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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 12:10:47 PM

subtlebutterfly

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*snort* like I'm sayin... some people you just can't make happy.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 12:24:37 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
As for the topic at hand, dominance and submission, it is the ebb and flow of human interaction. The more submissive people will give into, do for, the more dominant people. Not necessarily because it is demanded, or even consciously thought about, it just happens.

You know, at first, I was going to say "Wonderfully stated" But as I got to thinking about it, I had to wonder how this would work out for those who are dominant outside their relationship yet submissive inside or vice versa. For Carol & I, the natural interaction you're talking about works (as my own answer stated) because we don't behave differently in and out of the relationship. Carol is pretty much submissive to everyone and I'm pretty much dominant to everyone. But if that weren't true, then what?

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 1:15:23 PM

slavekal

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Doing a few subtle things can be a way to gauge someone's potential. A lady dangling a shoe off her toes, then making eye contact with a man sends a very clear message. If she drops the shoe, a man retrieving it for her is a good communicator of submissive desires. Nobody has done anything that is really over the line or that would upset onlookers, but the messages have been sent.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 1:22:20 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
As for the topic at hand, dominance and submission, it is the ebb and flow of human interaction. The more submissive people will give into, do for, the more dominant people. Not necessarily because it is demanded, or even consciously thought about, it just happens.

You know, at first, I was going to say "Wonderfully stated" But as I got to thinking about it, I had to wonder how this would work out for those who are dominant outside their relationship yet submissive inside or vice versa. For Carol & I, the natural interaction you're talking about works (as my own answer stated) because we don't behave differently in and out of the relationship. Carol is pretty much submissive to everyone and I'm pretty much dominant to everyone. But if that weren't true, then what?

I am not at all submissive to others. If someone (other than my boss at work) behaved dominantly toward me in public I would politely and humorously find a way of asking him/her what the fuck he/she's doing, without actually asking that.

And since I'm more "dominant" than my boss, it's unlikely he would do that anyway.

Put me in a relationship and I'll submit beyond where even *I* think I can. Put me out in the public masses and it's not going to happen. I'm a leader at work. I'm a decision maker in my circle of friends. I'm an adviser to family. In the general public I'm just another unique individual amongst other unique individuals. But unless a situation explicitly calls for it (crowd control, emergencies, etc.) there won't be much dominating and submitting going on, in any direction.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 2:33:25 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

You know, at first, I was going to say "Wonderfully stated" But as I got to thinking about it, I had to wonder how this would work out for those who are dominant outside their relationship yet submissive inside or vice versa. For Carol & I, the natural interaction you're talking about works (as my own answer stated) because we don't behave differently in and out of the relationship. Carol is pretty much submissive to everyone and I'm pretty much dominant to everyone. But if that weren't true, then what?

In the first place, I thought the same thing when I read this. Secondly, I do NOT feel good in a "sub way" or any other way if someone who is not MY Dominant attempts to Dominate me.
I used to be submissive always. Now I am submissive to only to Sir all the time & everywhere but to no one else, and if someone else tries to push the issue they will find out it was definitely not a good idea. So I'm not so sure it would apply in my case.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 2:43:03 PM

LaTigresse

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I submit to the company I work for........(whether I admit it or not).
Quite often I dominate my boss by over riding his initial orders. Then explain why I did what I did and bring him around to my way of thinking.

I submit to the IRS and the state of Iowa. (that financial submission yanno)
I also dominate my tax returns by getting as many deductions as humanly possible.......:)) poor example I know...

Sometimes I submit to the greater good of family.
Other times, I "convince" family members that my ideas are the best.

To say that we only submit to, or dominate, one person is a fallacy. Submission and dominance is a dance of humanity. It may not always be sexual, it is often not even consensual, but we still do it. Very rarely is there some type of relationship between two people that is ALWAYS of equal power.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 4:53:58 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
I am not at all submissive to others. If someone (other than my boss at work) behaved dominantly toward me in public I would politely and humorously find a way of asking him/her what the fuck he/she's doing, without actually asking that.

I should clarify. When I said I was "dominant to everyone", I didn't mean to imply that I walk up to random women and demand that they blow me or any other similarly ham-handed idiocy. It's more just the way I view the entire world. EVERY situation is mine to control in my own head. Sometimes I see the need and a useful end result so I actually exercise that control. Other times, I do not. I'd like to believe though that I would never trigger the response you're indicating here (fails the "useful end result" test *chuckles). That's not dominance, it's just stupidity... exactly as your response to it would indicate.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 4:57:34 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
I am not at all submissive to others. If someone (other than my boss at work) behaved dominantly toward me in public I would politely and humorously find a way of asking him/her what the fuck he/she's doing, without actually asking that.

