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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 10:18:02 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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I try to preserve balances so that no one particular thing can drag me down.

(in reply to kemen)

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/11/2009 3:32:21 AM

KCalli

Posts: 81
Joined: 8/4/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kemen

fellow slaves and subs,

has your life as a submissive to your Owner had a negative impact on your life outside of BDSM/Gor/etc?

When this boy first entered the world of Gor on IRC, he was arrogant, snobbish, and just generally unpleasant to be around. Being a slave to his first Mistress, however, trained him to be polite, conciliatory, and humble; to say words like "please" and "thank you" and he learned that real strength can lie in serving, and in enduring.

Now, however, after having been away from Gor for several years and doing very well in his job, he decided to return. Since returning, he has begun to lose some of his leadership skills and abilities in his real life, particularly with regards to his job. he has also lost confidence in himself and this has interfered with his ability to interview for a new job.

This boy is becoming afraid that he may need to leave again, or else be unable to move forward in his career and in his life in general. Have any of you had similar experiences? If you have any advice that might help, please share.

Thank you.

Not knowing exactly the dynamic, there are some things that struck me. Some questions to ask yourself: Is Gor truly the way for you? ( I confess that I do not know a lot, so therefore I can't speak to that.) 2. Is your Mistress the proper one for you. In my case my Master actively challenges me to think, to create, to explore who I am, for he knows that in allowing me to be who I am, I can more fully submit and give myself to him. In knowing yourself, you are more able to serve your Master better. 3. Service is a gift given, not taken (so to speak). You honor you Master, and therefore yourself. A Master,should acknowledge this. (IMHOP) Being told I have done well, performed well, etc. makes me strive even more for perfection in service. Even in service whether sub or slave, you are valuable, and valued.

I can't say that I have had it happen. I have been truly blessed by having strict, but fair and honorable Dom. If he is proud, or puts a smile my way (he doesn't really have to say anything, I can tell when I do something and make him proud or bring him honor), I feel as if my heart will soar right out of my chest, so to speak. I agree with some of the other posts. My live has been greatly enhanced. I can't imagine any other way. I am encouraged to speak and interact with other subs, to explore and learn more of the lifestyle. Sir has also shown me things about myself that I have never known, and in discovering these needs and desires, I have become a more balanced and stable person.

(in reply to kemen)

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/12/2009 6:27:24 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

my submission has made a wonderful difference in my life. with my wife i am able to communicate and understand better and our marriage is now stronger. my military service is better as well as now that have found the balance i am a better leader and nurse. my M'Lady has found much happiness and joy in my submission.

(in reply to KCalli)

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/13/2009 8:23:01 AM

maia09

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kemen

fellow slaves and subs,

has your life as a submissive to your Owner had a negative impact on your life outside of BDSM/Gor/etc?

When this boy first entered the world of Gor on IRC, he was arrogant, snobbish, and just generally unpleasant to be around. Being a slave to his first Mistress, however, trained him to be polite, conciliatory, and humble; to say words like "please" and "thank you" and he learned that real strength can lie in serving, and in enduring.

Now, however, after having been away from Gor for several years and doing very well in his job, he decided to return. Since returning, he has begun to lose some of his leadership skills and abilities in his real life, particularly with regards to his job. he has also lost confidence in himself and this has interfered with his ability to interview for a new job.

This boy is becoming afraid that he may need to leave again, or else be unable to move forward in his career and in his life in general. Have any of you had similar experiences? If you have any advice that might help, please share.

Thank you.

It sounds to me like the heart of your problem is that you view 2 worlds rather than one - one you call your "real life" the other you call your "slavery". i think, if anything, that presents a great problem. You've separated whatever skills you require to do your job well, from your slavery. Why should leadership skills or any other skills for that matter be detrimental to being a slave? i view my slavery as one that incorporates all of me, skills, desires, abilities etc. i see all i do as serving my Master. If i run a business successfully, i see that as a great service to my Master, i feel not running it well would be a disservice. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to take a look at what you call slavery and what it excludes and why.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.

"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

Owned by Chairman

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Post #: 24

RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/14/2009 5:13:30 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

has your life as a submissive to your Owner had a negative impact on your life outside of BDSM/Gor/etc?

nope - i haven't experienced anything like that

it has a positive impact in my life. i'm more confident with myself. i was able to tap into my talents (writing and music) and turn it into a career for the last 3yrs - all because of Daddy's nurturing and guidance.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/14/2009 5:57:03 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
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The OP makes no sense to me. It sounds like you come online and roleplay what you believe slavery and being a slave is and you are letting this somehow affect your offline life within which you aren't actually a slave. I know MANY Gorean slaves who hold positions of leadership in their careers, they succeed at these because they actually live their slavery and they have expectations and standards their master's require of them. So you have lost me as to how you are losing leadership capabilities and such because you come online and roleplay a slave.

IF i have misinterpreted what you have stated and you don't roleplay the slave online and then turn the computer off but try and pretend you live in slavery -- then you need to discuss this with whomever you are a slave to offline and explain that their slavery of you is negatively effecting your job etc. They may not know this. And if you are somehow not living up to their expectations of you in your career, they may wish to do something different.

However, i don't think i have misinterpreted --- sorry but roleplaying a slave online doesn't MAKE you a person living in slavery when you are self-determining and autonomous offline. Quit making slavery and slave the excuse for you to not live up to your known potential in your career unless you wish to get fired or reprimanded at work. If you have done well then using slavery as an excuse NOT to do well is well a cop out. If you are speaking of being aggressive etc, again, its an excuse.

