RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me

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slavejali -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/23/2006 7:25:59 PM)
My pleasure Sir. Its one of those challenges of forum posting, to make sure we are on the same boat in regards to whats being said and how it will be understood. Thanks for replying. Addition: I've noticed the OP of this topic has not replied....i hope they are all doing ok. Sometimes when someone writes when they are upset, they can say things harshly and in the morning things look better. (crossing fingers).

yourMissTress -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/23/2006 9:06:11 PM)
KoM, I have a brand new respect for you.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/23/2006 9:19:51 PM)
I suppose that didn't count for my biological parents my birthmom nearly killed us through neglect and malnutriotion and my bio dad was incarserated for rape and didn't want to come to the hearing on what to do with us two. It's not every parents nature or desire to care for their offspring, nor to love them, nor to have attachments feelings, nor responciblity. quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali , of course the nature of the human parent is to love and have an attachment and feel a responsibility to your children,

slavejali -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/23/2006 9:26:42 PM)
Im sorry that happened to you FelinePersuasion, my mom was a prostitute and used to just leave me with strangers all the time...but...i really do believe that in general, for the large majority, parents love their kids and feel connected and attached to them, even when they arent looking after them so well.

windchymes -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/23/2006 9:45:04 PM)
Ain't it just a shame how reality and responsibility and common sense keep fucking up poor "dominant" men's fantasy lives? Sorry to break the news but "Stepford Wives" was fiction.

Crazytwice -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/23/2006 10:09:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves In the Vanilla world we call it divorce. In the lifestyle I'm sure there's some fancy term for it but I don't know what it is. Basically I'd tell her to get out and don't come back. She's not holding up her end of the agreement (Vanilla OR BDSM) and you don't need that. She's also a draw on your finances and your energy. Use the financial savings to take care of the kids while you work and regain your energy and your self-esteem by living without her. You should probably keep the kids since she's a slob anyway and be sure that you file in court against her for custody. Make her defend herself or walk away. And for Gawd's sake DON'T warn her this is coming. You will need surprise on your side. This requires a real 'hard-nosed' approach and you can't let yourself soften. You have to go after her with your guns loaded so-to-speak and a totally heartless approach. Man, I don't envy you at all, but I DO wish you the best of luck. I've read and re-read this thread and I'm still cringing, my face is deep red and my blood is boiling. The irresponsibilty of unprotected sex resulting in not one, but TWO, pregnancies and then he complains that breakfast is not served in bed and coffee is not ready on the table. In my opinion, she would be better off without this mate. One less boy to tend to. As far as the above post, may I ask OH, what world do you live in? Do you really think that a woman with two children can be removed from her home against her will? If a seperation ensues, the man will have to leave until the courts decide otherwise. Additionally, I know of no courts that will grant custody of small children to a father simply because a mother is a "slob". "Go after her (the mother of one's children) with guns loaded and a heartless approach." Funny how dominance or lack thereof is revealed is the most unexpected manner.

DraconicAnger -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 12:26:32 AM)
Thanks for the input, while the original post may not have been thoroughly read or perceptions were miscontrued. Thanks anyways and honestly the coffee and breakfast was just an example of her duties. I take care of the children and clean the house and no we are not married. My simple question should probably have been. How would you deal with a sub after having kids but they constantly give excuses as to why chores are not done. This entails when you the Dom do what is necessary to keep the household running? How many Dom/me would accept excuses from subs on a constant basis even after having stern talks with them. 24/7 relationships go way beyond mere scenes all the time. If you enter an agreement with someone it needs to be abided by or discharged in an amicable manner when you are unable to fulfill it. Drac

