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tightropes -> RE: Is There Anything a Submissive or Slave Has a Right to Expect from His/Her Master/Dom/Domme? (8/15/2009 1:08:06 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan
Does a Master/Dom/Domme owe anything to his/her submissive or slave?
Is there anything that a submissive or slave has a right to expect from his/her Master/Dom/Domme?
If so, what?
Sometimes I think that the D/s world is more preoccupied about rights, duties, privileges and expectations than the legal or ecclesiastical world. And I think Leadership527 (Jeff) had it right in saying "I suppose you can structure any deal you want with your sub/slave. But honestly, if there's nothing in it for the other party in the agreement, it's hard to see how it can last beyond the initial rush of fantasy."
Before turning to the message board I read yet another California Domme's profile proclaiming that she didn't give a hoot what the submissive wanted or cared, that he was there only to serve her wants and needs and that while she isn't a "pro" he had better have financial resources to take care of her and her desires.
Well, perhaps there are many submissives out there for whom that approach resonates but often these same Dommes bemoan that all the submissives are wannabes who make promises in emails but never follow through. Surprise. NOT.
A submissive has a right to expect anything he or she wants from the dominant. If the dominant doesn't particularly want such a submissive, then there will be no relationship. Similarly, if the dominant wants the moon, the sun and the stars (I'm sure I've left some things out), that's fine but if few if any interesting submissives come a knocking, do not be surprised. Then again, if the dominant finds her/his submissive who wants to be treated like dirt, more power to both of them.
A D/s relationship is a relationship. Of course, there are some dominants who claim their connection with their submissive isn't a relationship as that connotes an attachment or obligations the dominant refuses to assume. So we can call those liaisons a D/s connection. Either which way, each of us has some sense of what we WANT in a D/s relationship. Hopefully we will pursue what we want. In that sense, my view is that submissives, like dominants, have a right to expect that their wants will be met and if the other party to the relationship doesn't meet those wants hopefully the frustrated party will leave and the relationship will not and should not endure.
So, the right isn't some legal obligation nor is there a corresponding legal duty (what is owed). Rather, a submissive has the right to pursue his or her wants and desires. If the submissive desires a relationship in which he or she relinquishes all control and in which the dominant may act arbitrarily, selfishly, dishonestly or the like, then so be it. Thank goodness most of us have enough self respect (particularly as we age) not to want such relationships, even if we want occasional fantastic episodes reflecting that kind of caprice.
My sense is that in most 'successful' and enduring D/s relationships the dominants may deny that they have any obligations toward their submissives (other than to "protect" them because that, after all, is their role {lol}) but in fact do seek to satisfy the needs and expectations of their submissives either because they know that if they don't the relationship will crumble or because, perish the thought, they have warm and caring emotional ties to their submissives and actually feel some sense of obligation, a rather human trait.
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