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Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 3:50:01 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Background on Portuguese culture - 1950's sort of lifestyle here with wives, generally, fairly submissive to their spouses. Men, generally, fairly dominant to their wives. Just a way of life here.

Here's what happened:

Man goes into a hearing aid clinic for testing and brings his wife. The audiologist is asking several questions to the husband to ascertain medical history etc. and the wife, without fail, answers every one of them.

The testing starts and the audiologist is asking key questions using different frequencies to get a viable audiogram. The responses are important so the audiologist knows whether or not the man is hearing the questions correctly.

The wife continues to answer the questions and the man puts up his hand, tells her to STOP, just STOP and she immediately cowers, closes her mouth and the testing is able to proceed.

Two questions:

How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?

Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 4:00:43 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?


Warm and gooshy.

quote:

Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?


I’m not sure, but tend to think non-D/s folks would be less judging. (at least of me)

Then again; not sure why I would have been running my mouth in the first place; he would only need to raise his hand; and certainly would not need to say stop twice.

Kim


< Message edited by cpK69 -- 8/26/2009 4:01:19 PM >

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 4:06:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I would feel embarrassed and ashamed no matter who the company was but I can't imagine ever being in such a situation. I mean it was an audiology test for him..not her..he should have been answering the questions so the doc could administer the test correctly.

I would think I was pretty dimwitted to do such a thing unless he specifically told me before we got there that he wanted me to answer for him.

(in reply to cpK69)
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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 4:43:36 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Old-school guy here... praise in public, punish in private.

For Carol, any reprimand is not a "warm and gushy" moment, it's a "chastened and embarassed moment". Doing it in public would only at "humiliating" to the list.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 4:46:55 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I would want to crawl under a rock. It would make me very upset that I had even done anything that required a reprimand on top of the embarrassment factor of it being public.

_____________________________



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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 4:52:49 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		If that was supposed to be quoting me, I said “gooshy” ie, wet… can’t help myself, it’s that dominant thing.

Perhaps because I try so hard to do what pleases him, I can see no reason why I would be intentionally doing something that would make him unhappy.

Sometimes I mess up; I don’t see a need to be embarrassed for being me.

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 5:04:44 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Two questions:

How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?

Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?



disappointment that my behavior was not pleasing. if i felt justified in my actions i'd wait to adjust the subject when we were in private quarters. whether it is made within or outside of leather circles is pointless. we all witness enough idiotic shit on a daily basis that most are truly immune to it.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 5:16:12 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

 How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?  


As an observer, the fact that he reprimanded her in the way you describe would not upset or concern me.  In fact, as an observer, I would have been tempted to do the same.  However, her reaction would concern me, because it appears (again from your description) that she is afraid of him,
 
If, on the other hand, I was the one talking when I should have been silent, I would do a mental    and shut the hell up. 
 

quote:

  Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?

Whether a vanilla or lifestyle situation, the biggest factor for me would be the reaction of the one reprimanded.  If they laugh, say ‘oops, sorry!’  or indicate in some way they are okay with the limit imposed, I would be comfortable.  If it led to fear, tears, or an escalating argument, then I would feel, for lack of a better term, imposed upon, an unwilling voyeur of “dirty laundry”.   



_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 5:51:29 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Hard for me to put myself in her shoes.  I wouldn't even be in a situation like that, because it's not my personality to act like that.  In public situations I'm actually pretty quiet and mostly passive in nature.  But hypothetically speaking, if I was spoken to like that for whatever reason, I'd find it very uncomfortable. I'd probably be more embarrassed for him than I would for myself.  I wouldn't cower, but I would let the whole thing rest, not out of submission, but out of not wanting to cause a scene.  However, in a bdsm situation around bdsmers, it probably wouldn't seem as bad as in a 'vanilla' setting.

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 5:56:06 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Public reprimands humilate me and embarrass me, for me not having the forethought to know that I was doing something I shouldn't have been and for putting my Dom in a spot where he felt the reprimand  was necessary.   

I have seen couples as described in the op.   Usually elderly and the woman feels she is "taking care of him" due to whatever the situation is.    He feels she  is taking away his "manliness" by "taking care of him" ... possibly in private he lets her and she feels it is ok to do so in public.  


