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RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/2/2009 2:02:28 PM

pyroaquatic

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From: Pyroaquatica
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BING!!! Stella! You are the winner. I agree wholeheartedly.

^_^

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You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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Post #: 41

RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/2/2009 2:08:02 PM

shadowowl

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being pleasing is not even something I really think about much. I am always trying to make my owner happy or smile. one of the things that defines our relationship was something she said to me after teh first few days of talking.
"thanks"
to which i responded "thanks for what?"
"thanks for making me smile" she answers
to which I said "is it really that rare?"
she said "yes actually it is"
ofcourse since then if you where to ask if it was rare these days she would say no and it's because I'm doing my job as her pet/sub by being pleasing.
So yes being pleasing is very importent it's all about the little things you do that may not be intentional they are just part of your core being.
least that's how I see it.

(in reply to happylittlepet)

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RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/2/2009 4:29:29 PM

CaringandReal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
This belief (that a dominant's not being pleased has little or nothing to do with me) is held not just because I don't feel in control of him and therefore am not particularly surprised when I don't get an expected result,

If a dominants lack of pleasure has little or nothing to do with the submissive, then the opposite is also true. Their pleasure has little or nothing to do with the submissive.

To believe in the negative and not the positive of that statement seems short-sighted.

Knight's Kyra

That would be true if pure logic ran one's relationship, rather than practical observation and experience, but for me, that has never been the case. My practical experience is that sometimes I knew that what I did had directly pleased a dominant. How did I know this? He told me! Am I supposed to disbelieve what he said (or emoted most sincerely) simply because someone on a messageboard would finds it "more logical" or balanced with my other statement if I did? (looks askance at you).

Again, how do I know that his not being pleased has little or nothing to do with me? The same way: close observation, broad experience with people and the inner needs/pressures that drive them and how little those often have to do with outside influences (aka ourselves), extensive experience with dominants, putting myself in his shoes, and (the best, as it's the scientific methold, lol) simply asking him about certain situations when I was unclear, informed this belief.

My particular short-sightedness has led me to have a very long and most rewarding and happy relationship and it's helped me to understand and respond better (more positively and openmindedly) to new people I've met, so I'm hoping and praying that in my next relationship I'll get the opportunity be equally, if not more, short-sighted. :)

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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

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Post #: 43

RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/2/2009 4:46:20 PM

Roselaure

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My concept of being pleasing is separate from the notion of making others happy. I can't make anyone happy but myself. But I do things that my Master finds pleasing, either from my own observation or by doing something he has asked me to do. Even if doing his will does not provide the expected result, he is still pleased by my obedience. Being pleased by an action or gesture of another is a small and incidental thing. Being "happy" is a whole different barrel of monkeys.

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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

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RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/2/2009 4:57:04 PM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
the inner needs/pressures that drive them and how little those often have to do with outside influences (aka ourselves),

This little piece here is what rings true for me from my broad experience, careful observation and the work I have done for my own benefit on emotions. The emotions that people feel (which pleasure and displeasure are emotions to me) are more a product of a person's own internal influences than external influences.

I may do something that creates a catalyst for someone else to feel happy. However, it is their own choices, thoughts, feelings, needs, desires that cause them to feel happiness at some action I do. My action is of lesser significance to their happiness than their own internal influences. It is great when something I do causes someone else to choose to be happy, but I know that they could also choose to feel something else.

The way people feel is a choice they make and I try not to assign too much significance to my own influence in that choice. Whether they are dominant or submissive makes little difference to me in this. I like my logic, it has served me very well and it has helped me have a very healthy and positive emotional well-being.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/2/2009 5:41:09 PM

CaringandReal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

If you think about some of the Asian traditions of female ascetics, that concept of "being pleasing" can be taken to a high art, even refining movement, gesture, speech, etc.

Dunno, feel like I am just scratching the surface on this. What are your thoughts on "Being Pleasing"?

I can't answer your question on how this varies from one gender to the other but given the majority of responses you are getting are from women, I imagine you have an idea. As for me, all I can say is that what you said resonates with me.

I find your idea of pleasing being refined into a high art an intriguing one, but I also suspect it could be an art based entirely upon improvisation. It might have to be. What good would it do to refine your gestures, if your dominant didn't appreciate that sort of thing?

It makes me happier in a job when I can do things that please other people, but some jobs just aren't rewarding in that way. I love those jobs where I can come in and save the day, and everyone's thrilled with my performance but If I'm getting paid the money I need to live, I'll put up with not being pleasing just like people put up with many other icky things at work in order to survive, but of course I don't like it. Some work climates are very cold, I've noticed, and make it impossible for employees to get gratification that way.

"...but the desire to "be" someone who makes others happy as a "foundation stone of who we are" is something I think is mostly found in submissive types. "

This is golden. I agree strongly, but as we've seen from the responses to this thread, not all submissive types are this way. A good many are, though, and when I meet someone in a vanilla context for whom pleasing is clearly very important, I often wonder about them.

