RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life?

RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (Full Version)

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leadership527 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 2:08:25 PM)
quote: I don't think it is always that a person has a submissive nature that makes it difficult to do some of the hard stuff of life. I do think sometimes, it can make doing the hard things that much harder. Embedded in this comment is the pernicious believe that somehow, were you only more dominant, this would be different. The phrase submissive nature is really a gestalt compromising a lot of various personality attributes. Like all such things, they are assets in some situations and weaknesses in others. The dominant gestalt is no different. For all of us, there are situations which are more or less challenging depending on how well suited our individual personality attributes are to dealing with them. Dominants don't magically evade that fact of life. The only difference between myself and Carol is what each of us perceives as "hard". One of my most important lighbbulb moments in this whole thing was when I realized that I needed to stop trying to "help" Carol to be more dominant and instead start helping her to leverage who she actually is in order to succeed.

lally2 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 2:18:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 truth is, all that crappola of life will always be there. there are days when i just go fuckit, put a pretty dress on and some make up and do something more enjoyable - for me its very much on a day to day basis. amazingly the bills still get paid and i still have a business [:D] edited/deleted because i went warbling away and didnt answer the question, that being struggling having to be dominant in the day. im not too sure i am dominant in the day - but its taken me a few years to get the ex off my back, my mum off my back and for everyone to just back the fuck off. [:)] now i go my own sweet way, i may be inneffective at times but i dont care anymore. I agree.[:)] Sometimes though I also feel like I am losing my submission as I am not in a trusting place right now, Im not playing, I am not submitting to anyone. I was having problems with casual submission in BDSM play. I got too emotional and subdrop was awful. So I really havent engaged in much and submission has become a fearful thng to me because once the play is over, I am still unpartnered. SO I have not engaged in sex or submission. Its been good for my emotional well being. But its also makng me feel harder in some way. Sort of like a muscle I am not flexing. But that doesnt make the dominance easier. MAybe I am never really dominant at all. This idea form Leadership527 of leading from a submissive space is an idea that is facinating to me. Wondering how its done? i have never done casual play, i can imagine that the subdrop from all of the submissive emotion and intense feeling having to suddenly stop would be hell. its maybe not for you, maybe youve realised that. even as a stop gap, for some it just doesnt pan. i agree with Leadership in that i dont lead from a dominant stance, i go about my day very much me, the submissive, but that has its own power - we are constantly talking about the strength of character submissives and slaves posses - it is possible to be completely youreself (sub) but that doesnt mean youre not strong or capable. i went through a time a few months ago where i needed to heal. i spent alot of that time taking back the power i had lost through emotional entanglement and a feeling of loss. maybe hun, you need to spend some time getting youre power back. that isnt dominant power its just youre power, you, the way you handle things effectively and means that at the end of the day you can fall back into youre sofa knackered but totally ok with youre world. flexing a muscle you dont posses, wearing a cloak that doesnt fit, forcing youreself into a shape you arent is just going to wear you down.