IF you are not living in slavery with someone OFFLINE, i.e., not roleplaying a slave online and then turning off the computer, it means you are self-determining and autonomous in your life --- so any negative effects seem to be based upon your determinations for yourself -- not a Masters or Mistresses slavery of you. Living as a slave is all encompassing -- you don't have a real life and then a fantasy slave life online. If they aren't one in the same -- i.e., you live life as a slave, then your own self-determination is what is negatively effecting your life.

You may want to get OFF the computer and LIVE life as a slave instead of trying to fake it and allow it to negatively effect your life.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/15/2009 4:49:45 AM

Arillis

Posts: 75
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline

Submission and I use the word loosely, is both a right and responsibility and has nothing at all to do with the melodramas and theatrics of fast-fingered loose-lipped male and female keyboard pounding scriptwriters attempting to impose personal beliefs and values.
It is about the psyche, physical emotional balances, realistic recognition of, and the celebrating of, those forces and passions emitting from the very essence of your being. Deferring to the authority of another is about wondrous splendor filled moments in time that forever alter and change the course of your human experience. Its not about the dominant, not at all, its about your very soul and the dominant is but the doorway to its embracing.
If you think submitting is reducing you in any way, take another look at yourself.

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/15/2009 3:28:02 PM

MLeeandHiskitten

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/6/2009
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Being with my Master has been very positive for me, too. But, even before He finally found me, i realized that 'submitting to submission' actually helped me TONS in the workplace! i used to feel like i had to be 'i am woman-hear me roar' but when i realized that submission truly makes me happy, i was able to submit to those in higher positions at work. i no longer felt the need to fight ever decision that did not go my way! i could accept the fact that i was not the one with the final say and i could actually live with a different decision than the one i would have chosen. Does that make sense?? In other words, i was able to submit to higher authorities in my vanilla world because i finally realized i was submissive at heart. (NOT a doormat, tho) Never been happier!! And now that i have my Master....well....dont wake me from this dream! Life is awesome!

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/15/2009 3:33:38 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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I am SO happy to hear you say this MLeeandHiskitten.

Honestly, the submissive posture is not substantively different than the dominant one. In both cases, you have a set of tools which, in some cases are perfect for the job and in other cases... well... less so. But accepting who you are and therefor what tool set is most natural for you is an excellent way to become more successful.

How is this any different than me, as a manager, realizing that I suck at details but I'm great at the people aspects? So I play to my strengths and I manage the people and let them manage the details.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/17/2009 10:28:23 PM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
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Being a sub has definitely helped a lot. I'm pretty assertive and strong willed but I get tired of having to be that way all the time. Id gotten tired period until I met Sir and those really bad days when I want to throw the laptop and say forget it he always offers just the right words of support. Then I can go back to work and get 'er done!

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/18/2009 7:29:58 AM

sunshinedreams

Posts: 181
Joined: 1/22/2008
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For me, it has had a positive effect on my professional life. I use the same leadership when I am managing at work, that Sir uses with me at home....carefull listening, looking out for the wellfare of all, and looking at others points of view before having the last word. He gives me a wonderful example to model my work behavior after.

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/20/2009 5:05:42 AM

Chastenedslave

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/19/2009
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I can only think of positive things. True, not all the decision she has made have had positive outcomes but that is just life. As she ofton tells me just because she is my Owner/Mistress that doen't mean she is perfect (well she is in my eyes).

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/20/2009 9:42:20 AM

Dastan

Posts: 148
Joined: 12/13/2008
From: Barranquilla city, Colombia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

The OP makes no sense to me. It sounds like you come online and roleplay what you believe slavery and being a slave is and you are letting this somehow affect your offline life within which you aren't actually a slave. I know MANY Gorean slaves who hold positions of leadership in their careers, they succeed at these because they actually live their slavery and they have expectations and standards their master's require of them. So you have lost me as to how you are losing leadership capabilities and such because you come online and roleplay a slave.

IF i have misinterpreted what you have stated and you don't roleplay the slave online and then turn the computer off but try and pretend you live in slavery -- then you need to discuss this with whomever you are a slave to offline and explain that their slavery of you is negatively effecting your job etc. They may not know this. And if you are somehow not living up to their expectations of you in your career, they may wish to do something different.

However, i don't think i have misinterpreted --- sorry but roleplaying a slave online doesn't MAKE you a person living in slavery when you are self-determining and autonomous offline. Quit making slavery and slave the excuse for you to not live up to your known potential in your career unless you wish to get fired or reprimanded at work. If you have done well then using slavery as an excuse NOT to do well is well a cop out. If you are speaking of being aggressive etc, again, its an excuse.

IF you are not living in slavery with someone OFFLINE, i.e., not roleplaying a slave online and then turning off the computer, it means you are self-determining and autonomous in your life --- so any negative effects seem to be based upon your determinations for yourself -- not a Masters or Mistresses slavery of you. Living as a slave is all encompassing -- you don't have a real life and then a fantasy slave life online. If they aren't one in the same -- i.e., you live life as a slave, then your own self-determination is what is negatively effecting your life.

You may want to get OFF the computer and LIVE life as a slave instead of trying to fake it and allow it to negatively effect your life.

angel

Great words, I can't say anything else because you've said it all. I salute you for being such an smart and strong lady.....

As for the OP....

You can cage the tiger, take away its claws and all but you won't get his instincts turned off. If being a Sub again made you lose sight of what you are, then you are just getting brainwashed or something. My recommendation is to separate reality from fantasy/roleplay and remember that if your Lady wants you as a slave/sub under her power, it is not because you are weak enough to be tamed and trained, but because a woman loves to be able to wield the power to control a raging tiger with a mere whisper and a soft pull from a silken string and not to keep it caged, chained and under the lash.

_____________________________

Power without Purpose is the same as an Artist without a Brush

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RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/20/2009 5:09:39 PM

kemen

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/22/2008
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Thank Y/you A/all for your responses.

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