New terms for our BDSM community (Full Version)

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LanceHughes -> New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 3:41:29 AM)

I think the BDSM community needs a new term (or a pair of terms) distinguishing service slaves (with privileges LOL) from sexual slaves that seem (to me) to always be do-me bottoms.

What think you all?



littlewonder -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 3:44:01 AM)

slave and sub and bottom seem to work for me along with clear communication instead of having to guess.

Why not simply talk to them?



LanceHughes -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 3:58:51 AM)

Are you saying that "slave" is the service slave?  OR are you saying "slave" is the sexual slave? 

I'd like new terms so that CM could offer that as a choice in profiles; so that new terms could be used in all of our communications - not just here at CM.




LillyoftheVally -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:01:02 AM)

I think you talk to someone then work out compatibility



thishereboi -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:07:08 AM)

I think some people spend way too much time worrying about what terms to use in this lifestyle and not enough time enjoying it.



LanceHughes -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:09:25 AM)

Thanks for your response, littlewonder and Lily.

I guess I wasn't clear.  I'm looking for new terms so that members here can put an appropriate self-defined "category" (if you will) into their profiles.

littlewonder says "slave and sub and bottom seem to work for me."  I'm saying that HER definitions (that work for her) of those terms might not be definitions that I share.

Actually, I've found that this is a problem when I lecture on BDSM 101 to straight audiences vs. gay audiences.  The term "bottom" means VERY different things.

But, let's not get into that..... what would be good terms to distinguish the service slave from the sexual slave?



LadySweetOrSour -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:12:24 AM)

Service slave and sexual slave work ok for me.



LanceHughes -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:12:25 AM)

thishereboi:  I'd enjoy this lifestyle MORE if there were two terms so that I could distinguish between the two types of slaves.



LanceHughes -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:14:17 AM)

LadySoS: I agree, but I'd like to see CM provide that as a search option - and as a possiblity for people to put into their profiles.



stella41b -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:16:24 AM)

Okay, so why not go the same route as the Chinese take away?

1. sexual slave with cock and two balls
2. sexual slave with cock and one ball
3. sexual slave with cock and no balls
4. sexual slave with pussy
5. sexual slave with tits and pussy
6. sexual slave with bigger tits and pussy
7. sexual slave with massive tits and pussy
8 sexual slave with sagging tits and pussy
9. sexual slave with real tits and cock and two balls
10. sexual slave with breast implants, pussy, small cock and no balls

11. service slave who does all housework, cleaning, laundry and ironing.
12. service slave who does housework, ironing, cooking.
13. service slave who does laundry, ironing but no housework or cooking.
14. service slave who does housework, cleaning, ironing, secretarial work
15. service slave who just does secretarial work.
16. service slave who just cooks.
17. service slave who does housework, cleaning, laundry, ironing, gardening
18. service slave who does secretarial work and gardening.
19. service slave who does fuck all.
20. service slave who does everything imaginable.

.. and so on, we could do this also for submissives, switches, dommes, doms, fetishists, etc.

This would make profiles so much simpler. There would just be a menu, and you would write:

I am a 34 but sometimes a 36 or a 38 and I am seeking a 12, 24, 54 or 47.



eyesopened -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:18:39 AM)

When I first began my journey I wasn't sure what the hell I was.  Just because I am not a masochist, I had lots of people tell me I was "just" a service submissive.  Others told me I was submissive with slave tendancies, other told me I was just looking for kink.  Had I narrowed myself into some small check-box I would have missed out on a lot of wonderful growth experiences.  I am not JUST anything, I am a complex human being who can be compatible with a variety of Top/Dominant/Master styles.  What seemed to work best for me and the Top/Dominant/Masters I have served was compatibility in other areas of life, not just the "lifestyle". 

Until science develops obtainable androids that can be programmed for individual tastes, I don't see any shortcuts to human relationships.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:24:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughe and as a possiblity for people to put into their profiles.


They can, there is a wonderful about me section



LanceHughes -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:29:45 AM)

I am NOT trying to put anyone in a box.  Here's how this all came about:

slave on 9/3/09 at 0:03 AM:
hello sir
LanceHughes on 9/3/09 at 4:19 AM:
Thanks for writing.  I have read your (scant) profile and see that you are looking for female dominance.
If you were to join my "house," you would find NO female component.  From your profile I am pretty sure that would not work for you.
slave on 9/3/09 at 4:22 AM:
i would be fine with that............could i be locked in a set of stocks and be trained as a fucktoy/animal?
LanceHughes on 9/3/09 at 4:38 AM:
You write "i would be fine with that."
Then change your profile so that Doms like myself are not mis-led.  You are causing extra work for me.  NOT what I look for in a slave.

You ask "could i be locked in a set of stocks and be trained as a fucktoy/animal?"
Nope. Again: NOT what I look for in a slave.

I think the BDSM community needs a new term (or a pair of terms) distinguishing service slaves (with privileges LOL) from sexual slaves that seem (to me) to always be do-me bottoms.