lovingpet -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 2:39:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: I don't think it is always that a person has a submissive nature that makes it difficult to do some of the hard stuff of life. I do think sometimes, it can make doing the hard things that much harder. Embedded in this comment is the pernicious believe that somehow, were you only more dominant, this would be different. The phrase submissive nature is really a gestalt compromising a lot of various personality attributes. Like all such things, they are assets in some situations and weaknesses in others. The dominant gestalt is no different. For all of us, there are situations which are more or less challenging depending on how well suited our individual personality attributes are to dealing with them. Dominants don't magically evade that fact of life. The only difference between myself and Carol is what each of us perceives as "hard". One of my most important lighbbulb moments in this whole thing was when I realized that I needed to stop trying to "help" Carol to be more dominant and instead start helping her to leverage who she actually is in order to succeed. While I agree with you, I will say that there is a definite bent culturally toward dominance. It relegates the submissive mindset to one of "weakness" and "inferiority". I don't know that I necessarily believe this to be the case. I think some of the greatest among the human race lived very much a servant's life while here. On the other hand, when this is how people respond to strongly submissive people, the submissive person can come away feeling disempowered to even be able to get through life. The key for me has been, like you stated, to learn that I get to use these attributes of myself to my own advantage as well as that of others. When I was only allowing those parts of myself to function in ways that were somehow furthering another's agenda, it really was weakness because not every person was after my best interest. This could be very overt like fixing 3 different things (none of which I liked) for everyone here at home since it made them happier to eat what they liked, nevermind the inconvenience and mess that got handed down to me. It could also be very covert, like someone trying to manipulate me into being who they found to be an acceptable person, with no regard for how it fit me or my life. I may wish to please my family, but I have an array of options to make that happen. We could go out for dinner, we could have "scavenger" night (everyone finds something to eat and they are on their own fixing and cleaning it up), or I could just fix something and let them fuss and deal with a growling tummy when they choose not to eat it since somebody will still like it after all (even if that person is me LOL). I don't mind exhibiting certain qualities for the sake of the whole, but I don't have to take that on as an identity either. If I look at it another way, I am at my subly best when I am taking care of my partner's most valuable asset. That means taking care of myself, regardless of how I have to approach the rest of the world to do it. Who I am and what I need are important because I am not my best for him if I have neglected myself or chosen to let others' opinions change that person he enjoys so much. He needs me whole. If that means confronting a doctor, insisting upon a nap, arguing with the bank manager, or whatever, it is all to the ultimate goal of being the best I can for him. People can view me any way they like. I have come to accept myself (a continuing process admittedly). He accepts me. The rest doesn't really matter much. If ever the way I conducted myself disappointed him, however, I would find myself reevaluating how I handle things. Otherwise...Let them eat carrots!!!!!! lovingpet

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 2:59:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 truth is, all that crappola of life will always be there. there are days when i just go fuckit, put a pretty dress on and some make up and do something more enjoyable - for me its very much on a day to day basis. amazingly the bills still get paid and i still have a business [:D] edited/deleted because i went warbling away and didnt answer the question, that being struggling having to be dominant in the day. im not too sure i am dominant in the day - but its taken me a few years to get the ex off my back, my mum off my back and for everyone to just back the fuck off. [:)] now i go my own sweet way, i may be inneffective at times but i dont care anymore. I agree.[:)] Sometimes though I also feel like I am losing my submission as I am not in a trusting place right now, Im not playing, I am not submitting to anyone. I was having problems with casual submission in BDSM play. I got too emotional and subdrop was awful. So I really havent engaged in much and submission has become a fearful thng to me because once the play is over, I am still unpartnered. SO I have not engaged in sex or submission. Its been good for my emotional well being. But its also makng me feel harder in some way. Sort of like a muscle I am not flexing. But that doesnt make the dominance easier. MAybe I am never really dominant at all. This idea form Leadership527 of leading from a submissive space is an idea that is facinating to me. Wondering how its done? i have never done casual play, i can imagine that the subdrop from all of the submissive emotion and intense feeling having to suddenly stop would be hell. its maybe not for you, maybe youve realised that. even as a stop gap, for some it just doesnt pan. i agree with Leadership in that i dont lead from a dominant stance, i go about my day very much me, the submissive, but that has its own power - we are constantly talking about the strength of character submissives and slaves posses - it is possible to be completely youreself (sub) but that doesnt mean youre not strong or capable. i went through a time a few months ago where i needed to heal. i spent alot of that time taking back the power i had lost through emotional entanglement and a feeling of loss. maybe hun, you need to spend some time getting youre power back. that isnt dominant power its just youre power, you, the way you handle things effectively and means that at the end of the day you can fall back into youre sofa knackered but totally ok with youre world. flexing a muscle you dont posses, wearing a cloak that doesnt fit, forcing youreself into a shape you arent is just going to wear you down. I dont feel like I have to get my power back. I feel i have that. I am in a much better place right now in mant ways. Figured some things out emotionally and I am also working again which makes me feel satisfied and valuable in ways nothing else can. I just dont feel trusting enough to let go of that power. For now. Probably, not forever.

