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how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 4:26:05 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Good evening,
I was in a long term m/s relationship that ended a little over a yr and half ago. In that relationship I was trained to have an orgasm only when given permission and since ending that relationship I have found myself struggling. I still to this day can not have an orgasm on my own or with another person unless given permission to. I'm not sure how to deprogram my mind if you will.....

Any ideas?
Suggestions?


_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 4:30:23 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Good evening,
I was in a long term m/s relationship that ended a little over a yr and half ago. In that relationship I was trained to have an orgasm only when given permission and since ending that relationship I have found myself struggling. I still to this day can not have an orgasm on my own or with another person unless given permission to. I'm not sure how to deprogram my mind if you will.....



I had that after my first d.s relationship, it was so hard. Basically you need to use your imagination, envisage him/her giving you permission, gradually have a generic dominant giving permission then eventually the hold will be gone and you can fantasise about whatever you like, it can take a long time. But another aspect is not pressuring yourself to cum.


_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to SweetNika)
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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 6:11:44 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Thanks I have tried that and it honestly hasn't worked.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 6:24:05 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		You have MY permission to orgasm.

Lol.... i kid.

If you are trying to hard you are doing it wrong! While I have no problem cumming I find that I have trouble having an orgasm, and it has been quite a while since I ended my relationship.

Your brain will retrain itself. Give it time and you will knock it out of the park.


_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 6:26:43 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		i'd love to give you some helpful suggestions...but since i feel like i'm hopeless in this area i will not have any useful suggestions. Just wanted to let you know it could be worse. You could be like me. Incapable of ever doing it.
Kali


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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 7:42:47 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


I had that after my first d.s relationship, it was so hard. Basically you need to use your imagination, envisage him/her giving you permission, gradually have a generic dominant giving permission then eventually the hold will be gone and you can fantasise about whatever you like, it can take a long time. But another aspect is not pressuring yourself to cum.



I agree with this. Practice and practice again.   Not as in pressuring yourself, but practice relaxing and getting to know yourself and your body again  .. for you.    What excites you, what makes you wet, what brings you  to the point of no return and then going with it.     I would think that it took time to make yourself be able to hold off until given permission ... seems that it will take time for you to be able to orgasm without permission.

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 7:54:32 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Thanks I have tried that and it honestly hasn't worked.



The womens body is an interesting one, the orgasm is very very much in the mind, if you are stressing about this you wont cum. So do me a favour, go away and play with yourself, lots and lots and lots just for the sheer hell of it, not to cum, just to feel it when you touch yourself, do it all over the place, in the bath, in the shower, on the floor wherever, do it lots dont think about cumming, not at all that isnt the point. You know how nice it feels to make your nipples stiffen? Or how it feels when your clit tingles? They are great feelings, enjoy those. If you are an orgasmic person you will find yourself getting there without even trying, your body will respond.

You have a mental block on it at the moment, the only person who can reverse it is you.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to SweetNika)
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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 7:59:52 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		Um... I feel odd. I am the only male that has posted in this thread. Now I feel like a pervert. Thanks lilly. Thanks alot.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 8:01:15 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Um... I feel odd. I am the only male that has posted in this thread. Now I feel like a pervert. Thanks lilly. Thanks alot.


you are welcome sweetheart, now embrace that inner pervert, thats right, set him free

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 8:10:09 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone, it is a mental thing. My ex says I need to give myself permission to cum. lol Sounds weird expecially coming from him.

PS Even men can give good advice and imput so don't feel odd. Feel blessed to be so insightful!

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 8:28:36 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		^_^

I was referring to Lilly's vivid description of what should be done in order to fix your block.


_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to SweetNika)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 8:50:25 PM   
thechellekitty


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I had that after my first d.s relationship, it was so hard. Basically you need to use your imagination, envisage him/her giving you permission, gradually have a generic dominant giving permission then eventually the hold will be gone and you can fantasise about whatever you like, it can take a long time. But another aspect is not pressuring yourself to cum.


OP: this is how i got over it too...took me years...3 or 4...give yourself more time...

also when i got desperate for an orgasm and i was not in a relationship...i went into a chat room and found someone to have phone sex with...i know, it sounds pathetic...but it worked...btw, it wasn't just random strangers but Doms i had developed an online friendship with, if that helps any...

