RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submissive, being used, and tied up?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submissive, being used, and tied up?

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RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 5:18:25 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TearsofLove92

I need some insight on this. For the past few weeks, girls that I met out in the "vanilla" world all say they aren't into BDSM, bondage, or being used. Okay, cool, right? No.

Because they go on to say they like to serve, be tied up, and submitting to males.

Keep in mind I'm 20, so the girls are all around there, too, so are they being "young rebels" and rebelling against terminology, or am I completely missing something?

Well if their idea is that BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline, Sadism, Masochism, and then I would say they are correct
This lifestyle is about personal choice and is not up to any member of this board to comment, much less judge unless their sactions are unsafe or involve someone who does not wish to be involved. Do not worry about what others may think or feel; you worry about you and your path.

There is nothing to rebel against. There is no big book on how things are done

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 21

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 5:18:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Many females are still brought up to defer to the males in their lives. Even very vanilla people enjoy the occasional light spanking and bondage. What you may see as being used sexually may be to them an affirmation of their sexual power; that they are so incredibly lust provoking that you lose control of your good manners and have to have them, then and there.

And of course, lots of people into BDSM are dismissive of those who don't engage in pain play, in being shared among all the dom's friends, claim that all true subs are bi at the dom's command etc. If that's what they think of when they think of BDSM, of course they don't identify with it.

Why does what they call themselves matter to you more than how they act?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 22

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 5:22:32 PM

manxcat

Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TearsofLove92

So yes, the net is a good way to find people, and there is bound to be one person that's worth a damn, but at the end of the day, aside from that one person, are the people on the internet worth looking for? My answer is yes, purely based off of hope, the willingness to learn, to experience, and to learn forgiveness for those who wrong me.

Thank you for reminding me of that., and in much broader terms than the net.

manxcat

_____________________________

The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a
billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly,
that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.
Ray Bradbury

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 23

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 5:29:31 PM

happylittlepet

Posts: 289
Status: offline

You got cmail.

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 24

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 5:33:16 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TearsofLove92
Because they go on to say they like to serve, be tied up, and submitting to males.

my wife, in short.... less the tied up part although that's just fine in the bedroom. It's not that complicated. She has a submissive personality but doesn't much associate with "the scene". I can understand your confusion though. I spent about a year on this site thinking every few months... "I don't belong here because I don't own a whip or a flogger".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to TearsofLove92)

Post #: 25

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:02:18 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

<<Offering to make Jeff a flogger>> <<Not a fan of whips; don't like the distance>>

Terminology, while important, is only a starting point for conversation. If I say to you "I'm a switch" does that give you enough information to understand me or to generalize what I say to the next switch that you meet? No, I'm pretty sure you'd run into some serious disparities in your ideas as well as definitions and preferences one to another.
These are all points from which to begin a conversation.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 26

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:05:38 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
<<Offering to make Jeff a flogger>> <<Not a fan of whips; don't like the distance>>

What? you somehow don't think Carol's corrupting me fast enough? Remind me not to let you two talk :)

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 27

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:11:46 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Tee hee, you noticed I just offered to make it...I didn't say who would use it. < giggling > I absolutely trust in Carol's fantastic corruption abilities but as your friend, I feel I would be doing a disservice were I not willing to help things along...afterall, this is The Dark Side and we have kitty cats and fun toys! I make cool floggers, Jeff. :> Please ask Carol what color she prefers. < grinning and giggling some more >
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 28

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:16:44 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm not letting you two talk ever again.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 29

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:21:28 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I've always wondered why Carol doesn't have a profile. Now I know.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 30

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:24:18 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

You not letting us talk ever again would presume you answering the phone before having morning coffee. < evil laugh >
And, don't think I missed that other comment about clown sex (Different thread)...yep, making Carol a flogger and putting some ouchy bits on the end 'cause now I am going to have nightmares about clown sex. Mean and evil Jeff < pout! >.
And here I was gonna offer to deliver said flogger in a little dress wearing strappy shoes.
Davan
(For whom clown sex is a definite hard limit!!!)

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 31

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:24:37 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

Awww... c'mon, Jeff. How about a lil rope flogger. No pain and very sensual. I promise.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 32

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:30:27 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

But, he mentioned clown sex (Other thread) WyldHrt! I say soak that rope flogger and then use it. Still won't make up for the trauma of the clown sex but may dissuade further mention there-of. ;>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 33

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:33:57 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I say soak that rope flogger and then use it.

Get out of my brain, Davan!

I wasn't going to suggest that until MUCH later!

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 34

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:37:42 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Great minds and such, WyldHrt! :> Jeff knows how much I haaaaate clown sex. I'm willing to pull heavier ammo further down the line, lol! :>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 35

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:48:35 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

*psst* go check out wickednwild's toy pics over on Fet.
*evil laugh*

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 36

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 6:50:48 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Will do...will obtain further ideas for revenge related to the mention of clown sex. Lol! :>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 37

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 7:05:37 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

0_0;

Careful Leaderjeff....

The ladies will come in swarms to turn your wife into a superdomme. With a cape and all. Who is corrupting who?

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 38

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 7:11:17 PM

AnnaOfAramis

Posts: 523
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

She has a submissive personality but doesn't much associate with "the scene". I can understand your confusion though. I spent about a year on this site thinking every few months... "I don't belong here because I don't own a whip or a flogger".

Thank you Sir for saying this. I was following the thread and wondering whether or not to chime in. I'm a slave in a fully committed 24/7 relationship, but we don't consider ourselves as part of the BDSM scene. While what we do CAN be included in the scene, our experience is that usually we don't feel that we fit in because we aren't into the sadism/masochism that is so prevalent. We also know many people in Gorean relationships (which we also don't quite fit) that are extremely committed to service and slavery but do not consider themselves in any way part of BDSM. It is possible to desire to serve and be submissive and it be all encompassing and yet not be into BDSM without it implying that someone is just into some "bedroom kink" etc.

Also as far as the young age of these girls, perhaps they simply don't know enough yet. Although I have always been this way, I had no idea until I was much older what it was that I am or what it was called, or that so many people are like me. I could barely identify the need to submit to a man, and the images that come to mind when someone says BDSM or S/M (leather and whips and chains etc) may not fit with what these girls currently see themselves as or with what they want. However, knowing they want to submit is a start and a show of potential. Where that potential will lead them and how they will develop can only be determined as it is drawn out of them and revealed by a dominant. These things generally unfold slowly, and what one dominant can elicit may be different from what another can elicit from the same girl. I don't think they are trying to be coy, but that probably they don't know enough yet to know what they want... and in general often submissive girls don't know what they want- they need to be led. I also wouldn't assume that they only want play stuff... everyone has to start somewhere, and while they may start by dabbling their toes in the water, they may soon be drawn in deep... if they are mastered.

well wishes,

anna

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 39

RE: You aren't into BDSM, but you are into being submis... - 8/23/2009 7:40:00 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

~fast reply~

Good lord, I leave this thread for a few minutes and it's a freakin sub conspiracy.

AnnaOfAramis: Yeah, I posted another thread on that very topic on the general section. It can be kind of bewildering that lots of people seem to be into [insert kink here]. In the end, I decided that whether or not I'm a kinkster, whether or not I'm into BDSM, whether or not I'm into rope flogger (soaked or otherwise), I've found plenty of common ground and interesting topics to read and respond to here to make it well worth my while. Other people occasionally find my posts worthwhile. That's good enough for me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

Post #: 40

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