Focus50 -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 1:17:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DraconicAnger Thanks for the input, while the original post may not have been thoroughly read or perceptions were miscontrued. Thanks anyways and honestly the coffee and breakfast was just an example of her duties. I take care of the children and clean the house and no we are not married. My simple question should probably have been. How would you deal with a sub after having kids but they constantly give excuses as to why chores are not done. This entails when you the Dom do what is necessary to keep the household running? How many Dom/me would accept excuses from subs on a constant basis even after having stern talks with them. 24/7 relationships go way beyond mere scenes all the time. If you enter an agreement with someone it needs to be abided by or discharged in an amicable manner when you are unable to fulfill it. Trouble is, it's not a simple question of a D/s dynamic problem when there's young kids in the equation. Take the kids out and most would probably say you two should look elsewhere. Or, kids or not, you orta be talking about it adult to adult. Personally, I'm loathe to address any D/s possibility here because of the kids. This is best left to the ladies to answer but child birth has innumerable different post natal effects on women and I'm really not gonna touch hormone imbalance etc! But there is one area that I question.... As LuckyAlbatross stated, protected sex doesn't guarantee there won't be a pregnancy. But TWO "unexpected" births is starting to stretch anyone's luck.... It's probably not this simplistic but either you were one careless dom or she did manipulate the situation. I don't need to know either way but all these things should be discussed by yourselves - as equal adults. Focus.

PlayfulOne -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 4:31:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DraconicAnger Thanks for the input, while the original post may not have been thoroughly read or perceptions were miscontrued. Thanks anyways and honestly the coffee and breakfast was just an example of her duties. I take care of the children and clean the house and no we are not married. My simple question should probably have been. How would you deal with a sub after having kids but they constantly give excuses as to why chores are not done. This entails when you the Dom do what is necessary to keep the household running? How many Dom/me would accept excuses from subs on a constant basis even after having stern talks with them. 24/7 relationships go way beyond mere scenes all the time. If you enter an agreement with someone it needs to be abided by or discharged in an amicable manner when you are unable to fulfill it. Drac I am just going to be blunt. You seem to have no understanding that the enire situation has changed with the children. They are now in charge, whether you are tyring to live a 24/7 or not. You might need to take a look whether or not your "wishes" are reasonable. You many have given the ciffee and breakfast as just an example, but do you really think with two small children in the home that is a reasonable expectation? Being a dominant does not excuse you from the responsibility of helping contribute in the raising of YOUR children. K

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 6:04:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DraconicAnger How would you deal with a sub after having kids but they constantly give excuses as to why chores are not done. I would talk to them about exactly what the excuses are. I would get to the root of the issue. I would talk with them about ways that would make the excuses go away. I would make a list of "Things to work on" and then work on them together. I would expolain to them how I felt WITHOUT blaming them. quote: This entails when you the Dom do what is necessary to keep the household running? What have you done other than bitch at her about being lazy? quote: How many Dom/me would accept excuses from subs on a constant basis even after having stern talks with them. 24/7 relationships go way beyond mere scenes all the time. If you enter an agreement with someone it needs to be abided by or discharged in an amicable manner when you are unable to fulfill it. Drac Stern talks don't mean anything if they are not balanced with understanding, a focus on problem solving, and a helping hand. Without those, they just make the other person feel useless.

Theslavetrainer -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 7:21:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Crazytwice I've read and re-read this thread and I'm still cringing, my face is deep red and my blood is boiling. The irresponsibilty of unprotected sex resulting in not one, but TWO, pregnancies and then he complains that breakfast is not served in bed and coffee is not ready on the table. In my opinion, she would be better off without this mate. One less boy to tend to. I would agree, but I think he is better off without the lazy baby-factory. Just because she popped out a kid or two, doesn't mean that she can just sit around, pick her nose and cry about life being hard. News flash kids, thats the way life is. If you don't like it then get off your ass and change it. quote: As far as the above post, may I ask OH, what world do you live in? Do you really think that a woman with two children can be removed from her home against her will? If a seperation ensues, the man will have to leave until the courts decide otherwise. Additionally, I know of no courts that will grant custody of small children to a father simply because a mother is a "slob". Actually, here on earth, it depends on where they live. If he let the place go as much as she let the place go, all he would have to do is call CPS to come look at it. Seeing that the place would be a health hazard for the children, they would most likely side with the father and his wishes to take care of the children and kick the lazy bitch to the curb. You are right that ha would have to move out first with the boys, but if he had his ducks in a row when he did so, she would be forced to either comply to his wishes or lose custody. quote: Funny how dominance or lack thereof is revealed is the most unexpected manner. Oscars approach is in no way a lack of dominance. Dominance isn't about all the nicey-nice, feel good things that women seem to think it is. It isn't all romance. It's also about getting things that have to be done, done. It's about holding one responsible for their slacking off. It's about straightening her ass out or kicking her ass out. You want romance go see the next feel-good movie of the year. This is the real world and it isn't all bon-bon dishes and teddy-bear dreams.