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the artist formally known as chellekitty...look me up...

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/11/2009 10:21:14 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I can never understand when people read threads like these, they even want to go down that CoC alley.
I can CoC, but that is on my command, not some cum dictator.  Why is everyone so hot to learn this skill?
It is soooooooooooo much more fun to be teased, tormented, tortured, played, fucked, fingered, beat for hours and hours on end. 

OP.. this is what you do.  Find an hour for a long bath.  Make sure there is no one around to disturb you or any phone that can ring.  Sit yourself under the faucet, push your hips all the way against the bathtub wall so that your clit is under the faucet.  Do not put the stopper in the tub! Turn the water on.  It is going to beat over you, just let it.  Let it until it runs cold.  This is not the same deal as a shower massage.  With that you will get tired before you cum.  Laying there and just letting the water rule you is much more likely to let it just happen. 

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/11/2009 10:22:02 PM >

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/12/2009 10:13:13 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Um... I feel odd. I am the only male that has posted in this thread. Now I feel like a pervert. Thanks lilly. Thanks alot.




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Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/12/2009 3:44:49 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst


This is not the same deal as a shower massage.  With that you will get tired before you cum.  Laying there and just letting the water rule you is much more likely to let it just happen. 


Hmmm.....perhaps you haven't met the right shower massage?    

That gets me off the fastest of anything, and the jets in a hot tub are pretty much up there with Hitachi Magic Wand.  Just don't tell my sister and her husband how I know that......she thinks I just like babysitting her dogs when they go out of town

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/12/2009 4:17:25 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Oh I know they can do the job for most occasions.  But don't forget this not being able to cum is some stupid mental block they put up when associating it with their x partner.
Shower massage.. you can stop.
It is a lot harder to pull yourself away from a direct hit from the faucet.  To make it even more difficult she could lay down on a non skid mat.
The object is to break the association.
Too many women give up our own pleasure because we have associated it with someone that is long gone.


quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst


This is not the same deal as a shower massage.  With that you will get tired before you cum.  Laying there and just letting the water rule you is much more likely to let it just happen. 


Hmmm.....perhaps you haven't met the right shower massage?    

That gets me off the fastest of anything, and the jets in a hot tub are pretty much up there with Hitachi Magic Wand.  Just don't tell my sister and her husband how I know that......she thinks I just like babysitting her dogs when they go out of town

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/12/2009 6:08:49 PM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
Status: offline 		My sympathy to you SweetNika.

hey - you're awesome.

So, D/s does work. This is a real example of the repercussions of D/s. He latched on to the primative in you and took hold.
I would call it a form of hypnotism.


Do you think this is possible?

fawne



< Message edited by FawneTwo -- 8/12/2009 6:12:14 PM >

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/12/2009 8:15:08 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		ug.  this is one of the main reasons I dislike orgasm control.  it's serious business to mess with someone's orgasm.

my suggestion is, do something that you know will excite you beyond control...watch some porn, get some magazines, read, fantasize.  when you get really excited, then try some touching/masturbation.  hopefully it will put you over the edge.


_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

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RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/12/2009 8:22:34 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		lol Dang another reason I hate having a shower only in my apartment.
Thanks again everyone for the advice I am taking it all.

Edited to add: This may sound crazy but even today I dont regret turning over the most primal of things such as having an orgasm to my former owner.

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 8/12/2009 8:23:53 PM >

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to peachgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: how do I retrain my brain? - 8/15/2009 8:57:42 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Oh dear, I feel for you.  I went through the same thing a few years back.  A couple things that sort of worked for me: find someone to give permission (a friend, or even some random cyber-guy on the internet lol) or, fantasize in such a way that being given permission is incorporated into your fantasy.

It took me a long time to figure out why I had a hard time orgasming after the ending of my first D/s relationship. It had never been a problem in the past. Then I realized it was the after-effects of training.  I had no idea this would happen, that the effects were semi-permanent. 

Even now, I'm very sensitive: Sir told me a not too long ago not to masturbate, because he wanted to play later in the day.  We didn't get around to playing that day (mostly I was simplay too tired when I got home from work), but, I couldn't masturbate until we did play days later.  That wasn't even the intention of his instruction. 

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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