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Trust - 8/13/2009 8:05:05 AM

DLslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/8/2009
Status: offline

i am hoping i can get some input here. I trust my Master with the physical completely, I know he will stop when the pain is too intense, he will stop when the choking is too much and i need air... thats not the problem. it seems that in the last few weeks i have noticed several things that is making me lose trust in what he tells me. should i ignore this and continue on? i am new to the lifestyle and not sure where to go from here. if he tells me one thing but does another then what???? i just happened to look up at the moment when somones im was up on his computer saying "may i approach daddy" or something like that... now i know he likes when i call him daddy... and i know it wasnt his kid... he is telling me i am his only slave/sub yet that im is very contradictory.... (there are other situations too but this one is driving me crazy) i mean if he wants another sub/slave so be it.. it is his decision.. but why not just be straight about it.. why hide it, why tell me theres noone else?

Post #: 1

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 8:09:09 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

You already know the answer to this question. It is not possible to be the slave of someone you don't trust pretty much absolutely. The thing you have mentioned... potentially restructuing the relationship into some sort of poly thing... that's not a tiny item. It's not, "He told me he'd stop for groceries on the way home and he didn't." Now, is when you two figure out whether you have a real relationship or not and if so, what kind.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DLslave)

Post #: 2

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 8:33:40 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

what would you do if this was a vanilla relationship?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 3

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 8:36:59 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

Well, if it were me in that situation, I would just come right out and ask him something like "Daddy, I saw that IM. What was that all about?" without a judgmental tone, and see what he says. Then go from there. Honesty is always the best policy. Good luck.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DLslave)

Post #: 4

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 8:44:03 AM

lockemann

Posts: 23
Joined: 7/14/2009
Status: offline

Without trust, a relationship is doomed to fail. Sad but true.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 5

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 8:46:52 AM

HarderToBreathe2

Posts: 181
Status: offline

I think it's best to trust your gut; it can save you an awful lot of heartache. Of course, that's easier said than done, I know. Our mind tries to find some form of logic that will make things seem okay, b/c we don't want to believe otherwise. But then we just drive ourselves crazy with the whole emotion vs. logic tug-of-war. My instinct is that this man is no good. :(

(in reply to lockemann)

Post #: 6

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 9:00:04 AM

DLslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/8/2009
Status: offline

he said its protocol for the other person to call him that deemed by her Master... i thinki should trust him.. i want to trust him.. i need to sleep on it :(

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)

Post #: 7

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 9:03:45 AM

HarderToBreathe2

Posts: 181
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLslave

he said its protocol for the other person to call him that deemed by her Master... i think i should trust him.. i want to trust him.. i need to sleep on it :(

I know how hard this type of thing can be. I wish I had some advice that would help :(
Keep us updated

< Message edited by HarderToBreathe2 -- 8/13/2009 9:04:02 AM >

(in reply to DLslave)

Post #: 8

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 9:07:10 AM

DLslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/8/2009
Status: offline

i will keep ya posted .... thanks to everyone for being so helpful kisses!!

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)

Post #: 9

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 9:09:35 AM

quizzical

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/11/2009
Status: offline

quote:

if he tells me one thing but does another then what????

To me, this is the most important line in the OP. I think it's the same for any kind of relationship, too (ie vanilla, d/s, or other). Regardless of what caused this question specifically, the answer is the same.

It matters what another person does far more than what another person says.

Good luck to you.

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)

Post #: 10

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 10:49:23 PM

Rhodes85

Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline

Trust is the most important thing. Trust your instincts most of all. If something feels 'a little off' it usually is. I leaned that the hard way with my ex so don't make the same mistake I did.

(in reply to quizzical)

Post #: 11

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 11:01:24 PM

HarderToBreathe2

Posts: 181
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhodes85

Trust is the most important thing. Trust your instincts most of all. If something feels 'a little off' it usually is. I leaned that the hard way with my ex so don't make the same mistake I did.