angelic -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 7:36:55 AM)
quote: I would agree, but I think he is better off without the lazy baby-factory. Just because she popped out a kid or two, doesn't mean that she can just sit around, pick her nose and cry about life being hard. News flash kids, thats the way life is. If you don't like it then get off your ass and change it. laughs and hummms quietly to herself, laughs again and decides to STFU (too busy laughing at that ridiculous remark to type well) [:D]

IrishMist -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 7:46:30 AM)
quote: I have to tread carefully because whenever someone who hasn't actually born and raised children themselves try and speak to these situations, they tend to be completely disregarded (at best). The first years of a childrens life- your life does not belong to you. It belongs to them. Now, even parents of infants can get their alone moments, their blissful breaks. But, for the most part, until your child can walk, talk, dress, eat, and understand the concept of waiting- your life isn't yours. Everything is about and for them. It won't always be like that. Once they go to school, once they get their own friends, their independence will grow, which means they lose the need for dependence on you at such an intense level like they do now. This means more free time in general, more ability to not need all direct attention focused on them, and more energy for your own self. I think you've got a major communication breakdown here, as well as a big case of blame. Fix both of those and see where things lie. Look at the long term. LA, are you sure you are not a mother in disguise? You could have not have said it better than if you had raised your own to adulthood.

mons -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 8:03:29 AM)
hi as a dominant woman i had to wait until my son was old enough to be away so i could have time to myself when he was baby and little i did something i still wonder about i did not date at all, i could not see me being the mother i wanted to be and go out with different men so i stay home and didnot go out but i am a good looking pretty woman. so i knew that i would have a chance to go out when he was older. there is nothing more important then being a mother or parent. and when you mess that up it all gone i am proud to say my son had a college degree and also is a gifted artist as i was and stillam i took the time to see what he knew well and i brought him books to learn from. at that time no i could not send him to art school i have not money but i when to ever art book sales and brought him all of the matriels he needed to learn. and if i could show you what he had learn you would be so shock i am proud i took that step, yes iwas lonely but he kept me busy. his father abandon him, it hurts him still but i never said i bad word to him about his father to him, he has seen alread what he is made of many man can make a child but it take a real man to be a father stays and fight this out somewhere there is something still there try and find it but if it is not take the boys with you or make sure you see them alot money can be paid but true love of a father is so so preicous. my son dad miss so many wonderful years i have them all inside of my heart i have no regrets at all with greeting mons

Merritt27 -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 9:23:12 AM)
Theslavetrainer.... You Sir, are ridiculous. Reffering to her as the "lazy baby factory" .. really. What did your mama do to you to make you feel this way about women? You seem just down right bitter...maybe more so than the man with the problem. Somewhere in all of Your puffed up Domly yammering You did manage to make a point. "This is the real world and it isnt all bon-bon dishes and teddy-bear dreams". You are correct about that. But, being the real world....don't you think it a little unrealistic to expect a "Leave it to Beaver" type atmosphere? Has anyone considered the fact that this woman may be spending her time interacting with her children, playing games, teaching them things...not on the couch eating cheeze doodles watching Jerry Springer while Wally and the Beave go nuts in the house? Just one girls thoughts....

