RE: Why do We give assignments? (Full Version)

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Andalusite -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/3/2009 6:33:45 PM)

I don't think assignments necessarily need to be a punishment. When I had my submissive, I sometimes told him to research something because I wanted the information, or because I thought *he* would find it useful. I've also dated a few men who've asked for my help in various aspects. Two of them had mild phobias (needles and spiders, respectively), and we were able to find ways to desensitise them that allowed them to manage their fears. I did some of the work for it, especially in the beginning, but as they grew more comfortable, I was able to give them assignments to work on it more independently. Likewise, a few of the guys I've dated have asked for help with weight/fitness, and I gave them some assignments at the beginning to explore healthier food options that they enjoyed, forms of exercise they liked, record keeping, etc. I'm not into a punishment dynamic, and some of them weren't explicitly submissive (though they did enjoy pleasing me, and wanted me to be happy, which isn't automatically the same thing). I can't research some of those things for them (ie. what they like), and they still had to do the work, but I was willing to help, support, and encourage them. Sometimes, an "assignment" was even to explore options for free or low-cost dates or outings with friends.[;)]



SthrnCom4t -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/4/2009 8:26:38 PM)

I don't see assignments as punishments at all. If it's punishment, I'll identify it as such.

Thank you all for contributing....I'm all for meaningful, educational, connection-enhancing activites that My boy/gurl does at My request.

Peon, dear, I fear you haven't experienced the full pleasure yet. Or, do you have a bad taste in your mouth from something specific?

To go off on a tangent.....I do feel like 'assignments' between partners, when not done with full 'intention' can be exploitive. Having a submissive spend his/her time doing something for Me, shows investment. If a dominant is not invested in the submissive, it IS unfair to make them 'jump through hoops' just because we *can*. (Yes, he/she is choosing to do the task, but in doing so, s/he is showing good faith. This should not be taken advantage of, IMO).

When do others think it's improper to *give assignments*? Under what circumstances, should a submissive be cautious? How might a submissive question the relavancy of an assignment in a respectful manner?



Lockit -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/4/2009 9:44:14 PM)

Hummm, interesting questions Sthrn! I'm really having to think on those! Anyone I give an assignment to is a serious contender or is my submissive. When I give the assignment is when we will discuss it and if he has any questions, reservations, limitations or whatever; that is the time to discuss it. Of course after that, if he comes up with something pertaining to it, he can always talk to me.

The other questions I'm going to need time to think about. lol



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/5/2009 12:46:36 AM)

~Fast Reply~
Sir will give me tasks/jobs/assignments for different reasons.....(1)to see how obedient I am, (2) to teach me something, (3)to learn about me, (4)to correct some particular behavior, (5)just because He feels like it, (6)because He's the Dominant and can do it, or whatever other reason He has.  The bottom line is, I'm supposed to do it and I do.  I love doing things for Him & have never refused.  [:D]



MsMillgrove -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/5/2009 12:52:01 AM)

I love to give assignments. They're always positive, growth-oriented and on a good day something that will benefit me too. But I don't call them assignments, I don't like typing that word, i tend to typo it. They're especially handy for online subs. I phrase as in "here's what you need to do: bla bla. please finish by x day"

With new subs, you can tell right away their level of commitment by whether they meet deadlines and do a good job. If they don't, we need to revisit our agreements.

Formal writing assignments don't work for some, but I've discovered that if I say, "a short paragraph, don't worry about spelling or grammar, just go off the top of your head", I might get over a page of serious work. Lot of people didn't do well in school, and are afraid of writing. When you make it easy for them to dash off their thoughts, suddenly they relax and share their deepest thoughts. It's quite wonderful to read their work.

I often request written feedback after a scene offline or an event we've attended together. Like others, I love to go inside my subs' heads to find out who they are, what they were like as children, their dreams and memories. What power this info has when you craft scenes for them. whew!

This summer I toured Thailand, courtesy of my sub, after the fact, couldn't believe the quality of the photos in the report I'd requested. Every where she goes, all over Europe, I go too. Her ongoing assignment is to report by text and photo, the events of her life. I honestly think I have a facinating book by now. We've even discussed if it would be worth publication, it's such a rich journey of the soul and the mind as well as the body.

