RE: Men and Emotions?

RE: Men and Emotions? (Full Version)

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VanIsleKnight -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 8:39:02 PM)
Alright then. First woman I ever fell in love with. I felt physical pain in my chest. Cliche but that's what it was. Big gaping hole of pain around my heart. I used to scoff at that description because how can you feel physical pain when you aren't physically hurt? No clue, and I still don't know how. I found out when I was attending class and the emotional pain I was in was so great that I had to leave immediately and go to the safest place I knew and cope. Not going to go into details since they're a bit embarrassing but suffice to say I was miserable, depressed, and suicidal for several years. Not my proudest, happiest memories in life but I got better. :) Yeah. I feel. I remember how I felt before. Happy all the time. Confidence and strength to handle anything, lighter, more focused, joyful, always looking forward to seeing her again, hearing her voice. It was bliss, even when we were just talking about boring things. I've experienced various degrees of that joy with some of my other friends and girlfriends, luckily I've never experienced the pain again because I've remained friends with my exes, or the girls I've experienced that with were just friends and I gladly accepted that. I learned a lot about the different kinds of love over the years, and the different kinds of pain. I can generally spot out problems before they happen within myself, and with girls I might be considering dating. I, and I am sure many men, most definitely feel.

DesFIP -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 8:44:04 PM)
If all the guys you have dated haven't cared at all, once you've broken up - then I have a question. Why do you only date guys who don't care about you? Because lots of us only pick men who will invest in us as much as we invest in them. So why do you pick men who don't give a damn, and then get upset because they are exactly the same men you picked? The only constant in all your relationships is you.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 8:45:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 quote: Playing hard to get is the opposiye game to begging. Both work. What do you mean here? When I am in a scene I call it play. Tat's not to say i don;t take it seriously. It might look like I'm passive but submission is definitely not so. I have strategies to get my needs satisfied as wekk as the dominannt. Sometimes getting my needs satisfied also satisfies the dom. Sometimes when I serve I focus only on satisfying the dom. Whih also satisfues my needs. Sometimes I play hard to get...difficult, reticent in serving. Sometimes i simply don't submit. I like a good take down. It establishes control. But sometimes I beg..beg to have something done to me, and also I beg to be allowed to serve. Both extremes are expressions of power exchange. Ahhh, okay. I realize now based on what you said here, plus a comment you made in another thread about caring, that we are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to what we look for. I want the LTR relationship, the whole package.

BKSir -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 8:50:02 PM)
Hurt? You bet we do. Love, of course we do. I've been with M. for 14 years plus, the pet for over 2, and was with B. for over 2, and we just decided to part ways as romantic partners. I was awake all night, more often than not, trying to decide what to do with the situation with B. How to approach it, how to end it, worried as hell. I still wake up in the middle of the night, crying, once in a while, because I was dreaming about my ex... 14 friggin years ago. No, it doesn't happen often, but once in a great while, yeah. It hurts like hell. I loved him, and things didn't end up so well. I don't want to go into the details though. I still miss him. The pet has been away for about 3.5 months now. I hurts, every night, when I look at the bed and he's not laying in the middle. There's not much I wouldn't give to look up right now and see him standing there in his long, light blue night shirt, hair all poofed out, goofy grin on his face. Yeah, he'll be back in a little while longer, but that little while is just too damned long. And every day he's not here, is a dozen wishes that he was. I look back at some of the things that people I've been in a relationship have done, and even though they're in the far distant past now, the memories still hurt. They still make me angry, make me feel jealous, make my stomach churn, make my heart race, make me fidget. Whoever was saying that men don't feel these things is full of shit. I think it takes a far stronger person to allow themselves to feel this way, to admit to it, and to show it, than it does to hide it all and act like rambo.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 8:51:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If all the guys you have dated haven't cared at all, once you've broken up - then I have a question. Why do you only date guys who don't care about you? Because lots of us only pick men who will invest in us as much as we invest in them. So why do you pick men who don't give a damn, and then get upset because they are exactly the same men you picked? The only constant in all your relationships is you. Aghh, you followed me over here to pick on me again! Lol. Just teasing. I will agree with everything you said in this particular post. I guess what I'm trying to figure out is IF they care. Perhaps they do care and I just won't allow myself to see it. Some form of self-protection. Although it is true that in most of my relationships, they have been quite the jerk... and I agree, I do pick these guys. Ya know, where this is all coming from is that I just had something end... something that I most likely 100% caused... and I caused it because I really expect guys not to give a damn. I've just been feeling confused, regretful, hurt, and have been looking for answers. Not just here, but within myself as well. It never hurts to hear the views of others.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 8:59:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If all the guys you have dated haven't cared at all, once you've broken up - then I have a question. Why do you only date guys who don't care about you? Because lots of us only pick men who will invest in us as much as we invest in them. So why do you pick men who don't give a damn, and then get upset because they are exactly the same men you picked? The only constant in all your relationships is you. Oh, and P.S...... I try so very hard to pretend that I myself don't care... but I know that in my heart, I care so much. I try to fool both the guy and myself and act like I'm unaffected... I really don't know why I'm telling you this or how it is relevant.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:03:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight Alright then. First woman I ever fell in love with. I felt physical pain in my chest. Cliche but that's what it was. Big gaping hole of pain around my heart. I used to scoff at that description because how can you feel physical pain when you aren't physically hurt? No clue, and I still don't know how. I found out when I was attending class and the emotional pain I was in was so great that I had to leave immediately and go to the safest place I knew and cope. Not going to go into details since they're a bit embarrassing but suffice to say I was miserable, depressed, and suicidal for several years. Not my proudest, happiest memories in life but I got better. :) Yeah. I feel. I remember how I felt before. Happy all the time. Confidence and strength to handle anything, lighter, more focused, joyful, always looking forward to seeing her again, hearing her voice. It was bliss, even when we were just talking about boring things. . . . I, and I am sure many men, most definitely feel. This was really beautifully written. I think it's great that you are in touch with your emotions and know how to express them. And that physical ache in your chest? I know exactly what you mean. Worst feeling in the world.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:06:22 PM)
quote: most seem to have their ego hurt more than their feelings hurt when a relationship ends or fails. Yep. And I wonder if this is the most important thing of all to them, more important than anything else.... protecting their ego.

