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RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 10:26:06 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		While I agree somewhat with some of my fellow posters, I am somewhat put off by anyone who would consider me an "applicant". I know some use terms like this but I seek a relationship, not a job. Also, following orders online and being expected to be obedient would send me running as I would never exchange power in 3 weeks time, let alone online. But if I did agree to meet someone somewhere whether it be in an online chatroom or in public, I would show up because of common courtesy. If something came up, I would e-mail and explain what happened that I could not show.

I do however think waiting around for 40 minutes does not show self respect. As a submissive, I wouldnt wait around anywhere that long for someone unless they were lost and notified me. I think a dominant should follow suit also in this regard.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 11:06:16 AM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		I didn't just sit in chat for 40 minutes, looking at a blank screen, waiting for him to show.  I have a business that I run out of my home and was working while waiting.  Multiple computers, you see. I agree that a Dom to sit waiting is inappropriate.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 11:25:24 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		it would have worked better if you left that chat room after 10 minutes. Then he wuld have messaged later."where were you?" Then you would have explained that to be in a relationship with you he would have to be prompt. IF you continue a relationship after waiting 40minutes for him. He currently has proved he has the upper hand and can do whatever he wants and you'll give him another chance. If I was datng someone in real time that was 40 minutes late, lets just say I may stay at the place to have a drink. But they would'nt get a second date with me. Onlin, they are hardly worth your time. Unless you live somewhere very remote, woudnt it serve you better to find a local submissive?

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/22/2009 11:26:13 AM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 11:46:32 AM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		LuciousLips19:

Let's see: As to applicant vs. relationship.  He expressly wanted a job as a slave, NOT a relationship as a boi since he's "been there, done that" with a series (4 exactly) of self-identified Masters and has found them lacking.

He was NOT ordered to be in chat, but by his lateness he expressed (IMHO and other posters HO) his rudeness.  As stated by DarkSteven: "So his yahoo groups come before you."  That's why I was so very angry.

In negotiations, whether for job OR relationship, one needs to be polite.

He does NOT have the "upper hand".  I've cut him dead: "We're done." was the e-mail I sent him this AM.  (The e-mail was longer than that, but starts that way.)

I live in Denver, he in Milwaukee.  Of course, I'm looking for local sub. YOU go check Colorado, gay male slaves.  Pay special attention to the "Last on" column.

I started this string with describing my "30 plus years in scene."  Please do not speak to me as if you think me a novice.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 11:52:30 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire
TOTAL Power Exchange, OP....

(But I apologize for not being Leadership, though he and I have often agreed on a number of items.) 



*laughs* Hey but you do a fine impersonation of me.

OP: It is total power exchange and loosely what it means is that there are no boundaries for the commands I may issue. In addition, in my definition which is shared by just about nobody, it also means there is no disobedience -- I just expect Carol to obey... no messing around. In your second post, you gave some additional information. I would agree that coping with an addiction in the absence of some extremely deep authority dynamic is probably not going to work. Then again, you and this new guy are brand new. Dynamics take time to develop. Were I you, I'd be trying hard to figure out how thoroughly this person might submit in the future as opposed to now. Perhaps you could try drawing some really firm boundaries. When I collared Carol, I made my viewpoint very clear. If you want to be my slave, you will obey... every time... without fail. Setting expectations up front is always a good thing.

And just so nobody thinks I'm a lunatic or exaggerating (since some folks like to go down this path), I do not count honest mistakes, missed communications, just plain forgetfulness as disobedience. But if I said to Carol, "You will not drink without my permission" and she did, there'd be no opportunity to call it a "mistake". Carol, like all of us, is a fallible human. But she does not ever get to just say "no"... either in word or deed.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Rainfire)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 11:56:42 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Ohhh sorry. Im like so impressed.
Im not speaking to you like you are a novice. I am asking you questions. Yes, so you have 30 years experience. So what? It doesnt make you any better at interpersonal relationships. If you dont like the questions dont answer, but I am on a public forum and you do not know what I am thinking . I can tell you Im thinking, you are not my dominant so please dont think you can dictate to me here.

