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Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:24:10 AM

Tightbond55

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I am wondering what subtle displays or signs of dominance experienced or seen in vanilla public do subs enjoy. This would be a dominant person that the sub is not in a relationship with. It could be something someone does that causes a sub to be attracted to the dominant person in a D/s way or just something that makes a sub feel good in a "sub way" but they are not attracted to the dominant person.

Thanks for all insights A/anyone sends in response.
Tightbond

Post #: 1

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:38:25 AM

beargonewild

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A sub still can discretely address their dom with "sir" "ma'am" etc which is quite easily interpretted as having very polite mannerisms by the general public. Some doms prefer their subs to walk a few steps behind and to their left or right. Even simple deference tot he dim when dining out at a restaurant is a subtle reminder that the sub is still operating according tot he protocols set out in the relationship. The key is using subtlety and discretion in public according to your wants.

eta: with my last owner, he had me adress him as Sor when I needed to get his attention, at home it was Master. Eating out, I would tell him what I wanted to order yet he placed my order with the server. Grocery shopping, I pushed the cart, unloaded the items for the cashier and then bagged the groceries and brought them to the car. In other stores, I had to do the same.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 8/24/2009 7:41:41 AM >

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:45:01 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tightbond55
This would be a dominant person that the sub is not in a relationship with. It could be something someone does that causes a sub to be attracted to the dominant person in a D/s way

Well, first of all if Dom whom I wasn't involved with tried to do "vanilla public dominance" I'd most likely walk. I'm not his submissive, so to me, that's out of line until I've agreed.

You're looking for a gimmick to make a sub attracted to a Dom. That's like buying a car because you think it will get you chicks. What attracts me to a "D" type is that quiet strength and leadership. It isn't an action but an attitude.

I always joke with Master that vanilla strangers open his doors and give way to him....and they have no idea that they're even doing it.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/24/2009 7:46:35 AM >

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:50:14 AM

LadyPact

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I'm still trying to figure out why there would be signs of Dominance and submission in vanilla surroundings if there is no dynamic between the two parties. If there's no relationship between the two, there is no D/s.

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Post #: 4

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:51:14 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

something that makes a sub feel good in a "sub way"

pay for the sandwich?

seriously, what is "a sub way"...besides a popular chain of sandwich shops?

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Post #: 5

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:57:09 AM

eyesopened

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The last time I felt I was in a "sub way" was in Atlanta waiting for the MARTA.

If I understand your question.... I tend to be invisible which makes it way easier to observe other people. I tend to find my attention drawn to men and women who carry their bodies in a loose, natural confidence. People who appear to be comfortable in any setting, easy to smile, with nothing contrived about their manner nor mannerisms.
I don't know if that is Dominance or not but that's what attracts my attention.

Not so strange then, when I am with my Master, I no longer feel invisible and everyone else except the two of us becomes invisible.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:58:56 AM

Tightbond55

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OK. Let me see if I can get this on track.
beargonewild thank you for responding. You did get the subtle part but missed the "not in a relationship part."

Osidegirl
Thank you. The type of answer I am looking for is "quiet strength and leadership. not an action but an attitude."
I am not looking for a gimmick. I am going to continue to act how I act. I have been a leader my entire life. People have always looked up to me and turned to me for advice.
I wrote this post because I am looking for insights into the submissive mind. That is why I asked this question on this board.
Thank you again Osidegirl.

Tightbond

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Post #: 7

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 8:02:42 AM

Tightbond55

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Thank you eyesopened. This is exactly the kind of insightful response I am looking for.

And ok the phrase sub way is funny.

Tightbond

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Post #: 8

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 8:21:22 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

I have been a leader my entire life. People have always looked up to me and turned to me for advice.

So....? Why should this translate into relationship dynamic?

quote:

I am going to continue to act how I act.

Perhaps this is the problem. "Acting" involves effort and work. You can't keep it up. Any relationship initiated by acting will only last as as you can keep up the act.

Labeling people based upon observed behaviors is also a dangerous assumption. It should be obvious that you won't know if they are "acting" unless you get to know them more intimately and they let you. Most time people go out in public and act as a defense mechanism. They want people to treat them in a certain way and create a persona to generate that response. It takes time and the ability to see people for who and what they are to know them.

The 'sub' way or the 'dom' way doesn't exist. There is a human way. I found it better to always relate to that while at the same time having the confidence to not "act". Granted, it is damn amusing to observe people who do.

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Post #: 9

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 8:23:36 AM

daintydimples

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The power dynamics of dominant/submissive exist in all human interactions, regardless of relationship. Most can see this quite easily in their work environment. You submit to your boss whether you want to or not.

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Post #: 10

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 8:37:41 AM

SweetNika

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From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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IF there was no d/s or m/s dynamics then there would be no subtle ways of showing my submission to them privately or publically. That being said I am very much a giver in any relationship that I am in.

Now I have friends who are dominant men and whom I have great respect for when we go out I often will do little things an example is I have a friend who loves coffee all day long so I will ask the waitress for milk (he hates creme) and prepare his coffe for him as we talk. I have another friend who when I go out to a bar to play pool, I will go to the bar while he sits and order our drinks for us and bring them back to the table.

