RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in less than 4 months.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in less than 4 months.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in less than 4 months.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 10:49:19 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Man- I hope you are not walking into a trainwreck.

Anyhow- freecylce is good. I furnished my place from a good thrift store that delivers.

A comfy bed is paramount.

Being a female- things should be soft and alot of storage for clothes and make up and shoes.

Seriously- check out the thrift stores.

Find one that has nice stuff- not just bric a brack. They do exist.

When I was on probation once- I had a friend look thru my place for contraband. To my surprise- she found some....

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 21

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 11:28:13 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

Two teenagers huh?
If it's edible, it's gone.

You mean yours restrict themselves to what is edible??

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 22

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 11:53:49 AM

MasterMgm

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

Sounds like you have the house issue cover. I would find out, when the court appoints her a parole officer (PO), who the PO is. Most PO's are very easy going but some can be a ball buster. Even know she is a grow woman, I would still ask how often is she require to meet with the PO, is it weekly, bi weekly, monthly? Is she require to make restitution payments to the court or PO? Since she will not be working when she get out of the can, who will be responsible for these payments? Are there certain people she is NOT allow to associate with in person, phone calls, letters or e-mail? What is her curfew?

Like other people have suggestion, clear your computer of everything. I would go to Best Buy or Wal Mart and purchase a hard drive cleaner. It is best to be safe than sorry. Also any video(s) or magazine(s) which might contain "undesirable" pictures.

Just be careful and cover your own rear end. You are in a way telling the state you taking responsibility of her.

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 23

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 11:55:42 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

Two teenagers huh?
If it's edible, it's gone.
You mean yours restrict themselves to what is edible??

Good point.

Slaveboy....hide the cat.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 24

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 12:49:55 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMgm

Sounds like you have the house issue cover. I would find out, when the court appoints her a parole officer (PO), who the PO is. Most PO's are very easy going but some can be a ball buster. Even know she is a grow woman, I would still ask how often is she require to meet with the PO, is it weekly, bi weekly, monthly? Is she require to make restitution payments to the court or PO? Since she will not be working when she get out of the can, who will be responsible for these payments? Are there certain people she is NOT allow to associate with in person, phone calls, letters or e-mail? What is her curfew?

Like other people have suggestion, clear your computer of everything. I would go to Best Buy or Wal Mart and purchase a hard drive cleaner. It is best to be safe than sorry. Also any video(s) or magazine(s) which might contain "undesirable" pictures.

Just be careful and cover your own rear end. You are in a way telling the state you taking responsibility of her.

Jim had told me- advice on this. He said to re-read inside out the conditions of (in my case probation) to understand it up and down and inside out. The paper you sign for release- the contract.

Understand each item on it.

Then follow it. If you play games with it- then they do get strict.

I never had my PO come to the house. But I also kept life low key. There was never a reason for him to come. But I kept things - and those around me as Sunday School as possible.

One more thing....

Dont discuss these terms with too many people..... you know -- people that may have an axe to grind.

The period of time can be slow. And getting a real person on the phone is nearly impossible. That sucks when you must phone in once a month. But have a question come up.

So as far as neighbors- -- dont say much to them.

(in reply to MasterMgm)

Post #: 25

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 12:58:18 PM

blacksword404

Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMgm

Like other people have suggestion, clear your computer of everything. I would go to Best Buy or Wal Mart and purchase a hard drive cleaner. It is best to be safe than sorry. Also any video(s) or magazine(s) which might contain "undesirable" pictures.

Spybot sd has a shredder program that comes with it. You can do a 20x swipe to really remove things and 7 is government grade.

_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to MasterMgm)

Post #: 26

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 1:06:38 PM

MistressWolfen

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Lot's of really sound advice here slaveboyforyou. Just to reinforce a couple of them
If you rent or lease best check with the property owner as most will not all ex convict in porperty
If you own a caravan (mobile home) and lease the pad double check your lease
If own property and land outright in a gated community doubtful your friend can stay with you
In many states and most of Canada the two teens being oppostie sex will have to be provided with a seperate bedroom
Read, understand, seek professional advice and then read again the terms of the condition yo are undertaking
Common law and common property issues could become a very real possibility if things go sideways
As your friend does not have custody do you become by default the legal gaurdian when under your roof

You are a good person for doing this; quite frankly unless it was a sibling or someone I had a romantic interest in I wouldn't touch this situation with a ten foot pole....even for the bestest of maties. In Canada there would just be too many issues of liability unless the children were of the age of majority.

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 27

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 1:15:31 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
My impression that was the Department of Corrections stipulated a booze-free environment. It may well be a standard requirement.

I believe it varies. When my ex-husband was paroled in VA in 1999, there was no stipulation that he couldn't be around booze. Alcohol had never been one of his many addictions nor had it been a factor in any of his crimes so it was not an issue and therefore the use of it was not forbidden or restricted.

luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 28

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/7/2009 1:15:37 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

One more thing.