In glad that slave is dead in the water as he was extremely rude and who wants someone who doesnt know what polite behavior is? There are places way more remote then Denver Colorado and I have no desire to peruse for gay male slaves. I will take your word for it. I assume you tell the truth and believe you.

Welcome to the boards you're are going to get way more questions, if you want to continue here and disenting opinions as part and parcel. I think you can learn to handle it without getting all indignant.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 12:01:09 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		LusciousLips19:
Now that we've cheked out each other profiles, I have but one thing to say:  Too bad our orientations are at odds.  You see, I was born-n-raised in Chicago proper (Logan Square) and have ocassionally thought about returning to the "land of my birth."

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 12:02:15 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I lived in Logan Square area for 4 years. Im sure we would have been great friends!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 12:03:15 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		If you come to town, Ill take you to the Jackhammer!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 12:08:41 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		Google shows I might like that.  You're ON!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 12:11:23 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Have you ever thought of finding a female slave? YEs, I know you are gay. But if it is purely BDSM and M's, you could easily do it with anyone with out sex involved. I have learned I can be flogged by anyone and it is satisfying for me without sex. It could be a nice stop gap for casual play til you find "the one".

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 12:13:46 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

Google shows I might like that.  You're ON!


I can see it now,

"hey lady what are you doing here?"

Lushy: "well I have OCD and I am afraid of Leather. I'm doing Immersion Therapy."

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 12:25:05 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for the suggestion.  Poly is an option with gay lover and slave of unspecified gender.  And, of course, the House of Erfurt need not be built in a particular order.  I'm considering opening negotiations with a bi-sexual couple where both are submissive (and re-locatable.)  I have given flogging demos where model was female and had no problem with that.  My WORST flogging demo was in a local leather bar were "flagellation" is specifically prohibbeted in the liquor code (go figure.)  I borrowed a full-size female mannequin and, you know, I just couldn't get ANY response from her. ROF,LMAO.

Have had gay lovers over the years - 13 years, 7 years, 3 at 3 years.  A few periods were there were none.  I guess I have to use an emotican even though I hate the suckers:   

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 12:50:04 PM   
Rainfire


Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*laughs* Hey but you do a fine impersonation of me.

OP: It is total power exchange and loosely what it means is that there are no boundaries for the commands I may issue. In addition, in my definition which is shared by just about nobody, it also means there is no disobedience -- I just expect Carol to obey... no messing around. In your second post, you gave some additional information. I would agree that coping with an addiction in the absence of some extremely deep authority dynamic is probably not going to work. Then again, you and this new guy are brand new. Dynamics take time to develop. Were I you, I'd be trying hard to figure out how thoroughly this person might submit in the future as opposed to now. Perhaps you could try drawing some really firm boundaries. When I collared Carol, I made my viewpoint very clear. If you want to be my slave, you will obey... every time... without fail. Setting expectations up front is always a good thing.

And just so nobody thinks I'm a lunatic or exaggerating (since some folks like to go down this path), I do not count honest mistakes, missed communications, just plain forgetfulness as disobedience. But if I said to Carol, "You will not drink without my permission" and she did, there'd be no opportunity to call it a "mistake". Carol, like all of us, is a fallible human. But she does not ever get to just say "no"... either in word or deed.


  No, no..... Lumus would quite agree with the highlighted part. Just switch it to say "Rain" rather than Carol. Actually, I tend to think He'd agree with most of it. (I can't see a part He'd actually disagree with but I can't speak completely for Him.) He made Himself perfectly clear before He even collared me. There are honest mistakes then there are the ones where it's flat-out disobedience and we both know it. I have my limits and if I go beyond them, well, the polite way to phrase it is I'm in deep doo-doo.

(And sorry for answering for you, Leadership, just wanted to help the OP.)


