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RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/21/2009 4:02:56 PM   
Bimtrain


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

My life. My choice!

Very interesting. The notion that one goes through life without putting any thought process behind their choices intrigues me! Do tell more!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

My partner is 11 years older than me, and we did not start out seeking to be Daddy baby, however now we are, but more in name than anything else.. You don't have to want them to be a Daddy for them to be significantly older. I have always liked older people because  they are for the most part mature, have their life together,  have their own place, have a good paying job, have their own car, and are good capable drivers, and are able to provide the kind of stability I want in a relationship, and the older ones are usually but I know not always more experienced.  Now you don't have to be older than me to be more experienced in life and relationships and kinky issues, and sexual prowess, but it helps.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bimtrain

I'm asking why would a young sub/slave want a really old dom if it's not a Daddy dom they seek.



Thank you. Your insight in much appreciated.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/21/2009 4:07:20 PM   
Eigenaar


Posts: 352
Joined: 5/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch

Why do you consider it ridiculous what some submissives have as preferences in the dominants they seek. Don't you have personal preferences? If you strongly preferred a sub have long hair, would you not seek that?

I know that I do have very strong preferences, and would have a hard time going against those preferences if I were ever seeking a master/dominant again.


Again, it is not a preference to rule out people. It is ridiculous to state 40 is okay and 39 is not. How would you know someone aged 35 is not your perfect partner? This is ridiculous! Why would a person aged 40 be better for you than a person aged 38? Explain this to me. It is like saying you want a person with a blue and brown eye and that the rest is crap. You can rule out the whole world for my concern but you can not aspect me to think you are sane. Is something wrong with that or am I allowed to have an opinion like you?

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/21/2009 4:15:17 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		You're welcome, and it's not to say  all young people are not collected and have what I seek in older people, just that it's rare, in my experiences.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bimtrain



Thank you. Your insight in much appreciated.

(in reply to Bimtrain)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/21/2009 5:42:38 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		You keep stressing on people not putting down exact reasons for their choice, but they are.  They are saying it is their preference not to connect with someone who may be much younger.
From my pov, I tend to date men 5-10 yrs younger than I, mostly because men my age tend more toward thinking they know it all.  I do not date men younger than that because they do not have the same life pool of experience to draw from.  I love my son, but I would not date his friends. 
It is personal choice based on who I am now, vs what I know someone still has to learn.
I have no desire to be someones mothersub.

(in reply to Bimtrain)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/21/2009 6:16:04 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bimtrain

I'm fairly new to the BDSM scene as a whole. I've spent a lot of time within my specific fetish but only just recently found out it, at least in part, blended into BDSM. So forgive me if I don't understand this.

If it's not a Daddy you seek than why say "No one under 40"? If a dom can give you exactly what you need why would age matter? Wouldn't it be better to have a more viral man in good shape? This should be doubly true for those seeking 24/7 situations that ARE NOT COMMON. There are few doms out there you are looking for the type of dom/sub relationship that I am so if you're a sub looking for the same I would think you'd be open to whoever can provide it.


Okay... I am not submissive or anyone's fucky toy... but I'm going to answer anyway. First of all, there are other relationships between an older person and a younger person other than the daddy or mommy dominant relationship. Not everyone who wants someone older wants a daddy or a mommy.

Secondly... not every younger person can get it on better than an older person. My best lover was 54 years old and that man could rock and roll all night long and then some. I've had some young guys who were three strokes and your out. Age means nothing when it comes to good ol fun in the bedroom... or where ever it is you might do that sort of thing.

Third... not everything is about getting what you need. Sometimes it involves giving some too. We all have different experiences and one can find certain things in different age groups. For example... I might like rap music... and most men my age would totally freak about it. Some might like swing dancing and many in a certain age would laugh their ass off and say good night you bubble head.

Fourth... not everything is about sex and not everyone fits what we want or need in a partner.

You want to know reasons why people decide what they do... they really don't have to give them because you insist. They don't have to have reasons and really it isn't always a fault that they don't have one. You can't compare yourself and how you process things and explain things, to others who may do things differently.

My first husband was twice my age. It wasn't anything but that I loved hearing his funny stories and loved and was addicted to the things he could do to my body! Yeah... he was my drug of choice at the time.

My youngest lover... one hot lil number I crossed into cougarville for... wouldn't have lasted a long conversation but was hot for a few minutes anyway.

Do you really want explainations? I mean really? Or is there something a bit more personal in all this? Why does it bother you so much that you need to understand why?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Bimtrain)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/21/2009 7:16:57 PM   
Bimtrain


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bimtrain

I'm fairly new to the BDSM scene as a whole. I've spent a lot of time within my specific fetish but only just recently found out it, at least in part, blended into BDSM. So forgive me if I don't understand this.

