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petmonkey -> RE: Being an emotional masochist: how does that work? (8/16/2009 10:30:06 AM)
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Sadly, the Wipipedia link did not work for me and i very much wanted to read it. The page claimed there was no article.
From what i understood from your post, i'd have to answer your question with,
"It doesn't work for me, ultimately."
Please note that i connect but do not limit the phrase "emotional masochism" to what some might call humiliation play, especially humiliation "roleplay" (i think that's the right word, unsure). A generalized example: D person is more valuable, has more worth in the world than i. D person is the golden center and i am mere shit-smear periphery, etc.--this is acted out in various ways in context of scenes and/or dynamic. Is this at all similar to what you are talking about?
By "work", i mean it does not produce the effects, actions and overall emotions i desire when involved with a Dom/me. It makes me feel more disconnected from them and from myself. It makes me less trusting, less sharing, less honest and less willing to display or act on my submissive tendencies. i hope for the exact opposites of these things. i tried a relationship out that was like the latter example, ultimately it was sour grapes for me.
i would consider "emotional masochism" a hard limit, as it left me incredilby unhealthy phsyically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually--the whole Meggilah. At the very least, i would consider this "heavy edge play".
Perhaps the person i was involved with wasn't doing it "right".
". . . he explained that he needed me for MY power, for my abilities to pick myself up and be strong and start over with him. "
This is incredibly interesting. Thinking of my experience with this in mind, perhaps i lacked character for not being able to dust myself off afterward in the way you are. i had only enough strength to pick myself up and be strong and start over without the person. i think this might be difficult to wrap my head around because it might be topsy turvy thinking to societal norms on this topic.
People, i'm going to guess, might not be able to see the difference between emotional masochistic play and being a victim of abuse. i have trouble understanding where the line is drawn between the two myself. Thus, the "hard" of the limit. (sidenote: i could equate this to "don't play with a gun if you don't know how to check to see if it is loaded or on safety.") Is it, in your opinion, willingness to participate and the headspace that willingness comes from? Willingness from a sense of desire rather than fearfulness? Or am i assuming much from what you wrote? It might be helpful to me if you describe the difference between how you view the marriage you once had as abusive versus how you view emotional masochism as you mean it in the context of BDSM play.
Furthermore, like leaving partners who denigrate me, i try to expunge self-deprecating thoughts from my mind. Apologising for my presence on Earth does not aid me in my quest to move through life with aplume. Like i said, hard limit.
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