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RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 1:39:11 PM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

Back when the term "power exchange" was coined, I don't think anyone envisioned that cold hard cash was going to be the medium of exchange. I think we have another word that applies to "I'll do what you want as long as you have the cash" type exchanges.

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)

Post #: 21

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 1:55:49 PM

manxcat

Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

Geez people, you are getting jaded. I read the profile, and by no means do I see a gold digger. She has some hard limits, but nothing excessive there either. It seems to me she is asking that certain needs (of every female) are met, and although they are not specified, I suppose it would depend on what they are. And from my reading her mention of contingencies are really about excess involvement in other areas - as she mentions the ex-wife in her leading statement (I would put that elsewhere) I think she is referring to family drama, and likely any other kind.
Quite likely there will be some who will welcome a spiritual, spirited lady, who will be at his beck and call within those limits, as Merc did. If that is what she is seeking.
Perhaps someone was asking that of her, but still wanting her to work - as HeavensKeeper suggested - with another 40+ hour a week dominant.
I had someone willing to pay my debts for the stay at home kind of relationship, but I was not in love with him, so could not go there. Oh yeh and he was dominant - big problem there

There are many dom/mes here who ahve written of sharing housework, etc, that goes outside of the bdsm arena. Simply as a matter of who has the time. I know that my expectations of a sub/slave differ from person to person.

OP you should clarify from the beginning, whether you need enough time within the relationship to work to maintain your way of life, or whether you are seeking a full time total attention to his needs lifestyle, that requires his financial support of you. I repeat, from the beginning. I myself have learned to ask whether *he* can either work at home, transfer in a career in a limited opportunity area, or is otherwise self supporting. At the beginning, because if those are not possible, neither will a relationship be.
Be open, be honest, be up front. That way no ones time gets wasted.

manxy

_____________________________

The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a
billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly,
that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.
Ray Bradbury

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 22

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 2:03:38 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Find someone from that yahoo group, code d odalisque or something like that. Then all you need to do is find someone that just needs a sex slave but is willing to fork over the cash for your upkeep.

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)

Post #: 23

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 2:32:41 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

lally,
I was in a TPE relationship and trust and believe I still worked and contributed to the household. So not all TPE relationship include finacial support.

absolutely - which is why i used the word 'probably' but she could find a mildly Ds relationship that would 'keep' her financially.

(in reply to SweetNika)

Post #: 24

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 3:06:19 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

I'm not sure I follow...

A dominant female can stipulate that cash tribute is a necessity to serve, but a dominant female cannot require her needs be met to be dominated?

Good for OP. I maintain one should only worship entities worth submitting to. If the ability to free her from fiscal responsibility is on her list of "worthy entity" then the issue is resolved. So... Lunch?

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 25

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 3:25:15 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

FR

to noone in particular.

I have had Doms tell me to give up working.
I then ask if they wil not only keep me in the manner im used too, but make sure if things go wrong, i'm provided for.

All the OP is asking, is are her hopes of being kept reasonable.
Sounds like the person she has met, doesnt want her to work, but may not be in a position to provide.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 26

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 4:39:42 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, it seems to me that you have made it quite clear what you wish. You may have a time finding a man who will be willing to do this, but I don't think that communication is the issue.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 27

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 4:49:29 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Good luck with that!

I may be Master's slave but by no means do I expect him to financially take care of me!

I have a job and I pay my own bills.

He has a job and pays his own bills.

In this economic crisis you are expecting someone else to do this for you???
Imo...put down the fantasy novels, stop reading internet porn and live in the real world for awhile. Learn to provide financially for yourself.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 28

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 4:57:57 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

At 41 you aren't naive to believe that anyone willing to take on that responsibility wouldn't have their own list of specifications. Trusting you not to take this the wrong way, but were I responding to your profile, the question I'd ask would be why? Your representation that you are "somewhat new to the lifestyle" triggers a number of alarm bells. I would suspect that your representing yourself as a submissive seeking a "Master" because, as we all know from our reading, Masters "take care" of their slaves, feed, cloth, and provide for them in exchange for agreed to "service". Well.....BULLSHIT!

Exactly. Not all Masters take on financial responsibility for their slaves. Not all Masters and slaves live together. Some slaves remain responsible for providing for their financial needs. Some slaves are not looking to be taken care of financially at all.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 29

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 5:45:55 PM

Kinkerbelle68

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/25/2009
Status: offline

yes i am looking for a total power exchange.. Im talking about doing without the things i need to survive..Food.. power .. ect.. I was laid off from my job when i was his slave and while still heavily job hunting i was doing without the basic needs

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 30

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 5:52:16 PM

Kinkerbelle68

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/25/2009
Status: offline

You could not be more wrong.. Times for me got hard when i was laid off from my job.. When i began to go hungry there became a problem .. I continued to provide all that he needed of me..

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 31

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 5:56:10 PM

Kinkerbelle68

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/25/2009
Status: offline

It was about giving all i have of myself to him .. while i went hungry... literally....I dont want diamonds and such... just my basic needs.. food , shelter... ect..

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 32

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 5:57:15 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

You went without Food, Shelter and Water when you were unemployed?

WHY?

