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A speculation brought on by conversations on the board ... - 8/20/2009 7:47:46 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

There has been much on the boards over the last couple of weeks revolving around such things as men's emotions (or lack of), whether or not to put sex/kink aside during initial discussions, poor attitudes, gender differences when it comes to dominance/submission, mentality vs. spirituality vs. emotionality vs. sexuality. In the past, there has been talk of having other play partners and what sorts of restrictions were placed upon them. So, all this got me to thinking...yeah, I know, with everything else that goes on I speculate about hypotheticals

but I can't help myself...and I'd like to see what kind of discussion my wondering can generate.

Here is the situation. You are involved with a dominant/submissive. (this can be the dominant/submissive you have now or your "ideal" one) Within the structure of your dynamic, you have negotiated the right to play (with sex being considered as being part of play) with others with permission granted and full honesty being practiced. You've both agreed that the best way for it to work is for there to be some sort of rule structure in place governing play with others.

1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?

3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?

Final question...and remember, we are talking within the realm of the ideal...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?

Since part of my speculation has been whether or not being male vs. female plays as much a part as dominance/submission, please indicate whether you are a male dominant or female dominant, male submissive or female submissive.

Post #: 1

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 8:40:20 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Here is the situation. You are involved with a dominant/submissive. (this can be the dominant/submissive you have now or your "ideal" one) Within the structure of your dynamic, you have negotiated the right to play (with sex being considered as being part of play) with others with permission granted and full honesty being practiced. You've both agreed that the best way for it to work is for there to be some sort of rule structure in place governing play with others.

1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?
- That would have to be my partner making sure that his first priority is to ensure he is not endangering his health by playing in an unsafe manner. This would encompass sexual and non sexual playing outside our established relationship.

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?
- all other restrictions would have to be dealt with as we become aware of them. I could write and write about all potential restrictions though at this point being single, I'd find it too difficult to anticipate every possibility!
3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?
- probably in the area of not having carte blanche in deciding to play with the first thing which pings the radar. My primary concern is always being self aware regarding the type of play involved and if the inherent risks are too high and may put both my partner's and indirectly my health at risk.

Final question...and remember, we are talking within the realm of the ideal...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?
- That will be my partner insisting that any choice for a play partner for me must have his consent also. This had been a major condition in past relationships and it is one which I have no qualms agreeing to. I identify as a male submissive with switch tendencies and keeping in mind that I am poly oriented, the health aspect is and always has been a primary concern and the above restriction which will apply to myself will also apply to the third person in my "ideal" relationship dynamic.

Since part of my speculation has been whether or not being male vs. female plays as much a part as dominance/submission, please indicate whether you are a male dominant or female dominant, male submissive or female submissive.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 2

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 8:47:07 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?

Personally...none of the above. What would be uppermost in my mind...is time...how much time/hours/days are you going to be wiith this other person. I would want a specific time period/limit in place so that I can plan accordingly around it.

quote:

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?

the ones you listed hold little to no importance for me in regards to my SO/partner.

quote:

3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?

Nothing...for reasons already stated

quote:

if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?

again, I would not have chosen any that you listed...because of this, I can't say what kind of a restriction I would like to have placed upon myself.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 3

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 9:12:15 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?...

this slave doesn't restrict Master's actions/emotions/BDSM/sex. He is free to do as He pleases, with whomever He pleases, whenever He pleases.

quote:

...After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?...

there are no restrictions...so therefore, no list.

quote:

...What do you restrict within these areas and why?...

nothing is restricted. why? it's just how this slave rolls.

quote:

...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?...

the one that pleases Him most...because this slave is allllllllll about pleasing Him.

quote:

...please indicate whether you are a male dominant or female dominant, male submissive or female submissive...

female submissive

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 4

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 9:12:57 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Good Morning, Creative. I hope I'm understanding your question properly. Personal lack of caffeine here and all that.

My perspective comes from being a female Dominant. I think it's also important to mention that I am involved only in poly fidelity.