I should clarify. When I said I was "dominant to everyone", I didn't mean to imply that I walk up to random women and demand that they blow me or any other similarly ham-handed idiocy. It's more just the way I view the entire world. EVERY situation is mine to control in my own head. Sometimes I see the need and a useful end result so I actually exercise that control. Other times, I do not. I'd like to believe though that I would never trigger the response you're indicating here (fails the "useful end result" test *chuckles). That's not dominance, it's just stupidity... exactly as your response to it would indicate.

I should clarify, too. I wasn't specifically referring to sexual demands. Over the years, I take direction from strangers less and less well. Were someone I didn't know very well (or at all) attempt to control whatever my situation or surroundings were, unless I could clearly see they were more knowledgeable than I in that situation, I would most likely resist and push back. I'm used to controlling the situations I'm in, outside of my owner.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 5:52:12 PM

littlewonder

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It's his personality. He takes the lead, he's in charge. He is confident in who he is. There is nothing else. He is who he is. He doesn't try to act dominant. It's who he is.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 6:21:13 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
It's his personality. He takes the lead, he's in charge. He is confident in who he is. There is nothing else. He is who he is. He doesn't try to act dominant. It's who he is.

That is a much better way to say what I was trying to say.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:06:08 PM

Lostkitten3

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We like to please. It makes us happy. It pleases us.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:09:32 PM

Tightbond55

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littlewonder,
Thank you for your response.
Tightbond

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:09:49 PM

girlygurl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

something that makes a sub feel good in a "sub way"

pay for the sandwich?

seriously, what is "a sub way"...besides a popular chain of sandwich shops?

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:20:28 PM

DiurnalVampire

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I dont think vanilla displays of control are really Dominant or submissive in nature for the most part. There are leaders and there are followers, but that doesnt make them Dom and sub. Just more a matter of comfort zone than inclination.

For instance, at work, I have one manager who will walk around tossing orders around, and no one takes him seriously. There is another who asks nicely, and thanks you when things are done. They are both commanding, and both getting results, but I couldnt call either Dominant. Actually, the one who throws his weight around is submissive at home. I know his girlfriend.

Watching someone defer to someone else doesnt make me thing dynamic. It makes me think comfort. I am more comfortable approaching people than my friend Sami is. Sami was my mentor, was as dominant as I was, but she defer to me completely when it came to things like car repairs and calling cable services. She just didnt interact that way. She would let me talk at the desk when we went somewhere, we traded off holding doors for one another. Equals, but youd never knwo it from watching us.

DV

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/24/2009 7:27:43 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3

We like to please. It makes us happy. It pleases us.

Who is "us"? I don't have an urge to please someone that I don't have a vested interest in.

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/25/2009 11:08:05 PM

mixielicous

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fast reply~

recently I met a prince from Iran. Hes not from the royal family, rather the family that was dethroned in the 1920's but is still considered a royal family.

When I first met him, all I knew was that he was from Iran. Based on that fact alone, I was instantly intimidated by him, because I did not know his specific view points on women in general. He did not extend his hand when we were introduced (to be fair neither did I). I got him to laugh a little, but as we exited the room, I without even processing what was happening, let him pass through the doorway I had been leaning in before me and cast my eyes downwards as he passed me. I can only think that his persona exuded these behaviors from me.

Later that night, I learned he was a prince, and owned *REAL* slaves ;P. I was immediately grateful for the mannerisms I had exhibited.

Other than that, I am a big fan of holding doors for people, serving, clearing, being polite, many things that parallel simple good manners.

When I am with Number one, he likes to exert his dominance through chivalry. A thing to get used to. "I will never pass through a door before you" he said to me once, and its true. He will always hold the door and make me pass first. He also waits and guides me in front of him with an open hand when exiting eating establishments etc. Hands are often placed on the lower back to guide me to the front. I am learning dominance can have so many facets. His persona commands me to please. He is confident, loud, extremely friendly and social, full of himself and expects respect AND obedience. And were not even "D/s".

In vanilla, I guess I just try to serve as much as possible w/o squicking people.

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 8/25/2009 11:10:43 PM >

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RE: Vanilla public Dominance - 8/26/2009 7:50:10 AM

DesFIP

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I think the op may be asking as to what mannerisms would convince someone he doesn't know that he is dominant and would then have her approach him. Answer: none.

First, most women don't approach strange men with come ons.
Second, many submissive women don't feel comfortable pursuing guys in general.
Third, it isn't that you're dominant, it's that he's dominant to me. It isn't anything in general, it is the chemistry and compatibility between us.

However I will say that one thing that is very attractive is a man who pays attention to the woman he's talking to. Not watching other women walk by in case they're hotter looking. Not thinking about what he's going to say next to tell her how desirable he is. Just his clear attention on me the entire time.

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