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I don't think it is always that a person has a submissive nature that makes it difficult to do some of the hard stuff of life. I do think sometimes, it can make doing the hard things that much harder.

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

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ORIGINAL: lally2

truth is, all that crappola of life will always be there.  there are days when i just go fuckit, put a pretty dress on and some make up and do something more enjoyable - for me its very much on a day to day basis.  amazingly the bills still get paid and i still have a business

edited/deleted because i went warbling away and didnt answer the question, that being struggling having to be dominant in the day.

im not too sure i am dominant in the day - but its taken me a few years to get the ex off my back, my mum off my back and for everyone to just back the fuck off. 

now i go my own sweet way, i may be inneffective at times but i dont care anymore. 

I agree. Sometimes though I also feel like I am losing my submission as I am not in a trusting place right now, Im not playing, I am not submitting to anyone. I was having problems with casual submission in BDSM play. I got too emotional and subdrop was awful. So I really havent engaged in much and submission has become a fearful thng to me because once the play is over, I am still unpartnered. SO I have not engaged in sex or submission.

Its been good for my emotional well being. But its also makng me feel harder in some way. Sort of like a muscle I am not flexing.

But that doesnt make the dominance easier. MAybe I am never really dominant at all. This idea form Leadership527 of leading from a submissive space is an idea that is facinating to me. Wondering how its done?

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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I don't think it is always that a person has a submissive nature that makes it difficult to do some of the hard stuff of life. I do think sometimes, it can make doing the hard things that much harder.

Embedded in this comment is the pernicious believe that somehow, were you only more dominant, this would be different. The phrase submissive nature is really a gestalt compromising a lot of various personality attributes. Like all such things, they are assets in some situations and weaknesses in others. The dominant gestalt is no different. For all of us, there are situations which are more or less challenging depending on how well suited our individual personality attributes are to dealing with them. Dominants don't magically evade that fact of life. The only difference between myself and Carol is what each of us perceives as "hard".

One of my most important lighbbulb moments in this whole thing was when I realized that I needed to stop trying to "help" Carol to be more dominant and instead start helping her to leverage who she actually is in order to succeed.

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ORIGINAL: lally2

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

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ORIGINAL: lally2

truth is, all that crappola of life will always be there.  there are days when i just go fuckit, put a pretty dress on and some make up and do something more enjoyable - for me its very much on a day to day basis.  amazingly the bills still get paid and i still have a business

edited/deleted because i went warbling away and didnt answer the question, that being struggling having to be dominant in the day.

im not too sure i am dominant in the day - but its taken me a few years to get the ex off my back, my mum off my back and for everyone to just back the fuck off. 

now i go my own sweet way, i may be inneffective at times but i dont care anymore. 

I agree. Sometimes though I also feel like I am losing my submission as I am not in a trusting place right now, Im not playing, I am not submitting to anyone. I was having problems with casual submission in BDSM play. I got too emotional and subdrop was awful. So I really havent engaged in much and submission has become a fearful thng to me because once the play is over, I am still unpartnered. SO I have not engaged in sex or submission.

Its been good for my emotional well being. But its also makng me feel harder in some way. Sort of like a muscle I am not flexing.

But that doesnt make the dominance easier. MAybe I am never really dominant at all. This idea form Leadership527 of leading from a submissive space is an idea that is facinating to me. Wondering how its done?

i have never done casual play, i can imagine that the subdrop from all of the submissive emotion and intense feeling having to suddenly stop would be hell.  its maybe not for you, maybe youve realised that.  even as a stop gap, for some it just doesnt pan. 

i agree with Leadership in that i dont lead from a dominant stance, i go about my day very much me, the submissive, but that has its own power -

we are constantly talking about the strength of character submissives and slaves posses - it is possible to be completely youreself (sub) but that doesnt mean youre not strong or capable.

i went through a time a few months ago where i needed to heal.  i spent alot of that time taking back the power i had lost through emotional entanglement and a feeling of loss.  maybe hun, you need to spend some time getting youre power back.  that isnt dominant power its just youre power, you, the way you handle things effectively and means that at the end of the day you can fall back into youre sofa knackered but totally ok with youre world.

flexing a muscle you dont posses, wearing a cloak that doesnt fit, forcing youreself into a shape you arent is just going to wear you down.

