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RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 2:44:54 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Arillis there isn't anything respectful in anything I have heard you type out. You not only insult domina's, but submissive's. Good job there bitter buddy.


quote]ORIGINAL: Arillis

Don't believe her, I am incapable of insulting. A shy unassuming mild mannered misperceived and often timid little fellow and she would portray me as something different

--------------------------------------------------------------------
The quote feature didn't work right so I drew a line, but..........

Well, umm, it sounds like you just DID.  Lockit's right.  I think what you said was rude.

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 8/19/2009 3:06:02 PM >

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 221
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 2:53:23 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		Well he seems to have moved from New Guinea to New Caledonia anyhow.  

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 222
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 2:56:56 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well, twelve pages of some pretty goddamn good looking, successful in many walks of life and every endeavor, sorta female dominants that seem to be making it.  It would seem to put the 'failure' question to rest.

Moi  

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 223
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 3:02:38 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		Yes indeedy. There must be some sort of conspiracy going on. All of the Domina's are in a private club!

DUn dun DUN!!!

lol

I love Dominant Womenz.




_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 224
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 3:31:30 PM   
lilboycaught


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline 		I'm still around.  Reading.  Learning.  Dommes love to have the smartest subs.  I swear this is a big thing with them.  That's why guys like me so easily fall in love with them.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 225
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 4:29:10 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught
I wasn't asking if female domination was a failure as a concept (it's clearly a fantastic success in my mind) but rather is it a failure as a sociological phenomenon.  In the late '90s, it had seemed like femdom was going to be the next "gay."  My disappointment was that it never attained that goal, and frankly I blame it on the money thing.


The percentages don't work.  Roughly 10% of the human population is on the LGBT spectrum; those are substantial enough numbers that it becomes a human rights issue likely to spark major social reform sooner rather than later.  Additionally, gay is *visible* by its nature.  Two men or two women living together in a partnership or engaging in even the mildest of affection in public are obvious.  Hiding the fact that they're gay is difficult and demeaning, and even potentially crippling to their normal day to day life activities, particularly in the social, financial and legal arenas.  Coming out is not just necessary, but inevitable.

I'm not sure of the exact percentage of people whose orientation is primarily or seriously D/s or BDSM, but it's a lot less than 10% of the general population.  Probably more than that have dabbled lightly at some time, but it's not really a lifestyle thing for most people, and they're more interested in a basically equal partnership.  Additionally, heterosexual couples who are seriously into any form of D/s or kink don't have to be visible to the general public as such in order to live normal day to day lives with their partners.  Coming out is neither necessary nor inevitable.  In this case, it really doesn't hurt to stay in the closet, because revealing their orientation is less about basic human rights and more about TMI regarding their private bedroom stuff that most people are not really going to care about or consider their business. 

The existence of prostitutes has not changed either the heterosexual or the homosexual social dynamic, and the existence of pro dommes does not significantly change the BDSM to mainstream social dynamic, not in the sense you are looking for.  It is not rational to blame the lack of public popularity of the femdom lifestyle on the existence of pro dommes, not when it's easy enough to figure out by the hard numbers why BDSM is not and never will be "the next gay". 

(in reply to lilboycaught)
Profile   Post #: 226
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 5:16:23 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught
Back in the 1970s, some sub men used to say "there's no such thing in sex as a truly dominant female."  They really believed that.


Then they were silly.  Or else it was like slavekal says - out of ten "submissive" men trying to get to know a dominant woman, some will be married, some will be total physical slobs, some will be socially inept and poor relationship material, and some will get cold feet and run away once they realize that they might actually have to consider the wants and needs of another real human being in a relationship.  All of those guys - and if it isn't nine out of ten of them it's likely to be ten out of ten - are very unlikely to find a dominant woman who desires them enough to want to tie them up, fuck them and own them.  If they're lucky, they'll get a pro they can pay to put up with them, because they're just not desirable submissives.  It's not surprising that they don't believe in the existence of a dominant woman who wants a submissive man to use sexually.  We do exist, but unless you're pretty damn hot as well as being mature, polite, intelligent and genuinely fun to be around, we don't want to have sex with you. 

