seeking to understand behavior

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utterslut -> seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 1:19:00 AM)
so, my last try at a D/s type relationship ended on Feb 15 of this year.( 6 months ago) It ended pretty badly with the cops called, with both parties eventually going there separate ways. I have not spoken a word to him, no emails, no calls, not letters , nada. I made this new name, posted a few very provocative photos of my body, unsure if I should post my face, but I know men are visual creatures and a photo is needed still trying to keep a low profile but moving on with my life. I go to my space and notice that I have ALOT of email. upon reading a few I begin to notice they are saying they are replying to an ad that I placed on Craigslist. Seems my ex found me here on CM under my new name and decided he would go ahead and exploit me further by placing an ad that I was seeking a gangbang, perfering black cock, posted photos of me and told them how they could find me on my space. Though he once did own me, does he still have a right to act like he still does ? What do you think of this behavior ? Why would he try to humiliate me 6 months later ?

Malkinius -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 1:51:16 AM)
Greetings utterslut... quote: ORIGINAL: utterslut What do you think of this behavior ? Why would he try to humiliate me 6 months later ? It is simple. He found you and is still pissed at you so he found a way to get back at you from a distance. Just remember, that kind of harassment is against the law. He will probably do it again or something similar if he gets a chance. He lost and he won't give up easily. Be well.... Malkinius

littlewonder -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 3:37:22 AM)
Would you ask this question if your ex was a "vanilla"? But since you asked...no he doesn't. Relationship over...end of game. Contact Craigslist for the violation and if it were me I'd be calling the cops on his ass for such antics.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 5:11:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Would you ask this question if your ex was a "vanilla"? Something I am starting to think needs to be tattooed on people, or at the very least engraved into computers

Leonidas -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 5:24:15 AM)
The fact that the police had to be called the first time should have been your first clue. Your former "master" has trouble with "boundaries". Basically he's emotionally immature and unstable, so when he gets his tighty-whities in a twist he'll do what he can, and he doesn't really care if what he does is moral/ethical/legal. Probably tough to hear, but my best advice to you is to ignore him. The legal response to what he just did is going to be limp-wristed at best, and will just encourage him to escallate further until he does something that will land him in jail for a while, but you don't really want him doing that. The exception to the "ignore him" rule is if he happens to be very rich. In that case, find yourself a lawyer who'd like to split some of his money with you.

DarkSteven -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 5:34:14 AM)
The first rule of submission is that you don't submit to someone who isn't worthy of it. I'd be willing to bet that there was plenty of abuse and red flags prior to the cops being called. Since, then, he's chosen to focus on "getting back" at you instead of wishing you well and getting along with his life, which is what a sensible person would do. The fact that he's breaking the law to get back at you shows that he has some dangerous instability and warped values. You picked badly. The fact that you even ask if this is okay indicates to me that you're not ready for a relationship again.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 5:44:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven The first rule of submission is that you don't submit to someone who isn't worthy of it. The second rule of submission is that YOU DON'T SUBMIT TO SOMEONE WHO ISNT WORTHY OF IT. No Sorry Wait The second rule is no smoking

IrishMist -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 6:10:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Malkinius Greetings utterslut... quote: ORIGINAL: utterslut What do you think of this behavior ? Why would he try to humiliate me 6 months later ? It is simple. He found you and is still pissed at you so he found a way to get back at you from a distance. Just remember, that kind of harassment is against the law. He will probably do it again or something similar if he gets a chance. He lost and he won't give up easily. Be well.... Malkinius This sums it up perfectly

corsetgirl -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 6:36:49 AM)
I would email Craigslist and warn them of this blatent violation and how this individual has harrassed you. He sounds like someone who is not capable of moving on and is being very vindictive since he no longer has any control over you. I try to be careful as to who I am going to meet let alone have someone trying to dominate me, which is a valuable lesson.