If it's not a Daddy you seek than why say "No one under 40"? If a dom can give you exactly what you need why would age matter? Wouldn't it be better to have a more viral man in good shape? This should be doubly true for those seeking 24/7 situations that ARE NOT COMMON. There are few doms out there you are looking for the type of dom/sub relationship that I am so if you're a sub looking for the same I would think you'd be open to whoever can provide it.


Okay... I am not submissive or anyone's fucky toy... but I'm going to answer anyway. First of all, there are other relationships between an older person and a younger person other than the daddy or mommy dominant relationship. Not everyone who wants someone older wants a daddy or a mommy.

Secondly... not every younger person can get it on better than an older person. My best lover was 54 years old and that man could rock and roll all night long and then some. I've had some young guys who were three strokes and your out. Age means nothing when it comes to good ol fun in the bedroom... or where ever it is you might do that sort of thing.

Third... not everything is about getting what you need. Sometimes it involves giving some too. We all have different experiences and one can find certain things in different age groups. For example... I might like rap music... and most men my age would totally freak about it. Some might like swing dancing and many in a certain age would laugh their ass off and say good night you bubble head.

Fourth... not everything is about sex and not everyone fits what we want or need in a partner.

You want to know reasons why people decide what they do... they really don't have to give them because you insist. They don't have to have reasons and really it isn't always a fault that they don't have one. You can't compare yourself and how you process things and explain things, to others who may do things differently.

My first husband was twice my age. It wasn't anything but that I loved hearing his funny stories and loved and was addicted to the things he could do to my body! Yeah... he was my drug of choice at the time.

My youngest lover... one hot lil number I crossed into cougarville for... wouldn't have lasted a long conversation but was hot for a few minutes anyway.

Do you really want explainations? I mean really? Or is there something a bit more personal in all this? Why does it bother you so much that you need to understand why?


First off, your response is much appreciated. That is the kind of insight I'm looking for

Secondly, I never demanded anyone give me any answers. I was only searching for those kind enough to give an opinion, those who felt like sharing.

Thirdly, I suspect you haven't read my subsequent follow ups in this thread. That's ok. It's not personal and I fully understand and embrace that not everyone in this world is right for me and I not right for them. That's great and part of what makes this a beautiful planet. One of my favorite things about myself is that I'm very empathic and can usually always put myself in someone else's shoes and into their mindset. This particular thing puzzled me and I was looking for insight behind it. That's all. Thank you for sharing.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/21/2009 9:01:40 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		As Pretty Ricky sez, "Age ain't nothing but a number..."

I honestly don't know what young women see in older men. I don't share the focus on a specific age, I focus exclusively on personality. If they have what I need, I could care less about the number of years they've been walking this earth. Well except in one sense. My former owner was considerbly older than me. Kind of naturally, he died first. That was very hard. I'd rather not repeat that experience so I try to avoid men about 10 yrs. older than me, although if such a man came around and he had the type of personality I look for, sigh, I wouldn't be able to resist.

(in reply to Bimtrain)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/21/2009 9:03:19 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, h8 on anyone that dont got your eyebrows

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/22/2009 5:44:23 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

I don't think the year you were born should have anything to do with anything at all, but some people do tend to use it to automatically exclude potential friendships/relationships/etc. While I don't agree with it, I recognize that as their prerogative.

And I realize that if they're judgmental like that, I probably won't get along with them anyway, so maybe they're doing me a favour. :)


\

Well that is awesome, I have a friend who is 76 and she is looking for a younger dom. Can I give her your cmail address?

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to NormalOutside)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/22/2009 2:00:31 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

I don't think the year you were born should have anything to do with anything at all, but some people do tend to use it to automatically exclude potential friendships/relationships/etc. While I don't agree with it, I recognize that as their prerogative.

And I realize that if they're judgmental like that, I probably won't get along with them anyway, so maybe they're doing me a favour. :)



But the year one is born has a lot to do with everything!  Let's say someone approached me who was born in 1983.  That would mean they have never lived in a world without color television, or tv without wireless remote control for pete's sake.  If I said I was busy darning socks they wouldn't even have a clue what the fuck I was talking about.  They have probably never lived without a mircowave and certainly never without an abundance of fast-food drive-up windows.  How in the world are they ever going to be able to fully relate to the life experiences I've had that make up who I am now?

Making judgements is what we do every day when we decide what we're going to have for breakfast or what clothes to wear.  Judgement is not a negative for crying out loud but then people born after a certain year may have never heard of "sound judgement" as a compliment.  See?  The year one is born has a lot to do with who they are and how compatible they may be for someone else.