I think you fall in the latter case.  Nowhere did you offer your service, but rather are suggesting what I should do to you......  Nowhere is the yin to my yang.
==========
So, how do y'all think this could have gone better from MY perspective?  (Pushy frigging do-me-bottoms.)



CarrieO -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:31:00 AM)

There have been many complaints about the options given for identifying on the profiles here.  If what you seek is a service slave then advertise for such and likewise for sexual slave.  Part of getting to know a person prior to meeting with them is discussing things like this.
If I'm only interested, as a switch, in being a service sub to a dom, I make that clear.  If I'm speaking with a male sub and am looking for service only, I make that clear and likewise for a sexual sub.  It really is all about communication. 
In reality, though, I like to look at a person as an individual and not as a label or category.  I sure don't fall into any one single group.

Extra labels may seem to be initially helpful, in a simplistic way (however, most people aren't so simple), but with good communication and patience, they become not so necessary, imo.

Also, when it comes to profiles, I look at what the person has said about themselves and the information they share in their journal more than the labels they use to categorize themselves here.



LanceHughes -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:31:31 AM)

Stella, thanks for the laugh.  But, but.... what is the difference betweeen 19 and 20?  I guess we need 19a, 19b, .... as well as 20a, 20b.....



eyesopened -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:33:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I am NOT trying to put anyone in a box.  Here's how this all came about:

slave on 9/3/09 at 0:03 AM:
hello sir
LanceHughes on 9/3/09 at 4:19 AM:
Thanks for writing.  I have read your (scant) profile and see that you are looking for female dominance.
If you were to join my "house," you would find NO female component.  From your profile I am pretty sure that would not work for you.
slave on 9/3/09 at 4:22 AM:
i would be fine with that............could i be locked in a set of stocks and be trained as a fucktoy/animal?
LanceHughes on 9/3/09 at 4:38 AM:
You write "i would be fine with that."
Then change your profile so that Doms like myself are not mis-led.  You are causing extra work for me.  NOT what I look for in a slave.

You ask "could i be locked in a set of stocks and be trained as a fucktoy/animal?"
Nope. Again: NOT what I look for in a slave.

I think the BDSM community needs a new term (or a pair of terms) distinguishing service slaves (with privileges LOL) from sexual slaves that seem (to me) to always be do-me bottoms.

I think you fall in the latter case.  Nowhere did you offer your service, but rather are suggesting what I should do to you......  Nowhere is the yin to my yang.
==========
So, how do y'all think this could have gone better from MY perspective?  (Pushy frigging do-me-bottoms.)



I would have simply stopped responding after explaining that the person was not compatible with me.  That's how I handle the emails I currently get from male submissives who didn't even bother to read my profile. 



LanceHughes -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:41:11 AM)

CarrieO :  Thanks for your (always) thoughtful reply.  I guess I was frustrated by the fact that HE didn't read MY profile.  HE didn't suggest that although HE is looking for female Dominance, HE was approaching me (Bi-sexual at that).  You see, as a gay, male Dom, I get LOTS of bi-sexual males loking for DOMINANCE since they have trouble finding the female dominance they crave.  It's like "Oh... a gay Dominant - I'll try THEM since I'm having trouble with female Doms.  I'll throw over my sexuality for dominace - no matter what the emotional/psychological cost to me."

An important announcement for ALL bisexual males:  Most gay men are interested in other GAY men.  (Not a black/white statement by any means.)  Hey! We all (male and female) know: "Men are pigs."  That doesn't mean that all men will have sex with all males at any time. LOL! 



barelynangel -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:41:49 AM)

oy vey, just what this community needs more terms to define so people can get their knickers in a twist and have new terms to yell -- my kinks okay and your kinks okay lol.

No, in my opinion from someone who doesn't get most of it lol the last thing this community needs are new terms to argue over.

Just out of curiosity what would a woman who wants/needs or whatever BOTH service and sexual slave be ---- a switch?

angel



IrishMist -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:48:31 AM)

Labels are very subjective; placing a definition on labels is even more so because the definitions become so personal.

quote:

littlewonder says "slave and sub and bottom seem to work for me." I'm saying that HER definitions (that work for her) of those terms might not be definitions that I share.

And right here is the whole problem. YOUR definitions will never fit perfectly with someone else; just as someone else's definitions will never fit perfectly with YOURS.



LanceHughes -> RE: New terms for our BDSM community (9/3/2009 4:53:24 AM)

eyesopened:  I guess I was trying to teach the inexperienced "applicant."  (Note: I did NOT say "ignorant".)  Maybe the lesson here for me is that that is "above my pay grade." LOL!

barelynangel: I can't answer your obviously rhetorical question, especially since there hasn't been any positive feed-back to my call for ideas.  I'll try anyway LOL....... "slave switch"? 

SPEAKING of which, I'd like to see more feed-back from tops/Doms.  Do y'all see a need for new terms or am I the only one that sees that new terms might be helpful?




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