:30:17 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
What a marvelous reply, how eloquently stated---and welcome to the boards!


Intelligent AND beautiful.... just like the other young ladys, such as yourself, I get on well with here.
I think she's going to fit right in

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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