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Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 12:33:28 AM

daddywoofdawg

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/26/2009
Status: offline

I have met a new sub, she has told me she wants me as her master that stuff is worked out.I'm fairly new to a lifestyle sub which this is (as opposed to a bedroom/parttime); My question is what do most feel is fitting punishment for minor infractions like not saying SIR,and other minor but needs to be trained offenses?

Post #: 1

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 1:08:51 AM

spookyfe

Posts: 74
Status: offline

for me for a minor offence like that his look is enough for me to know i missed something. my master just comands respect etc by how he is his strength his loving his caring his dominance. i can count on one hand the times i have had to be punished for anything . the knowledge i could disapoint is enough

(in reply to daddywoofdawg)

Post #: 2

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 2:05:05 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Just as every person is different, every relationship is different. Both of you need to become clear on what kind of preferences and interaction you want to share.

I always recommend that substance should supercede form. Acting in accordance with a particular protocol is not surrender. Explore the deeper dynamic of her choice to surrender. Also understand that mastering control also requires mastery of self surrender. That is, you cannot control something which you do not understand within yourself.

(in reply to spookyfe)

Post #: 3

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 2:46:18 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

My question is what do most feel is fitting punishment for minor infractions like not saying SIR,and other minor but needs to be trained offenses?

No punishment...just a gentle reminder. She is a new sub...you are a new Dom. You both have a long way to go....relax and enjoy the journey!!!

_____________________________

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(in reply to daddywoofdawg)

Post #: 4

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 6:34:14 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

None.

You need more education on how people learn. A habit is formed by repeating a behavior every day for a month. If you see her once a week, then expect something like this to take a lot longer than a month. She'll be talking to all sorts of people every day, say a hundred interactions where sir is inappropriate. Learning to say sir for ten times out of those 700 weekly will take a lot of time. If you start punishing her she'll quickly learn that the only way to be safe is not to talk to you. Is that what you want?

Just remind her to say sir, and ask her to repeat the sentence.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 5

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 9:53:03 AM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

Don't get into the mindset that every little thing is punnishable. understanding and caring is important to. Remember that is another person not an unthinking animal

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to daddywoofdawg)

Post #: 6

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 10:12:39 AM

newone11

Posts: 75
Joined: 6/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

None.

You need more education on how people learn. A habit is formed by repeating a behavior every day for a month. If you see her once a week, then expect something like this to take a lot longer than a month. She'll be talking to all sorts of people every day, say a hundred interactions where sir is inappropriate. Learning to say sir for ten times out of those 700 weekly will take a lot of time. If you start punishing her she'll quickly learn that the only way to be safe is not to talk to you. Is that what you want?

Just remind her to say sir, and ask her to repeat the sentence.

That's some darn (ugh, this no cursing rule is killing me) good advice!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 10:28:46 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

FR

For relatively minor infractions including forgetting to do things as I want them done, the response from me is retraining and more training as necessary including repeated doing the things correctly so that both brain and muscle memory has the slave doing them automatically and can focus on the bigger picture or perfecting the task. Infractions regarding correctly addressing someone is oft cured by writing lines instead of watching a favourite TV program. The point is correction of errors rather than punishing ... In the long run it serves you better and makes for a more harmonious home.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to newone11)

Post #: 8

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 1:38:02 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I think if you are focusing on punishment then you are focusing on the wrong aspect of the relationship. But thats just my opinion.

MS

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 9

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 3:06:21 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

Seriously...

Accept that neither one of you know what you're doing. Go slow and learn.

(in reply to daddywoofdawg)

Post #: 10

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 5:42:58 PM

DrFeelGod

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline

Keep the punishements for offences, correct faults with talks. And be clever at distinguish ones from others.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

Post #: 11

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 9:13:13 PM

cagliostro

Posts: 128
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline

I find that for minor things the best (worst) thing you can do is ask them what mistake they have just made. Not only do they get that they just did(didn't do) something, they then have to figure out what it was. Nobody gets harmed, and it ends with a hug and a kiss and she's learned. Everybody wins.