For the record, my Master is 9 years younger than I.  We did however grow up in the same region of the country, have a close ethnic heritage, and many other similarities in our formative years that we relate to each other perfectly.  A man 30 years my junior would simply not have enough commonalities to be a good match for me.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to NormalOutside)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/22/2009 5:00:08 PM   
Mishna


Posts: 70
Joined: 11/1/2008
Status: offline 		I prefer older men because I can communicate more easily with them. However, I have absolutely no interest in a "daddy". It's all about comfort and preference. It would be the same if I wanted younger men. Personal choice, as everyone else has pointed out. 

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/22/2009 5:17:31 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch

Why do you consider it ridiculous what some submissives have as preferences in the dominants they seek. Don't you have personal preferences? If you strongly preferred a sub have long hair, would you not seek that?

I know that I do have very strong preferences, and would have a hard time going against those preferences if I were ever seeking a master/dominant again.


Again, it is not a preference to rule out people. It is ridiculous to state 40 is okay and 39 is not. How would you know someone aged 35 is not your perfect partner? This is ridiculous! Why would a person aged 40 be better for you than a person aged 38? Explain this to me. It is like saying you want a person with a blue and brown eye and that the rest is crap. You can rule out the whole world for my concern but you can not aspect me to think you are sane. Is something wrong with that or am I allowed to have an opinion like you?



But a person that has preferences of whatever kind need to place the limit somewhere. If I were seeking, I would not be looking for someone below the age of 40 myself. I would want to have mutual frames of reference, things in common. I would also not be looking for someone over the age of about 52. These are just general age ranges, I would not want to be dating someone the age of my father or sons. I would want them to be within 5-7 years of myself.

I also have many other preferences, and they are such strong preferences that I cannot see myself going against them.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Eigenaar)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/22/2009 6:51:52 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bimtrain

If it's not a Daddy you seek than why say "No one under 40"? If a dom can give you exactly what you need why would age matter?


you are gravely misinformed if you believe that every woman attracted to age play or the daddy/little girl dynamic is interested in partnering with someone older. i enjoy both aspects and have no attraction to men with large variances. of course this is my preference and others do feel differently.

it is virtually impossible to be everyone's cup of tea. you will inevitably have an interest or some other aspect of your personality or lifestyle that someone finds unappealing. it is easy to judge when we're the affected party. consider your own limitations and preferences and the relationships you neglected to pursue because of these factors. right or wrong you're entitled to decide what is best for you, and so is everyone else.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Bimtrain)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/22/2009 11:03:45 PM   
DarkPossession


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/13/2009
Status: offline
It would be preference and some people are more sucinct in what they want than others. Personally, I have left a marriage with a Man 13 yrs my senior (basically vanilla) and now am involved with a Man 15 yrs my junior ( he's my Master)
It didn't come down to prefering one over the other, it was chemistry and thats what you are obviously asking of those that state their predelections... it could also be possible that in setting paremeters gives someone a better idea of what that person is seeking, these type of sites warrant that to a certain point... its not the same as seeing someone across a crowded pub and saying " wow" regardless of pics posted here.
Im open to someone that fits me completely, age aside, even though it does worry just a teeny bit... but I have learnt to let that go, because otherwise I would definately miss out on something special, but not everyone is like me.

(in reply to Bimtrain)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/22/2009 11:24:00 PM   
Eigenaar


Posts: 352
Joined: 5/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch


quote:

ORIGINAL: Eigenaar

quote:

ORIGINAL: whiteslavebitch

Why do you consider it ridiculous what some submissives have as preferences in the dominants they seek. Don't you have personal preferences? If you strongly preferred a sub have long hair, would you not seek that?

I know that I do have very strong preferences, and would have a hard time going against those preferences if I were ever seeking a master/dominant again.


Again, it is not a preference to rule out people. It is ridiculous to state 40 is okay and 39 is not. How would you know someone aged 35 is not your perfect partner? This is ridiculous! Why would a person aged 40 be better for you than a person aged 38? Explain this to me. It is like saying you want a person with a blue and brown eye and that the rest is crap. You can rule out the whole world for my concern but you can not aspect me to think you are sane. Is something wrong with that or am I allowed to have an opinion like you?



But a person that has preferences of whatever kind need to place the limit somewhere. If I were seeking, I would not be looking for someone below the age of 40 myself. I would want to have mutual frames of reference, things in common. I would also not be looking for someone over the age of about 52. These are just general age ranges, I would not want to be dating someone the age of my father or sons. I would want them to be within 5-7 years of myself.

I also have many other preferences, and they are such strong preferences that I cannot see myself going against them.


The op is 30 and wonders why young submissive females seeking a master rule out dominants below 40. He is not wondering why a mother is not submitting to a master her son's age.

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/22/2009 11:27:56 PM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bimtrain

I'm fairly new to the BDSM scene as a whole. I've spent a lot of time within my specific fetish but only just recently found out it, at least in part, blended into BDSM. So forgive me if I don't understand this.

