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RE: Selfish? - 8/10/2009 8:50:51 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR

Are new to this lifestyle and to this site. It was pointed out by a sub earlier that My profile was selfish as it didn't appear to offer the slave anything in return. Am I being too dominant in My ways or have I still got a lot to learn? Shouldn't it be the Dom who makes the demands!

Master does not demand. He has authority. Until you gain authority, your demand will remain unmet.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Selfish? - 8/10/2009 8:56:06 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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I sincerely applaud your attitude about wanting to learn and actively asking for advice here on the boards and in your profile.

So look at it this way...why would an s woman choose you? You may or may not know that the s women on sites like this are fewer than the D men - they have their pick more or less. What makes you a good choice? As the others have mentioned tell us what you like to do...hobbies...skills....interests. Your activity listing is a good start, maybe expand on a few things in the written part of your profile. Someone also suggested looking at profiles of some of the Doms that contribute to the forum...good idea.

Many men make the mistake of concentrating on sex and/or kink and having that be the focus of their 'courtship'. You can't spend all your time in bed with someone and in fact if 2 people like each other the bedroom activities generally get sorted out fairly well without much effort. It's the rest of the relationship that is harder. It totally leaves me flat if someone concentrates on that in their profile (which you do not btw) or if when they write me the email is all about what they'll do in the bedroom. I could care less really. What will we do outside of the bedroom - can I talk to you - do we share any activities? If you truly want a slave you need to bond with her on a level that pretty much surpasses most vanilla relationships and bonding is not done solely with sex/bondage/flogging/whatever. Especially as you are inexperienced in BDSM what you truly have to offer is yourself outside of the kink. Just try to let us know who you are.

There is a search function on the lower right of this page. You can search for topics on how to make a good profile or anything else related. There are some very good threads on the subject. If you'd like to chat outside of here on the topic you may cmail me. Good luck...

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Post #: 22

RE: Selfish? - 8/11/2009 4:23:03 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomineeringSIR

Are new to this lifestyle and to this site. It was pointed out by a sub earlier that My profile was selfish as it didn't appear to offer the slave anything in return. Am I being too dominant in My ways or have I still got a lot to learn? Shouldn't it be the Dom who makes the demands!

The sub’s assessment of your profile was correct. Being too dominant? That is not a term I would associate with it. Being dominant has nothing to do with playtime activities. Your profile suggests you are simply an individual who enjoys what is often referred to as “kink activities” A good dominant does not demand anything, they simply request
Yes, you do have a lot to learn

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

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Post #: 23

RE: Selfish? - 8/11/2009 5:38:12 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
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quote:

Why on god's green earth would another human give themselves to me, either partially or totally, to do with as I will?

Leadership said it all. Ask yourself this question...often. Be honest with yourself and take the time needed to explore your answers.
I'm not sure if you've changed your profile, since this posting is a couple days old, but admiting your lack of experience and desire to find a "willing partner" to explore with is good. Now, answer Leadership's question and give some reasons why she should be willing.

Also, this statement from your profile seems curious, given your admitted lack of experience..."Inexperienced Master who has delve deep into the subject of Master/slave D/s relationships for what seems like a long time"
Book learning is great but no replacement for the depth found in really living and experiencing. Just something to think about.
Good luck.

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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

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Post #: 24

RE: Selfish? - 8/11/2009 9:37:47 AM

lilgirl2008

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/4/2008
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This is a hard subject to write about in just a few sentences or paragraphs. There have been whole books written on how to be a good dominant. In all my years of being involved in this, here is what I have to offer. Know yourself first. Master yourself first. You cannot Master someone else until you know who and what it is you want. If you are expecting total obedience off the bat, it isn't likely to happen. It takes time and trust between two people. Submissives or slaves, they have a brain. They have thoughts and feelngs as well. They also have wants and desires. None of that goes away simply because they submit to you. Your job as a dominant is to help make sure they are getting what they want/need as well. Some people are service oriented. They get fed by serving someone. If that is what you want, then you have to search and find someone who already has that in them. |Some people are fed by sexual dominantion. If that is what you want, then find someone who wants the same. It really is about finding the right match for what it is you want. That is why you need to know yourself first. Especially if you are inexperienced. I would also suggest you find a dominant to mentor you. Someone you can go to, talk to, and learn from.

It used to be, back in the day, that a Master had to learn from the ground up. I know that was a long time ago, but I still rather like that idea. Some may not agree with me and that is ok, but i have found that the best dominants are ones who have experienced in some capacity what it is they are dishing out.

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Post #: 25

RE: Selfish? - 8/12/2009 2:41:10 PM

DomineeringSIR

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/9/2009
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Just want to say a big thank you to all the replies and answers from Doms and subs on this board. Its given me a lot to think about. First things first, changing my username as a couple of you suggested here, to do that I have to delete my account and sign back up again. So don't think I've disappeared and given up! Be back soon under a different name to bug you guys with more questions no doubt.

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Post #: 26

RE: Selfish? - 8/12/2009 3:37:17 PM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

Ask away.

I never have a problem with someone asking questions when they honestly want to learn and understand things.

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Post #: 27