leadership527 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 3:00:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet While I agree with you, I will say that there is a definite bent culturally toward dominance. It relegates the submissive mindset to one of "weakness" and "inferiority". I don't know that I necessarily believe this to be the case. I think some of the greatest among the human race lived very much a servant's life while here. On the other hand, when this is how people respond to strongly submissive people, the submissive person can come away feeling disempowered to even be able to get through life. ... which is exactly why I flagged the comment. Yeah, american society at least favors the leaders. But then again, american society as a whole favors lots of things that I consider stupid... women who are below the 20% body fat recommendations of the AMA as an example. I'm annoyed that the sheeple believe Carol to be somehow of less worth than me. But I don't buy into it myself. How could I? I am the direct recipient of all that worth.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 3:14:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet While I agree with you, I will say that there is a definite bent culturally toward dominance. It relegates the submissive mindset to one of "weakness" and "inferiority". I don't know that I necessarily believe this to be the case. I think some of the greatest among the human race lived very much a servant's life while here. On the other hand, when this is how people respond to strongly submissive people, the submissive person can come away feeling disempowered to even be able to get through life. ... which is exactly why I flagged the comment. Yeah, american society at least favors the leaders. But then again, american society as a whole favors lots of things that I consider stupid... women who are below the 20% body fat recommendations of the AMA as an example. I'm annoyed that the sheeple believe Carol to be somehow of less worth than me. But I don't buy into it myself. How could I? I am the direct recipient of all that worth. Leadership, I really enjoy your take on things. I am very comfortable in the role of peace maker or go between building a bridge between two opposing sides. I can see 2 sides of things and explain both sides to the others. I am animated and interactive with my class. Working to get them enthused and seeing things as fun. Recently I had a situation at one of the places Iwork at. I was new and I was working with the lead Instructor. She is lead because shes been there a while and when people teaching the program abandoned the ship, she was the only one left. I like her very much, But we teach Massage. There is no right or wrong way to train. Only different schools and techniques. I was taking a back seat in the class because I was new. When I tried to show things, she we say "no, do it this way" to the students. So the students were percieving my knowlege as wrong because the other instructor gave percived medical reasons for why she did it her way. I was thinking of leaving because my wings felt clipped and I am used to teaching my way. I didnt want to contradict her in front of others. I ended up having a talk with her and letting her know what was frustrating me. She wasnt trying to make herself right and me wrong and I knew that. Its not easy team teaching. But when working together we can offer so much. Talking directly made it better. Also, I realized that I was the one taking a backseat to her and only I could rectify the situation of the students seeing me as her assistant. I have been in the business longer than her and have been teaching the same length of time. I know my stuff. So if you view submission as stepping back and defering to another, I was doing that. But instead of leaving the school, I used my talent of talking and expressing the problems in a diplomatic way, so I could get more of what I want and she wouldnt have to lose me as she needs me there.

lovingpet -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 3:22:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet While I agree with you, I will say that there is a definite bent culturally toward dominance. It relegates the submissive mindset to one of "weakness" and "inferiority". I don't know that I necessarily believe this to be the case. I think some of the greatest among the human race lived very much a servant's life while here. On the other hand, when this is how people respond to strongly submissive people, the submissive person can come away feeling disempowered to even be able to get through life. ... which is exactly why I flagged the comment. Yeah, american society at least favors the leaders. But then again, american society as a whole favors lots of things that I consider stupid... women who are below the 20% body fat recommendations of the AMA as an example. I'm annoyed that the sheeple believe Carol to be somehow of less worth than me. But I don't buy into it myself. How could I? I am the direct recipient of all that worth. With all my worries of a couple weeks ago, I have to admit to having underestimated my partner. He feels much the same way about me. He also isn't too keen on me saying anything derogatory about what is HIS. He stated he's only interested in owning something of great value. Yes, he floored me with that one! LOL I have asked the question of people once or twice who was more important, the President of the United States, or his cook? While, the culture would tell us it is obviously the President, I think this country would have its entire course changed (we won't debate here for the better or worse) if he got food poisoning and died. How much integrity would this person have to possess to not poison his food if there was disagreement over policies? What if he just up and quit? Does any of us want to find out what happens when someone is trying to run a country on an empty stomach? Not me! I am overblowing this example on purpose. There have been many "small" people who have changed the world. The question isn't of importance, but of harmony. Did she who guided Louis and Clarke want to create a whole new chapter in American history, or was she simply doing what she loved and what filled her soul with happiness? I am more interested in doing what brings me joy, than what I think I "should" be doing. I will do those things better and with more passion. I should be doing what I am best suited for in the way I am best able to do it. It doesn't mean I can't do certain things, but that I have to approach them differently in some cases. It also means that some things will drain me and other things with reignite my fires, the same as anyone else. The difference is what those things are. Life is full of both the pleasant and the unpleasant. To be and do as is true to what is one's most natural state is great freedom. lovingpet