Other assingments I've given have been far less glamorous. For my little girl who was going to get her first apartment and couldn't understand floor plans, I asked her to measure her own bedroom and put it on a piece of paper, then to compare the measurements of rooms in apartments she was considering online to see if her furniture fit. It seems like nothing, but it really helped her learn to visualize room sizes. She did a lot of assignments related to finding a relationship, establishing intimacy with a partner. They weren't fun, but they've changed her life, so I continue to be a firm believer in the power of good assignments.



LadyLou -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 5:25:54 AM)


I'm a little late to this thread, but my few pennies worth....

I'm not overly protocol driven at all, my life is pretty busy, and I rarely have the time or attention span to give out an assignment purely for the sake of it, or that doesn't benefit me in some way. I'm getting into semantics here, but I rarely give out what I consider 'assignments', I give out 'tasks' – practical things that need doing; assignment to me, being a formal, pre-planned, possibly elaborate, staged-type order. I suppose early on in a budding relationship I have given out 'assignments', purely as has been stated here, to get to know someone, test someone, learn about someone etc.

Me and my sub live 200+ miles apart, so I find some form 'task' giving important for our D/s dynamic, but these are things that are of practical benefit to me and are what may need doing at the time. My sub is a talented programmer, which is extremely helpful for my line of work. Or it may be laborious, tedious work that is time consuming for me, and having it done allows me to get on with other things. Or, it may be orgasm control which I personally enjoy lot, but I also like to have him tightly wound in that department when we spend time together. When we are together, I'll often give him the 'tasks' of doing my nails, or giving me an Indian head massage, or clearing up after dinner, or going out and getting shopping, doing my washing, making me a soya latte – etc and so on. But the running theme is my enjoyment, and/or practicality, and/or re-affirming his obedience and him feeling his usefulness to me, and making my life just that little bit easier.

I have come across subs who crave large amounts of formality in a dynamic in the form of elaborate assignments, daily rituals and so on, and they have never been a good fit for me. I find them too high maintenance and requires more energy and time than I have or am inclined to give. Giving assignments requires rigorous participation from both sides, and I'm just far too informal and practical for that.

Also, my sub has very little time, owning three motorbikes, being in full time demanding employment, and having a full time demanding domme lol. So, when I use his time I make it “meaningful” in terms of using it wisely and productively. Quite often, the tasks I give are just for him to take some alone time and relax and focus on him for a while, which I think is very important for someone who has many people putting demands upon him.

So, yeah, I give assignments, nee tasks, because 1) I need, want or desire things to be done. 2) To  affirm his obedience.



jstmi -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 6:01:01 AM)

i love getting assignments from Her because it helps me to feel a connection and that i am Hers. He gives me assignments as well and some can be quite difficult but they are important and it is also important to do them on time. If i do not do a task right i will be punished. Her punishments are tough, especially the no communication one , that is the toughest of all. Ma'am knows that it hits me very hard, but when She asks me to do something She means it to be done correctly and i should be honored i am given them to perform.



blackpearl81 -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 6:41:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

I'ven ever had someone give me an assignment before. Personally though, I think I might enjoy it - I liked writing when I was younger. Granted, that may defeat the purpose (ie: assignments as a punishment), but still.


Actually, I take that back. Ms Starlett did give me an assignment one time. For the life of me, I can't remember what it was about though.

I enjoyed it, because rather than shooting several dozen emails back & forth about <insert various subjects here> I think (hope) She gained some insight as to how I think. Even if that doesn't appeal to Her, we both came away with knowing a little bit more about each other than we did previously.

:)



thetammyjo -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 8:16:12 AM)

Assignments are an important part of the formal training I do. They serve to help the trainee figure out what they want and need as well as limits in all aspects of their life potentially connected to a Ds dynamic.

Some are immediate and short term, done during the weekly formal training session.

Some are weekly and we discuss them during the formal training session.

Some are monthly or semester long such as taking self-improvement classes.

90% of the assignments have nothing to do with sex. A good 50% have little directly to do with kink itself.

A lot of people think they must be submissive and slaves. Through this formal process they can learn if that is true and if it is, what type of slave they want or need to be. If that isn't true, they have safely learned that and can move on to explore being in the top role or simply vanilla.



pyroaquatic -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 11:30:42 AM)

Check my profile, seven pictures in. I was given an assignment by a lovely Venatrix to write "I will not make generalizations" 200 times.

I have done so.