If it's not a Daddy you seek than why say "No one under 40"? If a dom can give you exactly what you need why would age matter? Wouldn't it be better to have a more viral man in good shape? This should be doubly true for those seeking 24/7 situations that ARE NOT COMMON. There are few doms out there you are looking for the type of dom/sub relationship that I am so if you're a sub looking for the same I would think you'd be open to whoever can provide it.


I think that everyone, when considering a potential relationship partner, develops an internal list of pros and cons they go through as they learn more about the person. This process can be deliberate and conscious or completely unconscious. As time goes on either more and more of your preferences are met or more and more matters where you're uncomfortable come up until the balance tilts either to a "yes" or a "no".

Distilling that to a list of boxes one can fill out on a website is difficult. In real life, if the person who had selected "No one under 40" met someone otherwise perfect who was 38, would they reject that person for the age difference - obviously not. Online it's a lot easier to fil out boxes because there is no way to boil "I want someone who I have compatibility with physically, intellectually and emotionally with" into a series of preferences.

They're comfortable with men over 40. That's what they are attracted to. While I agree with you that introspection is a good thing, someone doesn't have to work out the reasoning to know that they're attracted to "older men" or "curvaceous women" or whatever. They just know that they are - so that's what they look for.

As an aside, I think we do tend to focus on the ones who select options that exclude us and to take for granted the ones that include us. The grass is always greener. What you're looking for is very specific, and so obviously I can see why finding someone who meets your criteria but has narrowed their focus down in this way would engage your curiousity. I have come across some profiles on the site that match your interests so keep looking, they are out there.

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

(in reply to Bimtrain)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/23/2009 7:08:59 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		As i say in my profile:

i don't want to be with anyone who's married or attached to another, young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father (and yeah, i know..little doubt of that..lol)

As others have said..i find it uncomfortable to be in a relationship with someone who's the same age as my kids (2 in their 30s already, although not sure how "that" happened..lol) or my dad (who's 91 and he can't figure out how that happened either..lol).  Either way it's just too weird.

jk


_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/23/2009 11:16:23 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bimtrain

I'm fairly new to the BDSM scene as a whole. I've spent a lot of time within my specific fetish but only just recently found out it, at least in part, blended into BDSM. So forgive me if I don't understand this.

If it's not a Daddy you seek than why say "No one under 40"? If a dom can give you exactly what you need why would age matter? Wouldn't it be better to have a more viral man in good shape? This should be doubly true for those seeking 24/7 situations that ARE NOT COMMON. There are few doms out there you are looking for the type of dom/sub relationship that I am so if you're a sub looking for the same I would think you'd be open to whoever can provide it.


If someone makes a personal choice of desiring someone over 40 all you need to do is accept it. this is what they are comfortable with . What makes you think that men who are over 40 are not in good shape or viral enogh to meet a womans' needs?

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to Bimtrain)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/24/2009 4:34:22 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Also you are failing to account for what is going on here, the number of replies they are likely to get, the amount of time they have to spend on this whilst maintaining a functional real life. You have to cut it down somehow.

I myself don't look at profiles older than mid to late 30's. That isn't saying that if I happened to meet a girl older that with the right spark I'd ignore it. Rather that I know from experience that there is a much higher likelyhood of finding what I seek below that age. On sites like these there are a whole bunch of labels to wade through and thousands of people you could potentialy have chemistry with... but no easy way to check that chemistry. When meeting a girl out on the scene I don't ask their age, if there is chemistry then it is immediatly evident... here however I have to 'filter'..... so why would it bother Me if someone elses 'filter' rules ME out?

That said it does amuse Me when I see some young 20 something looking for someone very mature and widely experienced whilst limiting themselves to within a couple of years of their own age.... talk about trying to fish in the very shallow pool *Grin* but they have a right to do so if that is their choise.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What's with the minimum age? - 8/24/2009 6:27:52 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		The age thing. I'd like to say age is just a number, but really, it's not. I'm 55 years old. The 20 and 30 year olds who message me just do not have the life experience I need in a partner. They can't have, they have not lived long enough.

There is also the aging factor, which is not such an issue when the male is older. I admit I am a vain woman. I think I am reasonably attractive for my age, I keep myself in shape, etc. But how long is that going to last? Ten years from now could be a whole different story. And I'm looking for long term. So that is an issue for me. I want to be with someone who looks at me and says, "Wow!"

Lastly, as has been mentioned, I would have so little in common with a much younger male - music, movies, history (a 20 year old would have a vague idea of the vietnamese war).

For these reason I don't give a close look at someone more than 10 years younger than me unless I already know them. My last dominant was 12 years younger, but then he'd had life experience that made him very mature for his age. So it's not a hard and fast rule.

I don't really have a limit for how much older, although I have a couple who message me who scare me. I feel like replying with, "Are you on all your heart meds? Because honey, I'd kill you!"






_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 60
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