RE: Dom/Master not giving enough?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Dom/Master not giving enough?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Dom/Master not giving enough?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Dom/Master not giving enough? - 8/28/2009 9:07:55 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RebornMaster
I talked about this "manipulation" with my slave last night and it's actually a quite interesting dilema...perhaps I'll start a new thread on it as it could be it's own discussion and not derail my own question. haha :)

I don't think so Reborn... I think you'll find it's actually a red herring. Carol asks me for stuff constantly, as I wish her to. I call that "communication". When she asks, I ponder, solicit additional information as needed, then render a decision which she obeys. Really, it can't be manipulative at all until after that point. Mostly, the manipulation worry is a lot like "topping from the bottom". If you're really in control within your own head then it just cannot happen. You can only be manipulated if you allow yourself to be.

Let's just play it out in a worst case scenario.... Carol at her manipulative best. Let's just assume that she really really wants to go out to breakfast tomorrow morning.

Carol: Master, can we go out to breakfast?
Me: No mine, we need to get a lot of packing done today. Just get some eggs and toast ready for us.
Carol: Awwww, are you sure? I really really don't feel like cooking this morning.
Me: So are you mine or not?
Carol: Yes master... *goes to cook breakfast*

Really, in that whole interchange, she got to say how strongly she wanted to go out. But she couldn't manipulate me because I didn't let her. By her 2nd question, I was forcing her to choose whether she wanted to continue to be my slave or not. No matter what she answered, the situation was resolved one way or the other and I remained in control the entire time.

edited to add I should also mention that it's quite possible that upon hearing how much she doesn't want to cook that I might reconsider my decision. I'm not so proud that with the advent of new information I'm unwilling to change my mind. But if I then subsequently decide to go out to breakfast, she still has no manipulated me. Really, if a dominant gets manipulated, then he has abandoned his own position within his own head. I simply choose not to do that.

One of the most pernicious things that occurs in my opinion is when people STOP communicating in the name of some BDSM role rather than start communicating more.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 8/28/2009 9:12:14 PM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to RebornMaster)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Dom/Master not giving enough? - 8/28/2009 9:36:41 PM

RebornMaster

Posts: 53
Joined: 8/26/2009
From: American in Misawa, Japan
Status: offline

this is a very good example Leadership, thank you. and I clearly see yoru point in which you controlled the situation.

do you feel like you would have failed yourself if you would have reversed yourself and said "ok, lets go out and get a quick breakfast then"? do you think you would have lost...control or respect?

_____________________________

slaveToKnight's Master

(in reply to leadership527)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Dom/Master not giving enough? - 8/29/2009 12:34:51 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RebornMaster
do you feel like you would have failed yourself if you would have reversed yourself and said "ok, lets go out and get a quick breakfast then"? do you think you would have lost...control or respect?

One of the things to keep in mind is that you are not dealing with a child, nor are you rewarding bad behavior. There is no harm (and no loss of respect in my eyes) were a dom to say, "you know, you've been a very good girl, so I think we WILL go out for breakfast after all." Don't let pride get in the way of you changing your mind if you so choose.

Now think about how the situation would be different if the followup "are you sure" statement from the girl was said in a whiny, pouty manner. Changing your mind to stop someone from whining is merely rewarding bad behavior. Changing your mind every time sometimes says "are you sure" teaches someone that all they have to do is ask twice and they will get what they want every time.

As far as eye restrictions go... (great big generalizations to follow)... her submission should come from HER, not you. If eye restriction is important to HER, then she should be doing it (unless you don't want her to). If eye restriction isn't all that important to you (except maybe in certain situations, or on a whim... if you were to say "do not look at me tonight"), then why should you be enforcing a rule that you don't care about? And why would you have to enforce something that is so important to her that she asked for it? Does that make sense?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to RebornMaster)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Dom/Master not giving enough? - 8/29/2009 7:59:53 PM

RebornMaster

Posts: 53
Joined: 8/26/2009
From: American in Misawa, Japan
Status: offline

Thank you cali. If eye contact were not a rule but more of a whim like you said, if I told her "dont look at me tonight" then I would not be enforcing a rule when she does and I punish her or tell her "i told you not to look at me" and made her look away. I'm only enforcing an agreed upon action for that night. right? I see a rule as a permanent fixture in the "code of conduct" so to speak. I'm not very eloquent sometimes. haha :)

She loves to submit, the need for her to submit is definitely coming from her initially and internally. She feels so free and loves me to be in control. She's not a dom that I'm more dominant over and force submission out of her...there'd be no relationship there, and I love her to death and it would not be a relationship were I to force her to live a submissive role.

Your first paragraph was well put, thank you so much :)

_____________________________

slaveToKnight's Master

(in reply to CalifChick)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Dom/Master not giving enough? - 8/29/2009 8:38:49 PM

masterlink65

Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline

this is a great topic, very important, and i think it was meant to be vague.

my slave may say to me on occasion, "master, its been a while since we-------" or perhaps "master, could you do ------- sometime"

i have no problem with it , and i dont think it has done anything harmful to any dynamics

(in reply to RebornMaster)

Profile

Post #: 25