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RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/20/2009 6:39:39 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline
My Dominants find immense pleasure in making me navigate a landmine maze as I approach them.

The profuse cold sweating also helps release those unwanted toxins from the body.

Ah good times.

chia* (the pet)


_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to jay737)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/21/2009 2:13:59 AM   
shadowpleasure


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/18/2009
Status: offline 		As a newbie myself, this has been very helpful to me. Just wanted to say thanks.

(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/22/2009 7:12:47 AM   
canukeepup


Posts: 38
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline 		EXELLENT .....thanks for that ...i've been lurking along here in forums abit....THAT was good advice....
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

You are getting some good profile advice. As to your initial (email) approach, I have this to offer:

Whether dominant or submissive, females like to be courted. That means being very polite, very gallant, and having a real interest in who the other person IS. That you see this person as highly desirable (and I don't mean just sexually)  should show in your messages.

I would also add that any attempt to be overtly dominant or submissive in an initial message will almost certainly be a turnoff.

Be willing to share who you are as a person, and especially in a non BDSM context. Females get tons of email, so be willing to carry the conversational ball. Personally, I don't mind mildly flirty, but anything overtly sexual from someone I don't know creeps me out.

Lastly, let the female set the pace.

I would give the above information to any male on this site wishing to approach a female, with no regard to whether they are dominant or submissive, which should tell you a lot.













(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/23/2009 3:28:43 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Like a lot of male subs I think your more interested in kink than submission.
I'm looking for a man who is submissive to me and no one else.
I can't speak for anyone else.

(in reply to canukeepup)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/23/2009 3:42:37 PM   
NoreenSwan


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		If you look good that's a good start for getting noticed at a club. After that you just have to find someone who looking for what you are and you find that through knowing what you like and communicating it to the other person.

(in reply to jay737)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/23/2009 3:44:21 PM   
NoreenSwan


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline 		bump.

quote:

ORIGINAL: canukeepup

EXELLENT .....thanks for that ...i've been lurking along here in forums abit....THAT was good advice....
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

You are getting some good profile advice. As to your initial (email) approach, I have this to offer:

Whether dominant or submissive, females like to be courted. That means being very polite, very gallant, and having a real interest in who the other person IS. That you see this person as highly desirable (and I don't mean just sexually)  should show in your messages.

I would also add that any attempt to be overtly dominant or submissive in an initial message will almost certainly be a turnoff.

Be willing to share who you are as a person, and especially in a non BDSM context. Females get tons of email, so be willing to carry the conversational ball. Personally, I don't mind mildly flirty, but anything overtly sexual from someone I don't know creeps me out.

Lastly, let the female set the pace.

I would give the above information to any male on this site wishing to approach a female, with no regard to whether they are dominant or submissive, which should tell you a lot.














(in reply to canukeepup)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/23/2009 6:08:44 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Yes some excellent advice thus far. My flippant answer would be "on your knees of course" but don't take that seriously!

One serious suggestion for your first email to a Domme is such a simple one ... READ HER PROFILE FIRST! Yes I'm shouting because it would seem so simple and yet so few do! Don't argue with Her about what She has said. For eg, if She has said She wants someone in Her own country, don't try to argue with Her about you relocating! For one thing, it may not be that easy to get permanent residency in another country, and for another, She may not be willing to go down the torturous angst-ridden path of falling for someone She can't successfully import. So, read Her profile and if the fit is good, then write to Her. Don't send naked pictures of yourself or cock shots, it's rude. DO address what She has said in Her profile in a way that makes it absolutely obvious that you read it. For eg, if She's said She particularly enjoys spanking, you could either say you enjoy being spanked, or if you don't know whether you would or not, say that you are curious and would be willing to try it with someone you've developed trust with. It's not rocket science subs ... it's what used to be common sense (but it seems to be getting more rare all the time).

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to NoreenSwan)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 12:34:21 AM   
bootlckr57


Posts: 22
Joined: 5/28/2009
Status: offline 		First, treat her like a lady. Second, don't be so hard on yourself. My experiance is that Dom women are still women and like to be with someone who is stimulating and fun. Doormats are boaring.  In the end, a kinky relationship is 90% relationship and 10% kink. You need to love her first as a person. Work on the 90% part first and the rest will come.
Angelica, owned by Goddess Cassandra.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 11:36:38 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bootlckr57

First, treat her like a lady......  In the end, a kinky relationship is 90% relationship and 10% kink..........


