First Time Jitters

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

First Time Jitters

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> First Time Jitters

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 1:33:09 AM

VanIsleKnight

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline

So let's say you've never been in a D/s situation before in your life. Let's say that you're really nervous about your first time because even though it's not your first time having sex (or it could be!) it's still your first time doing, y'know. This. A BDSM virgin if you will, whose tender submissive cherry has yet to be popped, if you'll excuse the expression.

What can you (and your Master/Mistress Dom/Domme whatever) do to make things more relaxed, more at ease? Do you discuss what the types of limits are a few days before or a few hours before? In short, how can you make the experience as smooth as possible for both parties involved?

_____________________________

Apologies for what you feel might be a spelling error. I'm Canadian.

Post #: 1

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 1:39:44 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We discussed everything beforehand. Most of all, we became friends first. And at no time was I obligated to go farther than I was comfortable going.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 2

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 2:00:34 AM

cornflakegirl

Posts: 183
Joined: 7/1/2009
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

We discussed everything beforehand. Most of all, we became friends first. And at no time was I obligated to go farther than I was comfortable going.

I totally agree with this. We also role played a lot over the phone and online before we met in person, so a lot of the feelings were at least a little bit familiar and we had a decent road map of each others desires and limits and such in the moment which can look different than a paper checklist filled out in a vanilla context.

We were very close friends and had discussed being able to stop, safeword, no hard feelings, no high expectations, just have fun, if it works out, great, if not, hey, that's why Nintendo makes such great games.

One thing I was a little unprepared for was how emotional he was. He kinda freaked out right int he beginning, locked himself in the bathroom for almost an hour, and I was scared, thought I had done something wrong. It all worked out but it came down to trusting what we had talked about before, and then communicating after to understand that kind of reaction, work to prevent it, and also just be patient and understanding when things like that happen. :)

_____________________________

I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well.

Away from the computer more often than not.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 3

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 2:21:18 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I had to think a long way back

The very first time I Dominated someone was really scary! I was excited but at the same time as nervous as hell. It all ended up with him leading me instead of the other way round. He obviously saw what a state I was in even though I didn't let on that he was my first.

I kind of like being the first to Dominate someone now (though its been a while). There nerves are delightful and instead of a normally outspoken, confident individual, you are facing someone who is blushing, stumbling over words and wringing there hands! and its my job to guide them into that headanistic crazy world of ours and sweetly give them there very first experience.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to cornflakegirl)

Post #: 4

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 2:36:58 AM

VanIsleKnight

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline

... Yes, that sounds more or less like me in that situation. Wahey!

_____________________________

Apologies for what you feel might be a spelling error. I'm Canadian.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 5

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 8:46:35 AM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Of all the weekends, you just had to put this up this weekend didn't you OP? Last year, this exact weekend was my first time exactly as you are discussing here. I was excited, terrified, and just a mess. My partner took it very slow, kept me calm and comfortable the whole way. There was never any expectations. Things just flowed naturally. We had been talking for some time and had really gotten to know each other very well (as much as possible online) and felt very much like we were meeting someone we had known all our lives. The twist came when it was time to make the choice to go into private and play. By then, however, the choice was easy and so far we are happily ever after.

lovingpet

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 6

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 11:42:47 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I've "converted" a couple of vanilla newbies, and had relationships with a couple more guys who were interested in BDSM, but hadn't had a chance to explore it yet. Instead of starting out with a full-blown scene, I think doing a little hairpulling, biting, holding wrists down, etc. that doesn't actually hurt and doesn't involve anything complicated is better. Just to start getting a sense of their reactions, chemistry, and so forth. You may well find that some things are great to fantasise about, but don't work out as well for you when you actually try them (but don't give up after one bad experience, sometimes a different approach or trying it a couple more times makes it work better).

Since you don't yet have a partner, you can try doing some casual play first if there is a local playspace/dungeon or classes. I'd strongly advise against visiting a pro-Domme, though. I think it can give you some really unrealistic expectations, and lead to a mindset that is counterproductive to submission (though that's not universal, of course).

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 8/15/2009 11:45:31 AM >

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 7

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 12:32:17 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

relax and be comfortable, trust your Dominant and enjoy the ride.my first time was wonderful after i relaxed a bit. take time to talk to your Dominant and breath slowly with your diaphragm.

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 8

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 12:32:51 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Gee, I think you already stated the answer Van...

Just go ahead and make things more relaxed and at ease. Don't do some big, scary, dramatic scene. Have a bit of FUN... maybe some relaxed music (always good for setting the mood), and start small. Des said it well... if you are friends with the other person and trust them, and that person doesn't crowd your comfort zones, then what's to worry?

