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The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 10:58:36 AM

AAkasha

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Suppose in the "getting to know you" phase (whether it be online, phone or in person), women (or men) imposed a "one month rule." For one month, there would be no discussions of anything kinky. Not even a "light discussion of likes and dislikes." The entire kink thing is pulled OFF the table and it's just about the man and woman and their hobbies, dreams and aspirations. It's like the "purity ring" of kink; you are saying, "I want to respect and adore my partner as a person first and foremost and then we can start sorting out the kinks after we know we like each other."

Women, would you find this appealing?
Men, would you?

Ladies, if you presented this to a man who contacted you, do you think he would stick around for the 1 month of kink-silence?

Akasha

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Post #: 1

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 10:59:49 AM

leadership527

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It's the only way I do things. I don't get into personal details with strangers and before at least one month, you're a stranger to me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 2

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:01:07 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

It's the only way I do things. I don't get into personal details with strangers and before at least one month, you're a stranger to me.

So you don't even talk one bit, not one mention, about ANYTHING kinky - at all? What if the other person brings it up? About two weeks in, aren't they wondering?

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:03:32 AM

LaTigresse

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I could do it just fine and would prefer it. Unfortunately very few of the people that contact me, with an interest beyond friendship, can carry on a conversation about anything BUT. Which is why I don't give much credit to the net-dating way of meeting prospects.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:08:27 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I could do it just fine and would prefer it. Unfortunately very few of the people that contact me, with an interest beyond friendship, can carry on a conversation about anything BUT. Which is why I don't give much credit to the net-dating way of meeting prospects.

If you do it off the net though, at munches or play parties, isn't the assumed topic of conversation also ultimately going to circle back toward kink?

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 5

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:10:33 AM

leadership527

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I don't date kinksters so I wouldn't know. But hypothetically, if I had just met some woman and things were going along well. Say we're out to dinner and having a wonderful evening. Were she to bring up discussions about sexuality of any sort, I'd be slowly backing away... quickly if she was graphic about it. It's just not what I' searching for so it's a fundamental incompatbility. I need life-partners and lovers, not fuck buddies

To answer your question, if they are wondering about whether we can have compatible sex before we even figure out if we like each other, then there's something wrong. For the record, Carol wanted to bed me the first night we were together. I declined and had she not immediately and totally backed down, it probably would've been the end for us.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 6

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:14:10 AM

pyroaquatic

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If asked to do so, yes.

Are you trying to say something?

^_^

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As your desire is, so is your will.
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As your deed is, so is your destiny.
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RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:16:13 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I could do it just fine and would prefer it. Unfortunately very few of the people that contact me, with an interest beyond friendship, can carry on a conversation about anything BUT. Which is why I don't give much credit to the net-dating way of meeting prospects.

If you do it off the net though, at munches or play parties, isn't the assumed topic of conversation also ultimately going to circle back toward kink?

Akasha

Occasionally it will filter into a conversation but the major topics are usually either much bigger (world events) or totally different (how the horse I am training is doing, is her mother getting better, how was work today etc etc etc...) In person, the kink once discovered, tends to be more assumed, less the focus of everything.

Then again I don't go to play parties or munches either......

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 8

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:20:05 AM

antipode

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quote:

one month rule

Arbitrary rules invented for no reason, cooked up on Monday morning, invented by a self important person, found in a cookery book, are uselessly stupid to me.

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Post #: 9

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:20:14 AM

subtlebutterfly

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Even if it were a 6 months rule..it wouldn't bother me

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RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:20:19 AM

olena

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I read these things and my answer is always why?

Compatibility in power exchange and the kinky things are very important just like many other things. Why would I diminish them by not talking about them like they are irrelevant?

Sorry when I was communicating with men I wanted to talk about everything. If all they could focus on was kinky sex then it was goodbye. I want to know the person for who they are and not if they can fake being something to jump over artificial hoops.

Why would I want to waste a month of my time and the other person’s, start having feelings for them and then find out we are not compatible in a crucial area?

Too many women want this one in a million fairytale courtship and to me all it does it set one up for failure by ignoring the realities of life, how a man is and ignoring very important compatibility topics. Then people get emotionally invested and ignore obvious problems and issues thinking love will always make them disappear. No thank you, nothing off the table to discuss and it will give me a better view in who I am communicating with.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 11

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:20:30 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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My answer would depend on the context that it's being used. If we're looking at a purely S/m stance, My answer would be no. I'm interested in playing. I might see it differently if I were looking exclusively for a life partner, but I'm not.

Now, if you're talking about sexual discussions, I'm all for that month and probably longer. I honestly don't care if a bottom's dick gets hard or someone's pussy gets wet. It's not going to come to any fruition with Me until there's a well established connection and/or commitment. I had My current sub several months before there was any physical sexual interaction. That only happened once he was collared and I used him appropriately within My rights as his owner.

