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What keeps Your interest? - 8/6/2009 8:14:31 PM

TanukiChan

Posts: 37
Joined: 3/11/2008
Status: offline

I am a young lesbian female (21) currently with an older female (26). Lately, I have noticed that my current partner (a Domme-like switch to my sub-like switch - and we're not 24/7) doesn't seem all that interested in me. She's never been that big on physical expression of affection outside the bedroom, but now She seems even more distant and it distresses me. W/we haven't had a session for a long time, as well. I worry for O/our relationship.

I ask, would the Mistresses of the forum would be so kind to share what it is that keeps Their interest in a partner, both in and out of the BDSM scene?

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RE: What keeps Your interest? - 8/7/2009 12:22:40 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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Tricky! For one thing, it's a bit yin and yang ... a show of submissiveness brings out My Domliness and vice versa. So both partners need to work to keep it going.

However, there is also the "real life phenomenon" where, after a honeymoon period of intensive interaction, real life starts butting in and distractions occur. It's harder work to Dominate than most subs imagine (a lot of thinking and planning involved), and so the Domme thinks, too tired now, tomorrow ... and tomorrow never comes. It really depends on how committed the 2 are as to how well they get through this, how easily they can talk about it and come up with strategies to deal with it. We found going to play parties helped, so at least once a month we had time, access, opportunity and stimulating surroundings! These days on the road that's not an option and with all the stresses lately, play has been pretty much non-existant in terms of active things like spanking, flogging, bondage. However Master and i indulge in a lot of mental play, ageplay etc so that at least keeps us ticking over. Yes i would love a whole lot more, but i am accepting of what is in His current capacity to provide. And being the man He is, i would still be with Him even if we were totally vanilla now, though by heck, Jay's subby searching would be in top gear LOL!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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(in reply to TanukiChan)

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RE: What keeps Your interest? - 8/7/2009 3:17:32 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
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What holds some vanilla relationships together while others fail? It's the same thing. If the friendship/vanilla pairing isn't working, then you add the kink on top - or worse, try to build your entire relationship on the kink, it's doomed.

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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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RE: What keeps Your interest? - 8/7/2009 3:33:13 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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try to build your entire relationship on the kink, it's doomed.

I think that's the single most important reason why D/s relationships fail.

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(in reply to MsStarlett)

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