"Fines"

I had a traffic ticket. Was on $20 every week or 2. I missed a payment. I thought the clerk was joking when she said they were getting ready to send my name to "warrants for arrest". As it turns out- that is what they do. Non-payment of fines- is taken seriously in that jurisdiction. ( I have since moved...but I am sure they do the same here )

So that brings us back to the release contract. Keep a copy where you can re-read it. During my time on probation- I read it and re-read it. Anytime I was in doubt- I looked at it.

Luckily- the time was "served" with no problem. A happy day for sure.

I do see where some mess up tho. Usually started with getting a few 6 packs....and goes on from there....

(in reply to MistressWolfen)

Post #: 29

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/8/2009 10:47:36 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

FR

Much advice coming from different angles here. All I can add is put all your goodies in your bedroom with a lock on the door. This is a matter of privacy, not distrust. Not only should any goodies or toys you decide to keep there, they should not be within easy reach. I would suggest you move your PC in your room as well, and if necessary even go to the length of buying another one for them to use. That's one thing I am very picky about, people using or messing with my computer(s).

You are giving up part of your home, not all of it.

I guess I should add that you are a better Man than I, because I would not do it. She must be one hell of a friend. Which brings us to this, if you are not in a relatioship with her, you might have a guest if ya know whadd I mean. In that case a lock on the door comes in handy. There are too many reasons for having one and too few reasons to not.

As far as anything else goes, you are probably in for more than you think. The legal ramifications notwithstanding, you are talking someone fresh out of the joint. Do you let them use your car or get them a bus pass ? Do you feed them while they look for a job, and even when they get one alot of places make you wait two weeks for a paycheck. That's if they get one, the economy still sucks you know. It may take awhile. I don't know about your area, but up here there are Phds applying for jobs in fast food places.

I think, due to the current economic climate, patience will be a virtue. Hope it doesn't wear too thin.

T

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 30

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/8/2009 11:11:35 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
My impression that was the Department of Corrections stipulated a booze-free environment. It may well be a standard requirement.

I believe it varies. When my ex-husband was paroled in VA in 1999, there was no stipulation that he couldn't be around booze. Alcohol had never been one of his many addictions nor had it been a factor in any of his crimes so it was not an issue and therefore the use of it was not forbidden or restricted.

luci

That will be stated on the form. Locally all probation parole is No booze.       brings it back to the conditions of release the stipulation spelled out.

As to locking things in a bedroom- LOL.   Put an entry lock on a closet- or somewhere off site.

Expect anything in the house to be looked thru.   Sorta like when people look in other folks medicine cabinet.

When Jims nephew got out- the idea was to keep the kid busy..   Too busy to goof off. Work- AA meetings- work. Sleep.

....your stuff could be tampered with- but the bigger thing is your heart. I hope it doesnt get broken.   Get off to a good start.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 31

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/9/2009 4:57:04 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

You are a very good friend to be doing this SBFY.

Another thing to get discussed as soon as possible is where you fit in with regards to setting boundaries etc with her kids. What are her own rules for her children, does that mesh with what you would expect eg. is she happy to not give them a bed time but you would prefer they are in bed by 9pm. It will be these things that may cause some difficulties with you and your friend if they aren't talked about openly.

I hope this is a new beginning for your friend and her family

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 32

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/9/2009 5:13:52 AM

Lorr47

Posts: 862
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

I am allowing my incarcerated pal to parole out to me in January. I've already agree to it throught the Department of Community Corrections. According to them, I need to have space for a seperate bedroom (got that). I need furniture (bedroom suite for her....working on that; it will take me a month at least), need a wholesome environment (I drink like a sailor, so I have to rid myself of all the booze. But other than that, I'm cool. She will be on the bus route, she will be within walking distance of local stores and shops. Her children will have sleeping space to visit (her youngest son will have a place to sleep in the living room, her daughter will be able to sleep with her. (good enough to me.). So all of you social workers.....Am I cool? I don't do dope. I don't allow dope in my home. I work full time. I have things planned for my friends' kids (softball, basketball, camping, etc.) I am working on all of that. Am I cool?

Find out whether she has to register because of her alleged conviction. I allowed an acquaintance to live in a building. He registered as a sexual offender. You would have thought that I tried to sodomize the pope. I got to tell some uppity trash where to go. I enjoyed the experience; you may not.

< Message edited by Lorr47 -- 8/9/2009 5:15:35 AM >

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 33

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/9/2009 4:14:46 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

Lorr, quit sodomizing the Pope, it's not nice.

Actually what everyone said is pretty much true, pretty much because without knowing Arkansas law we don't know. It does vary from state to state.

There is a difference between getting paroled and finding your own way, and getting paroled TO someone. They then have to act as sort of a halfway house. I know in Utah if anyone is on parole that lives there, the whole house is subject to indiscriminate searches at any time. They can also show up at anytime day or night with a breathalyzer and drug testing kit and even in the middle of the night wake everyone up to get the parolee's ass out of bed to submit to testing. I don't know if others living there have to submit as well, but it's bad enough without that. There is more, I would have to make a phone call to find out all the rest, but suffice it to say that alot of people in Utah "max out" their sentence because of these conditions.