I'm something of an old fashioned gal when it comes to those kinds of things. LOL.

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Post #: 12

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:24:29 AM

cornflakegirl

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Joined: 7/1/2009
From: Arizona
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I kinda like the idea. I am assuming they already saw my profile and know my hard limits and wouldn't be talking to me if they wanted to push those.

I want a boyfriend and eventually a life partner so there should be enough compatibility there to get us through a month of vanilla discussions and smooching.

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Away from the computer more often than not.

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RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:25:34 AM

LaTigresse

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Another thing to keep in mind if we are talking about meeting someone from here. The profiles are created so as to be able to fill out a HUGE amount of kink information. If someone has done that, there really is not need to spend time repeating

Example: "I know my profile says I live for anal play but I just gotta say, I LOVE taking it up the ass!!!!

Me: "Uhmmmm, great. So I guess I don't care whether or not you leave the toothpaste tube cap off..... Goodbye and good luck!"

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/17/2009 11:27:15 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 14

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:27:53 AM

cornflakegirl

Posts: 183
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From: Arizona
Status: offline

just thought of something... If we were meeting in the face to face world it would come up pretty quick. Quicker than a month if I liked him enough to keep seeing him.

My time with other adults is at a premium. I don't want to waste time with someone who is pretty fundamentally sexually incompatible when I might only get to go out twice in a month without a kid in tow.

_____________________________

I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well.

Away from the computer more often than not.

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Post #: 15

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:28:15 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

If asked to do so, yes.

Are you trying to say something?

^_^

I was just curious. It would be difficult for me, which is not what most women are saying, but I think I could do it if it was for a greater good - more balance, etc. But even if it's not blatant, I enjoy discussions about power exchange with men - so that would be off the table. I also tend to make flirty jokes and find double meaning in things - that would be hard to just shut off. Even in dating vanilla back in my single days, I would open the door to my kinky side (just to make sure they were ok with it) pretty early on.

For finding "partners for kink," it makes no sense to me to pull kink off the table. In my case, I am not looking for a boyfriend, I am looking for compatible kink partners who have similar goals and share chemistry with me. So it wouldn't work. However, for romantic-based searches, if I were single, I wonder if it would be worth it to make that sacrifice to ensure the guy was also interested in the big picture and not just the kink. And could exercise patience.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 16

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:28:26 AM

slavekal

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I think that is artificial and pointless. I hope this does not come off as too cynical, but I think having hobbies and such in common is irrelevant. Sexuality, intellect, and temperament are ninety percent of any pame/female relationship, I think. I could not care less if a woman knits or plays chess or loves football. Might be interesting, but that stuff won't hold us together.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 17

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:30:55 AM

LaTigresse

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Kal, that may be the case for you but in every single relationship I have ever had, there were much more important things than sex and kink. One of those relationships has lasted for 20 years. Trust me when I say, if sex was all we had, we would have been done with one another almost 10 years ago.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 18

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:33:19 AM

olena

Posts: 97
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Another thing to keep in mind if we are talking about meeting someone from here. The profiles are created so as to be able to fill out a HUGE amount of kink information. If someone has done that, there really is not need to spend time repeating

Example: "I know my profile says I live for anal play but I just gotta say, I LOVE taking it up the ass!!!!

Me: "Uhmmmm, great. So I guess I don't care whether or not you leave the toothpaste tube cap off..... Goodbye and good luck!"

And what people write and what they mean can be different and maybe in my experience what they type while behind the computer can be one thing and how they really are when face to face very different.

I am sorry if this rips people but I think most theories are just personal preferences worked backwards to a theory to justify it in one’s head. To me this ignore sex, power and kink usually comes from people that are not going to want that much in their life or are uncomfortable in discussing the topics. I do not see the harm to talk about it and still refrain from it for various reasons. I just know from my experiences people in cyber need to prove to me more their words are sincere as when I have met some men they immediately start backtracking from their words and I imagine women can do this as well.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 19

RE: The one month rule. How many could do it? - 8/17/2009 11:33:48 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...Women, would you find this appealing?...

no. unfettered communication is important to this slave...starting out with restrictions on what can or cannot be discussed during a "get to know you" period rubs this slave the wrong way.

this slave doesn't feel un-adored or un-respected as a person, just because we opened up about our kinky desires (on our profiles) before we even moved to the "get to know you" stage.

it sounds more like a hoop to jump through or the means by which someone might "earn" submission/dominance, if you are into that sort of thing; this slave doesn't perceive it as a guarantee of respect and adoration.

quote:

...Ladies, if you presented this to a man who contacted you, do you think he would stick around for the 1 month of kink-silence?...

this slave wouldn't present it, and any man who would submit to it wouldn't be a good match for this slave.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 20

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