RE: The problem with mixing men at munches

RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (Full Version)

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truesub4u -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 9:37:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren Since I don't know of any munches where there is play and people at the munches I attend are generally mature, I haven't observed any tension. Oh, there is an occasional newbie who isn't sure on how to behave but that is quickly corrected. In fact, I can't recall a munch where anyone has been asked to leave. Gotta love when someone says what you're thinking of saying... so I'll just agree here with Mr Warren. But this fell to the ladies.. let alone the gentlemen subs. But as soon as they were welcomed.. they relaxed.. and just fell into things feeling right at home with the rest of us.

ProtagonistLily -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 9:40:23 AM)
quote: An odd dynamic at munches and other BDSM community events is the tension created by the presence of: (a) men who are dominant towards women; and (b) men who are submissive towards women, but not submissive towards men. How do groups deal with this situation? ATP This doesn't happen at our munches. We simply don't tolerate it. Period. If someone is being pushy or in any manner making others uncomfortable, the munch coordinators show them the door. We expect anyone who shows up at our munches to act appropriately. Kassie

strongnsubmissiv -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 9:49:56 AM)
I've often found that i'm always one of the few submissive men at munches, and primarily most men are Dom. The tension though i've not noticed at all, in fact it's been quite the opposite for me. I've met some wonderful male Doms at munches and have formed great relationships with many of them. Regardless of orientation it always seems there's lots in common which makes for great conversation.

JohnWarren -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 10:52:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissiv I've often found that i'm always one of the few submissive men at munches, and primarily most men are Dom. The tension though i've not noticed at all, in fact it's been quite the opposite for me. I've met some wonderful male Doms at munches and have formed great relationships with many of them. Regardless of orientation it always seems there's lots in common which makes for great conversation. [grin] and something a lot of submissive men forget, dominant men know dominant women... including those who are looking for partners.

FTopinMichigan -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 1:00:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101 An odd dynamic at munches and other BDSM community events is the tension created by the presence of: (a) men who are dominant towards women; and (b) men who are submissive towards women, but not submissive towards men. How do groups deal with this situation? I've attended almost all of our local munches, at one time or another, and have never felt or observed such "tension" at a "Munch." I have noticed people lacking socialization skills, and some not being able to interact, but I didn't put that on any orientation, rather than the person themselves, not getting along well in a group, or with others. I think if there's tension, it's from their own fear of being in a social setting with unknown folks. While I have not personally felt or seen the tension at Munches, I have heard from a few male submissives that offered that they "felt" unwelcome. Mostly this was at parties, over munches though. The community here is not unlike many places in that male dominant type couples are the majority, unless enjoying a ClubFem event. I also feel that much of the "tension" at some of the parties I've been to, was more due to the people (in particular a few male submissives), not being able to communicate effectively with everyone. The intimidation factor is usually in their mind, by their preconceived notion of how they "might" be treated. They react to what they perceive, and in fact, in most cases, they are overreacting to what they think they see, or what they think will happen. Many times they bring the tension on themselves, and sometimes, the tension can be real, depending on the venue. When this uneasiness happens when attending a first munch, or a few...then it usually causes them to prejudge the entire group, and not return to the venue. So if there's "tension"...it's on the person themselves, as I see it...at least it is, most of the time. K

SimplyV -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 3:45:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yourMissTress But they like the idea of someone calling them master and bowing to them so the adopt the title. OK, don't jump me yet...there are women that do exactly the same thing. Hey.. I resemble that remark. ponders if her Dominant cloak is failing

bear372217355 -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 3:49:39 PM)
I've only heard of this happening at a munch a group I belong to had a while ago. A male Dom got his knickers in a knot because some of the sub women at the munch didn't act it, so he left, but not before opening his mouth and looking like a tool. Then to top it off, he sent the munches organizer a nasty email the next day, and related the whole sordid affair through his eyes to her and came out looking even dumber. Just another one of those things that makes you shake your head. For what I've seen, I've only seen it at events. Being the male slave, with a Domme with her own set of rules, I am only reqiured to address women as ma'am, reguardless of their position. Men I can address as I wish, unless otherwise stated by mi'Lady. When I walkin to an event or pan the room after it fills up, I can generally tell who is and who isn't truely dominant. It's not some sorta gift or anything, it's more or less a judgement based on their mannerisms. Generally the more peacock like they are, the less mature or classy they are. I tend to avoid them for just that reason.

