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Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/10/2009 8:38:04 PM   
Art4Love


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/5/2009
Status: offline 		I had my first BDSM experience about a week ago, and well the lass refused to be dominant.. don't get me wrong, she was pulling all the strings, but she let me be Dominant.. Can't really explain it other than that..

It was amazeing though! Um, so my question is this.. how does one know if they're Dominant or Submissive?

I was certian I was a Sub, but yeah.. that was different..
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/10/2009 8:57:21 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		you either like to lead...thus you're a dom
or you like to be led...in which case you're a sub/slave....
or you like both and you're a switch


(in reply to Art4Love)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/10/2009 9:08:42 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		I know I am submissive because when I am in a relationship with someone, He needs to be the one who "pulls the strings" and holds the power in the relationship.....and even though I can do these things for myself, I consensually surrender my decision-making to Him & I like it that way.

If she was pulling all the strings, but she let you be Dominant, it sounds almost like she wanted a "service Top."  Or maybe she was just trying to teach you if she was more experienced?  Anyway, my congrats on having your first bdsm experience. 

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Art4Love)
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RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/10/2009 9:15:15 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Art4Love
I was certian I was a Sub, but yeah.. that was different..

Yeah, and I was certain that GOOD men didn't drag their wives around on a leash... live and learn.

More seriously, maybe what you learned is that.. you know... humans are complex? Saying you're a sub doesn't define you as a human. It merely states that this is one facet of a very complex whole. And apparently, at least in some minimal ways (and perhaps more should be explored) there's some sort of dom facet in that picture too... just like a lot of folks.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Art4Love)
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RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 12:44:19 AM   
SouthernSpankin


Posts: 106
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Art4Love

I had my first BDSM experience about a week ago, and well the lass refused to be dominant.. don't get me wrong, she was pulling all the strings, but she let me be Dominant.. Can't really explain it other than that..

It was amazeing though! Um, so my question is this.. how does one know if they're Dominant or Submissive?

I was certian I was a Sub, but yeah.. that was different..


Depends on who you are with. With one person, you being D and her being S is awesome. With another, you being S and her being D is awesome. With another, switching is awesome. Like someone said above, it's complex...  but if you hit it off with someone and you both like the way you hit it off... isn't that a good thing?

(in reply to Art4Love)
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RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 4:21:53 AM   
MistressAsher


Posts: 37
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Art4Love

Um, so my question is this.. how does one know if they're Dominant or Submissive?

You don't know it. You FEEL it!

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(in reply to Art4Love)
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RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 10:11:34 AM   
badlilthang


Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

You don't know it. You FEEL it!


and yet...some Doms makes me want to HIT them and rebel against Them and Their childish and spineless arrogance.......Others makes my knee weak - merely with a whisper - i am still submissive., either way..chuckles...

long day...tired...i might be rambling....*ponders*


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.Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower leaves in the air after being crushed underfoot.

(in reply to MistressAsher)
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RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 1:04:49 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		Don't be in too much of a hurry to find out.  Take your time and explore, find what truly works for you and go with that.  It's taken Ma'am's slave decades to learn where he truly belongs.  Most work it out in less time than that, but there's no need to rush it.



(in reply to badlilthang)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 2:15:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		She could still be dominant and you still be submissive, just not with each other. Every sub out there isn't going to feel submissive towards every dominant out there. Just chalk it off to a lack of chemistry.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 2:21:18 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Art4Love

I had my first BDSM experience about a week ago, and well the lass refused to be dominant.. don't get me wrong, she was pulling all the strings, but she let me be Dominant.. Can't really explain it other than that..

It was amazeing though! Um, so my question is this.. how does one know if they're Dominant or Submissive?

I was certian I was a Sub, but yeah.. that was different..


I know because the very inkling of someone telling me what to do makes me want to beat them. Because the very idea of someone laying a hand on me without permission makes my blood boil. Because I usually end up being the one telling other people what to do. Because I am the one that ends up steering the ship, even if I didn't really want the job. Etc, etc, etc....

Still, all of the above doesn't mean I would wish to top you, or any other thousand bottoms. As others have said, she very well may be dominant and you submissive. You just may not have had the chemistry to make it work between the two of you.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/11/2009 2:23:28 PM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Art4Love)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 2:21:46 PM   
cornflakegirl


Posts: 183
Joined: 7/1/2009
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Art4Love

I had my first BDSM experience about a week ago, and well the lass refused to be dominant.. don't get me wrong, she was pulling all the strings, but she let me be Dominant.. Can't really explain it other than that..

It was amazeing though! Um, so my question is this.. how does one know if they're Dominant or Submissive?

I was certian I was a Sub, but yeah.. that was different..


Do you mean she was in charge but you were on top physically? That's a perfectly valid variation. I am not a sadist or a top, a very gentle masochist and sub actually, but I have been with a Dom who liked pain and I found that I liked doing it because he controlled what I did and he got off on it.

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I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well.

Away from the computer more often than not.

(in reply to Art4Love)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 2:35:58 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		It sounds like she was in charge and simply gave you permission to top her. (at least that is what I got from the OP)
I personally have always been drawn to strong men, to dominant men but I am very much an alpha female and rarely if ever bottom to women and have never submitted to a woman.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to cornflakegirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 5:45:16 PM   
Art4Love


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cornflakegirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Art4Love

I had my first BDSM experience about a week ago, and well the lass refused to be dominant.. don't get me wrong, she was pulling all the strings, but she let me be Dominant.. Can't really explain it other than that..

It was amazeing though! Um, so my question is this.. how does one know if they're Dominant or Submissive?

I was certian I was a Sub, but yeah.. that was different..


Do you mean she was in charge but you were on top physically? That's a perfectly valid variation. I am not a sadist or a top, a very gentle masochist and sub actually, but I have been with a Dom who liked pain and I found that I liked doing it because he controlled what I did and he got off on it.


Thats what I meant, for most of it anyways. But.. idk, it felt different than that.. I did things for her that I flat out refused to do for a girl I had loved very dearly.. I did things I dare not repeat out of shame, but she somehow made me enjoy it~ ^_^

(in reply to cornflakegirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/11/2009 11:49:20 PM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Art4Love

I had my first BDSM experience about a week ago, and well the lass refused to be dominant.. don't get me wrong, she was pulling all the strings, but she let me be Dominant.. Can't really explain it other than that..

It was amazeing though! Um, so my question is this.. how does one know if they're Dominant or Submissive?

I was certian I was a Sub, but yeah.. that was different..


It shows again that people can change and people can do as they please.
About soemthings you shouldn't think tomuch. It was great....that counts.

(in reply to Art4Love)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sub or Dom? How do you know? - 8/12/2009 9:26:25 AM   
NBCNCO


Posts: 18
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TurboJugend
About soemthings you shouldn't think tomuch. It was great....that counts.


I agree with this. I make this mistake frequently.

(in reply to TurboJugend)
Profile   Post #: 15
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