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tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/18/2009 10:06:26 PM

wildflower26

Posts: 17
Joined: 8/6/2009
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Hi all. I hope I'm not replicating something discussed in another thread. I've several times seen it emphasized that people should use the search feature rather than just bringing back an old topic as if it's an original and hasn't already been discussed. I tried the search feature and nothing came up, but maybe it's because I'm simply not skilled at narrowing down what I'm looking for as a topic concisely. I'm certainly not very concise here so far!

I'd been searching for a D/s relationship for about a year to a year and a half. A local guy contacted me. He's around my age; he seems reasonable. We traded a few messages and then did some chats. When that seemed somewhat compatible, I invited him to speak with another man on this board who's known me to get his perspective, and for me to get my friend's perspective. Things were still going well, so we met at the local club. And then a few days later, we met. Then we met again.

It seems to be going very well so far. We're both expressing our questions and doubts to each other that come up as we go along, and we seem to have a great deal of D/s compatibility, and also a lot of vanilla compatibility.

We haven't known each other for but a week or two, though we've spent plenty of time speaking with and getting to know each other within that time frame.

Any suggestions or pointers? The two of us are exploring a Master/slave dynamic, and so far, it seems to be going well. No red flags going up, except perhaps the speed at which we're both pursuing this. We both do have our own lives and are staying in those. :)
It's just....so exciting and so new.

*Anyway* -- me and all my yammering. Thanks for listening and for any suggestions.

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/18/2009 10:12:08 PM

LadyPact

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Yes. Go have fun.

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/18/2009 10:14:36 PM

NihilusZero

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Fast or slow, prudish or lusty, reckless or cautious...no difference. Don't presume there's any necessary pace to follow other than the one that genuinely comes from you both symbiotically.

The only universally helpful tools to use are two variations of honesty: with yourself and with the person you are courting.

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/18/2009 10:23:29 PM

wildflower26

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Yes. Go have fun.

Heh. I like that suggestion. Thank you!

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/18/2009 10:25:28 PM

wildflower26

Posts: 17
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Fast or slow, prudish or lusty, reckless or cautious...no difference. Don't presume there's any necessary pace to follow other than the one that genuinely comes from you both symbiotically.

The only universally helpful tools to use are two variations of honesty: with yourself and with the person you are courting.

Thanks Nihilus. This helps assure me that maybe us both pursuing this semi-quickly can really be okay. Even as quickly as we're going, we're still doing all the necessary relationship building and learning about each other, both as people and as kinky folk. I just tend to maybe worry a bit too much...and then sometimes in my life, I have allowed my desires to get the better of me and I've been too impulsive. Trying to learn to honor my instincts and wisdom and still have fun.

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/18/2009 10:28:40 PM

AngelGeena

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It sounds like you have a good foundation started with all of the openness and communication. Best of luck and I hope things work out for you.

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/19/2009 6:15:31 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

Any suggestions or pointers?

Have fun...lot's of fun...loads and loads of fun

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/19/2009 7:16:06 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

wildflower26

Any suggestions or pointers? The two of us are exploring a Master/slave dynamic, and so far, it seems to be going well. No red flags going up, except perhaps the speed at which we're both pursuing this. We both do have our own lives and are staying in those. :)
It's just....so exciting and so new.

Yes...some echoes of what's been stated and my own thoughts:
1. Have fun
2. Continue to be open and communicate with each other, no matter how awkward it seems and especially when the communication you need to get across may seem to you to be a "mood-killer"...the reason it feels that way is because it touches on something important to you in what's happening. Don't hold back on it...it can be expressed tactfully and clearly with just a bit of thought before it is said.
3. Have lots of fun
4. Look inside yourself as things go on. Be honest with yourself about what you find in there regarding what is going on. Then, be honest with him.
5. Nothing says that your relationship cannot progress at a fast rate or that it cannot progress at a controlled, rapid rate. That's up to the two of you. Just try to be sure that you are within range of each other's comfort zone as you move forward.
6. Have fun!

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/19/2009 7:48:51 AM

Prinsexx

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That sounds great. Meets, talking. Is there chemistry?
I'm not the best person to ask advise from. I just do it my way and relish or suffer the cnsequences.
I'm a member of the FFC...the FAST FORWARD CLUB. Do things way too fast. Or at least have been gulity of doing so.
But hey: you are of sound mind and body, life is a blessing and one day thos too, as with all things shall pass.
Make the most of life and enjoy.

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/19/2009 7:50:04 AM

pompeii

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Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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> Any suggestions or pointers?

Yes. In a top post, get to the point in the first sentence. :)

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/19/2009 8:03:15 AM

leadership527

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Wow, NZ... Nice.

That answer outght to be on a permanent banner at the top of these pages.

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/19/2009 1:15:57 PM

wildflower26

Posts: 17
Joined: 8/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Any suggestions or pointers?

Have fun...lot's of fun...loads and loads of fun

heh. that i can do. easily. :)

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/19/2009 1:17:32 PM

wildflower26

Posts: 17
Joined: 8/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

wildflower26

Any suggestions or pointers? The two of us are exploring a Master/slave dynamic, and so far, it seems to be going well. No red flags going up, except perhaps the speed at which we're both pursuing this. We both do have our own lives and are staying in those. :)
It's just....so exciting and so new.

Yes...some echoes of what's been stated and my own thoughts:
1. Have fun
2. Continue to be open and communicate with each other, no matter how awkward it seems and especially when the communication you need to get across may seem to you to be a "mood-killer"...the reason it feels that way is because it touches on something important to you in what's happening. Don't hold back on it...it can be expressed tactfully and clearly with just a bit of thought before it is said.
3. Have lots of fun
4. Look inside yourself as things go on. Be honest with yourself about what you find in there regarding what is going on. Then, be honest with him.
5. Nothing says that your relationship cannot progress at a fast rate or that it cannot progress at a controlled, rapid rate. That's up to the two of you. Just try to be sure that you are within range of each other's comfort zone as you move forward.
6. Have fun!

thank you so much CreativeDominant. this is very wise and very helpful. it seems with he and i that we continue to communicate about the good stuff and the fun stuff each day. we both know we can stop the "play" at any time and bring something up if it's a trigger or needs clarification. is very good. :)

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RE: tips for new D/s relationship? - 8/19/2009 1:20:25 PM

wildflower26

Posts: 17
Joined: 8/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

That sounds great. Meets, talking. Is there chemistry?
I'm not the best person to ask advise from. I just do it my way and relish or suffer the cnsequences.
I'm a member of the FFC...the FAST FORWARD CLUB. Do things way too fast. Or at least have been gulity of doing so.
But hey: you are of sound mind and body, life is a blessing and one day thos too, as with all things shall pass.
Make the most of life and enjoy.

thanks so much Prinsexx -- looks like we are members of the same club.
you ask if there is chemistry. now that is one of the things i like best right now -- we connect very well on a vanilla level as well as a D/s one. this means we can be in the middle of a scene and both think of something funny and look at each other and burst out laughing. perhaps one of the bigger challenges we have is having strong vanilla compatibility but also wanting to have a mostly Master slave relationship -- still figuring out how to balance having high protocol times and having times that we really can shed that and speak as equals without losing the power dynamic. we seem to be balancing it well so far.

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