(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 6:07:29 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I need to get to bed, but Kallisto reminded me that Himself did mention that this couple was in their 70's and I forgot to put that in the OP.

Thanks for all the responses. I'll post again tomorrow with my reaction to this (real life) scenario. (Himself was not the audiologist, but he was mentoring the audiologist who was performing the tests so had that first hand knowledge of the situation.)

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 6:39:08 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		I would feel the same no matter who the reprimand was in front of. I would be embarrassed that I HAD to be reprimanded. Personally, I don't consider what happened here really a reprimand, however. All he said was "stop." He didn't berate her or go into some long correction. He simply said "stop." If Master wanted me to stop doing something and all he said was "stop," I wouldn't be embarrassed or cower or anything else like that. I'd just stop.

It's funny because something similar did actually happen once. Last summer when we went to an outdoor concert, there was a mess-up with the tickets we bought and they actually had me sitting in a non-existant seat. It was simply an empty space at the end of a row where a wheelchair-bound attendee could sit. Since I obviously couldn't sit where there was no seat, we temporarily just scooted one seat down and figured we'd stay that way until the actual ticketholder for that seat arrived. In the meantime, we talked with someone in charge and asked for a folding chair. They were in no hurry to get one, acting like it wasn't going to be an issue.

I couldn't stop thinking that any minute someone was going to come up and cause a scene, wanting me out of their seat and I was growing gradually more and more worried and vocal about it. Master is a very calm and patient man and when He had heard all the complaining He was going to hear, He firmly said "settle." The couple next to us heard Him and I knew they heard Him. I settled and wasn't mortified because I knew I needed to "settle." I hadn't been complaining ABOUT Him or AT Him, it's just that I needed to vocalize my worry and He was there to hear. He let me know when He'd heard all He was gonna hear and there was no public humiliation involved. It kinda made me feel good that that's all it took to calm me down

So, in relation to my original point, I didn't feel that was a reprimand. I wasn't longly and loudly corrected or purposely shamed in any way. He just told me what to do and I obeyed. Nothing to freak out over at all. I'm not perfect. It happens.

luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 8/26/2009 6:40:45 PM >

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/26/2009 6:47:02 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

He was gonna hear and there was no public humiliation involved. It kinda made me feel good that that's all it took to calm me down



I can relate. I gain a sense of balance when Sir does such things.

Kim



_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 1:04:40 AM   
BoundDragon


Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		I think raising the hand is a little strong.... I do agree that sometimes we need immediate correction.

For me I know that if I push it all Sir has to say is "behave" In response I must go to his side, hook my arm around his and rest my head on his should until he says I can move away again.

I think it works well because it centres me and makes me think about my indiscretion. Its not something that is obvious to the vanilla eye and couldnt cause offence.

I think if the matter was deemed more serious the same would happen but maybe when we got back I'd be for it

(in reply to cpK69)
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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 2:26:50 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		To clarify a few points in the OP. The husband was loud with the stop, just stop (which, when himself related the story to me, he said the guy yelled which is why I capped it when I related it to you guys) and it was Himself's impression that the wife did seem to be fearful as if she thought that hand went up to smack her. Now, that was just his impression, so he doesn't know for sure but it's not uncommon here for men to get physical with their women (although this guy did not) and such happens frequently in public. I can't remember a day when I was out and about that I didn't see some form of behavior here, either physical or verbal of a man putting his woman in her place. It's very different from the States for sure and no one bats an eye at it.

When Himself asked me this question, my answer was that I would have felt embarrased that he had to reprimand (maybe a better phrase would be correct my behavior) in front of other people at all and I would probably have turned a little red over it but I would definitely have shut my trap immediately. I don't believe their orientation would effect my reaction to a reprimand from Himself. That said, I have too much training in audiology myself to have been in that situation simply because I know an audiogram screening when I see one and would have known that the questions being asked were part of the testing process, but in other cases, I might not have known but still can't see myself answering questions directed to Sir. I talk a lot though, so it's not outside the realm of possibility if I forget 'my' place and would need such a reprimand, correction or behavior modification on the spot, as it were.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to BoundDragon)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 3:18:37 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		in the company of vanillas i would be mortified.  in the company of fellow BDSMers id be embarrassed.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 8/27/2009 3:20:11 AM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 3:46:01 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Background on Portuguese culture - 1950's sort of lifestyle here with wives, generally, fairly submissive to their spouses. Men, generally, fairly dominant to their wives. Just a way of life here.