leadership527 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 3:29:32 PM)
quote: There have been many "small" people who have changed the world Heh, no joke. Lots and lots of them as a matter of fact. But even more significantly, since when did "changing the world" become the way that we count coup? I know that I don't think of things that way. Show me a nice quiet couple who has raised some children, done well by them, yada yada and I think "winners". And yeah, re: what your Master said. I say that to Carol all the time. The conversation goes something like this: Jeff: So let me get this straight. You think I am intelligent, capable, competent, and a wise leader, right? Carol: Yeah. Jeff: OK, so out of curiosity, what exactly would such a person do with a half-assed life partner? Carol: OK, but it's you who is making this whole life 2.0 thing happen... planning it all, organizing finances, etc. etc. Jeff: Sure. But weren't you just laying new floor tile and painting the house so that we can rent it? Is there some reason your contributions don't count? For some reason, I haven't really won her over yet. I'm guessing it's the sheeple in society working against me. But I keep trying.

lovingpet -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 4:29:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: There have been many "small" people who have changed the world Heh, no joke. Lots and lots of them as a matter of fact. But even more significantly, since when did "changing the world" become the way that we count coup? I know that I don't think of things that way. Show me a nice quiet couple who has raised some children, done well by them, yada yada and I think "winners". And yeah, re: what your Master said. I say that to Carol all the time. The conversation goes something like this: Jeff: So let me get this straight. You think I am intelligent, capable, competent, and a wise leader, right? Carol: Yeah. Jeff: OK, so out of curiosity, what exactly would such a person do with a half-assed life partner? Carol: OK, but it's you who is making this whole life 2.0 thing happen... planning it all, organizing finances, etc. etc. Jeff: Sure. But weren't you just laying new floor tile and painting the house so that we can rent it? Is there some reason your contributions don't count? For some reason, I haven't really won her over yet. I'm guessing it's the sheeple in society working against me. But I keep trying. And since when did it not change the world when people manage to bring up a couple of decent human beings? Seriously, if more people could perform such a feat, I believe things would be a lot different "out there". Little things actually are very big. It is one of those notions that flies in the face of logic and preconceptions, but is no less true. This is not to say that the "big" thing isn't important. I don't think any of this is talking up a "small" person so they can feel better about themselves either. I do also believe the more value you show a person they have, the more valuable they feel and actually become. It is evidenced in their behavior. I think back to a little over a year ago and how I felt about myself and how I treated myself. There wasn't much of anyone showing me I was valuable as is. Now, I carry myself quite differently. It is not that someone else's opinion has such a sway over me, but that he took the time to look close enough to see what others were missing and that I had lost sight of in myself. I actually am more valuable now than I was before because I seek to live up to my own potential and to honor the investment my partner has made in me. I may not yet believe all his hype, but it sure is a great encouragement to be his vision of me. He shoves the Master glasses on my face and makes me see myself through his eyes. Sometimes it even hurts to realize how low my opinion is of myself in light his own. I don't know how to handle it. The meanest thing he can ever do is to give me a compliment and wait for me to respond. I get antsy and don't have a clue what to say. Horrified disbelief and the blush on my face mixed with something between laughter and tears in my stammering voice betrays the thank you I try to gracefully utter. How dare he say such things! It only makes me further uncomfortable that I know he means each and every one of those things and believes them. It's a powerful thing to see through another's eyes. lovingpet