maia09 -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 8:30:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: utterslut so, my last try at a D/s type relationship ended on Feb 15 of this year.( 6 months ago) It ended pretty badly with the cops called, with both parties eventually going there separate ways. I have not spoken a word to him, no emails, no calls, not letters , nada. I made this new name, posted a few very provocative photos of my body, unsure if I should post my face, but I know men are visual creatures and a photo is needed still trying to keep a low profile but moving on with my life. I go to my space and notice that I have ALOT of email. upon reading a few I begin to notice they are saying they are replying to an ad that I placed on Craigslist. Seems my ex found me here on CM under my new name and decided he would go ahead and exploit me further by placing an ad that I was seeking a gangbang, perfering black cock, posted photos of me and told them how they could find me on my space. Though he once did own me, does he still have a right to act like he still does ? What do you think of this behavior ? Why would he try to humiliate me 6 months later ? Okay, so i'm going to be a real brat here. But i feel like DUH? Dear brain, i miss you. Where are you? i need you to return so that i don't act like a complete idiot. Got that off my chest. BDSM does not excuse people from acting like responsible adults - period. So ANYTHING another does that is not in alignment with your consent is just as wrong here as it is anywhere.

SouthernSpankin -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 10:03:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: utterslut What do you think of this behavior ? He's acting like a d-bag. It's also criminal. Go play around on google and you could find plenty of incidents were other people have done this stuff to others. For example, I did a quick search and found that a young woman in Wisconsin was angry at her boyfriend after a fight they got into, so she placed a Craigslist ad claiming that her boyfriend was seeking homosexual users to call and "talk dirty to him." She posted several photos of her boyfriend (including one which was a "sexually explicit photograph of his erect penis"), and his phone number at work. When her boyfriend started receiving calls, he called the police, leading to her arrest for identity theft. She is facing felony charges where she could face 6 years in prison and/or a fine of $10,000. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0305094eau1.html

sweetsub1957 -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 11:28:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: utterslut What do you think of this behavior ? Why would he try to humiliate me 6 months later ? I think it was a totally wrong thing for him to do and he is a total immature ass for doing it. I also think the reason he is doing it is because he cannot stand no longer having control over you so he wants to get back at you by making you miserable. What he is doing is harrassment under the law, and he is going to do it whether or not he has a right to act like it. I'm thinking you could try to obtain a "No Contact Order." I had to finally resort to that with a vanilla ex-b/f of mine for harrassment after a break-up & that's what finally made him stop it.....the knowledge that his ass could land in jail for pulling any more of his shit. The one thing I don't understand is, why did you ever post provocative photos of your body anywhere? I am not excusing his behavior whatsoever, but that just gave him more fuel to use against you. sweetsub1957

Lashra -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 11:30:10 AM)
It sounds like he is pissed and just wants revenge. What he is doing could very well be illegal and it could get you harmed if he isn't stopped. Frankly I would report him, it sounds like he is a bit disturbed mentally and therefore unpredictable. Good luck, ~Lashra

Golden614 -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 12:22:04 PM)
There is such a thing as cyberstalking, cyber bullying, etc. It's illegal, immoral and wrong. It could also be indicative of something much more threatening to you and your well being, both physically and emotionally. If you don't call the police, there's a good chance you'll end up regretting it. BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!! Which is (or should be) the third rule of submission!!

dove967 -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 1:23:22 PM)
Sweet subbie sister.....the answer to your question is short and simple. He did this because he's a vengful, angry, pathetic , son of a bitch that has no business trying to carry the title of "Master". You're so much better off without him! Don't waste the heartspace trying to figure him out. It's just that simple.... dove

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/13/2009 3:56:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven The first rule of submission is that you don't submit to someone who isn't worthy of it. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... because everyone can ALWAYS see EXACTLY who a person is and HOW a relationship is going to turn out; as if we can all tell the future. What a giant load of Hallmark-esque BDSM blathering. Hint: Most people LEARN AS THEY GO... sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't, and sometimes it's a fucking nightmare!!! Par for the course. Contrary to what you might think, the "first rule of submission" is to set the BDSM component aside and focus on the person, not the kink. No different from a 'nilla dynamic where you set the sex aside and focus on the person; not the nookie. And here's a news flash... even if you apprach it in this manner, there's still a good chance things won't work out. Again, par for the course. Oh, and it might surprise you to know that those that are abusive assholes (be they male, female, top, or bottom) are VERY good at hiding who they truly are. They have to... so they're quite skilled at concealing the scum beneath. Hopefully those that are duped learn can from the ordeal and possibly avoid making the same mistake in the future. quote: You picked badly. Great... blame the victim. Bravo! As if YOU have never made a poor choice in another? We all have. That's the way things go sometimes. Live and learn. quote: The fact that you even ask if this is okay indicates... you're not ready for a relationship again. On this point we agree completely, though I'd take it one step further and suggest the OP get some PROFESSIONAL counseling... and FAST!!!