Answer to #1. The greatest restriction would be on the sexual play aspect. I honestly don't have much of a use in My life for casual sex and I have no intention of being fluid bonded with anyone who does. The risk factor from the health standpoint alone is enough for Me. The only way I'd be permitting it at all would be the same as any other person coming into this poly family, with full report ensuring Me the person was STD free. Even with that report, safe sex practices until the second test six months later with no additional partners.

Answer to #2. From the remaining, from greatest to least would be the D/s aspect, the BDSM play (non sexual) next, and the emotional aspect being the last on the list.

Answer to #3. I think My answer to the first question gives My reasoning for the sexual play.

On the D/s subject, there would be very few situations where I would accept this, either. If I had a submissive that had another Dominant in the picture, I would still have to have final authority. Be the alpha Dominant, if you will. This particular category might change in it's place for Me on the list if the person who was My submissive happened to be a switch and had a submissive of his own. I honestly have no issues with that. However, I would still be maintaining the final authority over both of them.

On the BDSM play (non sexual) aspect, I do have some limits for My sub in top/bottom play. On this front, I absolutely admit to being an experience snob. I don't ever let My subs play with those who could harm them due to their own lack of skill or knowledge. My sub isn't anyone's crash test dummy. I know that everyone needs to gain experience, but it's not going to be at the potential expense of harming My submissive.

As for the emotional aspect, I'm poly to begin with. I absolutely believe that we have the potential to have emotional bonds with more than one person. The only restriction that I would have there would be on the type of person My submissive was involved with. Character, morals, ethics, etc.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 5

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 10:17:44 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?

This would describe my relationship pretty well, actually. The parameters of our polyamory are honesty (full disclosure and clear, detailed negotiation ahead of time) and safety (no body fluid exchange unless we bring a full-time third into the relationship and we all do STD testing before fluid-bonding). So I guess you could say the most serious and important restrictions are sexual and practical in nature. Eg, let's not bring any nasty diseases home.

quote:

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?

Honesty wasn't listed, but I guess you could put it in the emotional category. It's not that either of us would restrict emotional involvement per se, as eventually we'd like to add a third to the household. It's that we must be very honest and communicative up front about what we are doing with others.

It's not unusual when we're planning our weekly schedules for me to say, "If you'll be busy or tired after a long day on Wednesday evening, I can take that time to have the hot strap-on buttsex, spanking and wax play scene I've been negotiating with _____. We could play here if you want to enjoy the show, or at his place if you need to get work done that evening." That's actually a more or less literal quote from a couple of weeks ago, and that's how we handle honesty and communication.

The D/s aspect is important; I would not allow him to play with someone whom I felt disrespected his collar or our relationship. Unfortunately one guy he likes a lot got himself into this category and made me extremely uncomfortable about sharing with him, so I'm really not willing to unless he were to put forth a whole lot of effort to repair the breach he created with his words and actions. The BDSM aspect would be a concern primarily about safety.

quote:

3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?

I don't do girls, so unless I'm co-topping, I'm less enthusiastic about his playing with other women. I also generally avoid playing with subs who aren't bisexual, since it's more fun for me if we're both playing together with other people. I do play regularly with one partner who isn't bi, but my primary does not feel excluded in this case because they enjoy each other's company as friends and he is always welcome to watch, just not touch. The general idea is that we try to include each other in our play, and we don't do a whole lot with other people that involves closed doors. The exception would be the professional sessions I do, but for obvious reasons those do not involve any sex or direct sexual contact.

Since the eventual idea is adding a third to the household that we are both involved with, our active dating efforts stay focused on bisexual men. We can both still play some outside that parameter, but in general we want to stick to activities that further the goal of us finding someone together.

quote:

Final question...and remember, we are talking within the realm of the ideal...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?

Absolute honesty and clear communication before and after the fact, same as I'd place on him.

The restrictions we do have are that he's not allowed to orgasm at all without my permission, and I've agreed not to have any sexual contact (even the safe kind) without advance discussion and negotiation. If he felt uncomfortable with a proposed partner of mine, I'd refrain until or unless he became comfortable.

quote:

Since part of my speculation has been whether or not being male vs. female plays as much a part as dominance/submission, please indicate whether you are a male dominant or female dominant, male submissive or female submissive.