So what do those ten guys do?  They blame everybody else.  Dominant women who want men to be submissive sexually don't exist, because they don't want me.  Never mind that I weigh 300 lbs, have the personality of a grumpy bear with boils on its ass, and loudly insist on going Dutch because all women are stupid gold diggers and scammers.  Also, I may have uncommon fetishes that are messy, take hours to set up or clean up after, and I won't play any other way.  It's my kinky way or the highway,  baby.  And by golly, if those dommes don't want me, if they aren't leaping right out of the woodwork to date me, they must not exist. 

I think the term for this problem is "self fulfilling prophecy",  because the only women who are going to be willing to go out with these less than desirable male commodities are the ones who want paying for it. 


quote:

There are way more submissive men than dominant females.  It's just a fact, and CM is a testament to it.  Is that always going to be the case?  If it is, then I think any academic analysis would be that femdom is a dysfunctional sexuality.


I don't think you know very much about the academic analysis of sexuality.  We're talking about polymorphic behavioral strategies, in which case a mismatch between male and female behavioral strategies is not necessarily dysfunctional.  In fact, it's more or less expected.  The evolution of courtship and relationship strategies has typically shown more diversity and more examples of "extreme" behavior in males than in females, and that's fairly consistent across the vertebrate board.  No, it's not dysfunctional even when it does not work for any but the fittest individuals.  In fact it would be dysfunctional if it did work for all individuals regardless of their fitness.


quote:

But there's a serious problem when you have 6 or 7 male submissives for every female dominant.  This isn't something to laugh at.  This isn't something to shrug off.  This is a serious societal problem. 


No, it's not.  I'm sorry, but life just ain't fair.  Evolution is a harsh mistress.  There are a great many species where multiple males must compete to demonstrate their fitness to mate, and many if not most will be rejected as unfit.  The fittest males - the ones that best please the females - will be selected, and the unfit ones can only work harder in the hopes of improving their fitness and acceptability.  That's life on this big green ball of a planet.  You can accept that and make the decision to join the evolutionary race, or stop trying and whine that it just ain't fair.  Whining is not a winning strategy.

(in reply to lilboycaught)
Profile   Post #: 227
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 5:23:03 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

You can accept that and make the decision to join the evolutionary race, or stop trying and whine that it just ain't fair.  Whining is not a winning strategy.



Whining isn't winning.  That has a really nice ring to it. 

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 228
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 5:32:37 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		Intelligence is reciprocated with kindness, love, and honor. Dominant females do love intelligent beings....

but not for their intelligence but the actions that flow from them.
It seems like effortless effort at times.

Then again...

For every thing I do intelligently, I always have two silly things to back it up.


_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to lilboycaught)
Profile   Post #: 229
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 5:59:11 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		You know for the years I spent searching for a kinky woman,not necessarily dominant, I wish I had done what I did two years ago. I stopped looking, and WHAM found a wonderful loving woman. She may not be a Domme, but she can be dominant from time to time. We are more on a switch road than a definite top and bottom relationship.

My advice is, stop bitching, be yourself or at least try to act like a civilized man, or gentleman. Speak intelligently and especially learn how to wow a woman without words. On the first date that would lead to becoming engaged, I brought my fiancee the flowers she liked, took her to the restaurant she liked and did things she liked on our first date because I LISTENED and PAID ATTENTION to what she talked about way before I even asked her out. That alone scored more points than any line I could ever utter. And from there on the relationship was built and is still even today being built.

Suck it up, and keep searching. The one you want is out there. I know several Dommes, and pro dommes out there, and even more women that just do stuff for fun.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 230
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 6:27:02 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I am a decent guy with decent looks.  Not super handsome or a saint by any means.  I am not rich.  But I have been with many real life lifestyle dommes in my life.  They DO exist.  The guys who say otherwise are just not trying hard enough.  I hate to be that blunt, but that is the fact of the matter.  If you have a dry spell that goes on for years, it's you.  You need a better game plan.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to dominmd)
Profile   Post #: 231
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 6:31:23 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

The guys who say otherwise are just not trying hard enough. 