kallisto -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 5:31:52 PM)
I see it as wearing different hats for different occasions. At work, I'm my boss's right hand woman and take his directives, but yet I manage,direct and supervise a staff that keeps us up and running at warp speed. I have house to manage and run and 3 children that I've raised to decent young adults. As my mother got older she turned to me as if I was the parent and it was that way until she died. I'm very much a "give me your direction and I'll follow kinda girl", but yet life has thrown me in situations where I've had to be the one giving the directions. It doesn't diminish or take away my submissiveness. When not in a relationship, I miss that very much. But I find ways to get away from the demands of life and take care of me. When in a relationship, there is none of this "feeling torn back and forth". I submit to one. Having the daily demands of life doesn't confuse me or put me in a tizzy. They simply make submission to him a little sweeter. [:)]

sexisubi -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 5:59:51 PM)
i will admit when i first started i thought to myself does this mean i have to do what everyone tells me? and the answer is hell no! i do what one person tells me i can say that i cant see myself giving myself fully to someone i dont have feelings for, and harder i fall the more submissive i become. thats what bound by love means in my sign actually.. im bound to serve through love not any other way.

lovingpet -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 6:13:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexisubi i will admit when i first started i thought to myself does this mean i have to do what everyone tells me? and the answer is hell no! i do what one person tells me i can say that i cant see myself giving myself fully to someone i dont have feelings for, and harder i fall the more submissive i become. thats what bound by love means in my sign actually.. im bound to serve through love not any other way. I think there is some kind of catagorical thing at work here. What has happened with me is that all that submissiveness that was flying around wildly all over the place has come to have a focal point. I would submit to most anyone over most anything. It was a very destructive thing for me. Others, like you, only come to desire to submit in the confines of a special relationship. For me, my submission only become healthy and functional inside such a relationship, but it was always running in the background. Maybe I just need some sleep, but I really do see kind of several groupings forming. I am not at all one for labels or putting people into little boxes, but I do thing there can be trends in how people experience things. I think this may be one of those cases. There are some who will only submit to one...only one ever. There are others who find it is a part of themselves that comes to the surface in the safety of very special relationships. Others still, find that it is one of those traits that is rather definitive of them and need help reigning it in rather than bringing it out. There are probably many shades inbetween, but that's the rough idea I guess. As all those other dividing lines, I don't think any of it really makes for an awarding of "uber" subliness based on any of them. They are just ways of experiencing and relating. I will suffice it to say I am glad to hear you have found the one who can bind you in his love. I am glad to have found one who could gather me up in his. lovingpet

subalone1 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 6:26:20 PM)
Being competent and assertive is not incompatible with feminine submission. I manage my own self currently, and figure that by doing it well I am becoming a better option as a partner in a relationship. I feel like my independence now is an interim state. When, in the past, I have faced life with much less confidence in my abilities, I have found that the men who were attracted to me were wimpy and not particularly good at managing themselves. When I give my soft submissive side to whomever is on the horizon, there is no need for a man to actually show me his mettle. I would rather come across as too strong and one heck of a challenge and somewhat formidable and find a man who appreciates what I hold in check. That said, yes, on the long lonely days it is wearing to make this life of mine complete when the truth is I am missing an outside piece of what I need. I don't like the assumptions made of my self-sufficiency and inner resources when I am pretending to be tough wonder-woman. Sometimes I feel brittle for having to set aside my sweet, gentle ways to make do and get by. There is a lack of choice in my "dominance" of my life. I have to be this way, but it is not my forte.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 7:22:17 PM)
I have been submissive my whole life, and for a period of time I was an officer in the Army. I had both men and women working for me, and it never seemed a problem to me. I was capable of separating the work life and the personal life. The only time it ever became a problem is when someone from the work life somehow crossed over into the personal life, and that happened a few times, once with a female superior officer and once with a female junior officer (from another unit). It took some shifting of perspective, but it never was much of a problem. And I'm VERY submissive.

catize -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 7:53:40 PM)
I don’t think of what I do at work, or managing my life, as submissive or dominant. In my head, it is about getting the job done to the best of my ability. Whether I lead or follow, my goal is to do the work well, Nor do I believe that submission equates to passivity or weakness. There have been times when my submission meant I had to be assertive in order to better serve him. An example; R. had a nasty red swollen area on his thigh. He distrusts doctors and hates taking medication. I told him ‘too bad’ and made him go. He had a staph infection which could have led to pretty severe complications without the antibiotics. My submission is of great importance to my dominant partners. As I have said before, without someone to submit to them, they are just a person sitting in the chair. Without someone to dominate me, I just look silly kneeling there on the floor.

