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littlesarbonn -> RE: When clients think they're friends...really? (8/31/2009 11:31:00 AM)
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Part of the problem you're dealing with is that a LOT of these guys don't actually have a social life, and their interactions with a professional dominant ARE their main attempt at a social life. So, you (the OP) are already involved in REAL life with the professional dominant and for you it's a reality. The other person is living in a fantasy but perceives it as reality. He probably thinks about her all the time, and because of this, he probably believes that she thinks about him just as much. This psychosis is not unusual; obsessed people go through it all of the time.
I've been involved in the social lives of professional dominants before, and part of the quandary is that they are perpetrators of a fantasy reality that they can turn off when it's time to take off the dominant costume, but some of their clients are not capable of seeing the person without the costume, and think the person is always the person they saw during their particular session. And this guy got a "date" with her once, so now he actually thinks he's really good friends with her. In his mind, he probably is. He's probably had some great conversations with her, in his mind.
Unfortunately, you're now in the cross hairs of this guy that thinks you're actually working to deflate his "real" relationship with your owner/partner/whatever. So, of course he's going to take it out on you. It doesn't matter that he's wrong or acting in a destructive way. He sees you as the reason he can't go back to his "reality" and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't even think the dominant in question has any impact on the decisions that have been made. In his mind, you're manipulating her behind his back, so again, he can easily lash out at you and not feel that he's doing anything wrong to the person he perceives to be his friend.
So, what can you do? You've done some thing right and others that might be questionable. I'm not an end all on what's right or wrong, so I won't try to argue you've done anything wrong, but that you're probably feeding into his ridiculous frenzy. If he posts crap on the Internet, ignore it. Or point it out to your mistress, and let HER deal with it. Being the staunch defender only serves to keep him riled up, making him look for new venues to do damage. The more he is ignored, the more likely he is to seek out someone else or just go away. Sure, he might be inconvenient for a bit, but unless he starts physically stalking (and then it's a police matter), then he's going to grow tired of being ignored.
I'll be honest. It's not hard for a submissive to think he's much more than he really is in a professional dominant's life. It's happened to me as well. Granted, I didn't stalk the person or go nuts or anything like that, but I have been in situations where I honestly thought I was more than just a potential client with a woman, only to discover that in the end I was really just another client, even if the payment was service rather than money. Men have a tendency to remember the really good moments in a relationship (like where a dominant told me she was very interested in me and my service to her) rather than the other moments where you didn't realize that things weren't working out as you hoped they might be, or as they seemed to be while wearing slave-like, rose colored glasses. Unfortunately, some submissives aren't capable of successfully moving on.
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