(in reply to DrFeelGod)

Post #: 12

RE: Training a new sub - 8/16/2009 10:25:32 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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In my opinion, one of the biggest mistakes a new Dominant makes is concentrating on punishments instead of rewarding desired behavior.

(in reply to daddywoofdawg)

Post #: 13

RE: Training a new sub - 8/17/2009 4:20:47 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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Obviously you have to practise 'the look'... this is a special Domly look... it expresses annoyence... you need to spend some time infront of the mirror Sir and practise this special look; frown your brow in displeasure and look a bit dark and broody... maybe combine the look with saying 'excuse me?' in an urgent displeased sort of way.

good luck

(in reply to daddywoofdawg)

Post #: 14

RE: Training a new sub - 8/18/2009 9:53:03 AM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddywoofdawg

I have met a new sub, she has told me she wants me as her master that stuff is worked out.I'm fairly new to a lifestyle sub which this is (as opposed to a bedroom/parttime); My question is what do most feel is fitting punishment for minor infractions like not saying SIR,and other minor but needs to be trained offenses?

Hello daddywoofdog. In training (and everything else) the proper attitude (mind set) is what you are looking for. Mistakes, technical errors may abound but if you have good attitude you should not punish. You should have a ''theme'' of the day (or week) and work on one thing at a time. If you are protocol ''heavy'' vs to being protocol ''light'' it will take the time that it takes with repetition and practice. With bad attitude you will never get there...

Reward and praise proper attitude, forgive minor mistakes. This way, you will be forgiven for ''your'' own minor mistakes if you are a good example and have a good attitude yourself. RL.

PS: This may be a little different or radical but you can have fun in training once in a while in a non punishing atmosphere. Some people learn faster when they are relaxed and actually enjoying themselves.

(in reply to daddywoofdawg)

Post #: 15

RE: Training a new sub - 8/18/2009 9:57:26 AM

blankputty

Posts: 3
Joined: 5/28/2009
Status: offline

when there's a tazer dangling from your wrist they wont make minor mistakes to begin with lol

(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 16

RE: Training a new sub - 8/18/2009 3:20:35 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

In my opinion, one of the biggest mistakes a new Dominant makes is concentrating on punishments instead of rewarding desired behavior.

Or simply explaining what it is.

Hell, the girl WANTS to please!

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 17

RE: Training a new sub - 8/18/2009 3:30:31 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
Or simply explaining what it is.

Hell, the girl WANTS to please!

Yes... just yes.

The only answer I have for why this doesn't occur to everyone is that it's not bdsm-ey enough.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Musicmystery)

Post #: 18

RE: Training a new sub - 8/19/2009 5:44:26 AM

MaitreAZ

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline

i found that training became easier when we set a verbal 'trigger' that set her into the sub mindset. for instance, she knows that when i use her "pet name", she's 100% sub and my every movement and word gets her undivided attention until i release her to act as her 'normal' self. It helps clear up any confusion as to what is expected. like everyone has stated. you're both very new. experiment, practice..and go with what works, for both of you.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 19

RE: Training a new sub - 8/19/2009 7:06:43 AM

VvShadowspawnvV

Posts: 218
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

Personally, we use different levels of discipline. If she is in "casual mode" and forgets to call me Sir, she gets "the look" unless she is being a brat, and did it on purpose, then she gets a pinch along with it. On the other hand, if she is in "strict mode" such as if she's already in trouble, or in a training type situation, since I probably have a switch or crop in my hand anyway, she generally gets a good swat. It isn't so much a "punishment" as a correction. All this stuff just takes time, so I agree, take it slow and work things out for yourself.

I would definitely take it slow in the "punishment" area though, and work on simple corrections of unwanted behavior. I tend to reserve actual punishments for things that were more than simple slips in protocol. But we have a 24/7 situation, with kids around, so overly strict rules at all times just isn't gonna happen.

_____________________________

"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages
because they know they can be impolite without
having their skulls split, as a general thing."
-Robert E. Howard

(in reply to MaitreAZ)

Post #: 20

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