My favorite psychopath did the same thing in Ohio, he told the parole board to kiss his ass. Know what, he damnear got thrown out of jail ! And that is for violence commited during a felony. If they let him out, they let anyone out.

One of the main problems with the justice system in this country, if you can call it that, is that they have the propensity to pry into anyone's life they can. I remember when I got out of jail, I was in my backyard grilling some steaks and reading this trash. I am not to hang around with any criminals. I looked around and just about everyone had a number. At least one for first degree murder.

I say let them hang with whoever they want to, it is their strength and that only which will keep them out of trouble. There is now a bottle of booze in my freezer, but I say no. They must do the same and it can be harder than addiction. It could come down to steal or go hungry, or let your kids go hungry. That is how times are.

I mentioned Utah because they are probably the worst, but it could be worse elsewhere. I simply don't know. Utah is very wierd, for one they will not allow an extradition of one of their Citizens, but at the same time they will fly you across country to face charges on a DUI, which as bad as it may be is still a traffic ticket. And no there was no injury nor even an accident.

I surely hope that anyone who does this for someone reads all the fine print before signing on the dotted line. That's two reasons for me to refuse, first of all I am not living without a gun. Second of all if I want to burn a fattie, I simply do not want to hear about it until and unless someone else is paying my bills. But SB is doing this for a friend, it's not my choice. All I can do is try to be supportive and hope for the best.

T

(in reply to Lorr47)

Post #: 34

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/9/2009 5:23:25 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

There was another post in here recently, "Roomates From Hell" or something like that.
Slaveboy, you need to set *Ironclad Rules* and enforce them!
And when it's time for her kids to go after the weekend out the fuckin' door they go! Don't cut anyone any slack or they'll run all over you!
And if they ask you for any money it's; "Sorry, I'm broke."

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 35

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/9/2009 11:28:21 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

I think popster, that you mean don't give them money. I agree. They should work for it.

Unless you want to become Uncle Rich as well as Captain Save-a-ho. I know people who have played that game and none of them has ever had enough money to sustain it, save one. I just won't go there.

T

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 36

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/10/2009 4:10:46 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

You are an admirable person for being willing to help your friend and her youngsters. What kind of living situation are they in now? Find out the rules and consequences there. Consistency is very important and it is better to start out tough and ease up later after they prove themselves worthy of being trusted further.

Best wishes y'all,

Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 37

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/10/2009 10:16:21 AM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

FR:

I thank everyone for their responses. I have been dealing with all of this shit lately. I got drunk and wrote this post; it's a typical reaction of mine when I get stressed. A lot of what I wrote sounds ridiculous now that I read it. I do have to deal with this, but I need to temper my drinking. I'm extremely stressed right now. I often take on more than I can handle, and booze shouldn't be my sanctuary.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 38

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/10/2009 10:36:00 AM

scarlethiney

Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline

You are more than cool! You have earned your place in heaven. That is a very gracious thing to do for your friend and her children and speaks volumes of you as a person.

Hugs,

_____________________________

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." - A.L. Kitselman.

see my profile masterkspet

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

Post #: 39

RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in les... - 8/10/2009 10:42:49 AM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

You are an admirable person for being willing to help your friend and her youngsters. What kind of living situation are they in now? Find out the rules and consequences there. Consistency is very important and it is better to start out tough and ease up later after they prove themselves worthy of being trusted further.

Best wishes y'all,

Vendaval

Thanks Ven. My living situation is that I'm single. I don't have a lot of people over here. I'm a loner for the most part. I don't have a lot of folks over here. I have room, and that's why I offered her a place. She has 3 children. Her oldest will be 18 in January. I assume he's going to college. He's in Wisconsin right now with friends of hers. Her 2nd son is in foster care. He got in trouble for stealing a gun from her aunt that he was staying with and attempting to sale it. He got put into foster care. I offered to take him when that happened, but the court wouldn't allow it. It's why I took all of my guns over to my parents' house. Parole here is a weird thing. My residence is on her parole plan, so I waive many of my rights to search and seizure. Of course, that's cool with me. I don't do drugs. I don't have anything illegal in my house. I drink A LOT, so I have to temper that. I have never actually thought about it before, but I've only had to worry about myself the last decade. So, I have to make some adjustments. I've already talked to the landlord about her coming here. I told him about her record and that she has a shitty credit history. But, he's cool with it. It's all on me anyway, and my credit history is immaculate. I always pay my bills on time. I'm worried about her being able to find a decent job. I've been talking to friends of mine. I can get her a job, but it's not going to be a great job.

I'm stressed out....I am extremely stressed out. I want to help her, but Jesus this is a lot of work and it's going to mean a lot of sacrifices. I am so used to being alone; It's hard to imagine having people around ALL THE TIME. But, I think it's going to go well. It will be nice to have someone around.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Help me! I have to make my home teen worthy in less than 4 months.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.090