I'm enjoying the posts made about how people try to be pleasing. I'll list a few of my own that I think are general enough to be shared by many:

1. Pursuing the dominant passionately, making them aware of how much you want them and how sexy they are. This one is interesting in terms of gender. Women tend to expect this from a servant. Men don't as much but seem pleasantly surprised when a female submissive does it (well, as long as it's a female sub they are interested in!)

2. Making them laugh. Lightening their day with anything from a bit of silliness to a subtle joke.

3. Playfulness. Coming up with new and inventive ways to play, sexually and otherwise. Suggesting new fun things to do, but not feeling bad if they aren't interested, just coming up with different suggestions (or else the same ones at another time).

4. Doing one's own emotional control, if you know how and are capable of it. I mean working with negative emotions, the transmuting of straw to gold stuff. At very least, avoiding the standard pitfalls: assumptions, seeing patterns where they don't necessarily exist just because you're hurt or confusing, allowing expectations (and their disappointment) to eat at one, being a bitch because you don't feel appreciated, complaining and other drama, and the forgetfulness of the inherent inequality of the relationship. This stuff can be very hard to do, and possibly impossible to do at certain stages in one's life or with certain experiences or temperments. Then again, some people with all those strikes against them manage to learn the seemingly impossible.

5. Being very interested in the things they are interested in. I don't do this one intentionally in order to be pleasing, I'm just a naturally curious person and love learning about new things and acquiring new skills, but it seems to be a normal response to this behavior.

6. Doing the things that they don't like to do or want to do without being ordered to do so first. Seeing to their comfort. Leaving them alone if or when they want solitude.

7. Awaiting their pleasure and enduring their absence with peacefulness and hopeful anticipation of their renewed presence.

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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

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Post #: 46

RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/2/2009 5:51:40 PM

CaringandReal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
the inner needs/pressures that drive them and how little those often have to do with outside influences (aka ourselves),

This little piece here is what rings true for me from my broad experience, careful observation and the work I have done for my own benefit on emotions. The emotions that people feel (which pleasure and displeasure are emotions to me) are more a product of a person's own internal influences than external influences.

I may do something that creates a catalyst for someone else to feel happy. However, it is their own choices, thoughts, feelings, needs, desires that cause them to feel happiness at some action I do. My action is of lesser significance to their happiness than their own internal influences. It is great when something I do causes someone else to choose to be happy, but I know that they could also choose to feel something else.

The way people feel is a choice they make and I try not to assign too much significance to my own influence in that choice. Whether they are dominant or submissive makes little difference to me in this. I like my logic, it has served me very well and it has helped me have a very healthy and positive emotional well-being.

Knight's Kyra

That's all very nice and all, but I don't believe I was the one to call someone else's perspective on life "short-sighted" due to its lack of logic. ;)

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

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RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/3/2009 9:02:58 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I want him to smile every single time he looks at me or thinks about me. I suppose the only way to accomplish that is to be pleasing to him.
I find nothing wrong with striving to be pleasing. I find nothing wrong with being a representation of all the things he enjoys.

How beautifully worded. Thank you.

Carol sees it pretty much this way. And yeah, I'd say a good 50% of the time, catching even a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye will put a smile on my face. Hearing her leash jingle when she rolls over in bed at night definitely makes me smile. She is, in fact, the living embodiment of GOOD in my head.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Post #: 48

RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/3/2009 11:55:07 AM

fyreredsub

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being pleasing
means
i will
be kept
by Him.

in many ways
it is
selfish.

His control,
his pleasure,
his rules,
make me happy.

therefore,
i will do
what i must do.
to stay at his feet.

good masters
are far to hard
to find.

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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Post #: 49

RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/3/2009 12:06:20 PM

Kinkerbelle68

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In searching my soul when my Sub journey began i had to go all the way back to my beginning. All the way to young childhood and ask my mother what kind of little girl I was and it dont not come as a surprise to me that my pleasing nature went all the way back to about 2 years old. It contiunued in my life by being a devoted friend and then devoted mother and now this has bloomed into my need and desire to me a devoted, beautiful and pleasing slave..

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RE: Being "Pleasing" - 9/3/2009 4:56:12 PM

heartfeltsub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I want him to smile every single time he looks at me or thinks about me. I suppose the only way to accomplish that is to be pleasing to him.
I find nothing wrong with striving to be pleasing. I find nothing wrong with being a representation of all the things he enjoys.

How beautifully worded. Thank you.

Carol sees it pretty much this way. And yeah, I'd say a good 50% of the time, catching even a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye will put a smile on my face. Hearing her leash jingle when she rolls over in bed at night definitely makes me smile. She is, in fact, the living embodiment of GOOD in my head.

That is probably one of the sweetest sentiments that i have ever heard.

heartfelt

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Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

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