KCalli -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/14/2009 5:43:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven The first rule of submission is that you don't submit to someone who isn't worthy of it. The second rule of submission is that YOU DON'T SUBMIT TO SOMEONE WHO ISNT WORTHY OF IT. No Sorry Wait The second rule is no smoking rofl.....sooo true and rules 3-10, see above. No really, just because you are submissive does not give a Dom the right to use you as a doormat, punching bag or whatever. The way I see it is: I know my need to submit and to serve, so I tend to be even more careful when uncollared, as I am at this time. I can't permit my need to blind me. Yes maybe I am overly cautious, but choosing the wrong one to submit to can be worse than nothing at all. (and nothing at all ain't no fun either.) Honor and respect above all, both ways.

VvShadowspawnvV -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/14/2009 6:42:18 AM)
Okay, besides the fact that you use a name like "utterslut" and then get upset when he posts an add for a gangbang for you (doesn't anyone else find that ironic?) the things he is doing are obviously against the law and childish, petty bullshit. I agree with Leonidas, unless you feel honestly threatened, ignoring him is probably your best course of action to avoid things escalating. Of course if you think you are in danger, call the cops, or a lawyer. Personally, although I am probably going to be the target of all kinds of self-righteous subbie-rage for "blaming the victim" I agree with DarkSteven that anyone who gets into a relationship that ends up at the point where the cops show up FUCKED UP. Plain and simple (and NO, I have never chosen THAT badly... ever). Does that make you a bad person? Of course not, but I think you should take the good advice offered here over the pure sympathy and learn from the mistake. Just so it doesn't sound like I am really singling out MasterSlaveLA, although the post did make me feel the need to reply to this mess... they had a very good point that I think a lot of people miss. Even though you are interested in a BDSM relationship, it is still a relationship. So unless you are one of the few that is looking for extreme levels of slavery and/or humiliation, where it might not matter, you need to look long and hard at the INDIVIDUAL you are getting involved with. People are people, and a lot of them suck, whether it is here or at your local bar, or even at the library... Use your head and submit to someone you can respect and who will treat you the way you want to be treated (however that may be). That being said, please notice that I specified someone you can respect. In my experience, bad endings like that are the result of things that took time to build up on both sides (unless it was over a specific incident) and there were probably signs beforehand that should have warned you that it wasn't going to work out. Fighting is not submission, not by any definition of the word (I know... it's not dominance either) if you are feeling the urge to fight, but desire submission, you should look to the root of the problem, whether it be him or you. Blame isn't important, but having a fulfilling relationship is, just honestly figure out what you need, and how you can choose more wisely next time. Be Well... and good luck -Frey

DesFIP -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/14/2009 9:48:33 AM)
Call the police. This is illegal and he can be prosecuted, and should be. Gather all the information, consult your attorney and seek redress. Me? I'd be hassling the D.A. to get him a long jail term and I'd be suing him for every dollar he has. It is totally unacceptable.

utterslut -> RE: seeking to understand behavior (8/14/2009 1:44:33 PM)
Thank You, to all who kindly responded.I fully am aware of what he is doing is criminal. It is a very revengeful act and quite cowardly. I think the reason I brought it to the board, is in hopes he might read this thread and get a grasp on what could be huge trouble for him in the near future. I know who ever placed the ad in the W4MM has an IP addy and can be located. It is difficult for me I am torn I despise the behavior and actions with no remorse and continued attempts to try to violate me, I know it is pain and anger that drive him. I can only hope a nice slut will find him and make him happy or atleast move on peacefully.I don't get the because of my chosen name I should deserve what he dishes my way, the notion that in someway i provoked it, to me is ridiculous. I adore the word slut, to me it is sexy, it rolls right off the tongue, I don't particularly view it as a bad word, its more admitting you are a sexual being and enjoy the pleasure you get and give from sex. Six months later I have moved on, dating, screwing, being free and doing as I please ,I am grown and way over 18 and will hold myself accountable for my actions.. I am not responsible for any body or their actions. ~~thank you

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