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RE: Monogomy - 2/24/2006 11:46:16 PM

candystripper

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i think she was easy to understand, but the boards can be a heated place, and she does not desire that heat. i took her question to mean, between two committed people in a monogamous relationship, why do things change (licitly or illictilly)?

candystripper

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RE: Monogomy - 2/24/2006 11:55:45 PM

ownedgirlie

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i understood the original question. Also understand that discussions can get heated. Don't understand fueling the heat, however.

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 5:28:58 AM

smilezz

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quote:

Here's my question as blunt as it may be... what part of you thinks you are not enough to fullfill One?

What i have learned over the years is.......it has nothing to do with not being enough. I am a unique individual to Thorns, i am His slave, His pet, His wife....i am also enough for Him. Where the difference comes in as to why He may seek out a snak (yes, this is my spelling for it) from time to time, it has everything to do with Him....that sense of adventrue, the hunt or conquering, something different.......it's that spice, so to speak.
I know this is not about being poly, i am not wired for poly.....i have lived in a poly household. I think in one sense you are correct...a submissive will do anything for her Master once she has time invested. (not everyone, but a great deal of people) I never thought i would be ok with being with a poly Man, especially since our relationship was going to be monogamous........i thought to myself for a long time about this...i had never tried it, i wanted to, and not just for the sake of Him, but i had no idea if this is something i could do. I found out, it is not. It took two long years of much suffering and pain and almost walking away to finally figure out who i truly was. I learned i was more than enough for Him, the perception was on me, not on what He thought, but how 'I' viewed myself.

quote:

it's the 'after i collar you' NOW i've decided you aren't enough and i want more concept i have difficulty with.

This was something i had much trouble with, as you can see from the above statement. I have spoken to many people about this as i was going through those two years, and the one thing that always comes back to me is: Master takes care of me, He loves me, He is not going anywhere, i am not going anywhere......everyone that may be involved with Him knows this up front. We are the core to this relationship....His snaks have nothing to do with me, it's all about negotiation.
I am enough for Him...........without saying the old cliche about men and women being wired differently.....it is the truth. I also found out that not one person CAN be everything to just one person, oh sure, there are alot of people out there that will argue this......that's ok, this is my reality and years ago before i ever met Thorns i would be the one that sat down with those husbands/boyfriends/masters/tops/wives/girlfriends..etc. and listen to them say how they were under the impression growing up in today's society that one person could be the end all/everything to them.
Think about this for a moment: where does the cheating start if you are everything to that person? hmmmzz, kind of curious.

I know this may not answer your question, I also know that i have not had near enough caffeine yet...and i know that i ramble alot from time to time.........i am not always politically correct, my sentance structure sucks, if nothing else, i hope i came across with much feeling and information as to how 'I' feel and think. This by no means is how all think. In the end, it is exactly about how you communicate and negotiate with your partner.

Happy Saturday y'all!

~smilezz~

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 5:42:24 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
For those who actually ARE oriented to being poly, it's simply how they are. Just like being heterosexual. You are fulfilled in that relationship, loving more than one is natural and simple (as simple as it can be).

From my profile:
Just because I develop feelings for one person it doesn't change how I feel about another (Does a parent love their first child any less when a second one is born? no of course they don't and that is how I am wired for adult relationships, I can and do develop strong feelings for more than one person at the same time)

As LA states, it isn't a matter of one not being enough. Is one friend not enough? Why do you need more?

Yes it is great fun playing with more than one person you care for at the same time, but that comes as a result of being poly it isn't the reason for doing it. I do so because that is just how I am wired, same as I am a Dominant because that is how I care about someone. I didn't make a choise to become a Dominant (I had to choose to learn how to do it properly, but that is a diffrent issue) and neither did I make a choise to be Poly, that is a result of finding that I did have strong feelings for more than one person at a time :)

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 8:40:35 AM

angelic

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smilezzz, thank you very much for your post. It did help me to understand a bit more, which is all i really wanted to begin with ;). i come here to learn and grow.

And just as an aside... i was not bashing or even questioning the poly life. As i stated i may not understand it and it may not be for me, but i certainly wasn't trying to bash it or disrespect Aanyone that has chosen that for themselves.

Again, thank you for your post.

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 9:28:09 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

smilezzz, thank you very much for your post. It did help me to understand a bit more, which is all i really wanted to begin with ;). i come here to learn and grow.

And just as an aside... i was not bashing or even questioning the poly life. As i stated i may not understand it and it may not be for me, but i certainly wasn't trying to bash it or disrespect Aanyone that has chosen that for themselves.

Again, thank you for your post.

Don't worry, your OP didn't read as if you where attacking anything. Hence I simply tried to give you an insight on where it comes from, at least in me (Because I can't speak for anyone else)

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 9:34:41 AM

angelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

smilezzz, thank you very much for your post. It did help me to understand a bit more, which is all i really wanted to begin with ;). i come here to learn and grow.

And just as an aside... i was not bashing or even questioning the poly life. As i stated i may not understand it and it may not be for me, but i certainly wasn't trying to bash it or disrespect Aanyone that has chosen that for themselves.

Again, thank you for your post.

Don't worry, your OP didn't read as if you where attacking anything. Hence I simply tried to give you an insight on where it comes from, at least in me (Because I can't speak for anyone else)

thank You, Sir... a question to You, if i may? Do You feel equally about those You care about, or do You care more for one than another, or is it maybe not more or less, just differently?

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 9:58:29 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic
thank You, Sir... a question to You, if i may? Do You feel equally about those You care about, or do You care more for one than another, or is it maybe not more or less, just differently?

Again, only speaking for myself. The feelings themselves yes, they are the same. However as with many things, circumstances often mean that they can not be always acted on in the same way.

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Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 11:01:27 AM

MHOO314

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A great question angelic, and one I have pondered--and from the flip side, why do submissives assume that when a Domme as one sub/slave, they are automatically in the market or willing to have more then one?

From the perspective of your question, I think one of two things happens:

1. Fear of rejection--they talk themselves into something they would not normally do for the sake of "the life"
2. Some do find out its an ok thing with them

Being monagamous in all aspects of the relationship ( had to add that as we will get into a debate about monagamy of the heart versus the body) I do not understand the need for more, yet it is done and accepted and I will be honest, until KofM and His ladies started posting, I was hmm more than a tad opinionated about it, now it sill isn't for Me, but they make it work and its beautiful and fun in their world it seems.

But submissives should not assume when one has the title Dominant they automatically have numbers--and if a submissive prefers monagamy, they need to stick to their beliefs---don't back down out of fear of rejection--IMHO

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 2/25/2006 11:02:16 AM >

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 12:30:09 PM

fyreredsub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

ok.. but the original dynamics of the 'relationship' have significantly changed. Maybe this should be a question to the Masters... hell i don't know... i am truly just trying to understand (i SAID i was in a reflective mood lol)... what concerns me is that by the time the Master/Dom 'has this revelation' the submissive/slave is so hooked that he/she will do ANYTHING to keep Him/Her...

it sux when the original dynamics get changed, ecspecialy with a lie and you find out it had been going on all along,lol, that when its best to cut and run.'trying' to make it work doesn't b/c the original foundation that you entered into gets pulled out from under you and then there is trust issues.
there's nothing wrong with poly as long as the hows and whys are discussed and agreed upon upfront.

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RE: Monogomy - 2/25/2006 2:18:07 PM

littleone35

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In my case i am not poly at all not that i see anything wronge with it it is just not or me. I tell any Dom i was considering getting involved and now i have a Master told him the same thing. I want to be the only one you are with and most are ok with that. Just my 2 cents

Matt's littleone

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