Genderbent female dominant with genderbent male submissive, but we relate as gay males together some of the time, and he has a femme side as well.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 6

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 10:56:14 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?

I wouldn't know how to separate any of the aspects from my play. If I am engaging you in a scene, I am having sex, or at least foreplay. Every form of play I participate has D/s as an essential element. The physical, or BDSM, aspect is a core element of any scene that I initiate. I am, want, and require any partner to be emotionally involved. Guess that means - I don't do 'casual'?

quote:

After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where d the others fall on your list

"Most Important" is that anyone who I include in any play scenario understands my sentiments about 'play' and has a similar mindset. They should understand, like Bill Clinton, I have a personal definition for what 'sex' is. Mental, emotional, intercourse is very sexual. People normally point to some form of penetration or orgasm as sex. I regard an orgasm as a punctuation mark of ongoing sexual intercourse, that usually denotes an hour or two of 'down' time for recharging with food, drink, and a dip in the jacuzzi.

quote:

What do you restrict within these areas and why?

My purpose and goal for interaction with beth or anyone is FUN! I'm very much a spur of the moment, impromptu, 'go for it' person. I've gone from meeting someone to play and everything else it entails in a couple of hours. It takes that long to find a hotel. No 'casual' doesn't mean that raw passion, sex, and a knock down drag out sweaty sexcapade can't happen quick. However there has to be some intimacy and 'electricity' indicated by personal interaction that goes beyond; "you can hit me with this, x amount of times, on this exact part of my body, and must stop if I say, 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'".

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 7

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 11:07:32 AM

peachgirl

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

within the parameters of my current relationship, my request to him is basically, do whatever you want with whomever you want. have a good time, wear a condom, hope I get to watch. my only caveat is, don't fall in love. now I know a lot of people would say, you risk an awful lot hurt with my attitude, but I truly do not care about the physical contact part. I just want to be number one in his heart.

the opposite is not true for myself. I am not allowed to play with anyone unless he is there, so that of course extends to sexual activity as well. in my ideal world, my "restrictions" would be the same as his are. but, I am not the person in charge of this relationship, therefore I respect his wishes.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 8

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 11:25:49 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

When Daddy was allowing me to play with others, Our agreement was the genitals would not be put in the vagina anus or mouth, and that there will be no jacking the man off, and he was not allowes to masturbate me, If I wanted to masturbate I had to do it alone with no help from that male. and anything else was fair game. We have the no sex rule because we both feel sex is something best kept between us two, and it runs the risk of STD's way down and the risk of accidental pregnancy isn't even a chance. Yeah I know you can get STD checks and stuff and condoms and all that but it's how we prefere to do it.

He himself had no interest in playing with others, So we never had any arrangements for him. All though if he did they would of been the same as mine, but with out the vagina part.

I am not so foolish as to think Daddy might not get attached to someone he was playing with or that I might get attached to someone I was playing with, so I wouldn't put any caviets like don't fall in love, but I would on both our parts not set up situations that could further help along the possibility of becoming very attached by keeping in mind at all times that they are not a partner, they're a fuck buddy, and I and he come first over fuck buddies, and not encouraging the other person either on purpose or by accident to think they're anything but a fuck buddy.

In an ideal situation, neither of us would wish to play with any one else sexually or non sexually and would be 100 percent fufilled by the other, but that's never going to happen, since its's not the way I am wired.

And lastly I will always be able to pick and choose which restrictions are acceptible to me, because with out the right to negotiate I won't date him, period end of story.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

There has been much on the boards over the last couple of weeks revolving around such things as men's emotions (or lack of), whether or not to put sex/kink aside during initial discussions, poor attitudes, gender differences when it comes to dominance/submission, mentality vs. spirituality vs. emotionality vs. sexuality. In the past, there has been talk of having other play partners and what sorts of restrictions were placed upon them. So, all this got me to thinking...yeah, I know, with everything else that goes on I speculate about hypotheticals but I can't help myself...and I'd like to see what kind of discussion my wondering can generate.