VanIsleKnight -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:06:56 PM)
Eh. There's been many times when I wish I didn't feel a God damn thing. Have had to constantly remind myself why feeling was so important, heh.

Muirren -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:12:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 quote: Playing hard to get is the opposiye game to begging. Both work. What do you mean here? When I am in a scene I call it play. Tat's not to say i don;t take it seriously. It might look like I'm passive but submission is definitely not so. I have strategies to get my needs satisfied as wekk as the dominannt. Sometimes getting my needs satisfied also satisfies the dom. Sometimes when I serve I focus only on satisfying the dom. Whih also satisfues my needs. Sometimes I play hard to get...difficult, reticent in serving. Sometimes i simply don't submit. I like a good take down. It establishes control. But sometimes I beg..beg to have something done to me, and also I beg to be allowed to serve. Both extremes are expressions of power exchange. Ahhh, okay. I realize now based on what you said here, plus a comment you made in another thread about caring, that we are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to what we look for. I want the LTR relationship, the whole package. That's what I want as well, but moving on seems to be the hard part, doesn't it? As I said, it will be a long time before I trust again,,then again, maybe never.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:14:23 PM)
quote: I think it takes a far stronger person to allow themselves to feel this way, to admit to it, and to show it, than it does to hide it all and act like rambo. I agree completely. I wish more men were capable of this kind of strength. quote: I look back at some of the things that people I've been in a relationship have done, and even though they're in the far distant past now, the memories still hurt. They still make me angry, make me feel jealous, make my stomach churn, make my heart race, make me fidget. Yes, those types of hurts have the power to stay with you forever. They can eat you up inside if you let them, but even when they're stored away on some shelf deep inside of you, they still rear their ugly head often enough. quote: I was awake all night, more often than not, trying to decide what to do with the situation with B. How to approach it, how to end it, worried as hell. I'm not asking for specifics, but just a question... if the thought of ending things caused so much agony, why end them? Just curious. Although I've done the exact same thing, truth be told.

shannie -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:17:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Of course men feel emotions. Generally speaking, men don't hold on to them quite as long as women do. It's weird, I've always had the opposite impression. It seems like women feel big giant feelings and express them very dramatically (when something ends), and then move on -- and men are the ones that harbor those feelings forever. Look at all the poetry about lost love, authored by men!

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:17:12 PM)
quote: That's what I want as well, but moving on seems to be the hard part, doesn't it? Yes!! It is extremely hard to move on. Even if what you're moving on from is a bad situation, an uncaring guy, or something that never fully developed yet you had such hopes for (as in my most recent case)... it's still hard to just cast it all aside and move on.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:20:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight Eh. There's been many times when I wish I didn't feel a God damn thing. Have had to constantly remind myself why feeling was so important, heh. OMG, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I spent years trying to close myself off from actually caring and feeling something... and I just became angry and bitter and dead inside. I'm glad to be able to feel again, but damnit, the pain just HURTS!!