sexisubi -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/29/2009 9:38:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet quote: ORIGINAL: sexisubi i will admit when i first started i thought to myself does this mean i have to do what everyone tells me? and the answer is hell no! i do what one person tells me i can say that i cant see myself giving myself fully to someone i dont have feelings for, and harder i fall the more submissive i become. thats what bound by love means in my sign actually.. im bound to serve through love not any other way. I think there is some kind of catagorical thing at work here. What has happened with me is that all that submissiveness that was flying around wildly all over the place has come to have a focal point. I would submit to most anyone over most anything. It was a very destructive thing for me. Others, like you, only come to desire to submit in the confines of a special relationship. For me, my submission only become healthy and functional inside such a relationship, but it was always running in the background. Maybe I just need some sleep, but I really do see kind of several groupings forming. I am not at all one for labels or putting people into little boxes, but I do thing there can be trends in how people experience things. I think this may be one of those cases. There are some who will only submit to one...only one ever. There are others who find it is a part of themselves that comes to the surface in the safety of very special relationships. Others still, find that it is one of those traits that is rather definitive of them and need help reigning it in rather than bringing it out. There are probably many shades inbetween, but that's the rough idea I guess. As all those other dividing lines, I don't think any of it really makes for an awarding of "uber" subliness based on any of them. They are just ways of experiencing and relating. I will suffice it to say I am glad to hear you have found the one who can bind you in his love. I am glad to have found one who could gather me up in his. lovingpet im not sure what this post is saying to me... this post above was not directed at you... im not sure what youre asking me something specifically and im not sure how im putting people into boxs, or segrigating another? honestly this was just my personal experience. Edit: ok i get it after i read the post no im not siding with anyone lovingpet i was just kind of posting my opinion of how i felt about the post to the OP.. sorry to have confused you. [:)]

lally2 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/30/2009 5:01:20 AM)
lushy, im sure you will trust again, when someone trustworthy comes along - a problem develops when we try to control our environment. we cant, and by that i dont mean 'we' as submissives, i mean the general 'we'. our environment is full of people with their own agendas their own perspectives and wants. as me (the package) i cope with my world the same way, whether im in a relationship or not. my M may say to me 'dont waste today, i dont want to hear that youve sat around doing nothing' and so that helps to propell me forward certainly, but in the general scheme im still interracting all day on my own, juggling, getting through, forcing my arse of the sofa and into the supermarket, onto the horse, off for a walk, cook, clean and shift that phucking wardrobe already! to be honest i dont think im any different in a relationship than out of one - maybe im more focused and channelled by my M when otherwise my day may end up quite random but the way i interract through my day doesnt change. lushy, may i ask, are you actively spiritual - i know people are going to go [sm=Groaner.gif] - just for me, as a pagan i find myself very quickly there. sometimes just submitting to youre faith and allowing it to take care of you for a time helps to put things back. hugs and love xxx

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/30/2009 8:31:30 AM)
Lally, Im really not in the mood to pray to a God or Gods that gave my mother ALS. I however, have been learning to submit to acceptence of things that can not be changed. You either have to submit to the process and deal with every moment in the best way possible. It does nothing productive to rail against what can not be cured. Thats like hitting your head against a brick wall.

lally2 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/30/2009 9:33:20 AM)
i can totally understand that - its just something i do to level myself out. so, may i ask, in what way you feel you are struggling with having to be dominant in vanilla life. it seems to me that youre doing just fine as you are.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Submissive struggle with having to be dominant in vanilla life life? (8/30/2009 9:38:17 AM)
ITs not that I am not coping or not doing it. Its just that it doesnt come naturally in many ways and its making me feel hard since I am not doing anything submissive. I also have little trust for those that approach online. The are mostly either wankers or too far away. I spend alot of time suspicious(and rightly so) about so called dominants. I may push away those I should give a chance to. I err on the safe side so I know that if I dothat, better safe than sorry as they say.

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