RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (Full Version)

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Yedi -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (3/14/2006 11:33:47 PM)

Ok time to play devils advocate and possible Bastard

1 did you risk without birth controll or did the birth controll fail?

2 before she got pregnant was the relationship evolving the direction you thought it should

my views are simpleif it failed it is neither of your faults if you didn't use it then 1 time aww shit twice you should have learned the first time.

is she trying... as far as the coffee goes get a pot with a timer and it is not hard to pour yourself a cup

if she is honestly doing nothing playing a peg bundy and not willing to do anything nor get help with her problems then I agree with the few that have said file for custody get the kids and kick her to the curb

if she is trying then get her help I have friends that have children in your range and even so the house stands in at least a somewhat organized condition. Have her see the DR about her heart don't take excuses do it. also see if you can get her to see a specialist about the depression again don't take no for a answer . Make sure she takes her meds and see if things straighten out.

Those are my opinions and I fully expect to get flamed about them but that is my advice. I am in the line of child care amongst other things so I have seen all types even the seperated mom trying to work and hireing her ex to clean the house and paying him to ocasionally watch the kids... But if you can not get help for her relize that your children will be influenced by BOTH of your actions.

I am not saying this as a Evil person... but sometimes a single parent is better than two that show constant hell together . and Yes I am the product of a single parent and I turned out all right. I even take care of my mother and help her when she needs it.

However the biggest thing is do not EVER talk down about thier mother around them or to them Being your children of cource then you become the evil one.If asked a question later be honest don't sugar coat but do not use vulgar language nor do you put all the blame on her.



Fawne -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (3/20/2006 2:13:41 PM)

I'm neither a Dominant nor a mother. However, perhaps you could take her to a doctor? She sounds depressed. Good luck to you all.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/depressionpostnatal.htm



OsideGirl -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (3/24/2006 10:27:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DraconicAnger

How would you deal with a sub after having kids but they constantly give excuses as to why chores are not done.


Well, perhaps you could give the children her chore schedule and explain to them that they have to conform to Mommy's chore schedule.

Okay, now back to your regularly scheduled real world.....




Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (3/25/2006 12:05:23 AM)

Reality check. You got your cock out of your pants, you produced the children. You didnt take control of contraception, even if it was to asign it over to her and ensure she was completing this task. So now its time to face the music.

You are now responsible for two little boys. They need their mother. sound like ivestigating if she has post natal depression is a option. If it is, then this is a simple fix in comparison to alternatives.

Living with someone who is depressed, is soul destroying. I know. And i empathise with how miserable they can be sometimes. If indeed she even has depression.

Learing to be a mum and a sub/slave simultaneously? thats a tough one. I tended to view rearing mine as a battle field to our relationship at times. Try to survive the first flush of parentdom. Coz it does get easier. And you get your own family routine and it kinda slots in, in a very monty python way. But it takes a few years.

You may of lost a lot of control, but that is past. What is worth considering, are its lessons, and how you will apply them in your families future, for the better of all of you. It may well be that to walk is the answer. But if you do that, at some point, your gonna feel real guilty. And you'd better be ready for that moment, with as clean a slate as you can muster. Knowing you did everything in your power to get things on track, will go a long way to Your recovery.

Good luck, lifes a fucking bitch sometimes aint it?
littleone



TexasMaam -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (3/26/2006 11:03:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DraconicAnger

I'm tired very tired and I need advice as I have gone through all the experience I have and still have yet to find the answer. The background is posted below.