Again these are examples of somethings I would do with someone I either respected as a dominant or that I was in some stage of a d/s relationship with.

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 8/24/2009 8:40:02 AM >

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 8:48:06 AM

Tightbond55

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Thank you for this response SweetNika. These are perfect examples of subtle expressions of submissiveness. It seems you enjoy doing them, correct? Do these men you mention do anything that you enjoy being a part of - that could be described as expressions of their dominance?
Thanks again.
Tightbond

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Post #: 12

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 8:51:36 AM

SweetNika

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From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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Sometimes they will place a hand on the small of my back and guide me to a table, or order for me. It depends on the who and how comfortable we are with one another. My former owner used to make me wait until he took his 1st bite of food before I ate anything and he would show me I could eat by feeding my first bite. It was very subtle but very intimate. These things seem to happen naturally with the dominant men in my life weather simply friends or more serious but yes I think we both enjoy the dynamics b/c they are natural to us.

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Nika

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Post #: 13

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 9:35:10 AM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tightbond55
I am wondering what subtle displays or signs of dominance experienced or seen in vanilla public do subs enjoy. This would be a dominant person that the sub is not in a relationship with. It could be something someone does that causes a sub to be attracted to the dominant person in a D/s way or just something that makes a sub feel good in a "sub way" but they are not attracted to the dominant person.

Thanks for all insights A/anyone sends in response.
Tightbond

My answer to this would be to avoid "subtle displays" and "signs" in favor of just being dominant. Not that Carol & I knew we were D/s when we met, but in hindsight, I suspect a part of what hooked her was me trying to help her out by suggesting, "You should go out dancing with me." I wasn't even wearing black leather at the time. In short, I was steering a part of her life actively and with obvious intent to benefit her.

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Post #: 14

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 10:17:11 AM

porcelaine

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tightbond55

I am wondering what subtle displays or signs of dominance experienced or seen in vanilla public do subs enjoy. This would be a dominant person that the sub is not in a relationship with. It could be something someone does that causes a sub to be attracted to the dominant person in a D/s way or just something that makes a sub feel good in a "sub way" but they are not attracted to the dominant person.

Thanks for all insights A/anyone sends in response.
Tightbond

all of my friends are either in the lifestyle or seeking to be in some capacity, so i'm going to answer this from what i observe from strangers instead. in general there's a particular type of man that i'm drawn to. when i find my radar going up is when i encounter someone of this nature that has discernible movements or a manner of speech that may appear normal, but lends an air of confidence and security that is hard to ignore. oftentimes it is one who doesn't flaunt who he is. where his dominance is understood and not implied.

porcelaine

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Post #: 15

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 10:32:47 AM

shadowowl

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well here is an example of a vanilla D/s sort of experiance in public . I have a female personal trainer to help me lose weight. So she tells me what to do I submit and obey, it's agreed upon and in effect it is a sort of relationship or interaction but still very vanila and public since it takes place at the gym.
so she tells me what to do and makes me hurt and it's all public vanila and no actual relationship other then profesional.
I don't know if that's what you are looking for or not lol

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Post #: 16

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 10:51:21 AM

Tightbond55

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Joined: 7/13/2008
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porcelaine,
Thank you very much for this response.

Tightbond

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Post #: 17

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 11:21:44 AM

PlayfulWhenUsed

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Joined: 8/12/2009
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A fellow I know who is this burly 6' 4" Algonquin looking guy is also a sub and has a real weakness for the voice of female command. We were at a bar with a couple other friends, and the lady behind the bar who was very busy poured us a couple of relatively mild drinks for the first round.

When he went back up to get a second round, he asked her if she was going to pour us some stronger drinks. She walked right up to him as if she was going to slap his head off, looked him in the eye, and demanded "I don't know. Are you going to leave a decent tip this time?"

I didn't see this, I only heard about it when he came back to the table with the strangest look on his face. We asked him what was up and he said with big wide eyes "I am SO. turned. on."

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Post #: 18

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 11:26:03 AM

Lostkitten3

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Joined: 10/17/2008
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Hold the door open. Ask her to get you hand you something. Drop something see if she picks it up for you. Let her. Give he money and ask her to go to the counter to get you a coffee, or whatever, and tell her to get herself whatever she would like as well. Pay for whatever whenever and insist on it.

I once tried my best to help a fellow clean the kitchen after he insisted that I do not. I said he couldn't make me stop. So he put his arms around me, picked me up and carried me out of the kitchen. Nothing sexual, but very Dominant of him.

< Message edited by Lostkitten3 -- 8/24/2009 11:27:33 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 11:49:23 AM

LaTigresse

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If anyone comes to my house and starts cleaning, I am SOOOOOO not going to make them stop!

As for the topic at hand, dominance and submission, it is the ebb and flow of human interaction. The more submissive people will give into, do for, the more dominant people. Not necessarily because it is demanded, or even consciously thought about, it just happens.

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Post #: 20

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