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ORIGINAL: lovingpet
While I agree with you, I will say that there is a definite bent culturally toward dominance. It relegates the submissive mindset to one of "weakness" and "inferiority". I don't know that I necessarily believe this to be the case. I think some of the greatest among the human race lived very much a servant's life while here. On the other hand, when this is how people respond to strongly submissive people, the submissive person can come away feeling disempowered to even be able to get through life.

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: lovingpet
While I agree with you, I will say that there is a definite bent culturally toward dominance. It relegates the submissive mindset to one of "weakness" and "inferiority". I don't know that I necessarily believe this to be the case. I think some of the greatest among the human race lived very much a servant's life while here. On the other hand, when this is how people respond to strongly submissive people, the submissive person can come away feeling disempowered to even be able to get through life.

... which is exactly why I flagged the comment. Yeah, american society at least favors the leaders. But then again, american society as a whole favors lots of things that I consider stupid... women who are below the 20% body fat recommendations of the AMA as an example. I'm annoyed that the sheeple believe Carol to be somehow of less worth than me. But I don't buy into it myself. How could I? I am the direct recipient of all that worth.

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: lovingpet
While I agree with you, I will say that there is a definite bent culturally toward dominance. It relegates the submissive mindset to one of "weakness" and "inferiority". I don't know that I necessarily believe this to be the case. I think some of the greatest among the human race lived very much a servant's life while here. On the other hand, when this is how people respond to strongly submissive people, the submissive person can come away feeling disempowered to even be able to get through life.

... which is exactly why I flagged the comment. Yeah, american society at least favors the leaders. But then again, american society as a whole favors lots of things that I consider stupid... women who are below the 20% body fat recommendations of the AMA as an example. I'm annoyed that the sheeple believe Carol to be somehow of less worth than me. But I don't buy into it myself. How could I? I am the direct recipient of all that worth.

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There have been many "small" people who have changed the world

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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There have been many "small" people who have changed the world

Heh, no joke. Lots and lots of them as a matter of fact. But even more significantly, since when did "changing the world" become the way that we count coup? I know that I don't think of things that way. Show me a nice quiet couple who has raised some children, done well by them, yada yada and I think "winners".

And yeah, re: what your Master said. I say that to Carol all the time. The conversation goes something like this:

Jeff: So let me get this straight. You think I am intelligent, capable, competent, and a wise leader, right?
Carol: Yeah.
Jeff: OK, so out of curiosity, what exactly would such a person do with a half-assed life partner?
Carol: OK, but it's you who is making this whole life 2.0 thing happen... planning it all, organizing finances, etc. etc.
Jeff: Sure. But weren't you just laying new floor tile and painting the house so that we can rent it? Is there some reason your contributions don't count?

For some reason, I haven't really won her over yet. I'm guessing it's the sheeple in society working against me. But I keep trying.

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ORIGINAL: sexisubi

i will admit when i first started i thought to myself does this mean i have to do what everyone tells me?

and the answer is hell no! i do what one person tells me i can say that i cant see myself giving myself fully to someone i dont have feelings for, and harder i fall the more submissive i become.

thats what bound by love means in my sign actually.. im bound to serve through love not any other way.

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ORIGINAL: lovingpet

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ORIGINAL: sexisubi

i will admit when i first started i thought to myself does this mean i have to do what everyone tells me?

and the answer is hell no! i do what one person tells me i can say that i cant see myself giving myself fully to someone i dont have feelings for, and harder i fall the more submissive i become.

thats what bound by love means in my sign actually.. im bound to serve through love not any other way.

I think there is some kind of catagorical thing at work here. What has happened with me is that all that submissiveness that was flying around wildly all over the place has come to have a focal point. I would submit to most anyone over most anything. It was a very destructive thing for me. Others, like you, only come to desire to submit in the confines of a special relationship. For me, my submission only become healthy and functional inside such a relationship, but it was always running in the background.

Maybe I just need some sleep, but I really do see kind of several groupings forming. I am not at all one for labels or putting people into little boxes, but I do thing there can be trends in how people experience things. I think this may be one of those cases. There are some who will only submit to one...only one ever. There are others who find it is a part of themselves that comes to the surface in the safety of very special relationships. Others still, find that it is one of those traits that is rather definitive of them and need help reigning it in rather than bringing it out. There are probably many shades inbetween, but that's the rough idea I guess.

As all those other dividing lines, I don't think any of it really makes for an awarding of "uber" subliness based on any of them. They are just ways of experiencing and relating. I will suffice it to say I am glad to hear you have found the one who can bind you in his love. I am glad to have found one who could gather me up in his.

lovingpet