Proprietrix
Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
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I’m kind of glad this thread got bumped, as it’s one I never saw when it was originally posted.
I think what we have here is another one of those media portrayed fantasies. Maybe true for a select few who want to live out that type of fantasy, but probably nothing more than a fantasy to most.
As many know by now, I’m not a sexually inclined person. I’m not celibate, but I’m very picky about who/what/whens of sexuality, because it is something I engage in to please my partner, not for pleasure I derive for me. Want to please me? Great, fix me a killer salad and let’s watch a good movie together while you rub my feet. If you’re wanting sexual pleasure for yourself (be that in the form of the giver or receiver either one) you’re going to have to say so.
That being said, it will be absolutely necessary for my partner to initiate 99% of all sexual encounters. I am not a mind reader and I don’t keep a little sexuality journal to know your horniness patterns. I choose adults who have great communication skills. My partner won’t get his sexual needs met by playing coy and pretending he likes chastity. If a submissive comes to me and goes on about how he enjoys chastity and only initiates sex when I demand it, my thought is "Cool, more salads and movies!" It’s a matter of honesty. If what he means is "I like being in chastity 5 hours a day and I like performing oral sex on a woman while she calls me demeaning names for 2 hours." he needs to say so.
Nothing burns me up more than "submissives" who try to embed their own sexual proclivities under the guise of my enjoyment. If you enjoy performing oral sex, just say so. Don’t try to make it out like you’re providing me with an invaluable service for my personal enjoyment. That just comes across as arrogant. Really, I was content with the salad. I moved on to the sex part, because I love you and I care about you having your needs met too. Just like you did some give and take when you sat there through 3 straight hours of a crime-drama series you hate, I’m willing to do some give and take in the bedroom. But what I will not do is falsify what we are doing under the guise that I am "forcing" you to do something that was your kink in the first place.
It’s ok for a submissive or slave to like sex. A good majority of the population of human beings enjoy sex. It’s OK to be true to yourself and admit your preferences, without having to put me in the role of the uber-nympho Dominatrix who drools over the thought.
I think I’ve digressed…
Let me get back to the questions at hand…
quote:
My question is, does this in anyway correspond to reality?
Not my reality, nor the reality of most the Dominant women who have shared details with me of their sex life. (That being the sex life they are really having, not the one they fantasize about.) Most the male submissive I know who are in chastity, are in chastity because they enjoy it, and their Mistresses really have no preference either way whether or not they wear the belt. Or they are in chastity because the couple really doesn’t know what they want and they picked up a chastity device because "It’s a BDSM thing."
The same applies with "forcing" oral service. They are usually doing it because they know the submissive enjoys that sort of play.
Most of the Ladies I know live more in the reality of "by the time we make it to bed, we’re both so tired from the busy day of work, home, health, kids, bills, and family, that we’re lucky to get a quickie missionary style."
Most of the Ladies I know don’t incorporate much dominance in the bedroom at all. Most of them are in day-to-day M/s relationships with very little focus on kink. When they do engage in S&M play with their boys, it’s usually at dungeon parties and is not overtly sexual.
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Question #2: To include all women here, what are your oral preferences in terms of initiation and duration?
I prefer my partner initiate it. By "initiate" I don’t mean "demand". He can initiate it via begging or asking to do so, just flat out saying it, or through those typical subtle cues that humans have the ability to build on. And normally since I’m not going to be reaching any sort of climax anyway, he can stop fairly soon after he starts.
quote:
Question #3: If in the whole sexual continuum you were to rank receiving oral on a scale from one (1) to ten (10) where would you rank it? ( 1 being "hate it," 5 being "its ok, I can take or leave it," and 10 being "it’s the absolute ultimate to me.")
Probably about a 5. It depends on the person doing it. If they are slobbering around not knowing what they are doing, it quickly drops to a 1.
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IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).
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RE: Oral Sex, the female, and the femdom - 
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