KnightofMists -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 3:50:19 PM)
! have never noticed this issue as a problem of any of the munches/events I have attended. editted to add I have however, heard and seen The discomfort that occurs when new singles arrive at a munch/event. Males regardless of orietation seem to get a third degree or are even causally ignored. If they are too aggressive it can get even worse. It's a rather tough spot to be a single new male in a group... but patience and going slow seem to work best. A single female... well ever heard the term "Fresh Meat"! I have watched countless times when a new single female arrives and the male dominant's float around her like a buzzards on a dead carcass. Each dominant waiting his opportunity to go in and see what they are into want etc etc etc. I wouldn't say that these situation are universal or even common at various munches... but they do occur often enough for me to regard them as not a so uncommon occurance.

EvilGeoff -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 3:56:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101 An odd dynamic at munches and other BDSM community events is the tension created by the presence of: (a) men who are dominant towards women; and (b) men who are submissive towards women, but not submissive towards men. How do groups deal with this situation? ATP I've only seen that sort of thing in men who are not self-assured. Lack of self-confidence/self-esteem/self-awareness.... something. I'm not sure I can put my finger on it exactly but I've never felt that coming off of guys who are quite comfortable in their own skins. I sometimes get the same kind of feeling of tension coming off of some straight men in a predominantly gay leather crowd. grins and shrugs Personally, I take it as a compliment if the gay guys start hitting on me. I AM a hairy bastard and certainly qualify as a bear! Maybe there's a touch of testosterone competitiveness between the Dominants (roosters preening, oh yeah), and perhaps between the submissives (after all, there are more male subs than female Dominants), but there shouldn't been cross competition. After all, we're going after different target audiences. Within my own group, I don't think it's a problem, but that may because I lead by example. I make friends with the sub males. After all, I'm trying to get one or two of them to be yardboys for me! LOL YIK, - Geoff

Evanesce -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 3:57:10 PM)
What I tend to notice more is a level of disrespect on the part of FEMALE submissives towards male submissives. It's subtle, but certain individuals do have trouble accepting that men can be, and often are, submissive. The men generally get along just fine, regardless of orientation, and I don't see so much tension with the switches, either.

WikedUncle -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 4:10:10 PM)
quote: People are in role and trying to scene at your munches? How odd. I thought munches were supposed to be a casual space where you eat food, meet others face-to-face to know you aren't alone, chat, and maybe make friends. Granted cliques can and do form at munches especially among regular attendees but still why is it anyone's place to try and force others (verbally and with body language I'm assuming) to accept others as submissive or dominant? The only reason I can think of why such tension might exist is a lack of inner confidence and the need to try to make people see you as you see yourself. Not particularly attractive qualities in any person. I mean, if someone feels so threatened by another person's role or identity that they must try and "fix" them or counter them I'd have to question the threatened person's maturity level. If some feels so threatened by other dynamics maybe they need to stop attending the general munch and start their own very specific one. Geesh, is this like junior high school or what? This, and John Warren's remarks, are the core point. If I ever visited a new munch and ran into behaviour like this, I'd get up and leave. Munches are supposed to be non-threatening social gatherings, nothing more: there are way too many people around who don't get that. If you can't behave appropriately at a munch, then you can't be expected to act like an adult in any social situation. BTW...if someone's "very specific" gathering exists to condone this sort of behaviour, they should do everyone a favour and not call it a munch. It's not: it's a bunch of insecure rowdies showing off to each other.

gbgirlz2003 -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 4:23:51 PM)
I don't do munches; but I have never seen any tension like that. My Master's Head Bitch has her own slut puppy. A great sub male who has also served my Master. Maybe what you are observing is homophobia?