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:25:25 PM)
quote: It's weird, I've always had the opposite impression. It seems like women feel big giant feelings and express them very dramatically (when something ends), and then move on -- and men are the ones that harbor those feelings forever. Look at all the poetry about lost love, authored by men! Oh wow, this is SUCH a true point. I guess I wonder if both the man and the woman both feel such pain, even as differently as you describe... why end things? Why not just be together? That's a pointless question, I know, since there are always so many factors at work. But I guess I'm thinking, after a breakup, if each person is hurting but one or both don't want to show it to the other... well, what I'm getting at is that it just seems that a lot of things probably end that don't really have to. Which is very sad, IMO.

Aanakaris -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:26:26 PM)
For some men it could be emotional scar tissue. They'd been hurt in the past, never gotten over it really and now just keep the armour up. Sometimes its playing no emotion in order to hurt the other person. If you act like you don't care and the whole relationship ment nothing really then it becomes a weapon with which to harm the one whom it didn't work out with. But personally I have had times where the breakup really did not hurt. We just were not a good match and I saw that first.

Jeptha -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:27:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 ... So I have a very serious question for the men out there... do you ever really FEEL something for us? Of course! I feel love and gratitude. quote: How long does it take for you to form an emotional connection with someone new? It depends. Sometimes, if the chemistry is easy, it's easy to form a connection quickly. Other times, it may take longer. Sometimes a lot longer - I have to really see a lot before I start to make up my mind, so it can take building up a variety of experience together. quote: What about during/after a breakup... do you really care at all? think about us? miss us? feel sadness or regrets? want us back? I care, but I don't consider a break-up the end of the world. It's not even a major catastrophy on the larger scale of things. No one died. It ended because someone chose to end it, which is enough reason. I may feel sad - if I do the breaking up, I may feel horrendously guilty for hurting feelings, but I'm not going to sit there and dwell in it forever. I usually remain friends to varying degrees with my exes, so the relationship doesn't completely end, it just changes. I even still love them in some way. So, it's not a major disaster. Yeah, it's a bummer, though. And I don't get too expressive about it, it's true. I tend to just say my peace, apologize where it seems appropriate, and move on.

TazDevil -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:34:14 PM)
oh ya woman or sooooooooooooo much better when they brak up with us..... find that dude with the biger "whip" byby jo and fuck you and the hose your rode in on at lest us men try to brak it cleen with woman it all "omg he was sach a fell in the blank I going to call hem 100 times and tell hem off too all he's farnds" relley woman or nuts then aggen I am a bit sexest....

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:42:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TazDevil oh ya woman or sooooooooooooo much better when they brak up with us..... find that dude with the biger "whip" byby jo and fuck you and the hose your rode in on at lest us men try to brak it cleen with woman it all "omg he was sach a fell in the blank I going to call hem 100 times and tell hem off too all he's farnds" relley woman or nuts then aggen I am a bit sexest.... wow

Acer49 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/11/2009 9:43:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 I've been following a few threads that have taken on a bit of a man-bashing tone (a tone to which I've been contributing, lol)... mostly in relation to how guys act during a break-up. So I have a very serious question for the men out there... do you ever really FEEL something for us? How long does it take for you to form an emotional connection with someone new? What about during/after a breakup... do you really care at all? think about us? miss us? feel sadness or regrets? want us back? If I even almost knew the answer to these questions, I wouldn't be asking. It confuses me and causes a lot of frustration not to know what a guy is thinking/feeling. Another question... do you play mind games or play hard to get? I know every man is different (sort of, lol), but I'm just interested in any individual views on the topic that any of you might wish to share. Thanks!!! I will not speak for others, however I do know that we are all capable of emotions, whether or not and for how long we allow them is a to control us is an individual decision Do you ever really FEEL something for us? If by “feel” you mean do my emotions manifest into a physical condition, the answer is yes. If you mean, do I allow emotions into my thought process when I think about a female, yes, I can and do. How long does it take for you to form an emotional connection with someone new? I have been known to do it in as short a time as along afternoon, Now whether or not it was a good idea to allow myself to that open is another question What about during/after a breakup... do you really care at all? Yes, I feel very deeply about someone during the relationship and depending on the reason of the for the breakup I still can still care a great deal after it has ended Think about us? Miss us? Yes I do think about you and may miss you and do wonder about what might have been Feel sadness or regrets? Want us back? Yes I do feel sadness, regrets and a sense of failure, that maybe if I had done something, less, more, or different, I may have been able change the outcome Do you play mind games or play hard to get? No, I never have nor will I ever do that. I believe that is a very cruel thing to do. It confuses me and causes a lot of frustration not to know what a guy is thinking/feeling You are not the only one, and do not even think for one moment you have the market cornered on that. Men are From Mars ans Women are from Venus And if after over two thousand years, men have not been given the same rights as women with regards to emotions, they will never will. Little boys will always be told by their parents to suck it up, because” Big boys don’t cry”

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