_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 1:37:34 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Have you ever thought of finding a female slave? YEs, I know you are gay. But if it is purely BDSM and M's, you could easily do it with anyone with out sex involved. I have learned I can be flogged by anyone and it is satisfying for me without sex. It could be a nice stop gap for casual play til you find "the one".


lushy, let me jump in here.  It's not easy to find submissive women in the greater Denver area. 


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 4:21:55 PM   
KCalli


Posts: 81
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I didn't just sit in chat for 40 minutes, looking at a blank screen, waiting for him to show.  I have a business that I run out of my home and was working while waiting.  Multiple computers, you see. I agree that a Dom to sit waiting is inappropriate.


As a sub, I must agree that keeping a Dom or your Dom waiting is unconscionable. Period. But then, hey, I was raised in the "land of Doms" (6 doors down from Oz) with a father and 4 brothers (made for interesting evenings as they tried to assert their Alphaness upon each other). In my family it was like this: if you aren't 15 minutes early you are late and would be better not showing up at all. Unless you are "bleeding or dying" there isn't any excuse for being late according to the top dog, my pa.


_____________________________

I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house.
~On reason and Passion, Prophet Khalil Gibran

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 4:38:31 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KCalli

As a sub, I must agree that keeping a Dom or your Dom waiting is unconscionable. Period. But then, hey, I was raised in the "land of Doms" (6 doors down from Oz) with a father and 4 brothers (made for interesting evenings as they tried to assert their Alphaness upon each other). In my family it was like this: if you aren't 15 minutes early you are late and would be better not showing up at all. Unless you are "bleeding or dying" there isn't any excuse for being late according to the top dog, my pa.



HELL YES!!!! I would add to that exclusion list: being in Hospital, In a Coma, or Incarcerated. Perhaps the errant sub/slave requires to have a radio controlled taser attached to his testes so he can be sent a "reminder" at the appropriate times.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to KCalli)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 6:03:19 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		Quickie up-date on this sub. Signed-on a moment ago and found this from him:

so who is your new pet?

He has been blocked, but first I sent this:

Rude, very rude.
I have no "new pet."
I made my decision to terminate your and my negotiations totally on the basis of our discussions.

Once again, thanks for all the comments and suggestions.  Each and every one of those helped me "see" a different perspective. (DUH!)  And taken all together those perspectives helped me avoid a mistake.  I didn't lie to him about "totally on ... our discussions."  Each comment helped me "see" that aspect in the negotiations.  He had said things that I didn't "get" until y'all slapped me.... oh, wait.... just who's the Dom here? LOL!


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 6:40:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I can think of several reasons other than addiction for not signing in on time. Since work and family were not part of it, how about plain old forgetfulness, possibly caused by ADHD? Which could also cause the multiple yahoo groups, just the need for constant stimulation.

Now you may not want a slave with any problems or baggage at all, although good luck finding that with anyone. But if you consider that this may be an undiagnosed medical problem, then you shouldn't keep dwelling on how rude he was to someone he hadn't agreed to submit to. And that would be a good thing for you, because the more you stay angry about it, the more time you spend thinking about him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 7:21:59 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		When he arrived 40 minutes late, I asked him why.  He told me that he had been checking his e-mails at Yahoo.  I asked what kind of e-mails and he replied that he was a member of about 50 Yahoo groups.  I asked if there was a theme to the 50 groups and he said, "Yes. Mostly porno, but some BDSM."

I used the word "rude" just above rather than get into (with him) what I think is the real problem.  Namely, I think he has some serious self-esteem issues.  As to the ADHD suggestion... sure, he might have ADHD, but how better to solve that (temporarily) than go speak to the Dom waiting to speak to him.

Of course, we all have baggage, but as I "cut him dead" I explained that I had too many red-flags going up.

Yes, I'm done with him.  He is blocked here and has been black-listed on my e-mail handler. (Not yahoo, BTW. LOL!)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 40
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