thetammyjo -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 4:26:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists ! have never noticed this issue as a problem of any of the munches/events I have attended. editted to add I have however, heard and seen The discomfort that occurs when new singles arrive at a munch/event. Males regardless of orietation seem to get a third degree or are even causally ignored. If they are too aggressive it can get even worse. It's a rather tough spot to be a single new male in a group... but patience and going slow seem to work best. A single female... well ever heard the term "Fresh Meat"! I have watched countless times when a new single female arrives and the male dominant's float around her like a buzzards on a dead carcass. Each dominant waiting his opportunity to go in and see what they are into want etc etc etc. I wouldn't say that these situation are universal or even common at various munches... but they do occur often enough for me to regard them as not a so uncommon occurance. Yes, this does indeed happen though I've seen both happen to both sexes. Munches do get cliquish easily cause the same people show up over and over from the same area. I've found that have an official host who greets new folks seems to help a bit though that can draw attention to yourself so make sure you are comfortable having people sit next to you and look to you for conversation. The munch need not be the munch organizer either though they are usually one and the same person.

HouseofBear -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 4:30:20 PM)
We have never witnessed behavior like this at the munches we attend, and if it did occur, it would not be tolerated. Occasionally, you might run into the odd dominant, male or female, at a lifestyle event who thinks all submissives regardless of gender should be submissive to them. They usually change their ways quickly when the submissives who are more experienced ignore them, chuckles. Bear and Ursa

tasha_tart -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 5:25:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101 An odd dynamic at munches and other BDSM community events is the tension created by the presence of: (a) men who are dominant towards women; and (b) men who are submissive towards women, but not submissive towards men. How do groups deal with this situation? ATP I've never experienced this sort of tension, either at munches and parties where I knew many of the attendees, or gatherings where I knew no one but the person I arrived with. Of course I've been at the odd get together that was graced with the presence of an a**hole or two, but that happens in the vanilla world too. These people were not limited to any particular role or gender. Tasha

seaturtle50 -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/24/2006 5:40:58 PM)
quote: Within my own group, I don't think it's a problem, but that may because I lead by example. I make friends with the sub males. After all, I'm trying to get one or two of them to be yardboys for me! LOL Great post! i'll be sure to remember that should W/we ever meet! st50

theRose4U -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/25/2006 10:05:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra I think those guys who have a problem with submales could be closeted submales themselves, or maybe they are just jealous. Jealous because the submale guy is comfortable enough with himself and who he is that he doesn't have to put on airs about being the big dominant male. Not all females are impressed by a male posturing and strutting around with his chest puffed out, mumbling about his superiority in some sort of brutish tongue. And should he call me girl he'll get my size 9 boot straight up his behind. No girl here, I'm all woman. Lashra This had me rolling laughing. The sheer number of Doms especially Goreans that will email saying that they're really Switch and can we just get together for a little session is amazing. I'm not a pro and probably never will be unless I meet a stable of subs that are really willing to pay $500 an hour x 24hrsx 365 days...as so many claim. It floors me the number of men that are so full of themselves and their own ego that they treat women and male subs with distain and disrespect. Too many narrow minded a holes wave this banner of "the RIGHT WAY of BDSM" that puts them at this top of the pile for no better reason than they made up the rules that they proclaim as the only "true way". Many on here are smart enough to see this for what it is...laugh then move on. Sprays the flame retardant on my way out.

cloudboy -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/25/2006 10:24:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101 An odd dynamic at munches and other BDSM community events is the tension created by the presence of: (a) men who are dominant towards women; and (b) men who are submissive towards women, but not submissive towards men. How do groups deal with this situation? ATP Have you ever seen a food fight break out in such a situation?

orfunboi -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/25/2006 10:37:10 AM)
i have never noticed a problem with this.

orfunboi -> RE: The problem with mixing men at munches (2/25/2006 10:45:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeeQueen all replies i seen to this post are kinda personalized..oh i havent...how odd in ur area they do...blah blah...wich is already the center of the problem. i wrote one of those personalized posts, i simply stated i have never noticed the problem. Now i am not sure how that is the center of the problem. i suppose i could have lied and said "oh yes i notice that all the time and this is how i handle it" but i don't see the point in lying about something, so i didn't if i notice a problem in the future, i will look this thread up and let the OP know how it was handled, but until that happens all i can say is i have never noticed that problem.

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