Probably the best advice you will receive.

(in reply to Rhodes85)

Post #: 12

RE: Trust - 8/13/2009 11:02:04 PM

slavegirlbc

Posts: 22
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

i had a weird feeling about my Master.. kind of a panicky feeling.. 3 weeks before he told me he was going to be seeing someone else. he then told me he had been seeing them for 'a good part of a month'.. about the time i started feeling weird about him.

trust your instincts. i know you don't want to... i know you want things to be alright.

but this is your intuition telling you there is a problem. i suggest you believe your instincts.

(in reply to Rhodes85)

Post #: 13

RE: Trust - 8/14/2009 1:48:48 AM

Nightrider

Posts: 17
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

He is like anyone else..He'd rather you always be there..and he may want to experiment. Take your time before questioning his motives..

(in reply to DLslave)

Post #: 14

RE: Trust - 8/14/2009 4:47:38 AM

DLslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/8/2009
Status: offline

I am going to try to trust him .... I am not going to be coming back to this post again.. Thank you all for your input.

(in reply to Nightrider)

Post #: 15

RE: Trust - 8/14/2009 7:36:58 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

"I'm going to try to trust him" doesn't exude confidence in your decision, in my opinion.

(in reply to DLslave)

Post #: 16

RE: Trust - 8/14/2009 7:43:30 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Daddy is such an intimate word to use and, generally, not used by strangers. Sir, yeah, Master.. even that and actually required by most Goreans.. but Daddy? No.

Good luck with that trust thing.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 17

RE: Trust - 8/14/2009 8:03:28 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLslave

I am going to try to trust him .... I am not going to be coming back to this post again.. Thank you all for your input.

What a sad post.

One thing I've learned about trust. I usually say I trust very few people in this world. That isn't exactly true.

I can trust everyone to behave exactly as their nature dictates and very very few to behave as my nature thinks they should.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to DLslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Trust - 8/14/2009 8:24:32 AM

HumiliatePorky

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline

In the past, I've noticed in my former relationship,if a dominant can't remain true to the word he says,its hard to trust him and this type of relationship is all about trust and communication it remains quite hard to keep that type of relationship lasting. In my own experience, I ended up leaving the dom who kept losing my trust because his actions spoke louder than words. Communication is important, he needs to understand what your telling him,if he isn't true to his word, the trust will only be lost if I was in your shoes. In my past, when the trust was breaking, I found the dominant I served, both him and I told little white lies, I realized instantly if I served someone I trusted the lies wouldn't be there and the dominant would know me well enough, rather than just being selfish enough to try to have the cake and the icing also.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 19

RE: Trust - 8/14/2009 10:38:37 AM

SouthernSpankin

Posts: 106
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLslave

... in the last few weeks i have noticed several things that is making me lose trust in what my Master tells me...he tells me one thing but does another ... i just happened to look up at the moment and some IM came up on his computer saying "may i approach daddy" or something like that ... he is telling me i am his only slave/sub yet that IM is very contradictory.... (there are other situations too but this one is driving me crazy) ... why not just be straight about it.. why hide it, why tell me theres noone else?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DLslave

he said its protocol for the other person to call him that deemed by her Master... i thinki should trust him.. i want to trust him.. i need to sleep on it :(

He's enjoying himself with this relationship with this sub you saw messaging him saying "may i approach Daddy" or whatever. But he's telling you that you are the only sub he is messing around with. Yeah, you asked him about it and he just blew you off. You say you have other examples of him lying to you as well. Why would you want to trust somebody that has shown you that being honest with you means nothing to him? It could be that you are stupid, it could be that you are desperate, etc. And if that's the case, that is how your Dom is going to look at you (stupid, desperate, etc). Why would you want to build a relationship with somebody that views you like that?

< Message edited by SouthernSpankin -- 8/14/2009 10:41:42 AM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 20

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