That's one possibility.  Another is that they are fixated on themselves and getting their own needs met as opposed to getting the Domme's needs met.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 232
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 6:59:38 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


And I think littlesarbonn has a link in his sig to a book, or books, he has written, I am sure they are not free...




Hey, thanks for reminding me. That company that published it ripped me off and hasn't sent me a nickle for a single copy sold, even though I've actually been asked to sign copies that people have bought. Didn't realize I needed that crap out of my signature. So, I guess in a way it was "free". ::snicker::



Well...that really sucks. I do hope it was worth it though, because your credibility posting on these forums giving your opinions based on your experiences are now suspect, according to cloudboy, because there's a commercial connection to your kink.

Akasha



To be honest, I've never really cared what anyone thinks along those lines, so if he was to somehow "suspect" me because I once tried to sell my kink book as part of my sig, I can live with it. But I'm guessing his infatuation is with you, not me, so I'm not really all that worried about it. No, I'm pretty good at creating my own messes to worry about that I don't need to worry about the opinion of someone I don't know very well. As I'm more suicidal than anything these days, I think I can handle some criticism about my desire to make money that never actually materialized.

I do find it amazing how this thread went pages before I got a chance to come back and read any responses. I kind of wish what I posted did that. Maybe I should follow around hot women and insult them whenever I get the chance. It seems to do wonders for some....being friendly and polite certainly doesn't do it these days.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 233
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 7:25:21 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Dark...I consider that a part of trying hard enough.  Focusing on the right things.  Making a plan is part of giving one's all.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 234
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/19/2009 8:31:20 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Intelligence is reciprocated with kindness, love, and honor. Dominant females do love intelligent beings....

but not for their intelligence but the actions that flow from them.
It seems like effortless effort at times.

Then again...

For every thing I do intelligently, I always have two silly things to back it up.



Intelligent and entertaining works for me. :) Both are prerequisites for my interest.

(Add me to the list of Dommes who think you have a great lifestyle future ahead of you. )

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to pyroaquatic)
Profile   Post #: 235
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/20/2009 6:38:51 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

In your apparently rather rigid judgment


Where exactly do you come up with this stuff?

As for Aakasha, its just more of the usual, aka her challenger is: "paranoid," "bitter," "obsessed," and "angry." Its pretty amusing and Bill O'Reillyesque.

As for suspicions, I suppose my greatest was when she was looking for a secondary partner for what seemed like 18 MOs - 2 yrs, and it came to look like simply a lure for attention to sign up for professional sessions. Sorry, anyone with half a brain had to get suspicious there. [Those reading the Ask a Mistress Board]

Anyway, all that could possibly be said, has been said -- so its time to move on.

The readers will have to draw their own conclusions.....




(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 236
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/20/2009 7:32:42 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

In your apparently rather rigid judgment


Where exactly do you come up with this stuff?

As for Aakasha, its just more of the usual, aka her challenger is: "paranoid," "bitter," "obsessed," and "angry." Its pretty amusing and Bill O'Reillyesque.


Because it really and truly looks that way to an observer, even one who is surprised to see it in you.  I don't think you're that kind of person, having chatted with you amiably from my former friends-only profile. But your ragging on Akasha just plain looks bad, and I really have to wonder what's motivating you. 


quote:

As for suspicions, I suppose my greatest was when she was looking for a secondary partner for what seemed like 18 MOs - 2 yrs, and it came to look like simply a lure for attention to sign up for professional sessions. Sorry, anyone with half a brain had to get suspicious there. [Those reading the Ask a Mistress Board]