Here is the situation. You are involved with a dominant/submissive. (this can be the dominant/submissive you have now or your "ideal" one) Within the structure of your dynamic, you have negotiated the right to play (with sex being considered as being part of play) with others with permission granted and full honesty being practiced. You've both agreed that the best way for it to work is for there to be some sort of rule structure in place governing play with others.

1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?

3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?

Final question...and remember, we are talking within the realm of the ideal...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?

Since part of my speculation has been whether or not being male vs. female plays as much a part as dominance/submission, please indicate whether you are a male dominant or female dominant, male submissive or female submissive.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 9

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 1:03:29 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

I love the ethical slut, it is such a wonderful book, I really like walkers crisps I also really like quavers and mcoys, I have some great friends who I love equally, and I kinda see romantic love in the same way. I can be in love with as many people as possible, all the restrictions seem pointless to me because we simply end up desiring that which we cant have. Life is lived once.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 10

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 1:26:33 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Emotional and sexual are equally important to me, and both are dealbreakers. D/s in a totally nonsexual sense, after that. And pain play last of all.

Pain play is to me equal to having a running partner, but like that, it needs to be in public. Not privately where it could all to easily fall over the line into sex and emotion. And to prevent that, I would prefer highly if he played only with people he wasn't attracted to.

I can understand needing someone else to manage parts of your life, people have accountants who manage their money, others use flylady to deal with housecleaning. So a nonsexual control is understandable, otherwise wouldn't we all have our own businesses?

But emotions and sex are both too powerful for me to deal with, to accept.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 11

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 3:36:01 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Don't ask/don't tell.

I don't wanna know and I won't ask.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 5:28:45 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

I am the submissive woman and R. and S. are dominant men. There are no restrictions about playing/meeting with anyone. All three of us are on the same page regarding what we want/don’t want from each other and we all are responsible adults about our health.
There aren’t even any expectations about whether or not we talk about plans with someone or how those plans panned out; sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t.
I’m not sure this would fit under the emotional aspect but I admit my feelings would be hurt if one of them had made plans with me and then cancelled to meet with someone else.
In the ideal world, my wish would be that they would restrict me from doing things I don’t like!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 13

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 5:46:55 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

I can understand restrictions on sexual activity since this is something we can control pretty clearly. I don't understand how you put restrictions on someone's emotional investment in a relationship unless they vow to immediately recuse themselves from the relationship if they develop any feelings for the other person.

I'm not sure my answer fits the questions but either I am in a one on one relationship or not. If so then there are no others and if not then what we have is a casual relationship and what she does when she is not with me is her own business, hence no restrictions.

I will add something that I feel is important. Whatever rules a couple decides on in a situation like this I think it's supremely important to make sure everyone understands all of the rules and restrictions entirely and completely and the same as each other. Put them on paper. It's the reason we have attorneys and contracts. A clear record down the road of what was agreed to in the beginning can be invaluable in a dispute. I learned that the hard way.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 14

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/20/2009 6:30:22 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

Is it coincidence, or are you psychic to ask this question at theis time? I have just experianced this exact senario. Considering that everything has been discussed, and discussed, and discussed, the only restriction comes down to this, in the end, she comes home to me. I can't say that this is a limit I set, it was more her assurance to me at the outset. I guess I should at least say that I am a dominant male, in case that isn't obvious. I don't know if this can be called an emotional limit, because it speaks to the entirety of our relationship.

I would wonder if the fact that she is dominating a male submissive has any bearing on what limits are being placed. Would I feel the same, or want different assurances if it were a female submissive, or a male dominant? The female submissive we have dealt with, with basically the same perameters, except that I was a little more accepting at the outset.

In the end, I suppose its not about limits and rules at all. If I trust her to go in the first place, then I trust her to make the right decisions, and once we have examined the idea from every possible angle, (and believe me, we have) its just a matter of letting it happen and see how you feel about it when it does. The important thing is, in the end, its the two of us.

_____________________________

This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 15

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/21/2009 6:55:36 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?
****I am me (Double checked both inside and out...yep, still me). This is a theoretical answer as I am currently unpartnered: actions that could potentially harm my health withut my express consent. Also, anything that would be a disrespect.