Here's what happened:

Man goes into a hearing aid clinic for testing and brings his wife. The audiologist is asking several questions to the husband to ascertain medical history etc. and the wife, without fail, answers every one of them.

The testing starts and the audiologist is asking key questions using different frequencies to get a viable audiogram. The responses are important so the audiologist knows whether or not the man is hearing the questions correctly.

The wife continues to answer the questions and the man puts up his hand, tells her to STOP, just STOP and she immediately cowers, closes her mouth and the testing is able to proceed.

Two questions:

How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?

Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?



I don't even really see this as a reprimand. The guy clearly needs to be answering the questions and she was (just like his mother) answering them for him. If I had been him I would of been embarrassed that she was trying to take over on my behalf. You see this all the time with disabled people too and they just get pissed off.

I get what your saying though. An example that comes to mind is my grandma who used to yabber, yabber, yabber all the time because she had an excitable nature. Every so often my grandpa would look at her sternly before firmly saying 'Olivia, hush woman, hush'. At these words my grandma would fall silent and sit quietly with her hands on her lap.

I would be lying if I told you that Stephen had never pulled me up in public but he has never done it out of anger (I would find that devastating). I never deliberately try to upset him but you know what us women are like when out clothes shopping
and on two clothes shopping experiences I have deliberately and temporarily lost him, only to be pulled up firmly when he has found me!

I think there is a huge difference between someone like Stephen who gets cross but never angry and is likely to say under such circumstances, 'stand there, look at me and explain what you have just done wrong' and someone saying something like 'you stupid bitch, you have really fucked me off now'. I wouldn't stand for the later and I find the first embarrassing but kind of endearing.




_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 4:31:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		In an elderly couple where the man had obvious hearing loss, excusable. I imagine she's been answering for him for years since he refused to get any treatment until now. So in this case, it's his fault for setting up the pattern since by not addressing the problem earlier he forced the position on her.

I would be embarrassed and ashamed that this happened in public, but if it weren't a common part of the relationship, something she was supposed to do at other times, then it wouldn't happen here either. On reflection I would acknowledge  both our faults in the situation and hope he acknowledged his for allowing such a bad habit to form.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 5:21:13 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I would want to crawl under a rock. It would make me very upset that I had even done anything that required a reprimand on top of the embarrassment factor of it being public.


I would respond the same way as you. In fact, I did once, as something very similar happened to me. When he needed home nursing care a nurse came to our house and insisted upon asking me questions about him in the other room (adjacent to where he was). I knew how he hated being talked about rather than to, particularly about medical matters, it was something he was very sensitive about, and I kept trying to get her to go into the other room and speak with him directly, I fielded some of her questions by saying, "you'll have to ask him that" but she wouldn't take the hint. She had her own agenda which was to gain information from the partner of the patient, not the patient themselves, and she kept pressing. He could hear us talking, of course, her inquiring and me responding, although I don't think he could make out the details. This went on for about five minutes before he yelled at top of his lungs for us to get in there. He was furious and chewed me out with her present and then wouldn't allow me to leave the room while she did what she had to do with him. She was very uncomfortable. I was mortified. He was not a dominant that angered easily at a submissive, and I was not used to that treatment, so the memory was seared into my brain. It was... hard to stand there and not run out of the room.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Public Reprimands - 8/27/2009 7:52:58 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...How would such a reprimand in public make you feel?...


if it was the exact same circumstance...rather silly, as the test was to ascertain HIS hearing, not this slave's.

quote:

...Would you or do you feel differently if such a reprimand is made in front of a group of known lifestyle folks as opposed to a group of vanilla folks?...


it wouldn't make a difference.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 20
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