Let me give you a short look inside a domme's headspace.  Finding a secondary partner is *hard*.  I've been at it myself for quite some time, but I mostly stick to trolling local BDSM mailing lists and poly events, because unlike Akasha, I'm really not set up to deal with long distance situations, or bringing someone in who might not have a job in this area initially.  I do get a lot of people approaching me on this profile asking for a personal relationship, but they're *not* the best candidates for clients.  It's not a good "marketing shunt" at all, and it's not why I'm looking for a secondary partner.  I'm looking to add a third into my current household because my primary sub/partner is bisexual, I really enjoy the dynamics of a trio in so many ways, and the "leather family" model has historically been a very good thing for me and my nontraditionally genderbent partners.  The person we're looking for is a pretty rare bird, and we're both aware that the search is realistically quite likely to take some time to find the right fit.  It will surprise no one if it does take us a couple of years to find a candidate.  Poly can be like that; it gets exponentially harder to manage the wants and needs and emotional health of more people in a relationship.  Unless you want dysfunctional poly, which is No Fun. 

The last thing the average pro domme wants is to have guys confused about what the expectations are in a session.  I'm not talking about your "stealth pros" who pretend they are personally interested, then demand "tribute".  I'm talking about the ethical, smart and serious ones who know why it's a good business model to keep a separation.  For starters, the last thing I need is to be up on prostitution charges because I blurred the lines between the professional, nonsexual "kinky fitness" services I offer, and a personal session that will involve hot men getting nasty for my amusement.  Like church and state, this shit seriously has to stay separate.  There can't be any personal boundary crossing, and I don't even want clients trying for it.  Managing that is just too difficult and dangerous.  Yes, I'm tempted when cute bisexual clients show up.  No, I'm not going there, unless I'm willing to fire them as clients first. I'm not sure what Akasha's parameters are for a secondary, but if she's at all interested in using him sexually, it is very much not worth the massive hassles and potential legal issues of blurring the boundaries between client and personal partner. 

I don't know why you're "suspicious" of Akasha.  The truth is that she's a very amateur pro domme, in the sense that she's barely dabbling in the business end and not making nearly as much of a go at marketing and getting clients as she definitely could.   She's a smart woman and very good at business, but she's applying those smarts to her vanilla career and not at all to her domme life.  Think about it - what could she be doing to get lots more attention if she really was out to do more than amuse herself with very occasional phone sessions?  It would be considerably less subtle and far more effective than advertising for a secondary.


(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 237
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/20/2009 7:48:25 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		CB, I've enjoyed many of your posts, and heaven knows I don't always agree with Akasha, but you're right, the readers will draw their own conclusions, and I'm with L&T on this one:  not sure why Akasha seems to be special target of yours, but it certainly looks as though that's the way it is.

All the best to you.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 238
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/20/2009 7:57:32 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

In your apparently rather rigid judgment


Where exactly do you come up with this stuff?

As for Aakasha, its just more of the usual, aka her challenger is: "paranoid," "bitter," "obsessed," and "angry." Its pretty amusing and Bill O'Reillyesque.

As for suspicions, I suppose my greatest was when she was looking for a secondary partner for what seemed like 18 MOs - 2 yrs, and it came to look like simply a lure for attention to sign up for professional sessions. Sorry, anyone with half a brain had to get suspicious there. [Those reading the Ask a Mistress Board]

Anyway, all that could possibly be said, has been said -- so its time to move on.

The readers will have to draw their own conclusions.....


My conclusion:

Why should anyone care -what- she may or may not be doing as long as she is not violating the TOS, nor being rude or obnoxious about it?  How is this any of your business, and who appointed you "Spotlight Guy"?   Far more worthy candidates to point a light at.

Honestly, people come to this site and they have a personal responsibility to understand -where they are- and -who they are dealing with-.  

It's the Internet - you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany. 

Too lazy or stupid to understand where you are?  Hard lessons await...

Use at your own risk... 

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 239
RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? - 8/20/2009 8:12:38 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
Honestly, people come to this site and they have a personal responsibility to understand -where they are- and -who they are dealing with-. 


I would argue that individuals also have the personal responsibility to represent themselves fairly and honestly, within reasonable parameters for respecting personal privacy.  Akasha has consistently done so, despite cloudboy's contentions to the contrary.


quote:

It's the Internet - you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany.


We don't serve their kind here.  Your droid will have to wait outside. 

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 240
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