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LadyNTrainer -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (3/6/2010 11:10:25 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Elisabella
Jesus. Reading this thread there is only one thought in my mind - why is it that any time a submissive man posts anything other than "how may I serve you Mistress" there is an explosion of women acting like downright cunts?
Possibly because of the plethora of men acting like dicks. An intelligent, interesting post from a submissive man that speaks to us as if we were actually fellow human beings is always welcomed and appreciated, and he is certain to get the same courtesy from us in turn. Unfortunately that's more the exception than the rule. It's not much fun to be fetishized, objectified, crudely propositioned, etc, but sadly that's a large percentage of what we get from "submissive" men who are actually aggressive sex fetishists with poor social skills. And when somebody comes on board with a negative or bitter or selfish/demanding attitude right off the bat, it's no surprise when he reaps what he sows.
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Which makes me wonder how the women here who seem to delight in saying "well obviously you're not good enough to attract a domme" would feel if the tables were turned and they were competing against 10 women for a man, knowing that no matter how attractive, successful or loving you are, there's always going to be a couple women who are that and more.
I don't delight in it. It's a sad thing to have to explain to someone who has no clue why dominant women aren't interested in him that he has poor social skills and needs to do a better job of personal grooming and presentation if he wants to be considered desirable. As for the supposed 10 to 1 statistics, what you see online may be misleading The femdom events I have attended have very often had more women than men in attendance. Build a strong community of other dominant women and they will come in numbers. However, the constant barrage that female dominants get from aggressive sex fetishists on standard "adult" sites is such that many of us get thoroughly sick of it and disappear. The odds of femdoms showing up and sticking around are much, much better in local groups when they are safe, supportive and either fully pansexual or femdom in orientation. Funnily enough, we don't tend to hang out in very great numbers in places where we are constantly treated like things for fetishists to use. Sadly, that would describe the atmosphere of most adult sites including this one.
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I'm utterly astounded at some of the replies here that seem to completely dismiss the sexual needs of a submissive male. I've also seen that femdom is a lot different than maledom in that for a lifestyle LTR, in a femdom relationship there is almost always a strong service aspect. I have had comparably little trouble finding men who wanted a long term relationship with me where I would submit in the bedroom for mutual pleasure without any nonsexual service to him and we were both happy and fulfilled, but from what I've read on this thread a femdom relationship is a lot more service oriented. I don't think one is inherently better or worse than the other but it does show that the genders tend to prioritize things differently.
Depends on the individuals, really. There are plenty of top/bottom couples I know who don't do much D/s or service in their relationship. There is nothing wrong with a male bottom who is not submissive, as long as he is honest and up front about his interest and at least as equally interested in making his partner happy as in getting his own rocks off. The problem is that the huge number of rude, selfish, demanding do-me boys who expect women to act as their personal drive-through McDomme's are the ones who are the most public representatives of that orientation. Ergo dominant women do often use service and submission as an asshole filter to avoid the worst of that lot. It does make a good asshole filter in that the selfish ones won't be willing to do anything for us at all, and the good bottoms who aren't really submissive or into service have good enough social skills to get to know us as people first.
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Have some sympathy here people, all the snarking just because you found a partner and the OP hasn't really looks petty.
There's a good reason the OP hasn't found a partner, and I don't think it does him any favors not to point that out.
Ethical male submissives who have good social skills and take decent physical care of themselves, even if they are pure bottoms who are only into kink for fun, do not tend to lack for female dominant partners. The only exception would be if they live in Lower East Buttfuck, Alaska and can't make it to any realtime BDSM events. If you're well groomed, take care of yourself physically, have good enough manners that you are genuinely fun to be with, and most importantly you have a real interest in making your partner happy, you will find someone without having to compromise on what you want.
If you aren't doing any of this stuff, you're fucked. It's not about the "odds", and it's not about all dommes being fake because they don't want you. It's about taking responsibility for yourself and your choices. And if you blame other people for your lack of desirability, rather than focusing your energy on improving yourself and becoming more desirable, you're not just fucked. You're fucked up. Harsh but true.
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