IronBear -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 9:39:19 AM)
Firstly, I haven’t read all the replies to this thread. However what I am seeing with the OP is something which I have to deal with from a counseling perspective in the past in the vanilla world. Parents stay together because of children. Let’s leave out the lifestyle aspect for the moment as look at this as a relationship which has gone pear shaped and there are kid/s involved. My first thought is you may need professional help in the way of counseling (Lifestyle friendly would be ideal). If that didn’t work and you two can’t work things out, then I’d be thinking of a separation situation. In the final analysis, the kid/s are the most important, and yet you also need to be in a situation in which you can find happiness. It is important that generally children can cope better with a relationship breakup than many adults give them credit for. Obviously, something in a formal and legally enforceable visitation or sharing rights is necessary for the children need both parents even if they are not under the same roof. “You gotta play the game. It’s all in the game and how you play it!”

Crazytwice -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 10:00:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Theslavetrainer quote: ORIGINAL: Crazytwice I've read and re-read this thread and I'm still cringing, my face is deep red and my blood is boiling. The irresponsibilty of unprotected sex resulting in not one, but TWO, pregnancies and then he complains that breakfast is not served in bed and coffee is not ready on the table. In my opinion, she would be better off without this mate. One less boy to tend to. I would agree, but I think he is better off without the lazy baby-factory. Just because she popped out a kid or two, doesn't mean that she can just sit around, pick her nose and cry about life being hard. News flash kids, thats the way life is. If you don't like it then get off your ass and change it. quote: As far as the above post, may I ask OH, what world do you live in? Do you really think that a woman with two children can be removed from her home against her will? If a seperation ensues, the man will have to leave until the courts decide otherwise. Additionally, I know of no courts that will grant custody of small children to a father simply because a mother is a "slob". Actually, here on earth, it depends on where they live. If he let the place go as much as she let the place go, all he would have to do is call CPS to come look at it. Seeing that the place would be a health hazard for the children, they would most likely side with the father and his wishes to take care of the children and kick the lazy bitch to the curb. You are right that ha would have to move out first with the boys, but if he had his ducks in a row when he did so, she would be forced to either comply to his wishes or lose custody. quote: Funny how dominance or lack thereof is revealed is the most unexpected manner. Oscars approach is in no way a lack of dominance. Dominance isn't about all the nicey-nice, feel good things that women seem to think it is. It isn't all romance. It's also about getting things that have to be done, done. It's about holding one responsible for their slacking off. It's about straightening her ass out or kicking her ass out. You want romance go see the next feel-good movie of the year. This is the real world and it isn't all bon-bon dishes and teddy-bear dreams. I stand by what I said. And for the record, at no time have I ever experienced a life of bon-bons and teddy bear dreams. In fact, because of this, I'm pretty good at recognizing those that are not what they say they are. Lazy baby factory? Picking her nose? Crying about life being hard? I would say you might benefit from reviewing your dominance training manual. There must be something in there about respect.

justatoy2 -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 10:36:59 AM)
this is to the OP...first..who cares if you don't get your coffee or your breakfast or if she submits to you at all. Why does it not matter? because those children come first. Period. Both of you need some serious family and couple counseling. Comming here and whining...yes whining..about how lazy she is isn't going to fix the problem. I have heard nothing in the way of how you care about her, or want to do whats best for her. It sounds very self serving and its all about you. Im sorry but its a relationship. I don't care if its a D/s or a vanilla relationship. Its still a relationship. And it works both ways. Yes life changed and you had two unexpected pregnancies. Both of you had a hand in that. Childrens needs come first. period. So do the dominant thing..the right thing and get some help for your family. It is after all a family. I feel for these kids because i see some rough roads ahead for them. Good luck.

KnightofMists -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 12:58:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress KoM, I have a brand new respect for you. mmmmm the old one was getting rather tattered and worn uh? w thank you!

angelic -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (2/24/2006 1:12:26 PM)
Aanyone Eelse notice how the Op hasn't responded to this thread? hmmm... He must be busy changing diapers, cleaning house, doing laundry, fixing meals, spending time with the little ones, cleaning up the toys... hoping they actually fall asleep for that illusive nap, and muttering about how he can't get coffee and breakfast served in bed anymore! [;)]

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