If you base your relationship in the first 90%, the last 10% has a way of working itself out.

Words are cheap, the secret to getting my attention is in the action, not the words. 
Here's the 5 basic steps.
1- Do your home work. Actually read my profile and website so you have a clue as to who I am and what I seek. Write your lifestyle friends and ask them if they have met me or know anything about me. It's your life and your future we are discussing, you should verify I am who and what I claim to be.
Hint: Sending me a chat request when the first line in my profile says "I don't accept chat requests" will not impress me.
2- Write a nice letter to introduce yourself and request a visit.
3- Actually show up for the visit. (This seems to be a major hurdle for most)
4- Sit down and actually have a conversation with me about what you want and why you think I can fulfill that need.
5- Spend time with me and my house to show me what you bring to the equation. This may take weeks or months. This is where you verify that I live true to my words.

I get several requests a week form "slaves" wanting me to own them and professing their love and devotion when they know nothing about me; I find this rather interesting. The problem is it's easy to type out a line or two and hit enter. It's a little more work to type out a letter and spam it to all the femdom profiles you can find. It requires an effort to actually arrange a meeting and show up. It requires an effort to attend an event, approach me and ask for a conversation. The effort is what will catch a dominants attentions and separate you from the hordes of horny net geeks.



_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to bootlckr57)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 12:22:40 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		Be yourself, approach them as human beings. Read their profiles, truly read them before e-mailing and when e-mail simply start a conversation with them like you would with anyone.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 2:13:28 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		Your profile is okay...   I'm not into the pressure of fullfilling what someone has been yearning for, thinking of, and wanting all his life, because it sounds too fantastic (like the first paragraph), but that's just me.
Your second paragraph looks well put together, and from a down to earth guy, who'd be easy to sit accross.

As to how to approach a dominant, just simply forget she is dominant, and simply remember she's a lady, and approach her simply as a lady.   If you're a smart man, you'll also read her profile carefully, and make comments indicating you read and understood what she wrote.     M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to jay737)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 2:37:51 PM   
gentlemanprince


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline 		I've found that balancing a ball on my nose like a seal really gets their attention. Of course, after that it is all downhill.

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 5:47:08 PM   
Carmeldelight


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		Just start by saying hello....if the person is down to earth they should respond back by saying hello to you too.....but then you have the person with an ego....that person you just leave alone. you ego should be enough. 

(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 6:33:29 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

Just start by saying hello....if the person is down to earth they should respond back by saying hello to you too.....but then you have the person with an ego....that person you just leave alone. you ego should be enough. 


No...not really. Just saying hello is silly and it happens so often that it tends to turn people off. I"m so tired myself of the one word or one line emails. It doesn't distinguish the writer at all from all the other people who do it. The goal should be to distinguish yourself and make a good impression.

As the others have said read someone's profile and then write a short but thoughtful email based on it. Being funny is nice, being gallant and polite is necessary. Try to stay away from kink and sex based comments. No body part pictures. Concentrate on what you can offer someone as opposed to what you want from them. Be honest. Make yourself stand out and seem interesting.
Good luck...

(in reply to Carmeldelight)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 7:05:36 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

Just start by saying hello....if the person is down to earth they should respond back by saying hello to you too.....but then you have the person with an ego....that person you just leave alone. you ego should be enough. 


What? You clearly have no conception of how many messages a female can receive here. 90% of them are hello or some other one liner. Another 10% are clearly cut and paste intros. I strongly suggest putting yourself in the top 10% by reading her profile and using that to make polite conversation, as suggested above.




_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to Carmeldelight)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What is the most appropriate way a sub should appro... - 8/24/2009 10:15:46 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince
I've found that balancing a ball on my nose like a seal really gets their attention. Of course, after that it is all downhill
Having a sense of humor and following directions downhill work very well indeed.     M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to gentlemanprince)
Profile   Post #: 36
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