Were you collecting Unemployment?

Did you not live with him?

If you did then what manner of living was he in that you went without?

Unemployment is usually 70% to 80% of what you were making at your job and it is paid weekly...... So what is the deal?

I need more information.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)

Post #: 33

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 6:00:43 PM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

You went without Food, Shelter and Water when you were unemployed?

WHY?

Were you collecting Unemployment?

Did you not live with him?

If you did then what manner of living was he in that you went without?

Unemployment is usually 70% to 80% of what you were making at your job and it is paid weekly...... So what is the deal?

I need more information.

Steel

I am going to secon this and add that with the information you just put out it doesn't make sense.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 34

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 6:57:45 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Well let's see..there's unemployment, public assistance, welfare, churches to help the hungry, soup kitchens...there's no reason to starve so I can't quite figure this out.

(in reply to SweetNika)

Post #: 35

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/29/2009 1:39:12 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

1. Communication, both ways, before any choice is made and consent is given to surrender. Remember, surrender is a free choice made from self will -- on an ongoing basis. If your prospective partner demonstrates an inability to communicate a clear understanding of your needs, then move on and make a different choice. Only YOU are 100% responsible for the outcome of your choice.

2. Trust is more often misplaced than it is breached. Surrender, as a free choice, is not about trust, faith, hope, or bargaining. Gradually gain confidence through experience. Surrender is not an all-or-nothing proposition. It can be a slow release of limits and boundaries. Remember, a limit is a limit, there is no hard or soft. A supposed "soft limit" is merely a preference. Patience is a virtue. A skilled controller will appreciate surrender from virtue.

3. By requiring that certain needs must be met, you are properly and honestly taking personal responsibility for your choices. Good for you! What you exchange is not your own personal power, but merely the authority to exercise it. That delegation of authority is always subject to revocation.

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 8/29/2009 1:42:35 AM >

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 36

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/29/2009 5:52:20 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkerbelle68

It was about giving all i have of myself to him .. while i went hungry... literally....I dont want diamonds and such... just my basic needs.. food , shelter... ect..

I'm a little confused now too. Did he have money and refused to help you when you were broke, or was he financially dependant on you and so when you were laid off there was no money period?

The basic tenant of power exchange as I understand it is that authority and responsibility go hand in hand. Did he have authority over your professional and financial life? Did he have the right to make choices for you about your professional life, and about the money that you earned? If not, expecting him to be responsible for you financially isn't very reasonable. If you're making the choices, you have to deal with the consequences. You can't expect him to.

At my house, I have complete authority over my slave's professional and financial life. I have had her change jobs a few times. What she earns as my slave belongs to me, and she gets an allowance for household expenses for which she must be accountable. (Edit: Don't want to paint too rosy a picture here. She isn't always perfectly obedient in this regard, she is, of course, subject to punishment when she is not.) While I have complete authority, I am also completely responsible for the outcomes. There have been times when shit happened (shit does happen sometimes) and what she earned did not cover the costs of keeping her. I paid it. No questions asked. I'm her master. With the authority comes the responsibility. As a slave she doesn't have to be responsible, just obedient.

So, now we have folks reading along going RED FLAG, RED FLAG AT LEONIDAS' HOUSE!! Giving someone that kind of control over you is atypical in this community, and yes, for some, is a "red flag". If you don't give up that kind of control, though, I don't think you have the right expect to be "taken care of" if the shit hits the fan. If you retain the authority over your professional and financial life, you also retain the responsibility for making sure that you remain employed, and that you have money tucked away for food and such.

If you don't want to give up the authority, but you want someone to be responsible for you anyway, say so, I guess, and see if you have any takers. Just be very explicit about the fact that as a sub or slave, you will make your own financial and professional decisions, but you expect to be supported financially if the time comes that you can't support yourself. That isn't a situation that I would personally get myself into. I'm not interested in giving someone else a license to be irresponsible at my expense. Even if I chose to keep a house slave who did not work outside the house, that would be my choice, and I would be responsible for that choice.

Sorry to hear that you went hungry. Better fortune to you in the future.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/29/2009 6:05:00 AM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)

Post #: 37

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/29/2009 6:48:20 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

you will make your own financial and professional decisions, but you expect to be supported financially if the time comes that you can't support yourself.

There's actually a term for this:

wife.

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 38

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/29/2009 6:56:25 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkerbelle68

You could not be more wrong.. Times for me got hard when i was laid off from my job.. When i began to go hungry there became a problem .. I continued to provide all that he needed of me..

That's a strange one for me.

If I had no income to the point of going hungry, M's priority would be addressing that fact. His focus wouldn't be on me providing anything for HIM. It would be firmly focussed on solving what we'd BOTH see as a serious problem.

What could he possibly need from someone that is in that position, beyond obedience aimed at fixing the situation?

agirl

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)

Post #: 39

RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/29/2009 7:19:12 AM

KYsissy

Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

Was it understood at the beginning that he would pay your rent? Electric bill? Groceries? Car insurance? Car payments? and all the expenses of a basic standard of living?

Has he also fallen on hard times and is unable?

Reality has a nasty habit of intruding on the fantasy.

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)

Post #: 40

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