I went through this with Carol... both in terms of dominance and in terms of sadism & bondage. Sure, it was new and therefor a bit weird and a bit scary. But hey, I didn't tie her up in 2000' of rope. I just cuffed her hands to the bed and put a sleep mask (which she uses a lot anyway) on her. It wasn't really all that freaky. Ditto with bossing her around in more of a lifestyle sense. She cooked most nights anyway, so commanding her to cook me dinner was... different... but not really all that freaky.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 9

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 3:02:12 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Be friends, care about one another, communicate, laugh, joke, not take every step with such gravity that a single misstep will destroy everything. In other words, just be real with one another. :>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 10

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 3:06:14 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Do very mild things first. Don't break out the heavy bullwhips and thudding paddles and fire right away.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 11

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 4:40:57 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight

So let's say you've never been in a D/s situation before in your life.

quote:

What can you (and your Master/Mistress Dom/Domme whatever) do to make things more relaxed, more at ease?

I would start by saying that if you've never been in a D/s situation, you shouldn't be having a Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme. You should be dating/learning/playing and trying to figure out what you actually want from a relationship and D/s before making that kind of commitment.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/15/2009 4:41:33 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 12

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 6:53:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

like with anything new...go slow. Start out with simple light things and expand from there as she becomes more comfortable with you and the situation.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 13

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/15/2009 9:31:10 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

My first time was with Mistress Latex, the BDSM Blow Up Doll.

I was disappointed to find she had a flat chest and a nine inch cock.

Then I realized she was inside out.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 14

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/16/2009 12:09:11 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

My first time was equal in intensity to any scene my Sir and i have had since.
His first spanking of me left bruises that took a week to fade.
His feeling was (and is) to expose me to how he normally plays, and if i responded to it so much the better. If it was too much, then obviously i wasn't a good fit for him. I had a safe word so if it all got too much for me i could have safe worded out.

He thinks that it is unfair to start off slow and low level, then ramp it up and be surprised when the sub is uncomfortable with the intensity of play that he enjoys.

and as far as jitters go - all i remember of my first time is walking in the door, stripping and crawling to Sir. I cannot for the life of me remember anything else - i was VERY nervous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 15

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/16/2009 1:19:11 PM

shadowowl

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

my first was a bit ofa surprise to me lol. though we talked about it and such before hand she jsut came up put the collar on me put a leash on and way we went! didn't ask just did, she knew I liked it before hand and stayed with the basic stuff we talked about.
I must say though it was one of the better sessions we had she was more forcefull and commanding then later on, I suppose cause we basicly just met (aside from a couple public meetings and chats online we had not been alone before)
course I ended up marring her and she became less forcefull and more concearned over if I would like something or not.. :(
now divorced and looking forward to my first time with new Misterss hehe.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 16

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/17/2009 8:47:56 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My first time with Master i was nervous, but not a nervous as i though i would be. We talked on the phone for over 2 months, then Met and talked in person for 16 hours over 3 days. We talked about what we wanted/expected from our relationship if we went foward with one. Talked about limits and safewords,so we knew what was going on with both of us and we were on the same page. We must have done something right because now over 3 years later we are still together and going strong.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to shadowowl)

Post #: 17

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/17/2009 10:36:25 AM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline

Whew I feel your pain, lol. I was so nervous that I couldn't stop bouncing which Sir thought was hilarious. I still very clearly hear his voice asking me, "What is that?" in reference to my bouncing. I was extremely nervous but happy to be there and excited about the anticipation. Not knowing what was coming next. BOY was I not disappointed..ahem. <fans and moves along before she says something that will get her into trouble>

You'll do fine, as all others are saying, follow your gut. Usually your first reaction is the correct one.

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 18

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/17/2009 10:38:45 AM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

My first time was with Mistress Latex, the BDSM Blow Up Doll.

I was disappointed to find she had a flat chest and a nine inch cock.

Then I realized she was inside out.

chia* (the pet)

ROFLMAO

_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 19

RE: First Time Jitters - 8/17/2009 11:17:46 AM

ChampagneMojito

Posts: 77
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: UK
Status: offline

At the end of the day you just have to brave. I found it incredibley intimidating first time, looking back I wonder what the fuss was, but can remember how nervous I was. As everyone is saying, take time to get know each other a little, but ultimately only you can walk through the door. Best of luck!

t

_____________________________

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~Anaïs Nin

(in reply to VanIsleKnight)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> First Time Jitters

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109