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?
**This question isn't exactly clear to me. Restritiction isn't at the top of my list, more of a foundational piece.

3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?
**Within a relationship with trust and respect, I restrict little. If I restrict something, it's generally related to safety or, as previously noted, respect.

Final question...and remember, we are talking within the realm of the ideal...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?
**I just want my partner and I to be 'on the same page' regarding restrictions.

Since part of my speculation has been whether or not being male vs. female plays as much a part as dominance/submission, please indicate whether you are a male dominant or female dominant, male submissive or female submissive.
**Female. Switch.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Joseff)

Post #: 16

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/21/2009 2:06:19 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?
In our actual relationship, the answer is... "whatever I want whenever I want it" assuming something less than TPE though, it'd be physical health... safe sex, yada yaa.

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?
Emotional attachment. Everything else falls into the "oh yeah, maybe I'd think about that also" category.

3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?
Well, because I don't want her to get killed or get me killed for starters. Then because I don't want her "play" to impact the health of our marriage.

Final question...and remember, we are talking within the realm of the ideal...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?
Heh, well I, in fact CAN pick that. I pick "none" because I'm the dominant in a TPE relationship and that suits me. The restrictions I placed on myself would be the same as I noted for her.

male/dominant.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 17

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/22/2009 8:36:10 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I'm the opposite of some of the others here - I'm not into casual sex, and don't want anyone I'm with to participate in it either, so my restriction would be that I'd need them *TO* have an emotional attachment first. My Master and I are thinking of bringing in another woman primarily as a playpartner for me/attending classes together. Ideally, she's be open to us co-topping her as well, but it's not a requirement. It wouldn't involve any outright sex unless the three of us were in a polyfi relationship.

I'm a female switch, and am in a M/s relationship dynamic as a slave.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 18

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/22/2009 9:23:37 AM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

quote:

1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?

3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?

Final question...and remember, we are talking within the realm of the ideal...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?

Since part of my speculation has been whether or not being male vs. female plays as much a part as dominance/submission, please indicate whether you are a male dominant or female dominant, male submissive or female submissive.

1.) I just want to be obedient.
2.) Same as the first answer.
3.) I do not know, this would be up to my Domme. Why? Because it makes her happy.
Final Answer.) Definitely up to her.

Male... Submissive, pyroaquatic, thingy.

Can I haz cookie now?

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 19

RE: A speculation brought on by conversations on the bo... - 8/22/2009 9:40:20 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

1st question: From the stance of who you are (you as the person inside and your gender) and what you are (dominant or submissive), what type of restriction is most important to you in placing on your partner's play---the emotional aspect...the D/s aspect...the BDSM play aspect...or the sexual play aspect?

For me, it is the D/s aspect. I expect that, in all cases, I will be informed in advance of what is planned, my permission will be sought and obtained before moving forward, and the final word on what my bound servant does and how xhe responds in a given situation will be mine.

quote:

2nd question: After the most important...to you...restriction is placed, where do the others fall on your list?

2-BDSM play
3-Sexual play
4-Emotional aspects

quote:

3rd question: What do you restrict within these areas and why?

*BDSM Play - I want to be certain that bdsm play takes my rules into consideration. I don't really have a lot of -restrictions-, but expect to be informed and to assure that it won't inconvenience or damage our household first.

*Sexual Play - Again, I must be informed of what is planned and give permission for general sexual play with a given servant, but in general, I won't restrict sexual play

*Emotional aspects - I don't tend to restrict these at all. Servants are individuals who feel what they feel, and I am completely comfortable with that being the case. I prefer to know how my servants feel about situations, but don't "restrict", per se.

quote:

Final question...and remember, we are talking within the realm of the ideal...if you could pick the restriction that your partner would place on you, which one would it be? And why?

I think it would be D/s as well -- that if I were to take on more authority-exchange-based responsibilities, that such a thing would be discussed with the servant(s) already present -- I think that adding a new person to an existing dynamic is a stressor, and it makes sense to me that the individuals who have yielded themselves to me would want to understand and be able to properly plan for such a thing to take place, as well as having some reassurance of their own value and place within the household.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 20

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