:)

Now if she was or was not being serious.... oh well. Hopefully I am forgiven. Am I forgiven?



Venatrix -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 12:05:12 PM)

Pyro, you are absolutely *the* most fun person on the boards.  One of these days, you are going to make some lucky domina very happy, and if I had a supply of aging potion, I can guarantee that you'd be giving a very special friend of mine a run for his money.



pyroaquatic -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 3:15:35 PM)

I do not try to be fun... but meh... there are others I would consider more fun than myself. (WOOKIE!)

^_^

I don't see how my Domina is the lucky one. I would consider myself the lucky one.



Venatrix -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 5:34:53 PM)

Don't ever underestimate the ability to be fun to be with, Pyro.  I've had more than one drama queen in my life in the past year, and someone who makes me smile without dragging along a lot of other baggage is a treasure above all others.

A sub worthy of one's attentions is one of a domina's chief joys, and believe me, she *will* thank her lucky stars to have found you.



Andalusite -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/7/2009 5:52:25 PM)

I think one of the defining aspects of a good relationship is that *both* people feel incredibly lucky to have found their partner! (or all of them, if it's a poly relationship)

Pyro, didn't she also assign you to read the next Harry Potter book? [;)] I just assigned someone to buy prunes, a cucumber, and tampons, while cross-dressed frumpily. I was just being sarcastic, since he asked to be made to buy something humiliating and for humiliating sissification.



DivaMaria -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/15/2009 1:07:00 PM)

I agree with the importance of whatever one wants to call telling one's sub to do something. For me, the task must mean something, have an objective. It should be, as described previously, to my benefit, to my sub's benefit (growth), and/or to our mutual benefit, to check obedience and/or to deepen the relationship by revealing more about each other. I was trained to make these orders specific and time-relative, and to praise or discipline as usual as needed.
The most wonderful part of these discussions, however, is to learn the minds of others here and leer a little.




DesFIP -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/17/2009 7:12:03 PM)

I can't imagine someone being pissed off because the other person doesn't dream. If it's that important, shouldn't it have been asked very early if he could remember them? Even the time he woke me up because I was having a nightmare, I couldn't remember much more than that I was very frightened.

He's in construction. I noticed early on that on days when he had a very messy job like spreading concrete, those were the days I got told to wear very girlie stuff so he could at least have an image of something clean in his mind. Usually these days I get research assignments: how to build a concrete shower, finding a double dome polycarbonate skylight, and other such useful stuff. By the way about that shower, the answer is don't. It's more work and money then it's worth.



theRose4U -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/18/2009 3:42:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Because so many sub males ASK for them.  I've gotten to where I ignore the little self centered dick heads who beg for "assignments" because they NEVER EVER do what I ask... they just want me to think up hot sexy trashy stuff for them to do every day to get their rocks off.  They don't want to do anything meaningful or useful... but they just keep on begging for an assignment, even to the point telling me about the sex acts they want me to 'force' them into every day.  [:'(]

This is how I weed out the potential subs from the spank me boys...they always seem to want to know the punishment for NOT DOING IT instead of what you want them to do.
They don't seem to understand that mopping my floors, taking out the trash and mowing the lawn at least 2 hours before I arrive (due to allergies) matters more to me than most things spanky. Most even have the nerve to get angry because "I'll do anything to please you" doesn't include anything sexual or kinky.



porcelaine -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/18/2009 8:01:13 PM)

i enjoy being tasked and prefer someone that is very organized with a managerial style of leadership. i like having a routine and i'm orderly. i find this meshes very well with people of a similar leaning. i appreciate the assignments and periodic check ins which allow us to touch base on my progress on how i'm proceeding towards the short and long term goals we've defined. i like verbal delivery coupled with written documentation which shows what's working and what isn't. sometimes having a visual solidifies things. graphical charts and the like can positively illustrate how small steps grow into something larger. this really reinforces the big picture and the why behind it all.

as for things that may or may not be frivolous, i think that is difficult to determine. the full purpose may not have been articulated and that really isn't the point. my obedience and adherence to his instruction is. this includes the glamorous and fun activities and those not so appealing mundane things that i may not enjoy. both foster discipline and inspire a realistic brand of service which i appreciate. in life we always are called to do things we don't find amusing or pleasurable, slavery shouldn't be any different.

porcelaine



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