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RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 7:53:32 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Well good for you! Ya did good.

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 7:57:19 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		lushy:  THNX for making my first post here at CM go to 3 pages. LOL!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 8:26:56 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Well good for you! Ya did good.
Yeah, I think so too lusciouslips (and LanceHughes). Not so much that you called it quits... I wouldn't know whether that was the right move or not. But it seems we do get a LOT of posts here where people should've just thrown in the towel way earlier. Yay! for crisp decision making!


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 8:41:00 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

lushy:  THNX for making my first post here at CM go to 3 pages. LOL!


Just wait. I have some that go on and on. Thousands of pages. In random stupidity.

You can be randomely stupid too.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 8:49:41 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		I think when I typed the title for this question was when I had made my descision.  I think any post asking if such-n-such a situation is a "deal breaker" would indicate the deal was already broken.  I guess I was looking for confirmation.. Again, thanks to y'all.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 9:37:10 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I'm a gay male Dom with 30-plus years in the scene.  I have a slave applicant "on the line."  He and I have been chatting for 3 weeks, getting to know each other bit by bit.  Turns out he's been a "boi" (his word, not mine) for 24 years and has an "overwhelming" desire to be a slave and to learn about BDSM.  So, what's the problem?  Tonight, I found out that he is addicted to gay porn.  I know addiction to drugs and/or alcohol would be a deal-breaker for me, as it would be for most.  Of course, most female subs are not drawn to porn, much less addicted, but let's throw this out there and see what we get.


is this supposed addiction something he's admitted to or an affliction you've assigned based on the things he's done or shared? have you questioned his reasoning for watching the porn? also, if it is a long standing habit or condition, changing it won't occur overnight, assuming he wishes to do so. you'd be wise to find this out and to observe his behavior in person before making a decision.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 9:41:09 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		Asked and answered, Your Honor.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 9:46:00 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

If I was 40 minutes late for a meeting with Daddy, I'd better have a damned good excuse but checking email and missing Him? OH HELL NO - my ass would be busted and I wouldn't be sitting for a while!


<---sets Rains watch back an hour

teehee


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 10:16:31 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I'm a gay male Dom with 30-plus years in the scene.  I have a slave applicant "on the line."  He and I have been chatting for 3 weeks, getting to know each other bit by bit.  Turns out he's been a "boi" (his word, not mine) for 24 years and has an "overwhelming" desire to be a slave and to learn about BDSM.  So, what's the problem?  Tonight, I found out that he is addicted to gay porn.  I know addiction to drugs and/or alcohol would be a deal-breaker for me, as it would be for most.  Of course, most female subs are not drawn to porn, much less addicted, but let's throw this out there and see what we get.


There are few addictions that could be considered healthy. Addiction is addiction, so if those are deal breakers, you already have your answer and know what you must do

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/22/2009 10:42:18 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Lance,
The male portion of the couple my ex- and I had a relationship with the last year and a half of our marriage had some really wonky fixations around sex.  As an IT guy, he set up his system to pull porn on an on-going basis and was signed up for so many yahoo groups that he had 12,000 mails in his in-box at one point.  His wife got really angry relatively often because he'd be on the computer for 3 hours or more a night, surfing, chatting, camming, etc.  Imo, a lot of it was denial of orientation: I think he's about as far leaning boy-inclined bi- as one can be without actually being gay.  He also, as a part of all of it, engaged in high risk activities where he would go on binges frequenting adult bookstores and blowing droves of random men...and, then he'd act weird until we confronted him.  He asked me to regulate his behavior by drawing a line in the sand: that if he did it again, I would consider it cheating and that would end everything.  To my knowledge, he didn't again while we were together but it was only a matter of time.  And, exogenous control is way flawed compared to endogenous control: if it's not internalized, one can wiggle out of it in all sorts of ways and come up with all sorts of justifications.  Oh, and then there was the cum fetish that went along with the blow-job binges.  There's more but you can probably see that it sucked. 
If your proposed boy is really addicted, you're in for quite the can of worms potentially.  Show me someone amidst an active addiction and/or with an honest-to-god fetish and I'm running, not walking, away. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/23/2009 4:41:03 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
I mean, many times in casual conversation I've heard things like, "Oh these cookies are addicting" or "I'm addicted to buying shoes".


If the latter is not a medically recognized addiction it should be.

"Women buy shoes to keep other women from having them." - Gallagher

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/23/2009 8:05:36 AM   
meha


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline 		When the porn gets in  the way of his obedience, I agree with DarkSteven...it ain't going to get better.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/23/2009 11:16:07 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I used the word "rude" just above rather than get into (with him) what I think is the real problem.  Namely, I think he has some serious self-esteem issues.  As to the ADHD suggestion... sure, he might have ADHD, but how better to solve that (temporarily) than go speak to the Dom waiting to speak to him.



You don't know much about the disorder, do you? In order to stay focused, they need high levels of stimulation. However if not focused, they won't notice what time it is and when immersed in that high level of stimulation they also don't know how much time has passed.

For the future, if you meet someone like this again, tell him while chatting to set his cell phone alarm to that time. Have them do it while chatting because they won't remember to do so afterwards. My oldest, who has multiple mood disorders including this has her cell phone alarm set to alert her to everything - class time, meal time, meet friend for a movie, etc. Damn thing must go off a dozen times a day but it's the easiest way to handle the distractability.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/23/2009 3:07:10 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
NOT easy to restrict access to on-line porno.  After all, isn't that why God gave us libraries?  I can see sending him on an errand that just happens to take longer than it "should."


It is VERY easy, if You have his submission, IF You can trust him then Your command would be enough (Even if he finds it difficult then if he is worth Your trust he should be turning to You for support and reasurance rather than 'giving in to the impulse")... If however You can not trust him then there is neither the chemistry nor the functional Dynamic in place to even look at him relocating. Without trust there is no healthy functional relationship of any kind, especialy not a D/s or M/s one.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Deal breaker? - 8/23/2009 4:46:17 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If he's sitting around surfing porn and jacking off 24/7, missing work, not sleeping at all, can't pull himself away from the screen it would be a dealbreaker for me. I've dealt with these types before and really I'm not attracted to such types of men. They're a total bore and they have numerous numerous problems with their lives.

Way too much drama for me.

You willing to help him deal with the loss of his job, health problems due to eating high fatty foods because he can't pull away from the computer and from lack of sleep and the ingestion of pots of coffee and his alienation of friends and family plus the fantasy he will have built up of you in his head?

Imo it's a losing situation.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 55
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