I have been in the lifestyle for a few years yet due to extenuating circumstances decided to put My desires/wishes on hold until I met someone that would be able to satiate the needs that I had. Kink is only fun for so long and really gets tiresome after all and frankly there is more to life than just sex no matter how great it is. Three years ago I got involved with a woman I had known for years who was in the lifestyle also and claimed to be a sub. My first thoughts were woohoo someone I can share my desires with, work with and grow with. During the first year she got pregnant and her duties were unable to be fulfilled and I understood that. So as a Dom should be caring and understanding I toned down. Then we had another unexpected child on the way and I told her ok do what you can but after your body is repaired things must get back to normal. I'm used to being served amongst other duties being performed like a cup of coffee on my desk prior to me getting up. Breakfast being cooked and served in bed, house kept up to My standards and of course other duties. Now three years later My sub is not what she stated she would be. I now get excuses of her having a bad heart yet she refuses to see the Dr again. She has severe tantrums that put me in situations I would prefer not to be in due to the children and My instinct is the children first. Housework doesn't get done all I get are excuses, and I end up doing everything. I get the feeling she is trying to reverse roles on me and frankly I don't have a submissive bone in my body. I do the things necessary to keep the house in running condition otherwise it would be a pig stye and that is unnaceptable. I have thought about letting her go for quite sometime now, but the children keep coming to mind. She doesn't work and is home all day yet blames the children for the way the house is. I'm home on the weekend and the house is fine. she has even said lets tone things down a bit. So what advice is there to give a tired tired man. I work from 12am-8am clean house when I get home, try and relax then pay attention to My boys. Bitch at her for not doing her job get into a fight rinse and repeat. The simplest answer would be to cut the losses and move on, but as I said earlier My boys are a necessity.

DraconicAnger


1. Didn't you figure out what caused the babies? Condoms are pretty affordable.

2. OK, now that the babies are here, hire a maid.

3. Maybe once you get off her ass and hire her some help, she'll feel like pampering you again.

4. Whether she's home all day or not, her waking moments are spent monitoring the children.  Be a man, and take responsibility for the family and your household instead of whining like a titty baby because 'she isn't keeping things the way I want it'.  Hire some help and give both of you a break.


YIKES!

TexasMaam



Nimfie -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (3/27/2006 3:23:47 PM)

i thank You so very much for all you said. It all so very true. It's hard being Mother, Wife, dedicated sub, and even worse when the one you try to please doesn't seem to care or try to understand why you keep failing the tasks at hand. And if both children are 3 and under than she is most defininatly dealing with Post Partum Depression. When that happens a woman really has no control over her emotions and feelings. Everything seems too overwhelming. If He truely wants His boys happy, help their Mother be happy and once again be able to be the sub He needs....not what He "wants".



MstrFury -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (3/27/2006 7:17:05 PM)

I'm in agreement with KoM on this one...but I'd just like to ask a few questions...if in fact you're her Dom/Master or whatever...where's the control you're supposed to have over yourself....where's the direction and guidence you give....I see a rant about what's not being done...yet...if you wanted simplistic...where was protection from the what it appears to me...unexpected children...

I speak to this issue because I was close to a very similar situation...your wish is to turn back the clock...reality says...look at the future...marriage isn't an option for everyone...but...children born..either wanted or unwanted...are here... 

consider this....TAKE CHARGE....you and you alone have that power...everything you have fault with...is your failure....our subs/slaves look to us...they reflect us...therefore what you see in her is a direct reflection of yourself....invest as much time inside your home as you do outside of it....if you show with hands on support...that you can and will clean...cook...care for the children...and in general...take back that control you should never have lost...you might be very surprised to see that the little things you let twist your relationship out of perspective...might just not be as important as you'd make them...

but if the true fact is you're just plain tired of the relationship...for the sake of all involved especially the children...end the relationship with her and do what you must to insure that the lives you helped to create...live the best life they can ...with you being a major player in those lives...  nuff said...on this...it's just my HO...and there's always two sides to a coin...right now I base this on the heads side you show me...everthing I just said might change if I see the flip side...

Fury



YouWill2 -> RE: Tired Dom seeking Advice from other Dom/me (3/29/2006 2:10:49 PM)

Most of us....humans that is....tend not to really change much.  I think we often get into relationships, vanilla or bdsm, and somehow feel that the person you get involved with will change to your liking.  Remember both people in any relationship have their own specific needs.  Did you know that one of her needs was to have children, was that one of your needs or wants?  Sometimes I believe that D's believe that it is only their own wants and needs that are important.....that is just not true. Without the s's needs being met, however different they might be to the D's, the relationship will fail. This is what I think happened to you.  You obviously did not know each other well enough to understand each others needs before you got really involved with her.  That is a mistake that you must live with now, one way or another.
Good luck.....i feel bad for all of you.



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