quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexisubi

i will admit when i first started i thought to myself does this mean i have to do what everyone tells me?

and the answer is hell no! i do what one person tells me i can say that i cant see myself giving myself fully to someone i dont have feelings for, and harder i fall the more submissive i become.

thats what bound by love means in my sign actually.. im bound to serve through love not any other way.

I think there is some kind of catagorical thing at work here. What has happened with me is that all that submissiveness that was flying around wildly all over the place has come to have a focal point. I would submit to most anyone over most anything. It was a very destructive thing for me. Others, like you, only come to desire to submit in the confines of a special relationship. For me, my submission only become healthy and functional inside such a relationship, but it was always running in the background.

Maybe I just need some sleep, but I really do see kind of several groupings forming. I am not at all one for labels or putting people into little boxes, but I do thing there can be trends in how people experience things. I think this may be one of those cases. There are some who will only submit to one...only one ever. There are others who find it is a part of themselves that comes to the surface in the safety of very special relationships. Others still, find that it is one of those traits that is rather definitive of them and need help reigning it in rather than bringing it out. There are probably many shades inbetween, but that's the rough idea I guess.

As all those other dividing lines, I don't think any of it really makes for an awarding of "uber" subliness based on any of them. They are just ways of experiencing and relating. I will suffice it to say I am glad to hear you have found the one who can bind you in his love. I am glad to have found one who could gather me up in his.

lovingpet

im not sure what this post is saying to me... this post above was not directed at you... im not sure what youre asking me something specifically and im not sure how im putting people into boxs, or segrigating another? honestly this was just my personal experience.

Edit: ok i get it after i read the post no im not siding with anyone lovingpet i was just kind of posting my opinion of how i felt about the post to the OP.. sorry to have confused you. [:)]

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Could it be that maybe you're making your life more difficult because you have your mind so tightly wrapped about "oh I'm not doing submissive things" instead of just "doing"

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

ITs not that I am not coping or not doing it. Its just that it doesnt come naturally in many ways and its making me feel hard since I am not doing anything submissive. I also have little trust for those that approach online. The are mostly either wankers or too far away. I spend alot of time suspicious(and rightly so) about so called dominants. I may push away those I should give a chance to. I err on the safe side so I know that if I dothat, better safe than sorry as they say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

ITs not that I am not coping or not doing it. Its just that it doesnt come naturally in many ways and its making me feel hard since I am not doing anything submissive. I also have little trust for those that approach online. The are mostly either wankers or too far away. I spend alot of time suspicious(and rightly so) about so called dominants. I may push away those I should give a chance to. I err on the safe side so I know that if I dothat, better safe than sorry as they say.

ive highlighted in green a sentance that resonates a bit.

a couple of years ago life got pretty tough, i felt pushed around and unfulfilled and tried to assert MYself.  i was a little confused about a few things and pulled away from all of this.

i over compensated i think and took on this 'hard' attitude to everyone.  suck it up, get out of my way, im stronger than all of ya - kinda thing. im not suggesting thats what youre doing but im just saying that i understand the 'hard' feeling.

i even got to the mentality that there wasnt a single D that could dominate me in any meaningful way, that i was better off without them and that it was all a crock of shit and i was delluding myself.  it wasnt a good place to be.

then i came to collarme, and i think, in fact you were one of my first buddies on here and you pep talked me out of my lost faith and self depracation.  renewed my faith and hope.

.... and maybe thats it hun, you need to feel fresh faith and hope but right now maybe with youre mum and stuff going on youre protecting youreself and holding youreself tight against fresh hurt.

youre not hard and youre not unsubmissive youre just not feeling all that receptive right now.  xx

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

My apologies. I didn't that post to be accusatory or anything of the sort. I was making an observation of my own based on some of the responses in this thread and others like it that I have followed. If anyone is putting people into boxes, it would be me, and was not my intent either. I was just noting how different people might be experiencing their own submission. I was discussing that I have experienced mine in some ways differently from you. I only see it as a difference and not as better or worse in any way. I normally go in more for the personal experiences thing, but I decided to comment on a bigger picture type thing, and like I said in that post, I could be completely off my rocker. It was an idea I had when I probably should have been in bed. I hope no offense or animosity was taken by anyone.

lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

This is a question to those who are unpartnered and having to work,command respect, take care of business, keep from being taken advantage of and raise kids to be good citizens.

I feel forced to be dominant. I am suppose to be. I am suppose to be a strong(and in charge) jewish woman(we are often raised that way). We usually are the heads of the households even if stay at home mom. So work makes me have to command, raising a child who needs structure does amd other bits of life. Are there other submissives who have learned this behavior, but feel like they are like ill fitting clothes or a role thats played? I know I am not the only one. (The subs that dont submit to everyone and you actually have to gain their trust before power exchange as equals)?

O.K. Maybe I am?[:D]

quote:

I know I am not the only one. (The subs that dont submit to everyone and you actually have to gain their trust before power exchange as equals)?

quote:

Imagine this ... A girl has a wardrobe full of shoes, every variety you can imagine, in every shape colour possible. They are all her shoes, she bought every pair. Each morning she stands in front of her wardrobe and selects the shoes most appropriate for how she is dressed that day. Today she is in a business suit and chooses a pair of seriously high visciously spike heeled shoes. Tomorrow she will be in boy-jeans, a faded college t-shirt and choose her favourite battered pair of converse sneakers. It is the same girl choosing the shoes each day, it is just a different part of her which is most visible to the outside world. At work I am the boss and I shoulder the responsibility not just for myself but for my team as well. When I get home I kneel before Sir and ask Him to lock me into my cuffs knowing that all I have responsibility for is my own behaviour.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

Give me a specific and real situation from your life where you feel that you must adopt a dominant mindset to succeed in. Let's see if I can offer up an alternate approach. No promises here... I'm just working this stuff out with Carol on the fly

It is in teaching adults . A variety of ages. So its hard to balance when to take responsibility when they are upset and when they are shifting the blame. When the adult student is upset, the department wants to take their complaints seriously, SO there is a need to please the adult student. At the same time, some young ones shift blame to you when they themselves arent doing their part(blame your teaching when they arent cracking the books). SO you try different things and some are happy and some are never satisfied. ALso, the balance of treating them like adults and being the authority. Respect is not so cut and dried as with teaching kids.